For Raa. Happy birthday my love! Hope you will like it.

You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me

Charles knew when Erik came. After all these years, he never forget Erik's mind. Every mind feels different. But Erik's was special. He usually didn't remember people's minds; except Raven's and Erik's. He thought that he's going to forget his too, Erik had never taken off his helmet. Till… till tonight.

His mind doesn't sleep. At least, not like other people's minds. Charles doesn't have dreams. Never. And when Charles slept, his mind felt familiar mind; Erik's mind.

He didn't want to scare Erik, so he woke up, but kept his eyes closed. Thought that Erik is so close to him made him almost cry. He just wanted to feel Erik's body again; his touch; hear his voice…

"I'm sorry." Heard Charles.

Charles wanted to say something, thinking that Erik found out that he's awake, but Erik didn't wait for his answer.

"It'd taken me a lot of time to… accept what I've done." Erik laughed, but his laugh was sad, so different from that which Charles remembered. "Ironical, right? You accepted it, but I couldn't. Sometimes I even think that you had forgave me… But it's not something you should forgive. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I… I-" Erik stopped, taking a breath. "It's my fault that… that you can't walk. Do you know why hadn't I come earlier? Why had I come while you're sleeping? I don't want to see you… like this. I've seen you in the hospital and it was too much. I'm a weak person Charles. I think about that day every night. I think, could I do something different? If I knew what had happened, would I change something? Yes. Because all I want is you to be… safe. Happy. I had no right to sacrifice your ability to walk. I… I'm just so sorry Charles."

Erik was crying. Charles had seen Erik crying only one time, but never like this. Erik was crying, because he was so desperate to change something, which he couldn't help; he just-

"I just miss you. And… and I would gave everything to get you back. Raven misses you too. I know that she's upset. I said that she's free to leave me, but she said that you don't want her back. Bullshit, even she doesn't believe in it. I think she loves me." Erik laughed hysterically. "I can't love her back. I tried. I really tried Charles, because she reminds me of you… I guess I just can't love anyone else if I already love someone."

Charles forgot how to breathe. He felt that Erik is close, so he couldn't cry, but it was just so hard not to cry, not to say something, do something, like… press his mouth to Erik's and never let him go again…

"I will never… never forget you. I will love you, because what we've had was unique. I won't fool myself; we will never be together. I thought that we could be friends again, but that's bullshit. I can't look at you without feeling guilt. It's killing me. Maybe I will die soon. I hope I will. Death is better than this. I thought that's what I want. Freedom. Revenge. But I don't want to fight with humans. I'm tired. If they attack, I will do everything to protect Raven, and myself, but that's all. I'm not myself anymore; not without you. You had lost your ability to walk and I'd lost myself. I think it's fair, don't you think?" Erik laughed again. "At least you're happy. I know you're. I hope you don't miss me."

Erik gently touched Charles' hand. Charles almost screamed, and he couldn't stop his tears anymore, he just let them flow down his cheeks. He hoped that Erik will notice.

But he hadn't. He heard that Erik is leaving. His mind was receding and finally disappeared.

And Charles didn't do anything.

You're a fucking coward Charles Xavier.