I don't own Glee.

A/N: Okay, so some of you know that I'm currently in the hospital right now and will probably be here for a while. My speech therapist thought it would be a good idea to work on a fic that was really fluffy so this fic will most likely have little to no angst. I'm not sure how long this will be, probably just a few chapters since I have several other fics I need to finish.

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Santana sighed and passed the pint of ice cream over to Rachel. "Is it sad that we're walking down a busy sidewalk at noon in LA and eating your crappy vegan ice cream?" She asked the smaller woman beside her.

Rachel shrugged half-heartedly and licked the spoon clean before passing both the spoon and the ice cream back to Santana. "Your point?"

"People are staring, Rach," Santana scraped the bottom of the container and frowned. "It's official... we're more pathetic than Quinn. I feel like I've failed my teenage self somehow."

Rachel looked down as the pair walked and listened to the way their footsteps thudded against the pavement in a rhythm. "We are not more pathetic than Quinn. I'm pretty sure that's not even possible since she's getting married in five months and her due date is in three. I blame that Catholic high school she went to growing up. I'm pretty sure she didn't know what a condom was until she was nineteen."

"Rachel..." Santana heaved out a big sigh. "I'm switching back to men again."

"What do you mean?" Rachel glanced over at the Latina woman.

Santana avoided Rachel's gaze. "I just realized that men are more my style. I miss penises," She rolled her eyes at the way a man passing by raised his eyebrows at her. "Besides, girls are too demanding. You finger a girl once and she falls in love. Lesbians are needy."

Rachel smiled knowingly and nudged Santana with her shoulder. "Brittany broke your heart three months ago when she cheated on you with Artie. And you think it would be easier to date a guy because you don't think you could fall in love with them like you fell in love with Brittany."

Santana squared her jaw. "No, like I said, I just miss penises."

"Right, like how I miss Jesse?" Rachel raised a brow.

"Don't even mention that asshole. You're lucky you talked me out of it because I was two seconds away from cutting off his penis with my manicure scissors," Santana tossed the empty carton of ice cream into a trash can as they walked past. "He broke up with you almost four months ago, Rach; why are you still bringing him up, anyway?"

"I don't know," Rachel groaned loudly. "Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygiene and likes to go down."

"I think we should go to that new club downtown and get so wasted we won't remember all the randoms we go down on in the dirty bathroom," Santana suggested.

"Oh, that sounds fun," Rachel rolled her eyes.

"It's only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world, Rach," Santana countered. "It would be selfish if we didn't. We should bring back slutty summers. Those were always fun in college. You remember that time we wound up at Quinn's apartment, drunk with two bottles of vodka and a male stripper?"

"Actually," Rachel corrected. "You were drunk and I was just trying to find somewhere for you to sleep it off because the police told me you couldn't run down the sidewalk belting out 'Mrs. Jackson' at the top of your lung. Quinn's apartment was only a few blocks away," She paused for a second. "I really don't know why the male stripper came with us but he was useful to hold your hair back while you thew up."

Santana nodded appreciatively. "Seriously, Rach, slutty summers need to make a comeback. It would get our minds off of all this drama with Brittany and Jesse."

"I like my summers to be slut-free," Rachel grinned. "But feel free to start bringing randoms back to the apartment. I promise not to judge when I find you passed out in the tub covered in glitter and smelling like shame."

"Bitch," Santana chuckled. "That only happened once."

"What do you think Kurt wants to talk to us about?" Rachel asked when they stopped at the building Kurt lived in. He buzzed them up quickly and they began to the climb the three set s of stairs to his apartment.

"I dunno," Santana shrugged. "Maybe he met someone?"

"I doubt it," Rachel sighed. "He said he's focusing on managing the stores for now."

"You should introduce him to your brother," Santana suggested.

"I don't think so," Rachel shook her head. "Blaine isn't Kurt's type. Blaine likes football and playing video games. Kurt doesn't even know what Atari is."

"I think they'd be cute together," Santana urged. "And it would stop Kurt from dragging us to all those gay bars. I wouldn't mind but it's always filled with gay men that think it's okay to play with my hair while I'm shotgunning beer."

"You do have really nice hair," Rachel commented.

*/*

Puck rolled over in the bed and bumped into something soft. He opened one eye to see the red head from last night still passed out beside him. His brow furrowed and he pushed himself into the sitting position carefully, so as not to wake her. Her hair was a mess across her face and as he gently rolled from the bed she turned to give him a peek of what she looked like. He really needed to stop going home with chicks when he was drunk. He dressed as quickly as possible and he was shutting her apartment door behind him a few minutes later.

When he checked his cell phone there were several texts, mostly from his roommate, Sam Evans. Puck sighed as he stepped out onto the hot streets of LA and started walking towards his own apartment building several blocks away. The sun was hot on his skin and he relished in the feeling. The heat help to distract him from the dull headache that was forming between his eyes. He hated hangovers.

He shot off a quick text to Sam before stuffing his phone back in his pocket, That chick was a lot hotter when I was drunk.

I told you so, Puckerman. By the way, pick up some more Cap'n Crunch, I ate the last of it last night while I was watching Grey's Anatomy.

I'm seriously starting to question your sexuality man

Fuck you.

Puck's phone rang and when he answered it was Mike, a friend who lived in the apartment right next door to the one Puck shared with Sam. "Sup, Chang?"

"Why am I always the gay friend?" Mike complained into the phone. "I mean, you guys invite me out and then I'm pushed to the side until you need me to console the ugly chick you just insulted."

"That doesn't always happen," Puck sighed and then realized it really did. "It's not so bad, Mike; you get to be my wingman and then you get the chicks I don't want."

"Matt actually managed to pick up a girl last night by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didn't do a good job with her make-up. That's some seriously low self-esteem," Mike snorted and Puck could practically hear his friend rolling his eyes.

"How about Saturday I'll be your wingman?" Puck suggested. "I'll help you find some hot chick and if you don't get laid I'll pay your bar tab off."

Mike was quiet for a few seconds and Puck smirked. "Deal, Puckerman; I'll meet you at the bar at seven Saturday night."

"I'll let Sam know and you can tell Matt," Puck replied.

"Should we invite Finn?" Mike asked. "He hasn't been out with us in a while."

"That's because Quinn's got him on a leash shorter than his dick," Puck rolled his eyes and finally reached his apartment. "If he comes out he'll just want to complain about his impending doom of a marriage and Quinn's cravings. I think it'd be better if he stayed on the other side of LA."

"Right," Mike sighed. "Hey, I ran into that chick from the fourth floor. She told me to tell you hello. Did you find out her name yet?"

"No, we've only really said three words to each other," Puck replied and smirked. "By the way, what was she wearing?."

*/*

"Wait... what?" Kurt asked.

"Yep," Rachel nodded. "Santana's decided she's not a lesbian anymore."

Santana rolled her eyes. "How do you know I was ever a lesbian to begin with? All through high school and college I was perfectly fine with dicks. It wasn't until I met Brittany that I was even tempted to go over to the dark side."

"You love her," Kurt countered. "You whored your way through men but you fell in love with Brittany because you're gay, Santana. You can't just pretend to be someone you're not just because it might be easier."

"Why not?" Santana snapped loudly and both Rachel and Kurt flinched. Santana shook her head. "Brittany broke my heart and I don't ever want to feel like that again. Can't I just pretend for little while?"

Rachel nodded and Kurt sighed. "For a little while," Kurt told her sadly. "Now come on, I've got us each a pint of ice cream and my bed is waiting for us. I think tonight is a great night for a Jamie Lee Curtis marathon."

"Only if we can watch Halloween first," Santana pushed herself up from the chair in Kurt's kitchen and followed her two friends to his bedroom. They all climbed onto Kurt's queen sized bed, Rachel wedged between the two friends. "But tomorrow we all have to go out and get drunk."

"They just opened up this really nice gay bar a few blocks from here," Kurt suggested lightly and Rachel laughed when Santana reached over to successfully push Kurt off the bed.

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A/N: Thoughts? Should I continue? If I do choose to continue the chapters will be longer because I don't want to drag this fic out for too long. I'm only planning on roughly 4-5 chapters but that may change.

Also this fic will contain several lines from the website, 'Texts From Last Night.'