9# End

The end of the war was one the happiest days of my life, 1: because it ended all the bloodshed and the killing, 2: was the day we could finally be relieved of our duties as priests. It was the day I would no longer be literally tied to the Church though I was still figuratively bound to its laws, and summons. But the ability to finally roam the cities made me giddy, even if it only lasted a moment, until I remembered how people shun us as if we were the same vampires who slaughtered them mercilessly

It was always like that, people feared what they could not control, because their belief was always weak, sometimes I wondered why we fought so hard to protect them, if they didn't even like us unless we were saving their lives, and risking ours in the process. But Ivan's decision not to return had shocked me greatly, he had Shannon there waiting for him with a child, a daughter last I heard, why would he not want to return?

I then asked him, but he told me only this "Our worlds are too different Illessa, I am no longer the same man that she knew, and I will not ruin the life that she's created with my brother", and ended the conversation there, and I knew not to bring it up again, thought it never left the corner of my mind. I wanted him there with her, so I could try to end my feelings for him, because if he's finally with her, then I can face the reality that my hearts been making me avoid.

The end meant a lot of things, just sadly not my love for Ivan, it didn't mean the end of being tied down, because in a way we have become puppets on a string, only moving when necessary. I offered Ivan to travel with me until we could make adjust to our new roles in society, he agreed, and the life we lived was almost close to normality, except for the fact that we were always tense, and aware. And the fact that my lips couldn't stop but to blurt out to Ivan how I loved him so. He rejected me kindly, saying only Shannon held his heart, and he never got it back, and apologized to me. 3 weeks later the awkward tension between us must have bothered him, because he took off, telling me he needed to be alone for a while.

My heart cracked when he told me he was leaving, but I just let a reassuring smile grace my lips, before telling him to take care, and looking away. It was the end of our friendly relationship, the distance making us seem like strangers once again. It took me 2 years to find myself, with God helping me along the way.

The only thing that ended, which I did regret was my close friendship with Ivan, and how my heart pains at the thought of him.