OK, this is something I'd been playing around with in my head. I thought of it a long time ago after reading an interview where Max Adler was talking about how Dave might commit suicide. I don't remember if he was asked, or if he brought it up, but I knew I didn't want to write another sad, suicide story for Dave. I hate when Dave dies, or tries to die and I can't bring myself to end it like that. So this is another take; a different avenue that I've yet to explore. I decided to write it while I was working on part 2 of Senior Year; A Kurtofsky Chronicle. It's short and all of the chapters will be divided into two parts: the video diary of David Karofsky and the real-time life of Kurt Hummel –the latter being his interactions and conversations with the other characters as well as his dealing with the videos.

The Karofsky Diaries

One

[Rec.]

2010/10/26

0:00:03

The screen, still black, shakes and there is the sound of shuffling as someone adjusts the camera. Finally a blurry hand uncovers the lens and the screen gradually adjusts to show a nervous David Karofsky staring into it, his hazel eyes gazing forward with a mix of fear and confusion.

[Deep breathing]

0:01:13

I don't know why I'm even doing this. Fuck. This is stupid.

The boy fiddles with his hands, rubbing them together and interlacing his fingers as he looks on nervously.

0:01:45

[Mumbles inaudibly]

He pauses and stares straight into the camera with determined eyes. His hands clasp together, shaking and he takes a deep breath, unclenching them and rubbing his sweaty palms on the knees of his slightly worn blue jeans.

0:02:34

[Exhales shakily]

I- I don't know what I'm doing. I just need –I want to get a few things off my chest.

[Clears throat]

God, I fucking hope no one ever sees this –especially you… K- Kurt. I'm a fucking idiot. I know. I… I don't know… I have no fucking clue, fuck… I hate you. I want to hate you.

The boy's face contorts from rage that instantly turns to sorrow.

0:03:14

I don't hate you, I could never…. Why do you have to be… Why…

[Breath shudders] Karofsky's lips quake as he takes a shuddering breath, a single tear rolling down the left side of his face into the corner of his mouth.

[Grunts and clears throat] He licks the place where the tear fell and hastily wipes his face.

0: 05:01

I love you… Oh GOD, I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

[Sobbing] Tears streamed down the large boy's face. His whole body shook and shuddered as he gasped for breath between sobs. Stains began appearing on his charcoal gray sweatshirt and his eyes were puffy and red.

0: 14:21

I can't be a fucking homo. I can't… you… why the hell is this happening to me? What did you do to me? Why..? Why can't I stop? Why won't it go away? What the hell is happening to me?

Karofsky shakes his head and looks about to cry again. His large frame comes closer to the camera and soon all that can be seen is his left pant leg. The camera shakes again. There is a sudden noise and the screen goes black.

Kurt Hummel pops the top of a can of Dr. Pepper. Normally he would be drinking diet, but today his nerves required a stronger fix. As the fizzy liquid runs down his throat he closes his eyes, seeing the video again.

"Excuse me," someone says as they pass by him before even waiting for him to move. He huffs and shakes his head, too tired to care. All around him is the hustle and bustle of Lima: cars passing noisily, children laughing ceaselessly in a nearby park, birds chirping insanely overhead –God make it stop!

He drains the last of the dregs in the can and tosses it in the bin marked For: Aluminum before heading inside through sliding doors. Inside it's cool and white, the walls and floors scrubbed clean. People sit around staring blankly at everything; other people, their hands, pictures in magazines, the television screen, nothing.

Someone coughs and Kurt turns around, walking to the waiting room. He sits by himself, ignoring the others. He can feel them staring at him; their eye's boring holes into the side of his head. He can't even look at them. His face is emotionless, but his eyes would give him away.

They were dry now, at least, but one look at the red and puffy lids, the green around the usually glasz retinas, and they would know he'd been crying. It was all too emotional right now for them to be worrying about him. He looks up at the large tiles of the dropped ceiling wondering how he'd gotten to this point.

Things had been going fine with David. He was making so much progress. And now… now he was…

Fresh tears streamed down Kurt's otherwise emotionless face. He wiped them absentmindedly and continued to stare at the ceiling, but all he saw was the other boy's face.

I know it's short, but this was just a tryout; something I'd been thinking about for a little while now and decided to finally write down. Bear with me; I promise it'll make sense sooner or later. In the meantime, I'd love some feedback! XOXO

~Jay