My Immortal 2: The Revenge of Ebony/Enoby/Egogy/Evony/Eboby/Ebonery/Ebpny/Tata

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters and I can thank God I don't own the My Immortal characters.

Introduction

Although the abomination that was the Mary-Sue Goddess Ebony Dark'Ness Dementia Raven Way—or whatever the hell her name is—was thought to be defeated when My Immortal was snarked by the person writing the very words you are now reading, it turns out that she was able to escape from Hell.

How did she do it, you ask? It's simple. I wanted to write a mock sequel to My Immortal as a parody of sorts.

What? You didn't want the real reason? Okay in that case she was able to use what remained of her goffic powers to escape from Hell and the preppy claws of Justin Bieber. Obviously since Tara was no longer in control her powers were severely diminished and she would no longer be able to affect the characters of canon by herself. Fortunately for her, however, she was not the only Mary Sue who sought vengeance.

You know that other story I've been snarking? That one with gangsta Harry or "Turtle" or whatever? I haven't finished with that one yet but that doesn't matter because Ebony would be recruiting Turtle. Does it make sense? Of course not, but you try reading Imma Wiserd and see if you can make any sense out of it!

Other Mary Sues will be appearing, each of them from infamously bad fanfics that are not limited to the Harry Potter universe alone. Why are they appearing? Shut up! That's why!

Okay I'm getting bored now, just start the damn fanfic already!

Prologue

Ebony Dark'Ness Dementia Raven Way—who from here on will be called Ebony—had died at the hands of Voldemort once canon had been restored to the Harry Potter universe. She was in Hell (and forced to date Justin Bieber) until she realized that she still had enough power to escape. She did that.

What, were you expecting a lengthy description about how events in the story take place? This is Ebony, remember? The only thing that gets described is her physical appearance and how much Gerard Way, Joel Madden, Marylyn Manson, and apparently Billie Joe Armstrong turn her on.

Since her powers were diminished due to the fact that her story was no longer being written by Tara Gilesbie, she was somehow intelligent enough to know that she would need help if she wanted to take back Hogwarts and the Harry Potter universe back from the stupid preppy fuckers. There were other infamous Mary Sues that could help her, but first she would need to get their contact information.

Just then, her friend Willow appeared out of thin air. How this happened was not adequately explained but Ebony didn't care. She needed all the help she could get.

"OMFG, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" Ebony asked quietly even though the dialogue was in all caps. "Do you know how fucking hard it was to have date Justin Bieber down in Hell!"

"Oh my Satan!" Willow gasped, horrified that her friend had been forced to deal with an even bigger poser than she was. "How long were you down there?"

"Three. Fucking. DAYS!" said Ebony, shuddering. "It was so fucking terrible! You have no fucking idea how fucking hard it was not to be able to fucking swear for no fucking reason!"

"OMS that is so not kawaii!" Willow gasped. "What are you going to do?"

Ebony glared in the direction she though Hogwarts was. "I'm going to gather all of the amazing people rejected from the mainstream and march through Hogwarts and MAKE everyone worship me again!" she declared.

"Um, not to sound like a prep but Hogwarts is that way," she pointed in the direction opposite of where Ebony was glaring.

Ebony turned around sheepishly. "Oh…I knew that. Do you have a cell phone?"

"Yeah, what for?" Willow asked.

"I'm going to call everyone that those stupid preps ever rejected. We are going to march through Hogwarts and MAKE everyone worship me again!" Ebony declared, completely unaware of the fact that she was repeating herself.

Meanwhile, Voldemort was in his evil lair talking with his minions. Yeah, I know I started the Battle for Hogwarts at the end of the last story but I decided to change this because shut up.

As I was saying, Voldemort was in his evil lair. It was a very cliché evil lair, right down to the skeletons hanging from the walls and the screams of people being tortured echoing throughout the cave. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that it was a cave. Sorry about that.

Anyway, Voldemort was in his evil lair talking with his minions. His minions included several people you would expect and several people you would not. They were assembled in front of him, paired from left to right in the order of the most reasonable to most absurd.

Here's who they were: Bellatrix LeStrange, Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Loopin (and NOT Lupin), Adolf Hitler, Edward Cullen, Darth Vader, Bowser, Ganondorf, the guy from the "WOW THAT'S A LOW PRICE" commercials, and Jigglypuff.

Yes, you read that right. Jigglypuff is there. Want to know why? Because that little pink ball is evil. Seriously, it puts everyone to sleep by singing and then it draws on their faces with permanent marker! Do you have any idea how long it takes to scrub that stuff off!

"I thanketh thee all for coming to my meeting!" Voldemort announced. Yes, he's still speaking Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe. Why? Because it's funny. "What art thou ideas?"

"As long as it doesn't involve doing what you did last time, I'm fine with anything,"
Snape said.

"That was merely a setback," Voldemort declared. "That Ebony girl no longer hath any power over me."

"Then why are you still speaking Pseudo-Shakespearean?" asked Malfoy.

"I shall speaketh the way I wanteth to!" Voldemort snapped. "And if thou hath any problem with it, I shall kill thee!"

"Yes, my lord," the normally haughty Malfoy groveled pathetically.

"Now, I thinketh I shall choose the Low Price Commercial Guy for my first mission!" Voldemort declared, pointing at Low Price Commercial Guy.

"WOW!" he said in an absurdly loud voice because he had no Indoor Voice. "THAT'S A GREAT HONOR, MY LORD!"

"Yes," Voldemort said, holding his hands to his ears along with everyone else in the evil lair. "Thou shall be perfect for my plan."

"THAT'S AWESOME! SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN!"

"I wanteth thee to go to Hogwarts and kill thy headmaster Professor Dumbledore!" Voldemort ordered. "If thou is successful, thou shall be rewarded. If thou fails, I shall kill thee!"

"GREAT! I WON'T FAIL YOU! WOW! THIS IS AWESOME!" Low Price Commercial Guy enthusiastically got on his broomstick and flew off to Hogwarts.

"My lord, he's never going to succeed," Bellatrix started.

"Exactly," Voldemort grinned. "I just wanted him to be gone. He was very annoying. I'm sure that thou all agree?"

"Yes," said everyone else in the evil lair except for Jigglypuff, who could only say its name.

Oh yeah, in case you're wondering. These guys aren't going to be the main villains. In fact, they don't even contribute to whatever plot this crack fic will have. They are here purely for comedic purposes.

Will the Low Price Commercial Guy succeed? Stay tuned for the next chapter to find out!

I'll give you a hint. He won't.