A/N: No I don't own glee.

So I was just in the garden and I was thinking about the first line of this, and the rest just spun out. It doesn't really have direction, and it's a bit rambly.

Mentions of bullying, Blaine's overview of the months leading up to the kiss with Kurt

Contrary to popular belief (aka, David and his hounds of hell, aka Wes and Thad), Blaine was not 'crushing on the endearing spy'.

Ok, so maybe he was sort of interested in a strictly 'from one new kid to the next' way, and then in the 'from the bullied to the being bullied' way, but that was it.

Because, honest to God, Blaine had no idea how to even flirt with a guy, let alone attempt to get himself a boyfriend. He was good at making friends. He knew exactly what to say to make David snap out of an emotional and work-related break down before exams, and he knew precisely when Wes was being a dick to his girlfriend and how to let him know in a kind and caring manner.

But Blaine seriously had no idea how to flirt.

Before he joined Dalton, Blaine was friends with another guy from his old school who was tip toeing out of the closet, testing the waters so to speak. They had fumbled through that Sadie Hawkins dance, not actually dancing and spending a lot of time sat down trying to keep away from some of the more threatening stares. Obviously it didn't do any good, and it didn't seem to matter to the jocks that tracked them down that they weren't even interested in each other. It was just a comfort to Blaine, to be able to reach out to someone who vaguely understood the confusion and the turmoil and the complete indescribable fear of the future that nobody else seemed to feel. His friends sometimes worried about tests, or their parents not letting them go out, but ultimately they didn't have to worry about getting beaten up or not ever finding someone who they could be with. Blaine used to get so frustrated at how the others in his class could casually talk about 'when I get married...' or 'when I have kids...' an even 'when I get my first real boyfriend, no Jessica, Tom in 2nd Grade doesn't count!'

Because finding someone to share their life with, someone to be completely themselves with and not have to pretend anymore... it was like it was some definite thing in their lives that they were one hundred percent sure of. And Blaine really wasn't one hundred percent sure of anything.

So when the nameless, faceless jock was kicking him, he reached out a hand to his friend lying on the ground next to him. The jock's friend stamped on his outstretched fingers, but he didn't scream. Blaine just bit into the side of his cheek until he could feel the warm flow of blood in his mouth, and then he spat onto the jock's shoes. It was in that moment that Blaine knew he would always have to fight for his right to a future and love and acceptance. He shouldn't have to, he thought angrily as he spat on those white shoes, but he would.

When he had his interview at Dalton, the Headmaster looked repulsed by his story, and assured the Andersons that Blaine would never encounter any of that sort of behaviour in his school. Whilst Blaine was in reception filling out forms, the man buzzed through to the receptionist to get him the district superintendent's number. Blaine waited until he was safely back in his room to cry that night.

But anyway, this is all sort of going off at a tangent. The point of this tale is; Blaine has never had a boyfriend.

He has, however, had his first kiss.

In middle school, Bethany Jones had a birthday party, and all her snotty friends had forced the boys to join their circle and spin the coke bottle. When Blaine spun and landed on Jeremy Took, everyone laughed, and Jeremy said it automatically went to the nearest girl. And Bethany Jones was Blaine's first kiss. She smelt sort of nice and flowery, but it just reminded him of his mum. Her lips were soft, but Blaine just thought how movies had built him up for this really disappointing moment.

Right before his 16th birthday, Wes invited all his boarding friends and the day Warblers to his house. His girlfriend of the time brought some of her friends and a bottle of disgusting red wine which Blaine had sipped at, shuddering each time his taste buds got hit by the liquid. When the bottle was empty, an obnoxious girl acting like she was actually drunk off a few mouthfuls announced that it was time for spin the bottle.

And when Blaine's spin landed on Thad, Thad didn't tell him to kiss the nearest girl. So Thaddeus Smitt was Blaine's first real kiss. And it was really, really nice, and Thad was really cool about it. And Blaine may have hung around Thad a little more and laughed a bit louder at his jokes than Wes's, but then his crush evaporated after the new series of How I Met Your Mother came out.

On both occasions however, Blaine didn't actually have to do anything. There were no compliments, no 'wooing'; just a bunch of people cheering them on and giggling, and then it was over and Blaine never had to contemplate things he should or shouldn't have said.

So right now, after a month of David mocking him about Kurt, Blaine was pretty annoyed.

Blaine was allowed to be excited about Kurt transferring. He had been here for a few weeks, and it had been amazing. Sure, David was Blaine's roommate and they would always have that sibling-like bond, but David had Wes as his 'best friend'. And although Blaine could find someone to talk to about, you know, his feelings or whatever, he didn't really have anyone he could go to all the time to just hang out alone. For some reason, Dalton bred packs or those untouchable bromances. Blaine worked perfectly in a group, but sometimes he just wanted his own best friend to have proper inside jokes that didn't include a zillion other people.

And if his time knowing Kurt so far was anything to go by, this was definitely going to be an epic bromance.

It started off casual, jokes about their teachers built on inside jokes they had created in the past month. Then it became a 'thing' that every Thursday Blaine would attempt to explain whatever game was on, and then afterwards they would both pour over Vogue. Kurt showed Blaine the best online outlets (which explained how Kurt had three McQueen scarves) under pain of death of showing anyone else.

They exchanged their experiences at their old schools late one night on Kurt's third week when Blaine's roommate was out at a tennis match. Kurt was the first person Blaine had told since coming to Dalton two years ago. It brought up some flashbacks, and Blaine tried to hide his shaking hands. Of course Kurt noticed, but he just held them; a comforting gesture that had meant so much to Blaine.

Kurt helped Blaine with his terrible French, and Blaine tutored Kurt in basic Latin.

Then Blaine met Jeremiah over the Christmas holidays. He'd slipped his number to Blaine on his receipt at the Gap, and Blaine did stare at the numbers for a really, really long time before flashing the guy a smile.

And then Blaine went home and floundered. He casually asked his sister about her first date, and after finding out way too much, he met Jeremiah over coffee.

It was weird being at the Lima Bean without Kurt for once, but it was even stranger being there with a guy who was older and wanted to talk about real things. Not that he and Kurt didn't talk about real things like politics and stuff, but it was just nice to talk to someone else. Well, it was more like Jeremiah talked at Blaine, because even if Blaine could string together an intelligent sentence he wouldn't have been able to get it in. Jeremiah did talk a lot.

Blaine tried some tricks that he picked up from films. He held the door open for Jeremiah, he bought them both coffee, he listened intently. It was definitely a date, but they didn't really do anything that he and Kurt did. But that was okay, right? That just meant they were getting to know each other first.

And after that one coffee date, Blaine returned back home and his sister quizzed him and then said "Oh look, little Blainey is in luuurve!"

And that was it. Blaine thought about it, and maybe this was love? He didn't particularly want to scream it from the rooftops or anything, but he did want to ask the other boy to be his boyfriend. It didn't really matter that they didn't really speak much during January, come February 14th, Blaine had made up his mind.

So when his whole plan went to complete crap, Kurt helped him through like best friends do. Blaine had never been so embarrassed, but so utterly grateful towards someone. But then, oh.

Kurt didn't see this as a bromance. He saw it as a romance. And the trouble with Blaine was, he never knew the line. He saw David and Wes joking and pushing each other around and helping each other with girl problems with Xbox and Blaine just thought he was having the same sort of friendship with Kurt. Okay, so maybe they talked about bigger things than teachers being dicks, and Blaine's touches were a bit more lingering, and Kurt's glances were more frequent... but Blaine just wanted a best friend.

Thad advised Blaine to maybe back off slightly to preserve the friendship, whilst David smacked the back of his head and called him an idiot. Wes told him that the only reason he had gone along with humouring Blaine's Gap Attack was, first, because he had thought it was Kurt Blaine would be singing to, and second, that once they were in the store Blaine would chicken out or Kurt would get so jealous that he would punch the shop worker in the face.

Then they went to a party together.

And Blaine had a crisis because he was sure he was gay, and he'd told people he was gay, and he tried to keep up a front that he was okay with being gay for two whole years at Dalton. And then Rachel Berry and too much vodka and orange made it come crashing down around him. After a night of wrestling with it, praying he had maybe built it up in his head, he had resolved to talk to Kurt about it. But then Rachel had called, and Kurt yelled at him and he yelled back.

Sat through the date, Blaine just missed Kurt. He thought of the retorts Kurt would make throughout the film. He thought about how Kurt would never dress up as characters to a revival film. He tried to push Kurt from his mind, and threw himself into the whole 'straight date' idea.

But Blaine has never been a good actor. It became more and more apparent as the night went on that he still had no idea how to flirt. The incident with Jeremiah showed that he thought a cup of coffee and an initial attraction led to a literal song and dance. He was so horrifically bad at flirting that he had gotten the boy fired. How does a normal person do that?

So he left the date disappointed, and just wanting to ring Kurt to apologise. He did ring, but Kurt didn't answer, and he couldn't say sorry in a voice mail.

Then Rachel attack-kissed him in the coffee shop, and the relief of being certain of at least one thing in his life hit him like a freight train. But his escape to the bathroom led to him staring in the mirror, taking breaths, and trying not to have the same panic attack that he did when he was thirteen after seeing a friend shirtless. He bit his lip and tried to stop the flashbacks of the Sadie Hawkins beating, the notes in his locker, and the spit balls in his hair. He leaned his face against the cold mirror and tried to tell himself that he was older now, this was his life. He had been fine for two years, he was safe at Dalton, he could do this. His parents were okay with it, he hadn't told them about Rachel anyway so they wouldn't be freshly disappointed, he would be okay.

He returned to the coffee shop and found Kurt with the latest Vogue, mumbling something about a baseball game that was on that night.

In the weeks that followed, the two of them fell back into the easy friendship they had built. Blaine ignored the wolf whistles David gave him whenever he mentioned he was hanging out with Kurt, and he continued being his overly-touchy feely self around his best friend.

But then Pavarotti died, and Blaine was scared. He was truly, about-to-shit-his-pants scared.

Because there is a really huge difference to saying you are gay, and acting on it. Blaine knew his parents would never really believe he was 'truly' gay until he brought home that first boyfriend, but they would attempt to support him in their awkward way.

And it's an even bigger step from ogling Neil Patrick Harris through the television screen, to lusting after your best friend sat next to you.

And that is what scared Blaine the most, the fact that this feeling was real, and he couldn't attempt any more 'straight' relationships with Rachel because know he knew what it was like. He knew how it felt to watch someone walk around the room and how painful it was to just sit there and not be able to go up to them and comfort them. It was a wave of calm accompanied by a flood of nerves and butterflies in his stomach that were actually ants crawling into every part of him, making his fingertips tingle. And not only that, but he felt this for Kurt.

Kurt, who was strong and confident, never backed down, and always called Blaine out on when he was being a dick. Kurt, with his smooth voice that shattered boundaries. Kurt, with his legs that were so long that Blaine sometimes had to jog alongside to keep up. Kurt with just everything he was, everything that Blaine wasn't. Kurt, with everything Blaine wanted and needed.

Kurt, who Blaine trusted completely.

Kurt, who trusted Blaine.

And that's when it hit him, yes, it was Kurt. Kurt, his best friend. He hadn't put his best friend on a pedestal, and Kurt certainly didn't view him as 'gay yoda' anymore. They knew each other, and suddenly Blaine realised why people said that the best relationships are when you are in love with your best friend. He could see this working. There was no question of 'screwing up' because it. was. Kurt.

Blaine took a breath before walking into Dalton's junior common room where Kurt was bent over sequins and gems.

He breathed deeply, just like his first singing teacher taught to calm stage nerves. But this wasn't stage nerves, this was real and this was happening, and god damn it, he was going to do something about it. If Kurt asked, Blaine would tell him everything.

Blaine didn't need to know how to flirt, he didn't need lessons on seduction, and he certainly didn't need to get Wes to explain how to pick up dates. Unknowingly, Blaine had somehow tripped and stumbled into this new feeling, something that might even grow into love. He didn't need to play games or put up a front; he just needed his best friend to be something a little more.

He took another breath and told himself, It's just Kurt. But Kurt is so worth it.

And then he walked through the door.

I have this MASSIVE angst-filled New York fic in the works at the moment, I'm just trying to decide how to spilt it up. This was a nice break.

Review for me to squee? 3