I feel horrbile, and this is short. I haven't updated in forever, but I hope you'll still read.

Going to New York was the worst idea ever.

I got very ill when I returned home. All I could think of was New York. Phillip looked painfully like his younger brother. That kid I passed looked like Boots or Snipeshooter, Mush should be downstairs to greet me when I wake up. Tumbler and I should be talking through the night.

Puking in the morning became a regular occurrence. I didn't try to, but I didn't fight it, either. Jumper tried to see me one morning, but I didn't know. I was asleep, almost unconscious.

Then I decided it didn't matter. What didn't matter? Everything.

I was a bad person. When I was in New York, I hoped Phillip wouldn't miss me, and I missed Jumper something fierce. When I was out of New York, I got literal homesickness.

Maybe I didn't belong anywhere.

Maybe I was just taking up space, wasting food, not that I ate much these days.

I'd been back in Virginia for three months when I got a letter. It was dated from a month earlier, from a 'Robert Collins'. Tumbler had wrote me a letter and managed to send it all the way here.

Dear Liza,

I put my real name on here with Skittery's last name on it. I hope you aren't too confused! I used Skitt's name because he's kind of my dad now. He and Haley are adopting me. Haley's goin to have a baby soon and Skitts' is bugging me that I'll have a brother or sister. I'm happy is what I wanted to say. I thought you should know. Race and Mush miss you but mostly Race. I'm not goin to be a newsie anymore and I'm goin to go to school. Jack sent a letter to the LH the other day saying how he is a cowboy is Sante Fe and he doesn't miss us. It wasn't a very nice letter. I don't have much else to say except that I miss you a lot. By the way Mush wrote this for me.

Thank,

Tumbler

Tumbler was happy. I was not. Tumbler had people who love him, and so did I. Neither of us were in Manhattan now.

It seemed like the world hated me.

Maybe it did.

Who knows?

Who cares?

I don't.

Nothing matters.

Why, hello again darkness and nausea.