The Oncoming Storm (Heartbreak is Brewing)

Author: lore_liee
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Erik Lensherr/Charles Xavier (XMen First Class)
Word Count: 1657
Summary: Erik Lensherr remains another day because he met Charles Xavier. Except he knows he has to break his own heart eventually.
A/N: I'm a bitch of an author. Hate me if you will - I hate me. But I'm having a bad day and this came out when I was falling asleep last night because yes, I'm horrible. I need angst to live and for me, these two are not allowed happiness. This is honestly just my brain erupting on a page so yes, it might be terrible but it is necessary. This is working off my thought – why does Erik stay so long? Of course I'm making it all about Charles Xavier because I, this pathetic angst loving, author can do that.
As always, if you don't like this, don't read it. I don't appreciate flaming in any shape or form. I do however welcome any constructive criticism, or positive comments. If this isn't your cup of tea, turn away now and go and watch something else, make a coffee, read a different story – don't hurt me. I write this for the pleasure of others, not for the pain of myself.

PS. I adore favourites, reviews... like any writer. It's nice to hear what you think. However, I know from myself that I hold you under no obligation to leave them. Do what you prefer and I will be happy regardless. Just knowing you are reading it a nice enough feeling.

The CIA facility was oppressive and driving Erik insane. Everywhere he went, officers stared at him like he would explode if they didn't. He couldn't stand the occasional look of pity from people who felt that being a mutant must be so hard or the looks of anger at having to look after the freaks. He just, he needed to run and he needed to find Shaw and he just, he needed to go. Suddenly, he turned on his heel and walked quickly back down the corridor he was currently walking down and went back to his designated room. Everything suddenly seemed so small.

He lifted his jacket from the bed and checked again that the Deutschmark was still resting in his pocket, the metal singing against his leg. Then, he turned out, flicking the door shut with no effort and walked straight for the exit. He noticed an office door to his left, and he felt the metal filing cabinets inside just vibrating with secrets. He pulled the door open carefully and saw a thick file resting on the top of the filing cabinet nearest to the window. Shaw. Sebastian called out to him and he lifted it up and placed it into a waiting briefcase. He closed the door behind him and left the facility. Erik didn't have a plan of where to go, just that he had to go somewhere. He'd find Shaw, he always did. It appeared to him that that was what his life was, a constant chase to exact his revenge. There was no after Shaw. Shaw just had to die and then, maybe Erik would cease to exist. He just had to keep going until then.

Distracted as he was, he didn't hear the door open and close behind him.

"From what I know about you, I am surprised you managed to stay this long."

Ah, he had forgotten the telepath, the enigma that was Charles Xavier. To Erik, he seemed passionate, driven by a desire to unite the world, but this made him naive as much as he was courageous. Xavier also knew what others were thinking, but his carefully controlled emotions meant he couldn't be read by others as easily. It was clear that Charles could be so dangerous but he refused to allow himself to be that person. Erik was intrigued while fearful. Someone who could see all of Erik, see his memories and thoughts laid bare without Erik's agreement made him cautious. Openness was not something Erik allowed. He didn't connect with people nor allow them near.

Angrily, Erik asked, "What you know about me?"
"Everything."

The answer scared him more than he allowed to be seen. His great fear was alive and his past, present and potential future thrummed like electricity between the two men. He looked directly into Charles' face and didn't see trepidation, only kindness and kinship. That was more terrifying than anything Erik had ever seen.

"Then you know to stay out of my head," Erik said across the vast space, made larger than reality by the sheer knowledge Charles had and the enormity of what he knew.

"I am sorry, Erik but I have seen what Shaw did to you. I felt your agony, I can help you," Charles said. His hopeless dedication to that made Erik laugh once, dryly. It would have been frustrating if it wasn't endearing.

"I don't need your help."

"Don't kid yourself, you needed my help last, it's not just me you are walking away from. Here you have the chance to be part of something much bigger than yourself. I won't stop you leaving. I could, but I won't," Charles responded, slightly exasperated before turning to walk away. Before he opened the door, he said into the vast darkness, the stretch of Erik's memories and self, the void, "Shaw's got friends. You could do with some."

Erik stood there, suddenly feeling more alone than he ever had. The electricity died and he felt extremely cold, like he had been held tightly and let go very quickly. It was unusual and he didn't know what to do. He just knew, like always that he had to get Shaw. Except now there was a chance to push that day away, just for a bit. He already knew it had to come one day. It was what he was living for. It was his destiny, his reason for existing, he was Frankenstein's Monster made real. He needed to chase his creator to the battle that was building between them.

Unfortunately, he had met Charles Xavier and that put a cog in the wheels. Cursing Xavier's very existence, Erik walked back towards the facility and vowed to leave in the morning.

xxx

The morning takes longer to come than he expects. There is travelling to be done, mutants to be found, chess games to be played. Erik learns how easily Charles Xavier trusts and he knows that that is stupid. Charles knows that's what Erik thinks and just laughs telling Erik, "look at the world, really look. It's beautiful and it's honest and it's accepting. How can you not see that?"

Charles of course knows why Erik doesn't see that, but tries to change him anyway.

He also learns how doting Charles can be, for all the young mutants thrust into his care, wanting the very best for them and hopes that he can be even just a small part of the reason for their success. He sees how driven Charles is in everything he does, whether it's teaching, playing chess or even learning new things himself. He watches as Charles flushes and claps his hands in wild excitement at everything Hank produces and invents. He sees the pain cross Charles' face every time he enters Cerebro and he learns how selfless he is as he hurts himself and his power over and over to ease the pain for others. He is as passionate as Erik predicted him to be and just as courageous, if not more now that he knows the man behind the face. He is naïve and worldly-wise in equal measure. He is a dangerous opponent as Erik always knew him to be but pretends not to be. He is arrogant in his powers, but not obnoxiously so. He treads carefully around everyone while walking like he owns the world. He asks and he never pushes. He is, most importantly Erik feels, complicated.

He witnesses all of this and finds himself drowning in this person, this enigma, this mutant that never fails to see the best in Erik even though his past, present and future exist between them, and the best is something Erik cannot ever see himself. He knows what feelings are building up inside his stomach and he cowers from them. Their intensity baffle Erik, rendering him speechless over and over. Yet, he knows what is coming. It is like hot summer days as they increase in heat and humidity until something breaks, a huge, fierce, furious thunderstorm.

He fears the storm.

To break himself is one thing, but if he ever broke Charles, he would never forgive himself. He worries about his feelings and their strength. He panics too when Charles touches his elbow in training, or when his eyes light up, dilating his pupils, during their many debates because he cannot return Erik's affection. That is too much for Erik to truly bear.

The people he loves get hurt. It is what happens. It is what always happens and he is terrified for the day when Charles is hurt for him.

Yet, he is greedy, trying to have as much time as possible because, it has to end. It will always end. As Erik knows, has always known, that day will come when he is faced with a life after Shaw. But that day is not right now. So he has time to prolong the moment. But he cannot bare the images he sees in his nightmares - his mother falling after a count to three, a bullet hole in her chest, so sudden it hasn't the time to bleed. His family being ripped from him in the mud and the rain, the only colour a bright, terrifying yellow star. Finally, he sees Charles. He always sees Charles. Some nights, Charles meets a fate in a wholly preventable way. Sometimes, it is at Erik's own hand (he cries unknowingly at these while he sleeps because he always knew he was trouble and danger. He just wish he could make Charles see the raw power he really is.). Occasionally, it is when Erik is far from him but still the pain is fresh and consuming, as if they were stood hand in hand. The most terrifying are when Charles is hurt, harmed, falls at the hand of Sebastian Shaw. These nightmares wake Erik in a cold sweat and make him more driven for revenge, because Charles cannot be hurt and his mother must be avenged. The day after Shaw must come. The storm.

He used to live for the day he killed Sebastian Shaw. That was until he met Charles Xavier. A person who makes Erik want to be a better man, truly – even though he knows he can never be that man. A man worthy of someone like Xavier. Charles, a man that will get hurt, like the Charles of his nightmares, lying there, glassy eyed and immobile. A hurt that will result from the oncoming storm that will not come if Erik can bring himself to leave.

Every night he goes to bed and he promises to leave the mansion, leave Charles whole and unblemished.

Every morning he wakes up, selfless until he sees Charles smile at him (and only him) and he becomes very, very selfish and remains.

One day he will be strong enough to break his own heart to keep Charles Xavier safe. That day is not today.

~FIN.

A/N: and as we readers know, that day comes just too late.