I was getting so tired of waiting around all day for a new RP Evan Whumpage fic that I impetuously decided to write one myself!

I thought about the most plausible whumpage case for Evan that would be most suitable for the show and I came up with-…wait, why am I telling you when you can find out for yourself? ;P

This is my first Royal Pains fic so be gentle please :D

Side Note: By far, my favourite RP fic would have to be Yellow and Green Make A Man Blue by Alex Kade

X

Thoughts

"Speeches"

"Whispers"

xXx – Scene Change

Disclaimer: Even if I did have a problem seems like I wouldn't be the only one (hint hint) ;P

If It's Not The Fish That Kills You

The young accountant groggily sat up from his bed, yawing with fatigue as he extended his arms out from the night-long rigidity. His eyes rolled to the side of his bed as he read his beside alarm shift towards 7:00 AM. He laced his fingers together and widened his arms out once more to rid of the stiffness within them, hearing a few clicks thereby after. Once he stood from the comfort of his bed he strolled down the stairs, intending to cook some breakfast. His eyes searched the area in the fridge in hopes of finding some eggs and milk. His next move left his arm exploring the corner of the cupboard for some flour.

xXx

The concierge doctor exhaled in fulfilment as he stared into his new designer watch (in which Evan bought as a gift for a triumphant investment with a big "whale") to confirm the time of his return. The sweaty-looking Hank jogged back into the guest house and intently listened to the concert his brother was enacting as he flipped a pancake. The delightful smell stirred into his nostrils, enticing his appetite.

"For me? You shouldn't have," said Hank, his hand sliding into a plate of the treats.

"Oh I didn't," Evan replied as he slapped his brother's hand away. "These are for Divya."

"I'm sure she's not gonna eat all of them," the doctor said, making another attempt for grabs, only to have Evan pull the plate away.

"With all that's been going on in her life, I wouldn't be so surprised." Evan watched his elder brother raise his eyebrows as he continued, "Because, you know, women tend to eat when they are depressed…and stuff."

Hank chortled. "How thoughtful of you."

"I know." Evan grinned. "I can be so biddable sometimes."

The doctor's eyebrows furrowed in uncertainty. "I…don't think you know biddable means."

"Of course I know."

"You really ought to start looking up the words you use, Ev."

"Whatever," Evan waved his hand frivolously before turning off the cooker. "Go take a shower, you stink!"

"Oh really?"

"Tcheah!" the accountant replied with a few sniggers.

"Oh, well in that case, let me take the time to apologise for being so insensitive about your vocabulary." Evan raised his eyebrow in confusion, then widened his eyes knowing what's about to take place. "C'mere so I can give my brother one, big, sweaty hug!"

Evan's legs shifted abruptly before Hank had managed to make a grab for his brother, "Keep your sopping arms away from me! Hen-" He continuously dodged Hank's attempts. "Henry, I'm being serious here! Hen-"

"Looks like I'll be eating breakfast elsewhere?" Their attention quickly diverted towards the Physician Assistant. "Seeing as how you two are…busy." The distraction gave Hank enough time to finish off his mission.

"AW DUDE, NO!" Evan whimpered as he felt his white shirt beginning to soak from his brother's tight grip. "So gross!"

Henry chuckled in response. "Actually no, because Evan here-" he twirled his arm around his little brother's neck which led Evan wincing and scrunching his face at the dampness now forming in the nape of his neck, "-took the time to cook you some pancakes."

"Hmm…" Divya paced towards the plate of treats that lay on the kitchen counter. "They do smell pretty good."

xXx

"You may be obtuse in many things, Evan," Divya started as she sliced piece of pancake off the plate and placed it into her mouth, "but cooking's certainly not one of them."

A corner of Evan's full lips rose. "Thanks…I think," he responded, watching her eat in the past ten minutes after he arrived from a prolonged shower he had to take on account of his hug-loving, thoughtful brother.

"What about you, Ev?" Hank spoke, also placing a portion into his mouth. "You haven't even touched one yet."

"Actually I not feeling very, uh, appetised right now…"

Divya snickered. "Is that even a word?"

"No," Hank replied, a smile forming in his lips; but it soon faded as he watched his brother's rigid expression. "You alright, Ev?"

"Huh?" Evan's blue eyes lolled up to face his familiar. "Oh, yeah, I guess. I'm just a little...what's the word?" he mumbled. "Nauseas."

Hank looked up, interested. "Oh?"

"Yeah, I think I'm coming down with a cold or something." He sighed, but promptly regained his posture. "But fear not! I shall waste no time today. I'll be fishing for my biggest catch yet with this whale!"

Hank scoffed scornfully. "No."

"Wh-…what do you mean 'no'?"

"It's exactly what it means. Last time I brought you along with a billionaire client you couldn't stop gabbling about opportunities that supposedly lay for him for an investment in HankMed, in which he responded to a well firm NO more times than I can count!"

"That old geezer didn't even give me a chance to finish my speech for the brilliant benefits our business could offer, especially with our current failing economy!"

"Evan, you dented his million-dollar car then offered to trade it with mine! Not to mention following him around like a lost puppy all over his mansion, including the bathroom, continuingly asking to take a ride in the same car you dented." He waited for Evan to reply; when there was no response he continued, "It's a wonder why he didn't kick us out within the first ten minutes of the appointment."

"That's because you're an amazing doctor and your reputation precedes you," the financial chief answered. "In which I helped to build by the way, you're very welcome."

Hank rolled his eyes. "Divya are we ready to leave?"

"Certainly, I can no longer sit here and listen to the degradation Evan's bringing into the image of our business."

"I sign your cheques, missy! Remember that the next time you decide to ridicule my methods!"

"Bye, Evan!" Hank waved, Divya passing through the doorway in attempt to ignore the accountant's remarks, as he closed the door behind him.

"What am I supposed to do now?" Evan yelled, with no luck for an answer, as he paced closer to the entrance. "Oh and by the way don't worry about cleaning up! I'll be more than HAPPY to do it for you!" his arms flailed in sync with his exclamation. "Like I always do…" Evan contemptuously added, more so to himself. Once he stationed the three spotless plates back into the corner of the cupboard, he decided to skim through HankMed spread sheets in hopes of occupying his current free time. "Geez…" he muttered as his fingers began to stroke his abdomen, hoping to ease the escalating pain. "Just what did I eat last night?"

xXx

"And there you have it, all done." Hank smiled, placing his equipment back into his old-fashioned brown bag. "Now I must tell you, Gracie, that you have to spend the rest of the week resting so it wouldn't swell up, we want it to heal as fast as possible."

"Alright Hank," Gracie replied. "You're the doc."

"And that means no working either! Take the rest of the week off, it's the perfect time to laze around without having to feel guilty about it," he tittered, causing his patient to echo his laughter.

"And on that note," Divya spoke, "we shall be leaving. We'll do a follow up next week." Gracie made an attempt to stand in hopes of escorting her visitors' way out.

"No, it's okay, don't get up," Hank gently placed his hand onto Gracie's shoulder to prevent her from moving. "We'll manage."

"Thanks for everything." The patient waved as she watched them walk pass the house entrance.

xXx

The resonating sound of the rubble grounds shadowed the medic's movements, as he prepared to stride towards the new truck Divya had received on account of Evan's intention to enliven the young associate.

"Who's next?" Hank spoke as he fastened his seatbelt.

"Our next appointment will be taking place…" Divya's eyes searched through her phone, "in about two hours. It's a slow day today."

"And we should take full advantage of it." Hank smiled. "We haven't had an easy-paced working day in months. Do you wanna get something to eat?"

"We just had pancakes!"

"That was three hours ago," Hank shrugged.

Divya chuckled. "I think I'm beginning to see the family resemblance."

"What?" Hank's head perked up when he failed to absorb his associate's previous remark.

"Nothing," she waved. "Maybe later. Oh shoot!" She frustratingly added searching through her bag.

"What's up?" Hank spoke, voiced with concern.

"I left my purse back at the guesthouse; do you mind if we-?"

"No, not at all."

xXx

Evan groaned, stood from his seated position and nestled cold water into his hands as he sprayed the liquid onto his warm face. He deeply sighed and pressed the flushing button. The vile taste of spew continued to linger in his mouth.

"I need a breath mint," he uttered to himself. When he had no luck in finding a pack in his room or his brother's, he ushered himself downstairs to continue to hunt, "C'mon, a house full of expensive devices and lavish items and nothing as simple as breath mints?"

"Hey, Ev." He heard his brother call as he arrived into the kitchen with his PA by his side before she took off into another room. "What's with the temper tantrum?"

"Do you have any mints?" Evan responded to which his brother motioned with a no. "This revolting taste in my mouth is making me wanna …wanna…" Henry furrowed his eyebrows in concern watching Evan sigh for a moment. The CFO continued once he was sure he took control of his gagging reflex. "I think I may have food poisoning from that new restaurant. I told you there was something fishy about that place!"

"Evan, it's a sea-food diner. It has to be fishy," Hank sniggered lightly.

"What's fishy?" Divya said, entering into the conversation, "Evan's supposed degree in financial literacy?"

"Ha-ha," the accountant dryly remarked.

"Actually no," Henry replied. "Evan thinks he has food poisoning from the fish he ate at that restaurant yesterday."

"Oh? Then how is it that we're not affected? We all ate the same dish, right?"

"You're right, Divya, it was that salmon with-"

"Guys, can we please stop talking about…" Evan paused, "…abou…ab-" his hand instantly flew to his face as he dashed for the bathroom. He briskly brushed passed the two, almost knocking them down with alarm. They both absentmindedly flinched at the sound of the bathroom door slamming. Their faces formed recoiled features at the sound of Evan's coughing-vomit.

xXx

"Ev, you alright, buddy?" Hank coaxed as he tapped onto the bathroom door.

"Do I sound alright?" Evan retorted in between his breaths and vomitting.

Divya rolled her eyes and asked, "Do you want us to come in?" In that instant the bathroom door was pulled open, almost knocking the doctor out of balance as he leaned onto the door frame. Once he regained his posture within those seconds he tailed Evan as he escorted them down the stairs.

"How was the billionaire client? Please tell me you at least offered to share the ultimate HankMed clientele package."

"You just threw up last night's dinner and you're more concerned over scoring a big 'whale'?"

Evan slightly winced at the particular choice of wording. However, he was more anxious over the growing pain that has been agonising him throughout the morning. Before he could respond to Hank, Evan slanted slightly, a hand resting onto the kitchen counter and the other vigilantly caressing his abdomen.

"Alright, that tears it." Hank paced closer to his brother, Divya subsequently following. "Let me examine you." Evan let his brother walk him towards the sofa, knowing he had no energy left to argue.

TBC

I'll stop there 'cos I have no ideas left in this chapter. I'll update once I know where I'm going with this story :)

Review, por favor.

Mrs-N-Uzumaki xx