SM owns it all. I own Teacherward.

This is not beta'd or pre-read, because I'm impatient, and I think I waited long enough to post this. So, any mistakes are mine.

Here we go. Ladies, and gentlemen... The EPI.

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"I'm not."

"You are."

"Not."

"You so are."

"You're a jerk."

"As long as I'm right. Which I am, by the way."

Ugh. That damn smug smirk of his. I'm gonna smack it off him... or kiss him. It's debatable.

"Why would you say that, just because I don't like the smell of that crap?"

"Bella, I'm making blueberry waffles. They're you're favorite. You never turn them down." Edward quirks a brow in my direction as he's finishing up those infernal waffles.

"You did something different to them. They smell horrible," I say, scrunching up my nose and opening a window. Bleh.

"I've done nothing different. You're pregnant. That's all."

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy..."

"You're also late."

Why does my husband know my cycle better than I do?

"I'm always late, you know this. I'm irregular."

"Um, no. You've been pretty much on time since last year."

When I got off birth control.

Let's be clear. I didn't want to get off birth control, but it was doing some crazy shit to my moods and my hormones were all over the place so my gyno and I decided to cease taking it.

And I never got back on.

And it's not that I don't want to have another kid, especially one with Edward, but I want to be right. And I'm right.

"I'll prove it. As soon as you drop G and Bree off at school, I'm going to Walgreens and getting a test. And you're gonna be so wrong. And you're gonna have to eat your words... or me. Either way," I wink as he turns and shakes his head at my crudeness.

He secretly loves it.

Both my crudeness and going down on me.

Yes, we married about a year and a half ago. No biggie. We bought a house in Port Angeles and had the ceremony in the back yard with only our closest family and friends.

Edward took a job teaching in the Education department at the community college in PA. It gave him enough flexibility to be home a lot, and he was able to escape the Forks piranhas known as those pesky Forks mommies.

So when Edward finally leaves with Bree and G in tow, I get my purse and keys and head to the drug store to prove him wrong. I'm not pregnant.

...

"Shit."

I look again.

"Shit shit shit!"

I look again.

"No, Can't be. I'm doing another one."

Damn generic brand pregnancy tests. You can't rely on those one bit.

I open another package. This time, I stick to EPT digital. Those lines can mean anything really.

An hour later...

"No. This is wrong. This is bullshit."

I look at the tests sitting precariously on my sink's edge.

All six of them.

Yes I went a little overboard.

"FUCK!"

He's right.

I pull out my cell phone and dial Angela.

"Hey! What's up?"

"Hey, Ang. I have a little question for ya."

"Shoot."

"Is it possible to have a false positive on a pregnancy test?"

"WHAT? Oh, my God, Bella! Are you pregnant?"

"Answer the friggin' question, Ang."

"Um, no, sweetie pie. You should know that, you already have one, don't you?"

"Yeah, but I never took a test at home. I was at my annual when the gyno had me take a test when I wasn't feeling well."

"Oh, well, yeah. No. You can have a false positive, but no false negatives."

"Damn it."

"Bella, are you not happy about this or something?" Angela asks cautiously.

"No, I'm... I'm happy. Yeah. I am, Ang. I want nothing more than to have a child with Edward. Like, that's..." I sigh loudly, because this is the first time I actually realize I'm thrilled.

"Then? What's the issue?"

"Edward swore I was pregnant, and I wanted to prove him wrong. Ugh, he's gonna be so impossible to live with once he knows he was right."

Angela chuckles. "You guys are like children, you know that?"

"Yeah, well, he started it."

"Well, for what it's worth, congratulations, Bella. I'm so, so excited for you both. Wow, G and Bree are going to be big brother and sister."

After saying goodbye I stare at the tests again and sigh.

"Pregnant." I look at myself in the mirror, and smile.

...

"Honey, I'm home."

"You're a cornball."

He's behind me and kissing my neck, his hands roving wherever they want.

"But you love me when I'm corny."

"Corny and horny. You've got both goin' on right now," I say, pushing my ass against his semi.

"Mmm, you're right about that. How you feelin'? Did you do the tests?"

"Yep."

"And?"

"They're in the bathroom." I try to remain impassive in my tone. I don't want to give anything away. He releases me and looks at me curiously over his shoulder as he walks to our bathroom.

The I hear it. The moment I've been dreading.

"HA! I KNEW IT!" His voice rings through the house. He's back in a flash with one of the sticks I peed on in his hand.

"Told ya." Smug bastard.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I serve the last scoop of ice cream into my bowl and plop down on the sofa.

Edward follows me and sits next to me, placing my feet in his lap. He looks a little down. When he looks at me with those bright green, sad eyes, I want to crawl over and make it all go away.

"Are you not happy about this?" He's serious all of a sudden.

"What? No. No, baby. I'm thrilled. I'm just pissed I was wrong and you won."

"Oh, please, this isn't a competition, Bella."

I give him the screwed up face of "really? Are you serious?" an he laughs.

"Ok, so I like to be right..." he concedes. I pout.

He inches forward, taking my ice cream and setting it on the coffee table before taking my face in his hands and kissing me on my forehead, nose, eyes, and finally lips.

"Baby, We're gonna have a baby. You're gonna have my baby." He whispers each time he kisses me. I'm done. No way I can stay mad at him.

I smile. Brighter than I have in the last few days. I kiss him back.

"We're gonna have a baby."

And all is right in the world.

THE END.

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A/N: Shit. I never thought I'd finally write that for this story. I had a sudden burst of creativity. This is a true story, btw. I DID in fact buy SIX pregnancy tests because I didn't want my hubby to be right, after I complained about stinky homemade waffles (which I love). It was exactly a month after our wedding. And I DID call my bff and ask about the whole false positive thing. She laughed in my face.

I LOVED writing this story, that really came to be out of nowhere and wanting to write what I knew. I'm a teacher. So this came naturally. Bella is all me. Leg mohawks and all.

THANKS to EVERYONE who had something to do with this. Too many to thank, but you know who you are. Magnolia822's the beta with the mostest. My pre-readers rock, and you, my dear readers, tweeters, and reviewers, you rock the house.

I'm finishing up my drabble-esque fic, DELAY in the next two days. PrimaryColors and I are still writing The Whole Package (it's NOT on hiatus, people... just RL stuff), and I'm writing Bella of Victoria, a pseudo-crossover-modern-retelling of Anne of Green Gables, with, you guessed it, Twicast. ;)

I'm always on twitter. Hit me up.

Ciao, babies.