A/N I was inspired to write this after reading We need to talk about Kevin by Lionel Shriver. The book is written in letter form and I just wanted to give the format a try I kinda like how it turned out don't know if I could write an entire book in letter form though, nonetheless I hope you enjoy it dear reader.

Dear Dean,

I don't know why one moment inside my kitchen has prompted me to write to you but since you've gone I may miss most your love for food. The way you always seemed to be hungry, your father used to say that is when we were still on speaking terms that you ate him out of house and hold, his a growing boy John, is what I used to say to him standing up for you, that is of course until you came to stay with me and emptied my fridge out. I ain't complaining about it kid, I want you to know that but what I also want you to know is that I miss you sitting at my kitchen table eating with gusto like a man who hadn't eaten in days and Sam would give you that look you know which one I'm talking about, the one that says is this really my brother, am I really related to this guy and he would tell it to you too wouldn't he? And of course then the two of you would go off on one another calling each other names, bitch and jerk and a whole lot of other stuff that is inappropriate. Memories Dean they're all I have left some days it kills me and some days it's the only thing that sees me through it.

Not seeing you boys in months has hit me harder than I ever expected. I thought I was prepared for this that's what I believed that's what I kept telling myself, I knew it was coming your departure we all knew what was going to happen, but I was naïve and stupid enough to believe that there was some kind of failsafe to spare one the pain of losing someone just because you know it's gonna happen, because I see now there is nothing that could have prepared me for this. And there is nothing lonelier and quieter than this empty house and I have to admit son there are days when I sit outside and I imagine the Impala coming up the driveway with you boys in it bringing trouble along with you.

But it ain't ever going to happen.

Dean I try not to think too much of where you are or what they are doing to you down there in hell. I try but it doesn't always work its thinking that drives me nuts, its thinking that drives me to the bottle I wish I could flip a switch and not think of any of it at all. I'm trying to cope best I can I go do the odd hunting gig and help other hunters where I can but know this my thoughts never stray to far from you.

Love Bobby

A/N Thanks for reading and take care.