It only hurts Chapter 13, a big time rush fanfic

CHAPTER 13

James PoV

I'm gay too. He said…he fucking said it like it was the simplest thing in the whole fucking world…like all of us knew that statement and the only person surprised about this was that fucking reporter, like he hadn't treated me like shit the second he found out about me being gay…was that why he acted that way during the morning? Was that why he fucking apologized? Only because he fucking found out he liked it in his ass too! Fuck. FUCK…damn I can't stop fucking saying fuck…that's how pissed I am with his whole fucking act…what is he gaining from this? Was this a fucking joke? Was that why he fucking flirted with me the whole morning? The fucker…FUCKING SHIT! Now I have to look like I'm not about to smack his pretty face with my fucking fist, like this whole interview is something planned…so far Logan only rolled his eyes and Carlos smiled…the fuckers knew about this…Gustavo and Kelly look surprised enough, at least I wasn't the last to know because I would have fucking killed him in front of the media if that was the case…but why did Carlos and Logan know? They had hardly even spoken to Kendall in this whole time! Wasn't he supposed to fucking trust me more than them? Or at lest tell me because I went through the same fucking thing? Now he was there smiling, a complete fucking charm to that fucking whore while she asked him questions keeping her fucking hand on his…and why the fuck was I so pissed at her? She was flirting with a gay dude! What a looser! Then again I kissed a straight dude…that now says he's gay…fuck my head hurts…keep the smile James, like you're supporting your best friend, like there isn't a fucking war inside you…

She asked him for how long had he known this, he said that he had always had that feeling but he hadn't accepted it until recently…before or after you broke my heart bud? Then she asked him about the fans and his family and bla bla bla…I tried to zoom out, but being the other gay in the band the fucking reporter kept asking me my opinion in all of this…well all I did was tell her exactly what I thought.

"Like Logan said" I began moving my eyes to Kendall…he had the nerve to smile at me, like he expected me to jump of joy because I had a new GBFF…think again Kendork "Kendall is the same, I don't care about his preferences, he's my bud" I said the word with enough venom to wipe the smile of Kendall's face "I'll be at his side no matter what"

"I wish I had a friendship like yours" sighed the reporter…stupid bitch… apparently my acting was too good for her "Well as much as I hate to say this, we don't have time left… thank you so much guys!" she shook our hands and the minute she was out of the place I got up not being able to stay there much longer.

"James!" screamed Kendall going after me…I was not in the mood to hear him speak so I turned to glare at him.

"If you fucking follow me, or talk to me in the rest of your fucking life I will hit you until I can't see you fucking face anymore" I hissed, he took a couple of steps back completely stunned, the other guys looked at me wide eyed, they had never seen me snap like that to anybody…if I wasn't this mad I would probably be scared of my own reaction, but at the moment I didn't care, I just wanted to be left alone and away from Kendall. Seeing that nobody made a attempt to stop me I stomped away from that fucking place and out of the hotel, taking fast steps towards a park I saw near by…when I got there I harshly put out my headphones and played the kind of music I only liked to hear when I was like this, rock that my normal self wouldn't handle, but today was all I could let myself hear…my heart was beating so fast that I couldn't stay unmoving…without knowing I began running around the park trying to only focus on the music and leave my emotional hurricane aside.

It's not enough, it's not enough. It never was or will be.
I never had the chance to thank you FOR RIPPING OUT MY HEART!
It's not enough, it's not enough. It never was or will be.
I never got the chance to say FUCK YOU!

Don't wanna be your tourniquet, for minor lacerations!
Don't wanna be your Romeo cause you're no goddamn Juliet!
(You always did know... Just what to say... Insult to injury...)
YOU JUST LOVED TO HATE ME!

I felt angry tears roll down my eyes as I began to stop not having the strength to keep going…I fell on my knees letting out a sob… Why did I have to love him this much? Why did he love to play me like that? Why couldn't I really hate him for all the pain he had put me through? I had resign myself to never have him because he was straight, he could never love me the way I wanted him to, I even thought we could be friends again…but now…now I hated him because not even liking men he could see me as something else…I was pissed at myself for being hurt by this, for giving him so much power over myself. I fisted my hands cutting some grass with my fingers before I started hitting the floor repeatedly letting my head on the grass…I didn't care if everyone saw me, I didn't care if a fan recognized me or if some reporter was around and got interested in me…I just wanted to close myself to the world and stop feeling like this.

"Stupid…stupid" I raised my head only to look at the overly clouded sky…well Kendall had to take care of his stupid fear by himself from now on. I cleaned my face with my hand not bothering to look at the people around me. I moved my feet so I was sitting in a more comfortable position hugging my knees as I let my head fall into my arms…I didn't want to cry anymore, but I couldn't help it…the rage was slowly draining away leaving me there with no idea of how I really felt. Was I angry at Kendall? Yes…did I over react? Maybe…did I want to go back and talk to Kendall? Not sure…would I stand my word and make him puree if he approached me? Honestly…no. I heard some footsteps close to me, I moved my gaze to find Logan walking to me with his hands on his pockets looking troubled…like he knew I was pissed at him simply for knowing.

"C-can I sit here?" he hesitantly asked.

"It's a public place, you can do what you want" I mumbled letting my head fall again, I heard him sit next to me…my patience was going to be tested because Logan Mitchell was not the one for talks like this…not when he knew he was in trouble too at least.

"So…can I talk to my best friend?"

"If you find him you can" I didn't lift my gaze at all…yeah I was like a little kid but I didn't fucking care.

"James…we knew because he told us the day before" and that was like a kick in the gut.

"Thank you for reminding me that he told you and a fucking reporter before telling me" I moved to get up but Logan's quick goal keeper reflexes kicked in and pulled me back down by my arm.

"You stay there until I'm done talking!" I blinked stunned by his angry tone…okay…I will behave for this time…I was too drained to fight him after all "Jeez…you two are going to drive us insane!" he passed a hand through his face "How do you feel?" I wanted to scream, to trash, to kick something…but I knew that I had to calm and think…why the anger? How did I really feel?

"Betrayed" I whispered feeling tears trying to break free "Hurt…heartbroken" I sniffed "Last night we talked…almost like before all of this, why couldn't he tell me? Why did he tell you and not me?" Why can't he love me? He sighed like he could hear my silent question before hugging me from my shoulders.

"He does" he does? He does what? "And you know it"

"Well doctor Logan…you've just confused me even more" I grumbled "Care to explain what the fuck do you mean?"

"Nope" he had the nerve to smile at me "Only Kendall can tell you"

"Don't mention him" I fisted my hands almost automatically.

"I will, and I'll continue until you give him a chance to talk to you…we both know he's an impulsive idiot…"

"I wont forgive him just because that's how he is" Logan was about to argue when his phone started ringing, normally when we were having a talk like this he turned off, but this time he answer it.

"It's Luca" he said as soon as he saw my accusing eyes, I sighed relaxing, yeah I could use a talk with him too "What do you…? And Kendall…so you told him? Oh okay" I frowned…this whole Luca and Kendall business was getting old…they hated each other, they thought they weren't bad…they kept asking for each other…the guys were keeping something from me…OMG HOW DIDN'T I SEE THIS BEFORE? I snatched the phone from Logan wanting to speak to the fucking traitor.

"YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH KENDALL, AREN'T YOU?" I shouted at him.

"W-what? No James…"

"DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME! FUCKING TRAITOR! Was all of that talk about your dick? Did it get you horny? Did you two fuck each other yet?" my voice was about to break out of hurt, the guy that called himself my new best friend and the guy I loved…this was too much.

"James stop…" started Logan trying to reach his phone but I slapped away his hand.

"Answer me you asshole!" I practically barked to the phone wanting to hear it in his own words.

"No James I don't love Kendall nor he loves me" he said in a calm voice.

"Then WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KEEPING FROM ME?" I did NOT feel relived that he was speaking the truth…at all.

"THAT THE GUY YOU SLEPT WITH WHEN YOU WERE DOPED WAS KENDALL!" he yelled so loud that I was sure everybody in the park heard him; I stopped moving and I could swear my heart skipped a couple of beats at this…no…no, it couldn't be truth because that meant…that meant that…

"Your dreams are in fact, memories" said Kendall's voice at my right. Slowly I turned my gaze to him, his eyes were red and tired, his face was masking a wave of agony that only us, the people that really knew him, could see under the motionless surface.

"What did I tell you about showing your face again?" I growled not wanting to deal with all the emotions he triggered every time he got near me…or think that all of those dreams were truth.

"I don't care" he moved and got into his knees in front of me, I stubbornly kept my eyes on the floor knowing that I had no power over his emerald ones "Hit me all you want, kill me if that makes you happy…but I'm not leaving you, not now, not ever" well that was dramatic…and it certainly hit the right nerve because I felt myself shudder at his words "Please James, let's go back to the hotel and talk…please" his voice broke right at the last word…not saying anything I started to get up noticing that Carlos was also there…I took a deep breath before I turned to the blond an gave him a small nod and started walking back to the hotel…I had so many questions bubbling inside my head and I knew that he was the only one that could really answer them.

"Could you give me my phone?" asked Logan making me realize that I still had it and that Luca was still in there, I put the device in my ear hearing his breathing, he hadn't hung up.

"I'm sorry" I said to the phone before giving it to Logan…I almost missed the glimpse inside Kendall's eyes –who was walking beside me-, it was something I had witnessed every time he looked at Jett when he was still with Jo, except a hundred times bigger, a possessiveness that made his blood boil and his rationality to disappear…he hated Luca because he was jealous…they knew that they weren't bad people but couldn't be closer because Kendall got like this every time they saw each other…and I had never figured it out…fuck, what other things did I miss?

We reached the hotel, Carlos and Logan went to talk to Gustavo leaving me alone with Kendall to go up to our room…the trip in the elevator wasn't awkward at all…we reached the door and I opened getting in first leaving him closing the room…at least the maid had already been there cleaning the bed so it wouldn't be there mocking me…I walked giving him my back and stood up awkwardly in the middle of the room waiting for him to say something…anything.

"C-can I sing you something?" I kind of expected everything except that…I frowned before turning to see him, he was lying his back against the door, his emerald eyes looking right to me, pleading…I didn't know what a song would do for us, but I decided to give him a chance, I gave him another nod and he moved to get his guitar.

"I-It's not done yet and I'm not sure if it's good…but it's for you" he said as he sat in the bed, I mirrored him sitting in the opposite bed…he took a shaky deep breath, like his life depended on that song…maybe both of hour lives depended on it…and then he started singing.

Now I know I messed up bad
You were the best I ever had
I let you down in the worst way
It hurts me every single day
I'm dying to let you know

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend

So many things I would take back
You were the best I ever had
I don't blame you for hating me
I didn't mean to make you leave

You and I were living like a love song
I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone
Now I know you're the only one that I want
I want you back, I want you

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
You were the best I ever had

We fell in love for a reason
Now you're leaving
And I just want you back
So many things we believed in
Now you're leaving and words won't bring you back

"I'll never let go of the heart I broke…" he trailed off looking part lost, part embarrassed… and completely gorgeous…God it was so hard to stay mad at him "T-that's what I have so far" he said and I noticed a small blush making its way through his cheeks…Kendall Knight rarely blushed…I was there completely immobile his words sinking in my soul with every breath…I closed my eyes thinking of all of those dreams…those memories…in each one of them he had told me that he loved me…I saw his fear at the beginning –now that I could somehow put them in order-, he didn't want anything to happen because of the state I was in, but he had given in at the end…I shivered…we had had sex, more than once…I had been inside of him, loving him and thinking that everything was right…until morning.

"Where were you that morning?" I asked not opening my eyes…yeah I remembered him being there when I got out but still, why did he leave me in the first place?

"I went to get you coffee and painkillers" he said softly "I came back and you yelled at me to leave you alone…I-I didn't know that you didn't remember anything…I thought that I had screwed up again…it's all I've been doing lately" I looked at him, seeing him this vulnerable outside a thunder storm was not normal…the part of me that wanted to kick him in the balls was slowly fading, being replaced by the part that wanted to run and kiss him, the part that wanted to believe that this was real.

"That's why you were so down" I said mostly to myself, but he nodded anyway putting his guitar on the floor.

"And I get to the van only to hear you say that being close to me is hell" he smiled the saddest most broken smile I had ever seen…maybe I wasn't the only one suffering from this, without knowing I had broken his heart too and even with all of that he kept running for me "Yesterday I talked to Luca…he said that you didn't remember…maybe there was still hope for us" he shrugged looking down "Then the storm happened…and your dream happened" at this it was my turn to look down blushed "You told Carlos and Logan that you didn't love me anymore…but I had hope, I wanted to believe that you still cared about me, I just needed to know…that's why I acted like that when we woke up…telling the reporter" I must've made a face because that sad smile came back "That was a stupid decision I took in two seconds…when I saw your smile I blinded myself with hope…until you called me bud" oh by the way he said it, he hated that word too…that was good "And well, we both know what happened next" he took a deep breath before raising his gaze from the ground to me "Could you say something? P-please" I saw his eyes, broken, pleading…his defeated gaze…and I couldn't hold back, I stood up, took two steps and ducked my head to take his lips. At first he was hesitant but then threw all worry away and kissed me back, letting his hands slide through my shoulders until they were in my neck pulling me close to him, I started to push him until we were both lying on the bed, our kiss not ending...I remembered his lips, his taste and his smell mixing in my senses making everything come back…every word, every moan and gasp that left his mouth were now in my heart, where they should be…I felt his hands push me up finishing our kiss.

"James wait" his eyes kept in mine looking for answers…I knew what he needed to hear and honestly I couldn't wait to tell him.

"I love you" I saw him literally stop breathing before he pulled for an even more breathtaking kiss, this time when we stopped to take in some much needed air his smile was so bright and happy that made my heart give leaps of joy…I was probably doing the same.

"I love you too…so, so much" I gave him an Eskimo kiss not loosing my smile until we heard two shy knocks in the door.

"So, have you told each other that you love each other?" mocked Logan's voice "Because Gustavo says we have a schedule to follow, so he can only give you fifteen minutes…make it quick and we'll see you in the lobby!" we both laughed at this…the bastard knew we wouldn't last too long with our fight.

"So, what do you say? Do we put those minutes to good use?" I asked moving to nibble his neck while I felt his hands lazily caressing my hair until he pushed me so we could look at each other' s eyes.

"Nope" I frowned gaining a small smile from him "When we have sex again I want it to be good, better than last time, I want to love you with everything I have…and I can't do that in fifteen minutes" he bruised his lips to mine "After all, if you don't move your ass back home I'm moving in with you" I chuckled at this "And we'll have all the time in the world"

"I'm home wherever you are, if having you means moving back to 2J I will gladly do it" I kissed him slowly, nibbling his lip tasting his lips before I moved so I was resting my ear on his chest hearing his quick heartbeat and I began humming the melody of the song he had just sung to me "You are the best I have…and for your own good, that better stays like that forever"

THE END.

Soooo This is a rap! It's done! Finito! Se acabó! =D

What did you think of this chapter?

What about the whole story?

I know that I said that I would put on a little preview about the new KAMES story (yep it won! Sorry Jagan lovers) so here it is! it's called "Karma" and here is a little synopsis/preview/thingy xP

I used to be the jock…the rich kid that had it all, but never quite appreciated, that until my father died and let me and my mother know that we were broke…she wasn't born rich, so she sucked up her sorrow and began working in anything she could…her friends not being real friends at all when our social level hit ground…I had to forget about designer wear and sports cars…change all that for second hand clothes and public transportation…not an easy task…I also had to find a job…the only one available was being a servant of the rich…and just then I learned that Karma worked in funny ways.

I used to be the poor kid…always mocked and bullied, specially from the owner's son, the kid of the man that provided my food and shelter…but then life kicked in, and that jerk lost it all, leaving him even lower than I had ever been…now he works for me, he doesn't even know that his boss is the poor kid he used to laugh at…he doesn't imagine the hell his about to go through because we all know that a little funny thing called Karma…it's a complete bitch.

What do you think? Remember this wont be up until I finish the Malec story xD but it will be soon, don't worry xD

Take care! And See ya later!