DISCLAIMER: Yu-Gi-Oh is the property of Kazuki Takahashi and its owners. No copyright infringement intended. The concepts and original ideas of Yugioh Abridged belongs to LittleKuriboh. Please support both the original and Abridged series!

*IMPORTANT!* A/N: It is inevitable in some sections (Particularly Zorc & Pals, as well as Marik's Evil Council of Doom) to use a script format, as a classic novel style simply doesn't fit in. Please understand. Or not… -_-

Story Summary: Attention, duelists! My Hair is telling me that you should read this Abridged fic which takes place during the final episodes of the original series!

Note: I wrote this first chapter whilst simultaneously watching scenes from Yugioh Episode 220, on which this is based on. The next chapters will be on the following episodes, right up to the final episode of the original series.

The Destined (Duel) Children's Card Game

(Opening Crawl)

Yami (to the melody of Family Guy intro): It seems today that all you see is Brooklyn Rage in movies, and card games on TV! …Seriously, though, what's up with that?

(Somewhere, out in the middle of nowhere of a canyon in Egypt)

"Pharaoh, if you and your friends would like us to, Marik and I can now lead you to the final resting place of the seven Millennium Items," Ishizu said to Yami as they all stood next two cars which were conveniently positioned close by.

"Yes, Ishizu, just forget that I even exist, even as I am standing right behind you," Odion mumbled.

"Shut up, Odion."

"Yes, Master Marik."

"For the last freaking time, Odion! Stop putting that *EFF!*ing title before my name!" Marik yelled.

"Yes, Master Marik."

"…You really don't have a clue as to what I'm getting at, do you?"

"Yes, Master Marik."

"You mean that I must part with my Millennium Puzzle? Preposterous!" Yami blurted, his eyes widening in shock as he stared at Ishizu.

"There is nothing left for it, Pharaoh. Our time is almost at an end, due to the inexplicable impatience of the writing staff," Ishizu explained.

"Hnrrrghhh…" Yami grunted with a pout.

(Opening Title Sequence)

Kawaita~ sekebi ga~

Todoke~ fly at higher ga~~~~me

(Later, at the harbor)

"Nyeh? What's with the boat? Why can't we take a plane to that damn shrine, instead?" Joey asked as the cars came to a stop.

"Because shut up," Ishizu said. "The sanctuary can only be reached by boat."

"Joey, have I ever told you that you have such weird-ass eyes?" Tristan smiled stupidly as he looked at his friend.

"…The hell does that have to do with this crappy transportation limitation?" Joey raised an eyebrow.

"Look!" Tristan thrust his chest outwards – rather unnecessarily – whilst clearing his throat.

"Nyeh?" Joey spun around to see Tea looking at the ship, her bottom lip shaking.

'I can't believe that this is really goodbye!' Tea thought. 'I couldn't even tell the Pharaoh that I'm carrying his child! …or Yugi's child, I don't know…but I'm rooting for the Pharaoh in this case.'

"Nyehehehehe, I love boats! Although, to tell the truth, I think that boats are a waste of time. But still, anything's worth faking if it means preventing Tea from crying! Cos you know what that means, don't ya, Tristan?" Joey laughed.

"Magical tears?"

"…friendship speeches, you idiot…" Joey kept up his fake grin while growling at him.

"Ages ago, it was believed that teapot-shaped boats were the only vessels with the ability to take spirits into the world beyond," Ishizu said after approaching the ship.

"The world beyond?" Tea's voice trembled.

"Several millennia ago, before the first duel monster tablets were built, the Ancient Egyptians apparently liked to spend their time watching boats carrying dead people racing towards the west. Nobody knows why, but it was either that or building pyramids," Ishizu explained.

"Yugi, you homewrecking rascal of a grandson! Look over here!" a very, very old voice called out to them suddenly. They all looked to see Duke Devlin and Mokuba standing patiently and still, while a still-alive Grandpa was unnecessarily waving his arm about like a child.

"Grandpa! Duke!" Yugi smiled as he and his friend ran over to greet them.

"Hey! Watch where you're going, you dumb Rattata!" Joey complained at Mokuba who ran through them.

"Aipom! Ai!" Mokuba yelled as he jumped up and started to swing around Kaiba's neck.

"Kthxgetoffmenow," Kaiba mumbled.

"I came here for a tan, to further complement my sweet ass," Duke said, SexyBack playing in the background.

"By the way, what are you doing here, grandpa?" Yugi asked.

"I came out here to Egypt, as I've heard that there has been a rise in the number of deaths caused by heat stroke! Hopefully, today will be the day!" Grandpa cheerfully explained.

"Your grandpa's been talking in his sleep, Yugi. I couldn't take any more of it, so I just brought him along," Duke grinned.

"The hell were you doing with my grandpa, Duke?" Yugi asked.

"Nobody, and I mean nobody, can resist Duke Devlin, baby. Your grandpa came to me," Duke grinned. "Though I have no idea what Mokuba's doing here."

"Bulbasaur! Bulb!"Mokuba whined at his brother. "You took off without telling anyone, big brother! For the first time in my life, I thought you were kidnapped instead!"

"That's never gonna happen, Mokuba. Because I am Seto Kaiba, and your eternal smallness will always render you as an attractive kidnapping target," Kaiba turned his head and sighed.

"While you were gone, I've been thinking, big brother. The next time you go missing, I might take over KaibaCorp myself and make you work for me!" Mokuba laughed.

'To be…or not to be…that is the question…' Kaiba thought in his head.

"By the way, Duke, how did you even know we were making this trip in the first place?" Yugi asked. "Because none of us told you anything about us going to Egypt. Have you been stalking us? Hacking into our message banks? Answer me, goddammit!"

"Oh…let's just say that I have friends in high places, Yugi. Very high places," Duke said, looking up at the sky.

"He's been in contact with God! He must be a witch!" Tristan cried out.

"Tristan, we've been through this already! I'm not a witch!" Duke complained.

"Umm…Tristan, witches have nothing to do with God. Maybe the Church of Scientology, for all I know, but definitely not with God," Tea remarked.

"I don't care! Burn the witch!"

"Hey Joey, where's your sister, Serenity? As much as we all utterly despise her annoying voice, it'd totally make no sense if she wasn't here. I mean, that would mean that she's all alone in some random place in the city with no card games around! That'd be like a death sentence to anybody!" Yugi noted.

"Holy **** on a **** sandwich! You're right, Yugi!" Tristan exclaimed. "Where is she, Joey? Where is that sexy sister of yours who is three years younger than me?"

Joey looked blankly at them both. "…what sister?"

(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, in a syringe-shaped building)

"You've finally done it, Yugi-boy," Pegasus said as he stood in his office, looking aimlessly out the window. "Everything I've spent my life creating – which involves little to nothing other than the creation of a children's card game – has been leading up to this! Through my deeds, the stage has been set for the Pharaoh's final journey home!"

Suddenly, Ghost Nappa popped up from nowhere. "What the f*** does card games have to do with transportation?"

"Shut up, Nappa."

(Later, during sunset as the unnecessary ship makes its way to its destination)

"Come to think of it, guys, I'm really thankful to all of you guys for always being there for me. I couldn't have done it without you. Except for Bakura, of course. That guy was nothing but trouble in almost every season," Yugi said reflectively as he looked out towards the horizon.

"Don't mention it, Yug," Joey said. "But still, I can't believe that our series is actually coming to an end. Think of all the card games we'll be abandoning to lame rap artists pretending to be duelists!"

"It's the sole responsibility of the ineffectual minor character man to look out for his comrades in arms!" Tristan pumped his fist into the air, completely ignored by Yugi and Joey.

"Umm, Joey, you may not be aware of it, but LittleKuriboh hasn't even released Episode 53 of the Abridged Series yet. It'll be up in about two weeks," Yugi informed him. "And besides, this isn't an episode made by LittleKuriboh, but yet another crappy story on fanfiction dot net, written by an author who has clearly never written a Yugioh Abridged story before, and most definitely doesn't have a slightest concept of what he's dealing with. So I clearly don't trust him to deliver a satisfactory story to the readership. Not to mention that he'll probably just re-use many old jokes that LittleKuriboh came up with. In fact, I think he's done plenty of that already."

"God-dammit, Nappa!" Tristan dumbly smiled.

"Shut up, Tristan, or I'll chuck you off the ship," Yugi warned him.

"Enough, already. Cut the crap," Kaiba said with a puff.

"Nyeh? What are you still doing here, anyway?" Joey turned his head.

"We have our reasons! Good reasons! Our reasons couldn't possibly be so clear!" Mokuba cried. "Umm, bro? What was our reason for being here?"

'Shut up, Mokuba. For the love of God, just shut the hell up,' Kaiba thought silently.

"Yeah, why did you come, Kaiba?" Yugi asked.

"He has joined us to witness the pharaoh's final rite of passage into the world beyond," Ishizu said as she walked painstaking slowly barely five steps across from where she was original standing, due to the sheer laziness and neglect of the Yu-Gi-Oh animation staff.

'Fat chance. Like I believe that drug-induced bulls**t. I'm just tagging along so that I can duel Yugi later on. I'm going to beat him in a children's card game to give a permanent boost to my ego, no matter what,' Kaiba thought again.

"I must mention that there is something else you all must know about, and it doesn't concern my change of clothes," Marik said, stepping forward. "A secondary inscription above the Millennium Stone mentions a battle ritual."

"No ****ing way! We just came from stopping Zorc & Pals from destroying the world, and now you want us to battle again?" Yugi asked him.

"In order for the pharaoh to attain his final rest, he must face off in a battle against a worthy opponent and lose," Marik declared.

"Battle? What battle?" Joey questioned.

"Well, in Ancient Egypt, this would normally involve him engaging in a demented sword duel to the death, but lucky for us, we only have to play an innocent children's card game!" Marik said.

"…oh, great…more card games," Yugi sighed.

Yami suddenly randomly appeared next to Yugi in spirit form as he spoke., "This is incredible, Yugi! Do you know what this means?"

"What is it, Pharaoh?"

"It means that there is, for once, an actual point to the card games in this series! All the duels that had taken place up to this point in time could've been resolved by other, much simpler means, such as simple and pure violence," Yami said. "But having said that, this time, there's an actual point to playing a children's card game! Fancy that!"

"You know, pharaoh, we could just play a best two-out-of-three game of rock-paper-scissors in order to save the animators and script writers an awful lot of their time. But then again, the developers of this show never had that much originality anyway," Yugi dully noted.

"Oh, yeah… I forgot... Why can't we do that instead? But man, I hate losing, no matter what games we're playing," Yami whined.

"Umm, excuse me, Marik, but I honestly can't think of what could be possibly so difficult in losing a game of duel monsters. I think I speak for all of us when I merely mention the two words, 'Mai Valentine'," Yugi spoke to Marik.

"Oh, yeah – I wonder what's going on with her?" Joey wondered.

Somewhere, along a highway

"…my breasts are too hot for Egypt…"

"Foolish fool! Playing the card game to the bitter end is integral to the plot – the ultimate plot! And it is the most evil of them all! They're going to get rid of us, in favor of some spinoff series which involves a foolish fool who foolishly sees the foolish need to use so many damned fusion monsters which all have the word 'Elemental' in their names! I mean, who the hell creates a deck that revolves around fusion monsters, let alone manages to summon them all, given the extremely low chance of drawing the required cards at the right time?" Marik complained.

"Boy, that was the first time I've ever seen or heard someone repeat the same word over and over again, since I had a go at playing some games in the Phoenix Wright series!" Joey said. "But man, did I like that cyan-haired German girl who saw the need to whip people every five seconds. Still, her whip's got nothing on Mai Breastintine's cleavage!"

"That reminds me, Joey. Since Flame Swordsman is actually a fusion monster, how did you manage to summon it at all in all the duels you used it in?" Tea asked.

"It's called cheating, Tea! Man, you'd think that by now, people would come to accept it as the norm of this show. I mean, what are the chances of drawing the card you need at the right time by calling upon some stupid abstract idea such as the Heart of the Cards? There's quite possibly no idea in the world as stupid as that!" Joey answered.

Tristan spoke up. "…Card games on motorcycles?"

(Later, at night)

"Y'know, Yug," Joey said as he and Yugi stood dangerously close to falling over and off the railing of the ship, "I've come a really long way since the Duelist Kingdom tournament. And if you ask me, I could probably kick the pharaoh's butt now!"

"No ****ing way!" Yugi cried out.

"O…k, so I may have overestimated my chances a bit," Joey conceded.

"A 'bit'? You do realize that with a deck based on dumb luck, you'll never win against a deck like the pharaoh's, right, Joey?" Yugi mocked.

"Don't do it, Joey! The possibility of you successfully beating either Yugi or the pharaoh at a card game is approximately 3720 to one!" Tristan begged.

"Never tell me the odds!" Joey pouted. "Why can't I be the one to beat the pharaoh?"

"Because you're a joke, Wheeler," Kaiba scoffed as he made his appearance.

"Nyeh?"

"Don't you losers realize that I've been waiting for this moment for years?" Kaiba continued.

"Boy, does he need a change of hobby," Tristan remarked.

"I challenge you to the ultimate duel, Yugi, by unnecessarily pointing my finger at you in overdramatic fashion!" Kaiba shouted.

"Geez, Kaiba, I'm standing right in front of you – why do you even have to yell?" Yugi looked at him with puppy eyes.

"Hey, back off! I was in line first! Nyeeeh!" Joey raged at Kaiba before he was effortlessly shoved away. He tried to get back at Kaiba, only to be met by his hand in his face.

"I'm sure you're well acquainted with this gesture, Wheeler: talk to the hand, bitch!" Kaiba said.

"Now that you mention it, Kaiba, you do have an intense rivalry with the pharaoh. But on the other hand, since I feel like being an utter asshole, I'm going to duel the pharaoh myself," Yugi spoke.

"This is preposterous! The only one who has a right to be an asshole in this show is me!" Kaiba yelled as he lifted Yugi clean off the floor and into the air by his collar.

"You can't doubt it yourself, Kaiba! This is something I need to do, in order to prove to the world that I'm not a hopeless wuss without him!...for some reason, that is," Yugi stated. "And deep down, you know it as well!"

"If there's one duelist in the world who deserves to win against him, it's me. And if there's one monster which deserves to crush his god cards, then it's my Steelix! …I mean my Blue-Eyes."

"No. I'm going to duel against him, and that's that," Yugi looked up at him.

"What? This is a joke! I demand a duel this instant!" Kaiba raged, clenching his teeth.

"It's the rules, Kaiba! Face it, you've lost so many times against the pharaoh – what makes you think you have a chance? The rules state that only a duelist who is capable of beating him has to face off against the pharaoh!"

"Screw the rules, I have money!" Kaiba roared, before muttering in concession, dropping Yugi who promptly began to rub his neck as if he was being suffocated, despite the fact that Kaiba was holding him up by his collar which had no effect on his respiratory system. "Fine. Have it your way. But if you're going to be dueling against him, then you'll be needing this."

"Coming, bro!" Mokuba smiled as he carried forth a briefcase.

"Shut up, Mokuba. Just open the briefcase of doom, already."

"Yes, big brother," Mokuba smile faded instantly as he opened the apocalyptic artefact.

"Wow! That is a great collection of cards!" Yugi complimented him. "Too bad it's probably filled with dragon cards, so I'll most definitely not be needing it."

"What the ***k?" Kaiba exclaimed.

"I'll be sticking to my usual deck, instead. The pharaoh and I built it together in my bedroom, so it's only appropriate that I use it," Yugi said.

'Lucky bastard…if only I had the chance to be alone with the pharaoh in a bedroom,' Tea thought.

"Idiot. Have it your way, then, with your stupid uncooked marshmallows and toy magnets that are weak to the bone. Come on, Mokuba, we're going to flag some more YouTube videos," Kaiba complained as he began to walk off.

"Big bro! Wait for me!" Mokuba cried as he followed after him.

"Shut up, Mokuba."

(Later, in Yugi's room)

"Come in!" Yugi brightly said as he heard three knocks against his door.

"Hey, Yugi. Have a sex? I mean…have a sec?" Tea asked.

'Oh, boy, this is my chance!' Yugi silently chuckled to himself. "Sure, Tea, come in!"

"Teehee! I'm finally alone with my Yugimuffin!" Tea smiled as she came in and closed the door – not with her hand, but by pressing her back against it. Hmm….

"So, what did you want to say to me, Tea?"

"Oh…it's not really something I wanted to say. It's leaning more towards doing. What are you doing all alone…in a bedroom?" Tea grinned as her eyes wandered to the table. "Oh, for the love of crap!"

"I've gotta be ready for the duel tomorrow, Tea. There's nothing for it."

"Yugi, it's been 220 episodes, and I still haven't made love with you!" she complained.

"I'm sorry, Tea, but card games are of the utmost importance! The world couldn't possibly go on without them. But still, it makes me sad that the pharaoh will soon be gone forever," Yugi looked down.

"But…but I'm pregnant, and he's the father!" Tea blurted out as her eyes started twinkling. "How will I ever raise our children without him?"

"I guess you'll just have to move on, Tea," Yugi shook his head. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Why don't you hook up with me, instead? I'll totally look out for and care for you and everything. It'll be Super Special Awesome!"

"Yugi, I'm not going to let my children grow up munching on bamboo sticks for their entire life. And umm…could you do me a tiny bit of a favor?"

"Sure, what is it, Tea?"

"Could you, umm…possibly lose your duel with the pharaoh?" Tea asked politely. "You can always play him again maybe next week and win then, I'm sure. I just want more time with him, that's all."

"As much as I'd like to oblige you, Tea, all of the duelists on this show are egomaniacs who hate even the slightest mention of defeat," Yugi rebuffed. "So the answer is unfortunately no." Tea suddenly went silent and looked down at the floor as if she was depressed. "Umm…Tea?"

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing, Yugi!" Tea insisted with a smile as she waved her hands in front of her. "You may have crushed my dreams of a happy life with the pharaoh and raising several beautiful children with him, but it's really no biggie! Bye now!"

"Umm…ok? Bye, I guess…" Yugi murmured as Tea went out, shutting the door behind her. He then looked down and held his Millennium Puzzle. "Ahem?"

"It's Atem, Yugi. Geez, you guys are terrible at remembering names. You all have a perfectly legitimate – and not to mention overly visible – excuse to confuse Mai Valentine's name, but not mine!" Yami's voice berated him from within the Puzzle.

"I…think she maybe wanted to talk to you. In person."

"…You really think all she wanted was to talk with me? What about do?" Yami mocked him.

(Outside, in the freezing cold)

"Joey, what the hell are you doing out here by yourself?" Duke asked, getting Joey's attention as he was looking with a solitary gaze out to the open sea.

"Joey, whatever you do, don't jump!" Tristan implored him. "When I went ice fishing with my father in Lake Wissota, I fell through some thin ice; and I'm telling you – water that cold hits you like a thousand knives stabbing all over your body! You can't breathe, you can't think, at least not-"

"We get the picture, Tristan. Just shut up already!" Duke winced at him.

"But Duke!" Tristan whined. "What'll happen if Joey dies? Who's gonna walk his fine-ass sister down the aisle when the day of our marriage comes?"

"…Oh, dream on," Duke rolled his eyes.

"To tell you the truth, guys, I've learned a lot of things about life after meeting Yugi. Well, after me and Tristan stopped beating the living crap outta him and taking his Millennium Puzzle, that is…on a regular basis, anyway. And it's all down to playing a harmonious children's card game where we get the living crap beaten, exploded and stabbed out of us by holographic monsters! Who would've thought?" Joey reflected as Tristan and Duke joined him in leaning against the railing – a most awkward scene indeed.

"Wow, Joey, you're a lot smarterer than I gave you credit for!" Tristan smiled.

"Umm…Tristan, 'smarterer' isn't actually a word…" Duke gave him a weird look.

"You're just jealous because I'm going to be the one to marry his hot sister!" Tristan teased.

"Yeah, well at least I'm the only one with a chance of scoring with her," Duke answered, receiving no reply from Tristan in response.

(Meanwhile, in Kaiba's room)

'I couldn't be more frustrated than I am, right now,' Kaiba thought to himself as he looked out the window. 'I can't duel against Yugi, my little brother is still following me around, and I don't even have a laptop with me to flag and dislike youtube videos. Plus, this paltry ship is nowhere large enough in order to contain my ego. This is the worst cruise I've ever been on."

(In other parts of the ship)

Bakura, yet again making a random appearance out of nowhere on the ship, despite the fact that he wasn't present at any other point in the episode, was happily om-nom-nomming away like a pig on a pork skewer and noodles.

Meanwhile, Grandpa was staring nervously at the ceiling of his room in the dark, eagerly awaiting his peaceful death. Of course, to his dismay, it never came.

In another cabin, Ishizu was tossing and turning in bed, clearly wearing nothing but lingerie underneath. Now we can all take a moment and wonder – how the hell did such a scene make it past the censors of 4Kids, the most evil and ruthless organization in the history of mankind?

Odion was also similarly alone in his room, thinking of nothing but his precious gummy bears collection back home. Marik still hadn't destroyed them, but deep down, Odion knew that day could come as swiftly as 4Kids Entertainment's sudden bankruptcy.

And finally, Marik was lying in bed, his hands pressed against the back of his head as he came to a brilliant conclusion: his Evil Council of Doom will need to be renamed, in order to reflect the change in his heart. Of course, Bakura would heartily disagree in disgruntled fashion, but then again, was his own power not greater than that of a mere kitty?

(Back in Yugi's cabin)

"Well, that was a greater challenge than I thought. Arranging a relatively weak deck out of a limited number of cards was surprisingly difficult," Yugi sighed as he placed his deck in a golden box which would only lead to great inconvenience when he would have to remove his cards again.

"Is it alright for me to pop out now?" Yami asked, popping out randomly to Yugi's side.

"Where the hell were you?" Yugi asked.

"I took my invisible bicycle out for a ride, so that I could give you some privacy to assemble your deck. I thought it was necessary."

"Why didn't you just take a peep at my entire deck? I mean, you do wanna stay here to the slightest degree, right?"

"Why the hell would I want to peep at your confectionery-infested deck, Yugi?" Yami asked.

"I dunno…cos you wanna win?"

"…You do realize that I could just Mind Crush you in the middle of our duel, right?"

"I see your point, Abem."

"It's Atem! For the love of Ra, it's not like I'm Bitch, from Pokémon!"

"It's Butch!" the cyan-haired Team Rocket agent popped up randomly in the lower-right corner of the YouTube screen.

"Get the hell out of my series, and never look to take up my screen time, ever again! Mind Crush!" Yami thrust his hand outwards, shattering the pixelated image before him.

"Well, I guess it's now time for you to choose your deck now, pharaoh. I'm gonna play in that awfully messy room of mine inside the Millennium Puzzle. I just hope Shadi's not gonna be stalking me while I'm in there. And I promise I won't peek while you're assembling your deck!" Yugi smiled.

"…yes, you will…" Yami pouted.

"Hehehe, I'm such a liar," Yugi chuckled. "Bye!" With a flash of light, Yugi disappeared, and in his place was Yami, who proceeded to look dramatically down at the table below him.

'Oh, come on, Yugi, you left Kuriboh right on the frigging table. Kuriboh, out of all the cards you could've left over for me. A sick mind you've got, that's for sure,' Yami thought. 'But yet, I can't help but get the feeling that every duel I've ever been in so far has been leading me to this destined moment. My duel with Kaiba, with Pegasus, with…no, definitely not Bakura. This is the greatest dilemma I've been in so far: If I lose to Yugi, then I'll return to my own world, where Mana will incessantly jump onto me like a monkey every day like the utter whore she is. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. But if I win, then I won't have to leave my friends behind: Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Tea, and…oh, for the love of Ra…Tea! That's it – I'd rather have a hyperactive girl leaping onto me every day than put up with those god-forsaken friendship speeches!'

(Later, as the sun is rising)

"That's it – the sun has risen, slaves! Get back to building those pyramids!" a slavemaster yelled cruelly to his unfortunate workers as they toiled along the coastline.

"It's the 21st century – why do we even need to build more pyramids?" complained an anonymous worker.

"This makes card games look exciting by comparison!"

"This is sooo not fabulooooous!"

(Later that morning)

"Huh!" Yami gasped as he saw the crowd of friends (plus a strange, white-haired boy he could've sworn he had never seen before in his life) gathered together to greet him.

"Yug! I can't believe it! We've actually touched down in Middle Earth! This is the realm of the Haradrim!" Joey exclaimed.

"Joey, we're still in Egypt," Tea broke it to him.

"That can't be, Tea! I mean, look! There's people wearing headscarves standing around, and they're all carrying spears!" Joey mumbled.

Tea felt ashamed at her friend's utter stupidity. "They're shovels, Joey. They're digging dirt."

"Grandpa, I know you're eager to die, but you can put down your hand. I mean, look at everyone else! You don't see any of them with their hand in the air! God, you've been doing it since close to the start of the episode," Yami sighed.

"…Good luck, hubby…" Tea murmured as she looked sullenly at Yami.

"Now promise me, pharaoh," Joey smiled at him. "Since this is the last duel and will most definitely be the greatest of all time, promise us that you'll actually abide by the rules of Duel Monsters?"

Yami gave a simple reply. "Screw the rules, Joey – I'm the King of Egypt!" The screen then suddenly went all flashy, in trademark Japanese anime style at the end of every episode. "My skin! It's on fire! Someone tell those goddamned animation staff to cut it out!"

Outtake: Zorc & Pals

Opening Title Song: Who's that crazy kook destroying the world? It's Zorc! ("That's me!") It's Zorc & Pals!

Zorc: I can't believe we've been banished by that god of light! Now I will no longer be able to destroy the world! (Audience laughter)

Bakura (crosses his arms in silence): ….. (AL)

Zorc: What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?

Bakura: You got taken out because you couldn't handle a tiny bit of sunlight, even after obliterating Exodia himself. I'm utterly ashamed of you, Zorc. (AL)

Zorc: Oh, don't be like that. At least I've still got my willy! (AL) It can cheer you up in no time! Here! Be careful with it, though! It can bite your head clean off! (AL)

Bakura: Uhh…no thanks. Why don't you go out and play in the yard, instead? I need some time to re-evaluate my life. (AL)

Zorc: I can't! There is no yard anymore! Because I destroyed it! (Rapturous Audience Laughter and whistling)

Bakura (chuckling): Zorc…never change. (Audience cheers)

Outro: The blood of the innocent will flow without end! His name is Zorc and he's destroyin' the world!

(End of Chapter 1)

A/N: Well, since I've never actually written an Abridged story before, it's understandable that it simply doesn't compare to LittleKuriboh's episodes. I wrote this to have a brief break from my Chosen One Pokémon saga, and was originally going to make it a oneshot, but I've decided to expand it to about 3-4 chapters, maybe.

Please leave your reviews, and look out for the next chapter. : )