Disclaimer: I do not own anything from iCarly. Those rights belong to Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon.

Author's Note: Kiss fic! In which there are five kisses and one almost kiss, some of them cannon, others not so much. Anyway, enjoy!

Pairing: Carly/Nevel, brief mentioning of Sam/Freddy, slight subtext of Carly/Freddie

Nevel Papperman is not the thirty year old blogger she's expecting; instead, he's a short, awkward boy. She isn't even sure why she assumes he would be thirty, it just seems to fit. What kind of eleven year old wants to obsessively review random web shows?

Apparently the type that speaks like they have the dictionary memorized, obsesses over the size of their brain, and is completely phobic about germs. She vaguely wonders if this was how Mrs. Benson was as child; now that would certainly fit.

He's creepy and she's pretty sure, scratch that, positive he's trying to put the moves on her. The web-based fireplace, the tapenade, him sniffing her hair which is disturbing on oh so many levels… it all adds up.

"Can we just do the interview now?" She finally asks, after rebuking his latest attempt at 'wooing', this time with jazz dancing.

He stops the music with a sullen pout but leans in closer towards her, and before she's even aware of what's happening, he firmly plants his mouth against the side of her face. His lips against her cheek are slimy and repugnant; her heart stops from what has to be revulsion as she rips away from him, an indignant frown blossoming on her features.

Her actions don't even faze him as he boldly says he wants to kiss her again, this time on the lips.

Apparently, a spurned affection in Nevel Land means 'run away with me into the meadows, where we shall frolic in fields of love'. Too bad she didn't wear her frolicking boots today.

Glaring at the puckered lips that are moving rapidly towards her, she grabs the platter of tapenade and shoves it into his face. Kiss that, Nevel.

She calls for Spencer as she storms out of the house, while Nevel serves as background noise, claiming that she'll come to rue this day, whatever that means.

The nerve of some people!

xoxo

One wish.

One wish and now the world as she knew it is lying in ruins. After learning that Spencer is now engaged to Mrs. Benson, a sure sign that the normal Spencer has way more issues than her regular, abnormal Spencer, she isn't sure if she can handle any more surprises.

Especially not in the variety of Freddie and… Rona Burger?

She can scarcely believe the scene that is playing out before her very eyes. Freddie, fawning over Rona, while barely even acknowledging her prescience; the same Rona who is completely inept at even showing a trace of kindness, who screams at everyone, and who becomes volatile if things don't go her way.

He's actually dating her?

This has to be some twisted dream; this can't be happening to her, this can't be real. She desperately wants Sam or Freddie or even Spencer to pinch her and wake her up from this nightmare but all she gets is Mitch, who tells her to forget about Sam and that the reason why Freddie is acting so bizarrely is because she has a boyfriend now.

Great, as if things could get any worse.

Then again, he could be cute and didn't she always say she wanted a boyfriend?

A group of snickering girls announcing that her quote unquote boyfriend is coming over manages to break her free from her stupor. This is not the time to be thinking about boyfriends. The only thing that should be occupying her time right now is finding a way back to her home, her real home.

"Carly!"

Her insides freeze up instantly. No, it can't be…

Her throat plummets into her stomach as she turns around and all at once, her fears are recognized.

"Nevel?"

His lips seize onto hers for the briefest of seconds, yet it feels as though an eternity has passed before he lets her go. In her blind panic, she does the only thing she can think to do; she screams.

xoxo

Blackmail, extortion, and coercion.

All these words link her to one person, the cause of her current distress: Nevel Papperman. She has to give him some credit though, when he said she would come to rue her actions, he meant it.

Too bad he doesn't know she still has another ace or two up her sleeve.

She can feel the bodyguard's eyes on her as he folds away the newly inked paperwork, a tiny smirk gracing her features. Any minute now and Nevel will be in for the shock of his life. When he draws in closer and the bungee cord still hasn't dropped, her palms begin to sweat, unease welling up in the pit of her gut.

Any minute now.

She can feel his breath against her skin, warm and sticky with humidity, looming in like an oncoming storm. She tries to remind herself that this is not going to happen, that it's just a ruse to bait Nevel along and get him to sign the website back over to her, but even the sharp bite of the harness can't seem to convince her otherwise.

When he edges away and pulls out a tin of lip balm triumphantly, puckering his lips and coating them in the mint-scented wax, the clatter of steel colliding against brick echoes through her ears.

This time when he leans in, she pulls away, attaching the rope to her harness as a victorious grin spreads across her lips.

"Bye, Nevel."

She lets out a whoop of glee as Spencer hauls her up, away from peppermint lips and sweaty bodyguards, because this time, victory can't taste any sweeter. Though, as she climbs into the apartment, she can't help but think that it might be in dire need of a guacamole topping.

With a sly grin, she grabs the bowl on the counter and heads back to the open window.

xoxo

It's still hard to believe that out of everyone, even now as he's sitting on the couch in her living room, that Nevel Papperman would turn to her for help. She can't say it's out of character for him to yell at a little girl, but it's still shocking nonetheless, even more so when he admits to her, Sam, and Freddie that he is actually ashamed of his actions.

Somehow, in the course of the night's events, she winds up alone with him on her couch.

He's a still a wreck, his clothes coated in muddy water and shriveled leaves, so different from his normal, impeccable state, but it's more to it than that; there's actual remorse shining through his puffy, reddened eyes.

Her mind is battered with a million different thoughts, some of them of pity, others shame or sorrow, and something else, something that she can't quite put her finger on. There's a single certainty though; for once, in the time that she has come to know him, Nevel is actually showing regret, true regret.

And that may be the most discomforting thought of all.

She hesitates, her fingers softly tracing the outline of his cheek, the contact minimal yet at the same time, hauntingly personal. His eyes turn to hers, searching through her umber orbs as if looking for some unseen motive, a deception on her part, convinced that this has to be subterfuge.

She knows she's warranted some suspicion, her past is as riddled with as many lies as his own, but at this moment, there's no secret plot, no plan to hurt the boy anymore than he already has been.

The only thing that's going through her mind is the guilt that's threatening to devour her whole; she had been happy, ecstatic even, at his fall from grace but that was before he came to her door looking so broken, in such turmoil and anguish.

And now her back's at a wall and there's only one thing she can think of to ease her conscience.

She almost hears his frantic heart beat as she leans in closer, her breath fluttering against his skin, her lips ghosting the side of his cheek; and just like that, she pulls away, so fast that if he blinks, he'd miss it.

She doesn't say anything as she gets up, retreating to the recesses of her apartment and leaving a stupefied Nevel on the couch.

She doesn't want him to dwell too much on it, doesn't want him to linger on any what-could-have-beens because there is nothing written beneath the surface of her actions. It's just an act of remorse, nothing more and nothing less.

It means nothing, right?

xoxo

When she sees Sam and Freddy kiss, tremors of emotion run through her. First anger, then jealousy, before hurt and betrayal dominate all, and she knows that even though her mascara isn't streaking down her face, her heart is breaking all the same.

How could she…? How could he…?

Before she even knows what she's doing, she pulls out her phone, fingers fumbling with the keypad.

"Hello?"

The dam inside her bursts as she sobs into the phone, catching the pragmatic boy off-guard. In her hysterical state, she rambles, overriding his awkward words of comfort. About how iCarly's ruined, how people are betraying her in the worst way possible, and how she's losing her two best friends in the world all over a stupid app that led to an irreversible kiss.

Only once her throat has gone dry and her voice becomes hoarse, does she realize who she's spilling her most intimate of secrets to.

The one person who's tried to destroy her at every turn is now her confidant. There's something ironic about such an acute turn of her events, but she's too fatigued to care about such philosophical musings.

She's barely aware of his voice now, pitched too high against the mechanical whine and crackling with static, as she terminates the call. She walks across the hallway, her shoes scuffing against the linoleum, before leaning against a wall and falling to her feet, her thoughts drifting further and further into a state of disarray.

Because out of all the Brutus' tonight, her betrayal might just be the worst.

xo

Her inbox has three messages in it the next morning, all stemming from the same number. Without caller ID, she knows who it is, even before the first message starts to play.

He sounds frantic, almost desperate, in a panic she's only encountered from him once before. He's pleading with himself, he's pleading with her, wondering if she's safe, if she's alright.

And she laughs, the sound emanating from her throat hard and cold, as foreign to her vocal cords as it is to her ears. Out of all people, when has he ever been concerned with her safety or well being? Isn't he the one who almost got her beaten to bloody pulp, relishing every second of her distress?

And, a tiny voice reminds her, isn't he the one that told her the only person he actually hates anymore is himself? She tousles a hand through her hair and sighs; sometimes, it's difficult for her to remember that Nevel is human, that he does, in fact, have a multi-faceted personality even if it is mostly unused.

In the second message, he's furious. Furious at her for calling, for actually having the gall to hang up on him, but mostly, he's just furious with himself for even caring so much about it. Towards the end, he emits a sort of strangled sob, though whether it's from pure frustration or something else entirely, she can't say with certainty.

Up until the end, she's the most comfortable with this message. It's familiar territory, where she can pretend he's still the same evil troll who steals kisses from her and takes wicked glee at bringing mayhem into her life. The distraught wail brings her crashing back to reality.

In the final message, his voice is intoned with weary resignation. He just asks that she call him back whenever she gets this message or not, it's her choice.

She turns the pearphone off with a beep and closes her eyes, before falling back onto her bed, the warm, fluffy layers doing little to comfort her.

She should never have called him; she should never have even witnessed the kiss in the first place. She had just been so preoccupied with meddling into Sam's personal life that she didn't stop and think about what could happen. That maybe, it isn't Brad who Sam is in love with or that maybe, she would find her two best friends chomping on each other's lips. She just became so obsessed with finding out the truth that she acted rashly and didn't think of the consequences, as usual.

With a frustrated growl, she blinks open her eyes; a grinning picture of the threesome after a set rehearsal on iCarly tauntingly greets her.

A few tears slip past her eyes but she quickly brushes them away. What's done is done and she can't change anything now; she's pretty sure you only get one Christmas wish per lifetime and she's already wasted her allotted count.

After a few moments, she pulls on her coat and grabs her bus pass. Out of all the confrontations she's going to have to make in the upcoming days, this one might just be the worst.

xo

She knocks on the door, a quiet echo in the harsh light of day.. Should she even really be doing this?

She pauses and considers going back to the metro, pretending that the previous night's phone call and the messages in her inbox never happened. Yeah, and while she's at it, she can just pretend like she didn't see the kiss either.

The truth may be bitter, but it's inevitable; she has to face him, just likes she has to face them.

The door swings open, revealing Mrs. Papperman, who looks as though she just swallowed a whole lemon when she catches sight of her, much different than her normal, bubbly persona. Then again, if Nevel acted half as upset as he sounded last night, it's a wonder why this woman doesn't hate her by now.

"Carly, what can I do for you?"

The grin on her face is forced and the words come out in clipped tones; oh yeah, this is one peeved mama bear.

"May I speak to Nevel, please?" She asks, hoping she doesn't sound half as terrified as she feels.

Mrs. Papperman eyes her fiercely, as if sizing her up, before speaking again.

"I'll go get him."

The door slams shut, causing Carly to jump; so much for being invited inside then.

She fidgets awkwardly on the porch, pulling at a few loose strings on her sleeve, trying to ignore the chilly breeze. This is a stupid idea; he probably doesn't even want to see her. She's so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she doesn't hear the door when it creaks open.

"Carly?"

Her insides twist up when she sees him staring at her with disbelief, as if she is some bizarre dream, a living mirage.

Right, he's here now so she can just confront him about last night and leave. Unfortunately, she still hasn't quite worked out that part. 'Sorry I called you in the middle of the night, I just had a mild mental breakdown after seeing my best friends kiss, thanks for listening to me bawl. Also, sorry I kept you on pins and needles all night after said phone call, I just couldn't deal with anything.'

Yeah, she can see that going over just swell. Plus, if given the choice, she doesn't want to drag him in these matters anymore than she already has.

He clears his throat, looking at her expectantly.

Feeling nervous and on the spot, she goes with her knee-jerk reaction about how to best apologize to Nevel; she wraps her arms around the back of his neck, his hair prickling the back of her palms like little spines, and kisses him.

It's nothing cosmic or otherworldly; it's just a simple, chaste kiss, one that she hopes will merit enough as an apology.

When she pulls away, she can feel the blood rushing to her cheeks as she looks at the now breathless boy; she isn't aware that she was that good of kisser.

"Thank you, Nevel."

"I… uhmm…" He stumbles over his words, his cheeks turning a mixture of scarlet and plum, and it doesn't take a genius to tell that he's flustered.

There's an awkward sort of silence as he takes in a few deep breaths, the color in his face slowly reverting back to its normal peach hue. She gives him all the space he needs; after all, she would be stunned if someone just suddenly kissed her too.

"Of course." He finishes coolly with every inch of his usual self-assurance, his features arranged carefully into a blank slate.

She rolls her eyes and stretches her arm out, ruffling his gelled hair, much to his displeasure.

"Bye Nevel."

She's halfway down the driveway before she hears him, his voice hesitant, a soft whisper against the breeze.

"Carly?"

She whirls around and sees him, still transfixed on the spot where she kissed him, a flurry of emotions crossing over his face when he catches her eye.

"Thank you."

And who knows? Maybe this time, that kiss meant something after all.

Author's Note: In case you didn't catch it already, the Sam/Freddie kiss counted as the fourth kiss in this fic. (: