Author's Note: This is something I pulled together for fun and I laughed tons of times so I hope you enjoy it! Make sure you review/story alert/whatever. It is very appreciated.

1~Totally Unrealistic

"All right, everyone. Pay attention," the teacher announced, making me wonder why my day has to automatically start like this. I mean, I'd rather begin my day with breakfast, not an insignificant introduction that a classroom full of chattering kids won't bother to listen to.

"This is O.C.; she'll be joining us for the remainder of the year so please make her feel welcome," he continued, searching for a seat for me to sit in. He seemed to purposefully ignore the hand waving furiously in front of us as he did. It belonged to a fag and by fag, I mean, fabulously animated go-getter. Don't start writing scathing reviews, people.

Having no choice, the teacher addressed the boy. "Yes, Alois?"

"What does O.C. stand for?" the blond asked.

"O.C.'s short for Ophelia Cornelius," I answered, immediately going to the back of the classroom.

I had the choice of sitting next to the creepy guy with the "you-might-as-well-drop-your-britches-now-'cause-you're-fucked" smile going on with his face or the rather severe looking guy who looked a bit too old to be a student. Then again, most kids today come out looking older than your usual teenager so I settled with sitting next to the guy who looks like he stuck his face in a blender.

"Would you like some cookies?" he eerily offered, holding out a jar of bone-shaped cookies.

"No. They might be infected with whatever you've been inhaling," was my reply, turning to the smiling guy. "What's your deal?"

"I think it's good to see a new face around, that's all."

So his voice wasn't all that rape-y like I thought. It was pleasant and I could sense that he had manners. Meaning that he might politely ask for my virginity then apologize for taking it if he couldn't accept "no" as an answer. Thankfully, that wouldn't be happening anytime soon.

Once an hour and a half of class passed, the bell rang for next period. I glanced at my timetable, seeing that I would be having Gym. Freaking great. I was going to get victimized in the locker room, where you should never drop the lip gloss. Get it? 'Cause in jail, males don't drop the soap for fear of rape-oh, I don't need to entertain you!

I had received my gym uniform at home the day before therefore I had to participate in whatever activity that was on the agenda. I went inside the girls' locker room and noticed a lot of busty females (typical in every anime) taking their time dressing.

Except for this one girl.

She was slender, not curvy in any way and it came to my attention that who I was looking at was a long-haired, red-clad flamboyantly active godsend. Once again, this is comedy intended, not for you that are easily offended.

"Dude, why're you in here?" I interrogated.

"I'm a lady, that's why!" exclaimed the thin guy. He must be a metro.

"That's what you think. Have you taken a look at your downstairs, lately?"

The flaming ginger was about to begin ranting at me, but was interrupted by a bespectacled man who held his hand over his glasses just in case he encountered any half-naked bodies.

"Mr. Sutcliff, for the last time, you are not a female!" he corrected, dragging him out by the hair. The guy being dragged squirmed around in his hold, whining all the while.

"Will!"

I changed into my gym uniform and exited the locker room without being harassed, putting the gender-confused guy behind me. I came to know that the person who dragged him out was the Coach, William T. Spears. He was a real pain in the ass when it came to giving the class damn near military-training level exercises. Hell, I don't even know if the military even did this. We had to crawl under the bleachers before they collapsed into the wall.

I was in front of the redhead, crawling through the dust for the life of me. The space was starting to get really limited and I managed to escape from getting my organs squeezed out of their rightful places. Ginger wasn't so lucky and deciding to be nice, I grabbed his arms and pulled him out in time. Sure, he landed on top of me, but if he was as much as a lady as he claimed to be, he wouldn't enjoy the contact.

"Oh, my knight in shining armor~!" he squealed, blinking his eyes excessively. Flirtatiously. Provocatively. Suggestively. Ran-out-of-adverbs-ly. No matter how I put it, the guy was still really pouring the lust on me. Hoping that this was just a passing fantasy for him, I got myself out from under him and returned to Coach Spears for my grade for the day.

"B minus, Miss Cornelius," the glasses-wearing drill sergeant informed, writing in his grade book.

"B minus! How can you grade something as lethal as what you put me through so poorly?"

"Do you want that to be a C? Besides, Miss Cornelius, you assisted Mr. Sutcliff; it is only fair that you share the same grade."

I didn't stick around to hear anymore of Spears's nonsense and Ginger followed me to sit down on the bleachers which could've almost been the cause of our deaths. After a few minutes of silence, I glared at the green-eyed guy who cost me my first A.

"Do you intend to keep following me, Ginger?" I inquired.

"Ginger?" he repeated.

"Got any suggestions?"

"Well, Grell would be nice."

"Nice to meet you, Grell. My name's Ophelia. I don't care what you call me, just answer my question."

"I'll follow you to the ends of the earth if I had to, Ollie~!"

What the hell? I guess I asked for that, then. It could've been even worse. He could've called me pedophilia. Grell latched onto my arm, pressing his head against my shoulder.

"Why?" I groaned. I mean, I didn't mind having a boy hanging off of my arm. It's just I needed have a bona fide reason as to why he was so attached to me when I haven't known him for a full day.

"You saved me, that's why. That could only mean you care. A lot of people here don't really care if I get stuck behind the bleachers," he replied, in which I muttered, "I wouldn't, either" but he pretended that he didn't hear that and continued to share a story I didn't care too much for.

"Because I'm outspoken about my…eccentricities, I'm teased…a lot. I've been called every name under the sun: fag, metro, tranny."

"I plead the fifth on the first two," I said, hoping that I don't get bothered by him if I mentioned my harmful thoughts.

"You wound me, Ollie. At least, you're honest."

"No, you were supposed to slap me and run off crying like a…whatever one of those words you wanna use then go pester someone else who happens to save you from the bleachers…!" I ranted, running angry hands through my hair.

"I'm not gonna get rid of you, aren't I?"

Grell smiled, showing off teeth that seemed to belong to a shark's mouth. He buried his head into my shoulder again.

"What would you do that for?" he sang.

Give it up for unrealistic relationships! Yay~!

What would you guys do if Grell suddenly taken a liking to you? C'mon, I see you with your rape face on...Leave a review, message me, check out my profile...something to let me know of your opinion. There is going to be a poll so go to my profile. It concerns who Ollie (lol) encounters...that is, if you guys enjoyed this tidbit...