A/N: I really did try to leave well enough alone, but this idea just fit so perfectly with Sober that I couldn't resist. I absolutely adore Sober for the sweet kiss at the end, but it just didn't seem quite complete. Until now!

Drunk

Coffee, Dick decided, was a wondrous magical liquid substance. It could make an absolutely crappy morning seem so much brighter as it flowed happily through one's veins to play with sensitive nerve endings. Coffee could not, however, make this horridly awkward situation any better, magical powers or not.

Sitting quietly at a little round outdoor table with his innocently steaming cup of coffee, Dick watched from behind his dark shades as a livid blonde and indignant redhead had what could quite possible be the loudest yelling match a Starbucks has ever witnessed. Dick had been privy to many of the heated verbal spats between the two, and so knew that it'd just be best to let them have at it while hoping for no flying projectiles. However, everyone around them did not know that threatening painful castration was actually a common threat from the blonde, and so Dick quickly became the only audience member as he tried hard to ignore the startled stares of passing pedestrians.

Wally and Artemis had never had the smoothest of relationships, even from before they had started dating. Nowadays, most arguments were started because Artemis was apparently pissed that Wally couldn't be bothered to come up with good dates and was fed up with basically everything that Wally did or didn't do. Wally, in an attempt to gain some sanity, had taken to hiding out at Dick's place for long spans of time as the two of them had more fun than he'd ever had with Artemis. This, of course, only served to piss the girl off even more.

Sipping at his coffee and staring out at the bustling Central City streets, Dick could gather from the various excerpts of shouting that he couldn't block out that Artemis had a friend who had been at the bar last night when - oh. Glancing up at his aggravated best friend, a big gulp of coffee was ingested as Dick silently noted that Wally was fucked.

Having turned twenty-one yesterday, Wally had wanted to hit up a bar now that he was legal, despite Artemis' wishes for a nice dinner in with just the two of them. They'd had their fight, as was the method that most of the decisions that they made were carried out with, and in the end Wally had decided that the only way he wanted to spend his birthday was with his best friend while doing something stupid.

At that point, a hapless Dick Grayson had found himself involved in the argument that only ended after Artemis had threatened his manhood should Wally do anything stupid. Wally had, of course, done several things the previous night that could be considered stupid, which meant that not only was he going to get a castration but also-

"And you!" Artemis was practically hissing as she rounded on Dick, who'd gone an admirable amount of time unnoticed. "You just sat there and let him cheat on me with a bunch of man grabbing whores!"

Dick slowly set his mostly empty cup down with a slightly mournful air. No more coffee for him, it seemed.

"It was just drunken kissing, it didn't mean anything." Wally's tired tone told Dick that he'd probably already said that line a few times while Dick had been zoning them out. "And stop trying to bring him into this, it wasn't his fault."

Artemis' eyes flashed dangerously, causing the hairs on the back of Dick's neck to bristle as he sensed an unusually bad change in her aura. Wally and Artemis had been standing about a foot apart for the duration of their fight after Artemis had stormed in out of nowhere, but now she was eliminating that space as she got right up in Wally's face.

"You want to know something, Wally? I'm sure he enjoyed what you did last night. I'd even bet on him planning it just because he knew this would happen." Dick was now thoroughly convinced that Artemis was losing it as he stared at her in unseen bewilderment.

"What the hell are you going on about now?" Wally groaned as he closed his eyes and rubbed furiously at the headache pounding behind them that was only getting worse.

Dick's head was swiveling back and forth between the two, wondering in disbelief if allegations against him were frequently made during their fights. Maybe he should start listening more, he may just have some righteous indignation due.

"He's in love with you!" Artemis practically screamed.

Oh. Well. Shit fucking damn.

"What?!" Wally's eyes were as wide as Dick was sure his own currently were, even though only Wally's were visible.

Dick's eyes were glued in horror to the couple in front of him, but he was sure that if he bothered to look around he'd see quite a few people gawking at Artemis' carrying statement. At this point, even an angered Starbucks manager kicking them out would be a blessing, but they were probably all too busy being entertained by Dick's unfolding misery as Artemis kept talking.

"Anyone with a pair of eyes could see that he's been head over fucking heels for you for years, he's probably been looking for ways to break us up ever since we got together." Artemis' eyes had lit up as she found the perfect person to blame everything wrong in her relationship on.

Staring morosely into his cup, Dick came to the sad conclusion that he had definitely not drunk enough coffee to make this seem any less worse than it was.

"Night?" Wally asked uncertainly, turning to stare imploringly at his best friend whose true identity was still only his to know.

Pushing his chair back with a brief scraping of metal on stone, Dick stood from the table and walked slowly around it so that he was now standing facing a vindictive looking Artemis. Dick decided, as his lips set in a thin line and his eyes blazed behind his sunglasses, that if Artemis wanted to play then he was game.

"Yes, Artemis, I have been in love with your boyfriend since I first met him. But if you think that because of that I would sabotage his relationship with someone he liked, then obviously you don't know what it means to say that you love someone." Dick was glad that he'd finally hit his growth spurt, as he now stood a half head taller than a gaping Artemis.

Glancing out of the corner of his eye, Dick could see that Wally was also openly gaping at him with a myriad of emotions flashing through his eyes. Good, maybe now he'd listen.

"If being with you is what makes him happy, then why would I want to ruin that? Loving someone means putting their happiness above yours, even when it hurts like hell, and if being with you is what makes him happy then so be it. You put him down every chance you get and make his life miserable, and I get to watch that all the time knowing that I'd never do that if he were mine. But no matter how much I wish he were mine, for some god knows what reason he wants you, so that's how the story goes." Dick's anger filled eyes never left the morphing expressions on Artemis' face, even as unbidden tears began to blur his vision.

"Don't ever try to say that I love him any less than that."

"What. The hell. Do you think you're doing?" Roy's voice was dangerously deadpan as he came across a familiar figure sat at the end of the counter in his favorite bar for the second night in a row.

"I'm not allowed to drink my misery away, but I am allowed to give myself lung cancer." Dick explained happily as he brought the cigarette he held to his lips, taking in a deep drag before blowing out the smoke. Roy did not want to think about how many cancer sticks Dick had consumed to make the action look so practiced.

Dropping onto the barstool beside Dick's in wordless incredulity, Roy noticed the red-rimmed bloodshot blue eyes and the slight quivering of downturned lips. Glancing at the empty glasses lined up in front of his friend, Roy closed his eyes in a brief silent prayer before asking his next question.

"Dick, are you drunk?"

Deep, dark blue looked innocently back at Roy as the older man glared sternly down at the nineteen year old. Dick even had the gall to look offended.

"Of course not, why would-" Dick's words were cut short by a mouth on his and an insistent tongue tasting every crevice, down to each individual tooth, before sweeping over his own unresponsive tongue.

Pulling back to glare once more at the wide eyed deer-in-the-headlights expression on Dick's face, calloused fingers plucked the half smoked cigarette from Dick's frozen ones as Roy snatched the closest ashtray and snubbed the joint out. The taste of alcohol and nicotine were heavy on Roy's tongue, and he was feeling murderous enough that a certain archer he knew would do well to avoid him for a long while.

"What did she do?"

Dick's shoulders sagged as he snuggled into the warm dark hoodie he'd stolen from Wally. It was too small for the speedster but fit Dick like a glove, and if he imagined hard enough he could almost believe that the hoodie still smelled like Wally.

"She ruined my life." Dick replied gloomily, to which Roy rolled his eyes in impatience.

"A little more specificity, if you would."

Roy watched as Dick rested his elbows on the bar counter and began toying with his empty glasses, which prompted a flirtatious looking bartender to come prancing over. However, one pointed glare and low growl from Roy had the man scooting off in the other direction.

"Don't scare Adrian, he's the only bartender I can flirt drinks out of." Dick, having grown up under Batman's scowl, didn't even blink at the dark look Roy was now leveling on him.

"You're skirting the question. What did she do?" Roy asked again through gritted teeth, his patience starting to wear thin. Sensing this, Dick sighed in melancholic resignation.

"She told Wally."

"That bitch." Roy replied instantly before blinking in surprise at himself. Maybe he'd been conditioned after so many support sessions where he let Dick rant to his heart's content. If he wasn't careful he'd become the stereotypical gay best friend…to a gay…even though he was straight…Roy decided to wave Adrian over to pour him some much needed alcohol.

Dick watched in undisguised amusement as Roy drained half his glass in one gulp before his expression turned thoughtful, which Roy dimly registered was never a good sign.

"Why couldn't I have been straight?" Yep, never a good sign. "I could have fallen for Barbara if I were straight. Or even if I had to be gay I could have fallen for anyone, anyone, but Wally. I could have fallen for you and it'd still have ended better!" Dick was off on his, what Roy was convinced, alcohol addled rant as Roy sat there drinking his drink and wondering how these things happened to him.

"Aw, I'm hurt. I didn't think I was that replaceable." A new voice cut in, causing Dick's head to swivel around to send an obviously nervous Wally West a very chilly glare.

"Fuck off. I hate you." Dick turned around so that his rigid back was resolutely facing his best friend.

"Nah, you love me." Wally replied quietly, his head bowed as his one hand was shoved in a pocket and his other was folded protectively across his stomach.

Roy was far beyond tempted to bash their two thick skulls together. It was just so painfully obvious that they wanted each other. He managed to restrain himself, however, as he continued to sip on his blessedly numbing drink.

"Dick, we need to talk." Wally was obviously not prepared for Dick to whirl around on his stool with the thunderous expression that he had on his face, as an involuntary step back was made before Wally could get a grip on himself.

"Like hell we do. I already said that I'm sticking by you no matter what kind of stupid shit you do because I love you, you sorry ass. I love you, you know that now, so go back and suck up to your banshee of a girlfriend and let me wallow in peace." Dick finished his tirade nearly shouting as he swiveled back around to glare at his empty shot glasses that Roy was currently counting. The older man was sure that the number of glasses had to somehow correlate with the furious tears that were now leaking from Dick's eyes.

Stunned silence followed as wide green eyes stared at Dick wiping half-heartedly at his eyes with the sleeve of Wally's old hoodie.

Strong hands suddenly gripped Dick by the shoulders and spun him around, determined flashing green eyes visible for only a moment before a warm body was pressing Dick's against the counter and lips were desperately fused to his. Startled blue eyes stared at Wally's closed lids, so close that dusty red eyelashes were tickling Dick's cheeks, before Dick let his eyes close as he wrapped arms and legs around his best friend to pull him in closer.

Completely happy with his rum and coke for company, Roy started to let his eyes wander across the bar as Wally reached up to kiss away the few tears still clinging to Dick's lashes. Staring into endless blue eyes as his thumb gently traced over a tear stained cheek, Wally finally understood what drowning felt like.

"Richard Grayson, there isn't a person in this world who could ever love you like I do." Wally confessed softly, reaching forward to kiss every fresh tear from Dick's cheeks as they fell, the salty drops born from the meaning of Wally's words rushing through Dick's being like wildfire.

Closing his eyes as another kiss, much gentler this time, was pressed to his lips, Dick still had his ankles locked behind Wally's knees and his arms around Wally's neck with his fingers twined firmly with soft red locks.

"Wals, I think I'm drunk." Dick whispered, eyes never leaving Wally's as their lips were still brushed up against each other.

"Love drunk?" Wally asked hopefully, nuzzling his nose against Dick's and delighting in the shy nuzzle he got in return.

"I don't…think so?" Dick murmured, looking so adorably confused that Wally just had to kiss him again.