Title: The Orange Kitten

Author: Faerax

Disclaimer: Haven is not my property, nor are its characters. They are the property of the Syfy Channel and Stephen King.

Series: Not Yet Named – Prequel to "Christmas in (Haven) Maine" (which can be found on Neoxphile's ffnet page)

Setting: Between Consumed and As You Were in Season one. Now Officially AU because I didn't get it done before Season two started.

Summary: Nathan and Duke have a bet. Duke needs to keep a cat for one week. Shouldn't be any problem, right? Duke POV

Author's Notes:

This was written at the request of Neoxphile, who understands about orange cats.

This is not the "Christmas in (Haven) Maine" sequel Neoxphile mentions at the end of our Haven/X-Files story. This is instead a prequel. I'm still working on the other one.

To the memory of Halfie and Mattie, and all cats that have wormed their ways into our hearts over the years, be they orange or not.

(^^)

I can never really decide if I like Audrey and Nathan coming to the Gull for lunch.

Certainly, I appreciate the chance to flirt with Audrey, but I wish she'd leave Nathan back at the station. It's inconvenient trying to chat up Audrey with Nate glaring at me, silently accusing me of using Audrey to further my own aims. The awful thing is that he's right and my conscience knows it. All the previous night I had awful dreams I could barely remember, mostly around losing Audrey to some malignant force I had inadvertently invoked, and Nathan killing me as a result was a recurring theme. Because the nightmares had kept me awake most of the night, I was tired.

It was Nora's day off and I was tending bar. Tips and troubles were about keeping even. I don't think I'll ever understand why people fell compelled to talk to the bartender, but I now have enough dirt on my fellow Havenites to do some serious blackmail. Too bad I don't sell information, just items. I'd been listening to Bob Cider's long-winded rant about his wife's supposed infidelity. Betty was planning a party for Bob with Bob's boss. Bob thought it was an affair, which, in a way, I suppose it was. It just wasn't the kind Bob thought about.

Audrey was laughing as she pulled open the door, her profile a thing of causal grace and beauty as she held the door for my ex-best friend. He caught the door and she proceeded to step over the threshold and into the restaurant. She and Nathan made their way past the scattered patrons and up to the bar, where I was cleaning glasses. Someone really, really needed to develop a dishwashing detergent that didn't leave spots. Maybe I could smuggle some from another country, assuming, of course, I could find one that could overcome Maine's mineral water that was more mineral than water. Audrey sat down on the bar stool in front of me, and after a moment of staring, Nathan took one next to her.

"Haven's Finest. What can I not do for you today?" I asked, wondering whether I was about to be asked for my boat, my sources, or just arrested on general principle.

Audrey smiled, "We're just here for lunch, Duke. No strings attached today."

Nathan returned my glance, but didn't offer any further information, neither confirming nor denying the intention to eat.

"Well, today's special is …" I paused for dramatic effect, and wondered briefly what Nathan would do if I said Lobster Pups. Probably boil me. Nathan really didn't like lobster, but then, neither of us cared for it after watching One Crazy Summer. The thoughts of lobsters screaming gave us both nightmares. "Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup."

"That seems a little lackluster there, Duke," Audrey commented as she sipped the water I had just given her.

"You've never had our Grilled Cheese, have you? It's made with three types of cheddar, Swiss, and has bacon and ham in it. The tomato soup is real tomato soup."

"As opposed to what, fake tomato soup?" Audrey asked.

"You'll just have to order it and find out. I refund it to you if you don't like it." I knew Audrey would like it. I had yet to run into anyone that hadn't liked Margie's recipe for tomato soup. It used whole tomatoes and tasted divine. Perfect for dunking grilled cheese into.

"I'll take you up on that, Duke," Audrey replied.

"Pancakes. Short stack," Nathan, succinct as ever, placed his order.

I left the bar and gave the orders to the cook. I decided that I would join them and requested the grilled cheese and soup, but without the meat. I made my way from the kitchen to the bar, only to see Nathan and Audrey conspiring together. The looked happy and I quickly killed the pang of jealousy.

"Your orders have been placed. Would you like anything else?" I asked them.

"For you to stop smuggling whatever it is that you are smuggling this week?" Nathan looked faintly wolfish as he replied to the obvious opening I'd given him. I must have been more tired than I thought. Normally I don't leave him openings like that. My reply was to glare at him as he was obviously in top form and I wasn't. I was mildly gratified to see Audrey elbow him in the ribs.

"No idea what your talking about, Detective," I eventually spat out. I got frustrated with Nathan's inability to recognize that I didn't always engage in criminal activity. Just because I usually had something going on didn't mean I always did. For once I was between deliveries and commissions.

Ever the peacemaker, Audrey decided to divert us before she had to arrest us in my bar. "Duke, I have to go into Boston for the weekend. I want to clean up some of the stuff from my old apartment and put it into storage."

I turned my attention to her. "Do you want my help moving, Audrey?" I kept my expression neutral. It wasn't so much that I would mind helping her move, but I did have plans for the weekend, and some of the people those plans were with wouldn't be to happy with me if they knew I was helping a cop. Still, it would be time with Audrey. I knew Nathan had pulled at least one shift over the weekend. There was potential there.

"Thanks but no, I never really moved in so there isn't much to move out. However, I promised Eleanor I would watch her cats while she was at that medical conference. Could you watch them for me? You just need to stop in and feed them. No litter box cleaning or anything." She gave me the big blue-eyed stare, and I was about to agree when the sound of a granite earthquake came from my left.

"That's not a good idea, Audrey. Duke doesn't do well caring for other living things," Nathan chuckled.

I looked down and scratched my neck. "Nathan, I'm not to blame for that plant. It was drunk and fell overboard. I had nothing to do with it. I wasn't even there when it happened. Ask anyone."

"The plant got drunk and fell overboard? What?" Audrey looked completely mystified by this turn of conversation.

Nathan said nothing. He was daring me to tell the tale of the Drunk Spider Plant. I was about to when Tina came out of the kitchen carrying our food. She must have overheard Audrey as she was grinning. She set our food down in front of us and explained, "Nathan asked Duke to watch his spider plant. Duke brought it to the Gull, figuring that the more eyes on it, the better. We all left, and everyone, even Duke, has an alibi for what happened. We came in the next morning and the plant, which had been here at the bar, wasn't here anymore. There was beer all over the floor and it went out to the deck. On the deck there were three empty containers of Bud Light. The pot the plant was in was found at low tide, but the plant was gone."

"See, I told you I wasn't responsible," I said, proud to have someone who was there for that particular episode of oddity confirm I didn't kill, maim or maul the plant. I wondered if plants could be Troubled.

"If you were responsible, I might still have my spider plant," Nathan pointed out calmly.

I had to stop feeding him straight lines. This was getting embarrassing.

"I can be responsible for a plant, just not suicidal drunk plants. You probably drove it to kill itself. I mean, it did live with you for years. It probably thought you abandoned it. And did you forget I had a dog when I was a kid, Nathan?"

"Duke. You didn't have a dog. Old Man Thorogood had a dog he paid you to walk. And you paid Meg to walk it." I shrugged, remembering Finch, Old Man Thorogood's hound dog. Finch liked me because I gave him vanilla cookies. I liked Finch because he gave me an excuse to have Meg over.

"Wait, Meg like Bill McShaw's wife Meg?" Audrey asked.

"Yes, Meg, as in Bill's wife. It was close enough to owning a dog. I mean, I had to feed Finch and walk him, or ask Meg to do it. I practically owned that dog," I defended my poor example of pet ownership.

Nathan snorted, clearly not believing my assertions. Audrey had the question in her eyes and I knew what she was going to ask. "Why did you ask Meg to walk the dog you didn't own?"

Yep, there it was. I gave the answer I gave Bill that got me the black eye and left him with a sprained wrist. "Audrey, you may have noticed, I admire the female form. Hate to see the ladies go, love to see them leave. And Meg used to jog when she took the dog." I let my grin say the rest. Audrey just rolled her eyes. "Hey, I was like 12. Certain things are very important at 12. Like studying the effects of gravity on the female form."

"You couldn't even care for a dog alone, Duke. I doubt you could even care for a cat," Nathan stated.

"I could care for a cat, I just don't want a cat," I replied.

"I bet you couldn't care for a cat for an entire week, Duke." Nathan speared me with the steely eye.

"What are you willing to put up, Wournos?" I asked.

Nathan thought about it for a while. "Loser has to pay for date night with the winner. And Jess has expensive taste." Nathan grinned.

"You're on." I finished my sandwich.

"Hey, you shouldn't get a cat to win a bet. What happens after the week's up?" Audrey was clearly more concerned for the cat's welfare than mine.

"Audrey, I promise I won't hurt the cat. I return it from where I got it. I mean, it's not like there aren't a bunch of wharf cats down at the harbor. I'll just feed one of them for a week."

"Nope, has to live with you in the boat and the boat must have at least one litter box. You must clean the litter box at least once." Nathan actually showed teeth when he smiled this time.

"Fine, I'll just borrow someone's cat. Someone has got to be willing to loan me a cat for a week," I answered. "And I will feed Eleanor's evil beasts, Audrey."

The three of us finished our lunches, and Audrey did indeed love the soup. The officers left, with Audrey passing one concerned glance back at me. Sadly, I thought it was more for my rent-a-cat than for me.