What in the world is this? I'm glad you asked. This, my friends, is a parody of a video made for Team Fortress 2, called 'Meet the Medic'. Much of the dialogue and things that happen in this story are similar to the video, but I tried to change most of it, even if it was the slightest bit. The medic is sort of...insane, so I had to make Jayfeather insane.
Disclaimer: Warriors belongs to Erin Hunter, Team Fortress 2 belongs to Valve. Please don't sue me, I have no money.

It was a wonderful day in the forest. The sun was shining, it was the middle of greenleaf, the grass was green, and the wildlife of the forest was unnaturally quiet.

"Get off of our territory!" Brambleclaw growled.

"This is our territory now," Rowanclaw told him.

And thus a battle between the ShadowClan patrol and the ThunderClan patrol started.

Both fought their hardest, but one cat fought even harder.

Molepaw.

He fought with a ShadowClan apprentice whose fur was both a creamy color and gray. They both fought, but as Molepaw was younger and had less battle experience, he was losing. Molepaw tried his hardest, but he knew he was doomed when a ShadowClan warrior stood in front of him. Before he knew it, Molepaw was on his side, trying desperately to breathe.

"...Jayfeather," He whispered with a cough.

Ivypaw sat humming in the apprentices den, seemingly oblivious to what was happening. Dovepaw suddenly ran over to her and whispered something.

"...Huh?" Ivypaw asked. "Oh, wait...now? No one ever tells me these things...thanks, Dovepaw." Dovepaw then ran off, and Ivypaw picked up a large cardboard sign that said "Meet the Medicine Cat".

Meanwhile, Jayfeather was in his den, preparing an herb mixture and telling Lionblaze, who was curled up in a patch of grass, a story that was making his patient laugh.

"...And that's how my first unsuccessful attempt to heal a cat went," Jayfeather finished, stumping Lionblaze.

"You never said that story was about you-" Lionblaze muttered.

A mouse then ran over to Jayfeather and messed up the herb mixture he was preparing.

"Jefferson!" Jayfeather growled. "What are you doing?"

The mouse, ashamed, ran off.

Jayfeather rolled his eyes. "Now I must start over." He pushed his half-finished mixture to the side and, getting more of the herbs he needed to mix together, started over. "No medicine cat has tried something like this before, but I'm sure that you'll be absolutely fine."

Just then, Jefferson and another mouse, who had run into Jayfeather's store of herbs, ran into a group of berries and caused them to roll around. One berry rolled on top of the other mouse, who began squeaking pitifully.

"What's...that noise?" Lionblaze asked.

Jayfeather laughed. "Oh, Lionblaze, you must be crazy. There isn't any noise at all."

"Okay..." Lionblaze seemed hesitant to believe Jayfeather, but decided it was best.

"Excuse me for a moment," Jayfeather said. He left his now finished herb mixture to go into his store of herbs. He noticed that Jefferson's friend was now being crushed by a berry almost twice it's size, but ignored the mouse.

"Kill me," a RiverClan apprentice who was being held prisoner after pretending to be a ThunderClan apprentice in order to spy for RiverClan growled.

"Maybe later," Jayfeather promised as he grabbed a Twoleg machine he had found quite some time ago and left his store of herbs.

"Alright, what was I doing?" Jayfeather asked. "Oh, yes. As I was saying earlier, you're the perfect test subject for my latest discovery. You got some scratches after running through a thorn bush, and normally this herb mixture would heal those scratches in a couple of days. But if I put the herb mixture into this little thing here, you should be healed almost instantly."

As he explained this, he inserted the herb mixture into the Twoleg machine. As he was doing so very carefully, he wasn't done when he finished this explanation, so he began laughing madly.

Lionblaze laughed along, his laugh more worried than insane.

Suddenly, Jayfeather stopped laughing as he finished inserting the herb mixture into the machine. "There we go."

Lionblaze stared wide-eyed at the machine, then gave Jayfeather a worried look that the blind medicine cat was unable to see. "Is...this safe?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Please do me a favor and try to hold still..." Jayfeather held up the machine and pointed it towards Lionblaze.

"StarClan, help me," Lionblaze whispered.

Jayfeather used the machine to shoot a lazer at Lionblaze. Lionblaze closed his eyes, bracing himself, and felt a really bad sting as the machine shot him. Suddenly, the stinging went away, and Lionblaze opened his eyes to see that the scratches he had got from the thorn bush were now completely gone.

"It worked." Jayfeather looked absolutely shocked at this fact, but then an evil grin appeared on his face. "I wonder what else this thing can do."

He quickly prepared much more of the herb mixture and inserted it into the Twoleg machine. Then he grabbed the machine and ran out of the camp towards the ShadowClan border.

When Jayfeather got to the ShadowClan border, the battle between the two patrols was still going on.

Molepaw was now unconscious, and Brambleclaw seemed to be losing his battle as well.

Jayfeather aimed his machine at Molepaw and shot the lazer at him. Molepaw quickly became conscious and all his wounds disappeared as he jumped back into the battle. He then aimed his machine at Brambleclaw, with a similar effect happening. Jayfeather then signaled Cloudtail, who was also in the battle, over. He then whispered something to the white warrior.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Cloudtail asked.

Jayfeather smirked. "I have absolutely no idea." He then shot the machine's lazer at the barely wounded Cloudtail as the warrior jumped back into the battle. The machine healed him, but Jayfeather kept his machine shooting its healing lazer. Soon, ShadowClan cats fighting against Cloudtail didn't wound them at all with their attacks.

The ShadowClan cats stopped their attacks and retreated. They had absolutely no idea what in the name of StarClan had just happened.

Jayfeather laughed his insane laugh. "Success!"

The other ThunderClan cats at the border gave him a worried look.

"...Is he completely insane?" Molepaw whispered.

"I hope not," Cloudtail muttered.

"Not yet," Brambleclaw whispered. "Not yet."

Back in the apprentice's den, Ivypaw held up a sign with several cats of ThunderClan pictured on it. The sign also said "Warriors."

"Can I go on meal break yet?" Ivypaw asked.

"Not yet," Dovepaw told her. "Not yet."

Later, in the ThunderClan camp, Molepaw left the den and walked over to the apprentices den. The other apprentices stared at him.

"Wow, you wouldn't believe that Jayfeather!" Molepaw meowed. "He keeps mice in his den so that you can have a fresh meal while you wait for him to heal you!" Molepaw then burped.

"No, he doesn't..." Dovepaw muttered.

In the medicine cat's den, Jayfeather looked around, panicked. "Jefferson? Where are you?"

Chapter dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my dad, who I will always love, even if he's...unbearable at times. Good luck today, Daddy. (Yup, this story has nothing to do with the dedication. I'm still dedicating it.)
I originally posted this because I thought there'd be a pause between Island Total Drama and Millennium Instruments due to research, but I ended up finishing MI first due to birthday presents I nearly forgot about. (insert punching self in the face here) So instead, I'm posting this now. Oh, and go check out Island Total Drama. You may be surprised by a new chapter and corrections to the old chapter...