Shuichi's Nightmare

Shuichi doesn't know, but I watch him sleep all the time. When we have finished making love and Shuichi collapses in my arms, his energy drained, I watch him silently.

It seems I can never get enough of him.

At this moment I am regarding him with my own amber eyes after a particularly vigorous sex session. I follow the line of his brow, taking in the darkness of the hair – the reason in fact for tonight's session.

Shuichi had come home this evening with his hair black. It had shocked me but drawn me in. The deepness of his hair contrasted with his gorgeous violet eyes and stood stark against his skin. It suited him and had me jumping him within seconds.

I begin to run my gaze down Shuichi's face, committing each detail to memory. His long lashes that seemed to kiss his cheeks, his straight little nose and his plump, perfect, pouting lips. Oh, God… those lips of his could work wonders. They could take a hold of my manhood in a such a way that I would almost beg him not to stop; when we would make love he would whisper with those lips, promises that I could only dream of… until he fulfilled them. Shuichi is truly beautiful in every sense of the word.

Suddenly my lover begins to shift, move agitatedly against me, as though he is trying to push away from me.

This has happened before. His brow creases and he releases a panicked whimper.

He's having a nightmare. This has happened frequently every since that 'incident' and every time it happens I feel so helpless. There is nothing that I can do except attempt to calm him and watch as silent tears slide down his cheeks.

I rub large, sweeping circles on his back and murmur into his ear, "You're safe. Nothing will hurt you, Shuichi. I'm here."

The crease in-between his brows, deepens before he begins to scream, loud and heart-breaking. I grasp him, desperate to offer support.

Slowly his eyes begin to flutter open and then he's here, awake and quiet in my arms. His teary eyes stare at me, wide and terrified then recognition dawns.

"Eiri…?" He croaks and reaches up to touch my face.

I lift him slightly and push hair out of his sweet face. "Hey, Shu. You were having a nightmare."

He nods at the statement, burying into my arms, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. I sink the both of us lower into the pillows and pull the duvet up to our chins, creating a secure cocoon for the two of us.

"How can you still love me?" He murmurs, staring at me, his eyes brimming. "How can you still sleep with me knowing that I'm dirty?" He looks down again and tucks himself into the crook of my neck, I feel his lips move against the skin there as he continues, "How can you bear it, Eiri? I still feel their hands all over me. Feel their—"

I cut him off with a kiss. "Feel me instead, Shu. Forget about them." I say as I pull away watching as his eyes widen, "They can't touch us, Shuichi. They can't take this away." I pull one of his hands up and rest it upon my chest above where my heart is beating steadily.

I do love the impish man in my arms, truly I do, but the words that he so desperately wants me to say just don't come easily to me. So instead I have to show him how I feel – I know that he knows how I feel, and he silently accepts that I may never be able to utter the words, I love you… at least never to his face.

We kiss and I hold him tight until he begins to drift away into the land of dreams once more. I rain kisses on his eyelids and me smiles, murmuring, "I love you, Eiri. Sorry about before…"

I lean down and whisper in his ear, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Shu. Not a thing."

I know he is asleep and he snuggles closer to me, burying as far as he could into my embrace. I brush my finger's through dark, silky stands, feeling slumber creep into my cells.

Before I lose my own consciousness, I whisper an inaudible, "I love you, Shu." Into the dark, pressing a kiss to my loves forehead as the darkness envelops me.