Thanks for the Memories

Once she hears the news, an intriguing rumour that Kurt whispers to her in English between Mrs. Jenkins noisy ramblings about Shakespeare, she cannot help but think about it. It weighs upon her mind for the rest of the lesson, and the whole day. It seems like Jacob Ben Israel knows more about her ex-boyfriend than she does, but she won't admit that to the world, oh no. So when Kurt looks at her after spilling the secret, and asks her if she didn't know, she shakes her head and said of course she did. She's Quinn Fabray for crying out loud, she has to know everything about everyone or pretend she does.

She can't help but seek out Puck when school ends though. She needs to ask him about it. She pauses for a moment on the grass field to watch the Cheerios practice their perfect pyramid, Santana taking her place at the top like she always belonged there, like this time last year there wasn't a blonde girl full of hope in her place. Santana's boobs are bigger though, thanks to cosmetic surgery. At least they will cushion her numerous tumbles. She misses the uniform sometimes, but she doesn't really miss the squad that much. Once she was away from it, she saw just how much it had consumed her. Coach Sylvester was horrible to her last year, and she will probably never be back at the top. She just has to accept it.

The gym smells horrible, like old sweat mixed with mouldy sandwiches and she crinkles her nose up as she enters. Her dress swishes around her knees as she walks, and she cannot help but remember last year when she tried so desperately to hide her pregnancy from Coach Sylvester and the world. What is it about this place that conjures up old memories? She hasn't thought about Beth for the last few weeks, well, rarely, but as soon as she walked through the front door of school, bam. Everything just came flooding back.

It looks like the football team have finished practicing, so she heads into the locker room. No surprise, it smells worse in here than out in the gym. She has to resist the urge to place her fingers over her nose and squeeze it shut. Wet towels are draped over wooden benches, and the sound of water running fills the air. She wanders through the maze of red lockers and benches, until she sees him. Stripped of his football jersey and pads, and dressed only in a white singlet, he looks like the boy she loved once upon a time. Her flats click-clack as she walks up to him, smiling as he turns around, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Once he sees her, he quickly stuffs something in his jean pocket and stands up, clearing his throat.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, meeting her halfway.

She shrugs softly, forcing her eyes to scan the entire room, rather than look at him. "I need to ask you something. It's pretty important. Hell, I wouldn't have come into the locker room while the rest of the team were showering if it wasn't."

"The rest of the team aren't here," he says, shaking his head slowly and chuckling. "We didn't have practice today, I just came to clean out my locker." Wrinkles appear on his forehead at the thought. "I suppose I should have really done that last year, it was disgusting. Anyway, it's just the new guy here. Some blond guy. He wanted to get in a few runs in, some Coach let him. He seems okay."

She laughs softly, taking a seat on one of the benches and patting the wood beside her. "Seems like you've had a good first day," she says, looking at him as he sits down beside her, his lips close enough to kiss.

Puck shrugs. "It was alright. School's school. You know how I feel about it Quinn." He sighs softly, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "It doesn't help that the last time I was here was after she was born." He places his head in his hands, inhaling deeply.

She places a hand on his arm, biting her lower lip. "I thought about her today. I've been trying not to, but as soon as I came through the doors, she was everywhere." She shakes her head softly, taking his hand and grasping it tightly. "I miss her so much."

To her surprise, he places an arm around her and draws her close, his musky scent filling her nose. "So do I. We never had any time to grieve properly did we, we never had enough time to heal. She was our child, and we can never see her again."

She closes her eyes, trying to stifle her tears. "I shouldn't have let her go," she announces, opening her eyes to look at him. "We could have managed, we would have loved her properly. I shouldn't have let her go," she repeats sadly, wiping a tear away.

"It was the best thing to do. You know that."

"It still hurts though. I've tried telling myself that a million times, but it still hurts. I want her with me, everyday, all day. I want to see her grow up into a little girl who enjoys dress ups and having afternoon tea with her toys, I want to be there when she starts school. I want to see her go on her first date and comfort her when some stupid boy breaks her heart. I just want to be there."

He places a kiss into her hair, taking a deep breath. "What did you want to ask me?" he questions, releasing her from his grasp.

Quinn laughs softly, wiping her tears away roughly. "Trying to change the subject Puckerman?" she says, shaking her head. "It was nothing anyway, just a stupid rumour that Kurt delighted in telling me."

"Tell me," Puck urges.

"Apparently you were like Santana and had a 'special' surgery over the summer break," she says slowly, grinning as the words leave her mouth. "I just wanted to know if it was true, and if it was why you would do such a thing. Surely the world needs more Noah Puckerman's running around."

"'Special' surgery?" Puck repeats, spluttering. "Like what, a vasectomy? Who told you that?"

Quinn arches an eyebrow in confusion, eyes wide. "You told Jacob Ben Israel that you had one because you were guilty over getting me pregnant? At least, that's what I heard. I would think that the entire school would know about it by now."

"Oh god, he actually kept that bit? It was only supposed to be a joke!" Puck shakes his head, chuckling.

"So, you didn't have a vasectomy?"

"Of course not. Sure, I am guilty about getting you pregnant and ruining your life, but I would never go to such extreme lengths. I want to have children one day, when I'm ready. I want a change to prove that I'm not like my old man," Puck says softly, smiling at her. "Why, were you worried?"

"Of course I was, you idiot. I just couldn't see why you would do such a thing, even if you were guilty about what happened last year. I was coming to see you to ask you about it, and possibly hit you for being so stupid," Quinn tells him.

She herself can't even believe that she was so concerned about him and the whole entire rumour. Surely she should be over by him, and have no feelings by now. He is just her ex-boyfriend and the father of Beth. Nothing more, nothing less.

She stands up slowly, smoothing out the crinkles in her white dress and tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Time to go, Quinn Fabray. Time to leave the pieces where they lay and forget the past. "Well," she begins, clearing her throat and smiling, "I best be going home now, Mom will be worried if I don't show up soon." She forces herself to turn away and begins to walk out of the maze of red lockers and benches, leaving Puck behind. Leaving the memories they shared together behind. Leaving her past behind.

"Quinn, wait!"

Oh god. What now? What could possibly happen now? What memory would they make now, a memory she would latch onto and think about all the time?

She hears Puck's footsteps approach her, and slowly turns around, running a hand through her hair. "Mmm?"

Puck wrinkles his forehead, pursing his lips. "I just want to tell you something before I lost my chance," he says slowly. "I know that once you leave this locker room the past will be forgotten, and there will be nothing left between us. So I just want to tell you that no matter what, I did and always will love you. And it's just not because I got you pregnant, and we had to deal with that. I always felt something for you, and I probably always will. I know you might have thought that when I said it in the hospital it was only to be polite or whatever, but I did really mean it. I do love you Quinn."

She cannot say anything.

She just stands there, and watches, eyes wide, as he walks closer and closer towards her. "What are you doing?" she asks concernedly.

"What I should have done last year. What I should have done when you gave birth to Beth. What I've wanted to do all summer, and all of today ever since I saw you looking perfect in this white dress this morning."

And then he places his arms around her, and draws her mouth to his. It is perfect, and she wants to stay in his arms forever. She wants to be with him forever, in this locker room. She never wants to face the world again.

How the hell can she ever forget this memory?

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