Soooo…this is just something that popped into my head one day while I was trying to keep myself from succumbing from boredom. I'll still be writing my other story, The Young And The Smitten, so no worries!

I love putting lyrics at the start of stories. These are from a song called Vince the Loveable Stoner by The Fratellis.

The Assignment

Chapter 1: Bees Can Smell Fear

He's so pretty

He always looks shitty (aha)

Born on a Monday

Such a very good day (aha)

"If you guys don't shut up," drawled Hatake Kakashi lazily, "Then I'm going to leave this classroom and have Gai-sensei look after you. Is that what you want? To have inspirational rainbows crushing your brains for the next hour?"

His Psychology class stiffened and quieted immediately. The nervousness and dread was almost palpable. Kakashi snickered and finally stopped reading his book, tossing it on the desk in front of him and giving the kids his full attention.

"Don't worry, the mental scarring wouldn't last too long, kiddies." He smirked and stood up, tapping the blackboard behind him with one long finger. "Now then."

"This is Psychology, and if you don't want to be here, then please get out." He said, eyeing them carefully.

There was a muffled noise from the back of the room, and a student looked like he was preparing to get up.

"Sit your ass down, Uzumaki, that was reverse psychology. You have now proven that you have little to no brain. Congrats. For you it's a regular Monday." Kakashi dead-panned.

"Hah, he got you, Naru-chan!" laughed a feminine voice. Sakura Haruno grinned and winked at the disgruntled blonde boy, blowing him a kiss.

The rest of the class joined her in her evident mirth at the misfortune of the poor boy, and Kakashi sighed, picking up a dictionary and throwing it into the melée of jeers.

"What the fuck?" snarled Neji Hyuga, rubbing his impeccably groomed head in irritation. "I wasn't even laughing!"

"This is me caring. It might look very similar to my not-caring face, but that's just because I don't give a fuck." Kakashi said, calmly picking up a piece of chalk and writing on the board.

"Uh, Kakashi-sensei? I think he's going to faint..." Tenten said, looking concernedly at her friend as he swayed in his seat.

"Am...not...panda-chan. Can I...touch your...buns? Oh, and...your hair too." huffed out a bleeding Neji as he lost concsiousness.

"DIVINE PUNISHMENT!" cried Rock Lee as he threw another textbook at the Hyuuga, effectively knocking him out.

"...Lee. If you killed Neji then I am BURNING ALL YOUR LEG WARMERS. DO YOU HEAR ME? HE BETTER BE ALIVE, MOTHERFUCKER." hissed Tenten, yanking Neji's head back by his hair and checking for a pulse.

"Don't spazz." said Ino Yamanaka from the seat behind her. "He's just passed out."

The class rose a collective eyebrow at this statement, which was impressive because Gaara didn't actually have eyebrows.

"What? I've watched this guy for 17 years, I think I know the difference between being dead and sleeping." She jerked her thumb at the slumbering boy next to her, who yawned and opened his eyes blearily, only to be faced with the entire classes gaze on him.

"...Oh no. It's one of those dreams again." Shikamaru Nara groaned, burying his head back in his arms.

"Is it just me or does the shape of his ponytail make you hungry?" asked Choji Akamichi thoughtfully as he bit into a potato chip.

"I'm not answering that unless you have a pineapple hidden in your backpack, fat boy." growled Kiba Inuzuka, glaring animalistically at the larger boy. "Fuck, I'm hungry."

"Need you even ask, my dear canine friend?" A pineapple was pulled out of Choji's black backpack and placed on the table.

A slow creak came from the far right corner of the room and a smallish boy with messy red hair quietly approached Choji's desk. The room watched him in confusion as he picked up the pineapple and inspected it. Then he threw it out the window and went back to his seat.

The only emotion on Choji's face was shock. What just happened?

"Gaara. WHAT THE FUCK. I was going to eat that!" pouted Kiba, glaring at the unconcerned red-head.

"...I hate pineapples." Gaara stated simply, not bothering to provide any further explanation.

"U-um...it's fine, Kiba-kun." stuttered Hinata Hyuuga soothingly.

"Suck it up, Inuzuka. If your face gets any more pathetic I'm making you hide it with shades like Shino." Said Sasuke Uchiha, an amused smirk resting comfortably on his lips. "You guys could go to Sunglasses R Us together."

"...They're not open Mondays." Shino Aburame stated calmly.

The room fell silent as everyone looked at him oddly. The trenchcoat wearer didn't give any indication that he acknowledged their stares, facing directly in front of him, sunglasses obscuring their view.

"And on that note," grumbled Kakashi, a little put-out that his authority had been ignored for so long. "I'm going to tell all of you about your projects for the year."

"Should I take him to the nurse though, sensei? He's kind of leaking his bodily fluids all over my desk." said Tenten seriously, delicately shifting herself out of the range of Neji's blood.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Lee, shamwow that mess up." ordered Kakashi impatiently as he tried once again to explain the goddamn assignment.

"Anyways...your project is going to be a journal of different surveys you guys will create and test individually. At the end of each survey I expect an analysis of the data." he said gesturing to the pile of composition books on his desk.

"Come up and get them, you children of a lesser god." he said irritatedly. " Oh, and do try and make them interesting. When I read something boring it always ends up burning in a fire somehow...and if that happened you wouldn't get a grade, yes?" Seeming cheered by the idea, the pyromaniac grinned at his class.

"Work hard, minions."

Sakura tapped her pen thoughtfully against her bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed in thought as she tried to think of something to do for her project.

Maybe she could…hmmm…well, something interesting. What would interest Kakashi? Immediately her thoughts turned rather explicit and she rolled her apple green eyes at her teacher's pervertedness. The only thing that would interest him would have to be about something silly and disgusting.

"Eureka!" Sakura cried, jumping to her feet and assuming her victory pose. It consisted of a creepily executed thumbs-up and a wink, something the people surrounding her found to be quite scary, and they all edged away slowly, trying not to alarm the wild animal.

"I SHALL USE MEH EPIC SKILLEZ IN TEH LURVE, HAHAHAHAHA!" She screeched, giggling at her use of L33T. Because, honestly, that stuff made her brain tickle. In a good way. Probably.

Sakura grinned and sat back down, starting to scribble down her survey question. In pink gel pen. FER SERIOUS.

Psychology Survey Assignment

By: Sakura Haruno

Survey Question: I love you.

She proudly shut her notebook and decided that she would begin her survey….

Right after she took a nice, long nap underneath that tree over there.

Sasuke stared. And stared. And stared.

…

(What the hell, this is boring. Bring in a man in a bikini!)

Naruto sprinted from around the corner, wearing nothing but a bright pink polka-dotted bikini and a maniacal smile. He skidded to a stop in front of the wall the Sasuke appeared to be staring blankly at and gave him a serious look.

"Sasuke…what are you wearing?" he said with obvious disgust in his voice.

Sasuke twitched. "DOBE. I'm wearing clothes. You are wearing your stupidity in bikini form." He hissed, gesturing to the blonde's state of undress.

"Oh yeah." Naruto giggled.

"…I think you just defiled a part of my brain. I can feel the IQ points dropping as we speak…SPEAK, BEFORE I TURN AS DUMB AS YOU!" Sasuke cried, panicked.

After a moment of confused silence on Naruto's part, Sasuke started to laugh. And when I say laugh, I mean laugh. His entire body shook with mirth and he held his ribs like they were hurting him.

"Oh my god, hahahahahaha! That was a good one, hahaha, Sasuke! Self high-five!" He proceeded to high-five himself and then bring his attention back to Naruto, who looked like he'd rather be doing anything else. "So, anyways! What is it you wanted?"

"…U-uh…Oh, project, right. Teme, I need you…TO GIVE ME YOUR IDEAS." Naruto proclaimed, pointing his finger imperiously at the unamused dark-haired boy.

"Yeah, I'm leaving. Have fun with that." Sasuke picked up his bag from the floor and slung it on his back, walking away blankly.

"Curses!" Naruto snapped his fingers. "Thwarted again! And I really thought wearing the bikini would butter him up…" Shrugging, he pulled out his regular clothes from his backpack and put them on over the woman's bathing suit. The he plopped unceremoniously onto the ground below and pulled out his notebook and a pen. Only, having not been able to find a pen, he wrote with a piece of chocolate he found in the front pocket of his jeans.

Psychology Survey Assignment

By: Naruto Uzumaki

Survey Question: Are you more likely to say yes to someone if they are wearing a bikini?

Naruto smiled. So his trip hadn't been a total waste after all.

Neji blinked and squinted his eyes at the bright white light above him, head still throbbing and murky from being unconscious. Wait…white light…head injury. OH MY GOD.

"I'M IN HEAVEN!" He screamed in horror, sitting upright and clutching the edge of whatever he was sitting on tightly.

The thing beneath him twitched at his grip and shifted a bit so that Neji could see what is was.

He gasped. "TENTEN! WHAT THE FUCK?"

Tenten glared up at him, having actually been quite comfortable before he'd decided to dig his nails into her thigh. She captured his head in her hands and forcefully dragged his head down so that they were at eye level.

"This isn't heaven, asshole. This is hell." She then got up, effectively throwing Neji on the ground and cracked her knuckles menacingly before leaving.

Neji lay sprawled on the floor. He decided that this had all been an awful dream and that if he went to sleep then it would go away.

"GET UP, HYUUGA. I'M DOING TARGET PRACTICE AND I NEED A TARGET!" yelled an angry voice from the hallway. He quickly scrambled up and rushed to the door, not wanting to incur the wrath of his female friend any more than he already had.

"Coming, darling!"

"You know," commented Neji carefully. "Don't you think you'd be more productive if you used, I don't know, an actual target?"

Tenten paused mid-throw of a sharp rock and looked to be thinking it over. "But, Neji, how else am I supposed to help you face Darth Vadar?"

"…Are you telling me this entire time we've just been role-playing as Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker?" Neji asked in disbelief.

"Pretty much. It was on last night." Tenten shrugged and cocked her arm to throw again. "Now prepare yourself, young padowan!"

Neji let out a girlish shriek and ducked as she hurled the rock at him. "I'm skipping to the part where I push you into a volcano!" he cried.

Tenten was quiet for a minute, contemplating the implications of his threat, eventually coming up with only one response.

"Wasn't that Lord of The Rings?"

"FOR THE SHIRE!" Neji shrieked, throwing himself on her and pinning her to the ground. Tenten merely blinked unconcernedly, reaching her hand up to touch the tips of his long brown hair.

"Neji, I hate to say this, but you're too tall to be a hobbit. We could make you into Gandolf pretty easy though, we'd just need to cover you in flour…" She grinned and pushed him off of her, threading their fingers together and pulling him up.

"TO THE COOKING ROOM!"

Shikamaru stared lazily at the clouds above him and sighed. He'd have to do this project.

Psychology Survey Assignment

By: Shikamaru Nara

Survey Question:

He frowned, unable to think of anything. Right when he was about to give up, a familiar voice started to invade the sanctity of his eardrums.

"SHIKA!" Ino yelled, clearly trying to locate the poor boy.

Shikamaru started to panick, just the littlelest bit. She was probably going to reprimand him for falling in sleep in class again. He weighed his choices carefully.

One, he could stay there and she would eventually find him and yell.

Two, he could roll down the hill he was currently laying on and trust that it would deposit him in the bushes below without injuring him permanently.

Deciding quickly that he'd had quite enough yelling today, he tilted himself slowly onto his side—

"SHIKAMARU NARA!"

-And rolled away into the safety of the shrubbery.

Survey Question: What would you do to escape getting yelled at?

And Ino never found him again.

…

Alright, that's a lie. She found him by enlisting Kiba and Choji to find his scent and then having Gaara use some cool pyrotechnics to smoke him out of the bushes.

But the other ending was more dramatic.

"HOW YOUTHFUL!" said Lee.

Okayyy, end of the first chapter! Hope it wasn't too cracky for you guys, haha.

Depending on the response this gets, I may or may not just keep it as a one-shot. I like my other story, but I'd be completely willing to write two long stories, so review please, if you like it!

From your musically superior authoress,

Mishiba