Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling.

My Darling Half Brother

Albus Severus Potter stared intently into the beautiful blue orbs of Scorpius Hyperion Malfloy.

"I think I love you," whispered Albus huskily, wetting his lips with the tip of his tongue. Scorpius felt something of his twitch.

"So do I. Let us make passionate love into the night," answered Scorpius.

And so they did and so wonderfully much that it took a week to remove the cum stains.

"Scorpius, let's tell our parents about us," gasped Albus, overcome with powerful emotion (or was that hormones) as he came into Scorpius' mouth.

"Albus, that is a wonderful idea! We'll do it tomorrow!" exclaimed Scorpius, despite the fact that they were only fifteen and still at Hogwarts.

Albus grinned and proceeded to snog Scorpius into oblivion.

After Albus and Scorpius arrived at the Potter house the next day, everyone decided to gather in the living room. "You have something to tell us, son?" asked Harry.

Albus stood up. "My dick likes being up Scorpius' ass and yes, we are fucking." Everyone nodded in approval, except Harry Potter who looked terrified.

"No! Nonononononono!" gasped Harry.

Albus started to cry and Scorpius gathered him up into a breath-taking kiss. "You're so mean, Dad! I hate you! I love Scorpius and nothing can change that!"

"No, Albus! This is sick and wrong!" screamed Harry.

"Harry James Potter, stop with your bigotry! I did not know you were like this! Our son is gay and that's that!" spat Ginny.

"I don't care that our son is gay! It's not that!" insisted Harry.

"Oh, Dad! I thought you were over your stupid hatred of Mr. Malfoy!" sobbed Albus.

"I am! I am! It's just- Scorpius is your half brother!" Everyone gasped and Scorpius and Albus scrambled to get away from each other, suddenly not wanting to look at the other.

"Mr. Potter! That can't be! I look so much like my dad!" insisted Scorpius.

"I didn't have a child with your mother!" screamed Harry.

"But Mum couldn't be the one that cheated! Look how shocked at this she is!" exclaimed Albus, pointing at his newly distressed mother.

"No! I am your father, Scorpius! I made you with Draco!" explained Harry.

"Harry, Draco is a man!" said Ginny, started to calm down once she heard what seemed to be nonsense.

"Draco was born with female and male genitals so he was able to give birth to you," stated Harry like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Ginny, in blind rage, slapped Harry across the face and screamed, "Harry James Potter, we are over!"

Suddenly, there was a loud crash and Draco fell out of a closet, wearing only a bright pink, glittering thong. "Hey, baby. Are we all alone?"

THE END

A/N: Inspired by a conversation with my friend and the fact that Bertie Gilbert, the guy who plays Scorpius in the movie, looks like a blonde Daniel Radcliffe. I happen to adore Scorpius and Albus as a couple. Can't say so much about Draco and Harry, but I love them for crack. Same goes for MPreg; I can't stand it when it's done seriously (because, come on, guys can't give birth. Just tell me how that would even work?), but it's a great crack topic. Nothing much else to say besides that this is painfully cracktastic and EVERYONE is supposed to be OOC. Oh and I'm sorry if I offended you, I guess. This is really just supposed to be stupid and nothing should be taken to heart.

Anyway, please review and tell me how dumb this is.