This is my first fan fiction, slightly AU, and may contains some OOCness. This is a real challenge to me as I have no real writing experience before and English is not my mother language, so I am really sorry if my spell and grammar gave a sore to your eyes. To be added, I like to put some Japanese terms or language, because I feel it's better than to translate it to English. Again, I'm sorry about it.

WARNING: those who hit this story should've known by now that it's yaoi, malexmale, and contain mature/porn graphics. Some later chapters will depict violence and rape. If you can't accept those things, please close this story and find others that are more to your liking. I don't want to hear people complaining or flaming me regarding the theme or graphical things that I'll present in this story because they didn't heed my warning. Rather, I just want to see reviewer who appreciates my work and give me critics, be it good or bad, nicely or harshly, all of those are well accepted for me as a noob, in hope that your opinions are constructive for my future writings =)

I do not own any of Junjou Romantica.

_End of winter, 1997_

41 Celsius.

The green eyed boy breathed in short, heavy rhythm under the three-layered thick blankets, meanwhile his sweat mixed with cold beads that ran from the soft cloth on his forehead. Takahiro removed the damp cloth to replace it with the new, colder one as he put the thermometer on the table. Takahiro then repositioned the blankets around the little boy and pated his shoulder before walking out of the bedroom to answer the home phone which had been ringing for a while.

"Moshi-moshi, Takahashi-de- oh kaasan! Where are you now? Did you find the doctor yet?" Takahiro could almost hear the sound of rain pouring down hard on the other side of the line. (1)

"Oh my, Takahiro, not yet. The usual doctor is actually on vacation, and the other pediatrics and general doctors got their hands full because of this non-stop rain causing many children to get pneumonia. We couldn't get any one of them to be brought home…" The worried voice of Takahiro's mother was cut by a sterner voice coming from near the woman.

"If only we bring Misaki straight away to the hospital…" But then, Takahiro's mother interrupted. saying in high pitch voice,

"We must not, dear! Don't you realize the cause of so many children getting pneumonia? The rain is abnormally cold, and if Misaki got out of the house with that condition and catch the slightest of the rain's wind or even—"

Takahiro had had enough of this and said in a calm manner, after a deep sigh, "Please, you two, don't argue on the road, and kaasan please make sure toosan don't drive too fast because the road should be slippery right now. We all know we're worried about Misaki but arguing won't turn his fever down."

Takahiro's mother had gotten a glimpse of a more mature, grown up son who was showing such patience. She was proud.

"Yes, dear, right now we're on the highway to the second hospital. It's further but they're bigger, so we're sure they aren't understaffed right now. Any news from Mtsuhashi University?"

"Not yet, kaasan. But I think we should worry about it later… Oh, Misaki!"

Takahiro hadn't realize Misaki had been standing behind him for awhile until Misaki's hands yanked his brother's pants weakly. The boy tried hard to stand up in balance but his head was still down.

"Nii-chan… please tell them… I'm sorry… I'm really sorry for being sick…please don't worry about me or the doctor… please tell them to come home… I miss them…"

Takahiro unconsciously covered his mouth with a hand, and he heard his mother do the same while mumbling, "Oh… oh Misaki… we'll be home soon…"

After taking his little brother back to the bed, Takahiro heard the beeping sound of the home fax machine. He grabbed the paper and suddenly his eyes bulged with excitement. He couldn't read the header or the first two or three lines after that. What really mattered to him were the bigger short lines in the middle of the paper:

Takahashi Takahiro

Test ID number: 248B3

Has passed the proficiency exam required to attend to Mitsuhashi University (Tokyo) majoring in Economics.

Takahiro couldn't read anymore below those lines and his eyes blurred with tears. Just when he was about to tell Misaki, the phone rang again. This time, the deep husky voice of his best friend came from the other side with a hint of slight chuckle.

"I wanna hear your good news first before mine."

"You knew it, Usagi! I got it! Oh God, I can't believe it…"

"Of course. You had to, Takahiro. You're a hard worker and a diligent student. I knew it from the moment we met. Congrats!"

"Well, if it isn't by your support too, Usagi, I'm sure I couldn't have made it. But hey, how 'bout you?"

"Ah yes, I made it to Teito, Takahiro. Thanks for your support too."

"Don't be so modest, Usagi, you're genius!"

After that there was a short conversation, full of each other's flattery.

"So, what do you say about a trip to Ise onsen the day after tomorrow for a celebration. I'll bring Hiroki and maybe I'll persuade him to bring some light booze, though we're hadly adults yet. But, it's a big occasion after all. I've booked a room of the nearby inn and—"

"I can't, Usagi, sorry," Guilt lingered Takahiro's voice. He knew his friend had made a huge effort to celebrate in a special way with him and Kamijou, but the guilt of having fun while his little brother recovering from fever won over.

"Is it your brother again?" Usami didn't realize he'd added the last word. He didn't intend to hurt Takahiro, but he himself didn't know the exact situation right there, and so Takahiro explained it calmly. Usami understood, although there was disappointment in his voice as he said "Be well soon" for his best friend's little brother.

Takahiro brought the paper to Misaki's bedroom and, making sure that Misaki wasn't already sleeping, he told Misaki about the great news and proudly showed him the paper. Misaki smiled widely, and he persuaded his big brother to tell their parents right away.

Just when Takahiro was about to reach the telephone, it began ranging. Hoping that it was from his mother, he said without waiting, "Kaasan, I made it to Mitsuhashi—"

"Takahashi Takahiro?" A man's deep voice with a slight repressed sadness came suddenly. "I'm sorry, it was so sudden, but this is Chief Katou of 6th Tokyo Police station. We found this home number in Takahashi Misato's mobile phone… I'm sorry, son…"

Right. It wasn't his father's voice, or Usami's. As if it was a bad omen, it was from a cop, who continued to tell his horrible news. News that made even Takahiro's calm demeanor break.

"Please don't joke around! It can't be! It can't be! They can't be dead! They are not dead! They cannot leave me or even Misaki in his state. My little brother is having a fever right now. I don't have the time to accept this death joke or whatever… There couldn't have been car accident that happened to my parents. No…"

His eyes were stung from no more from tears of happiness but sorrowful ones. He felt like he could have fallen anytime. But suddenly he heard the thwack sound of a small body hitting the floor, just inside his little brother's bedroom.

Misaki had fainted.

Few minutes earlier, Misaki had found a sudden strength flowing through his body. Despite the heat and the rose colored cheeks, he managed to smile widely again. He knew it was his brother's dream. He'd watched how his brother studied so hard in the past months. All Misaki did to support him was to bring some snacks to his brother's room, whenever Takahiro didn't get to sleep until late at night.

He then decided to follow his brother, thinking that Takahiro intended to call their parents to tell them the news. He stopped, opening the door slightly, to hear as Takahiro answered the phone that had rung three times. He overheard the words:

"Misaki" and "fever" and "they" and "car accident" and then:

"Death"

And he knew exactly how his brother shivered from hearing those words. Misaki brought his left arm up, trying to reach his brother while opening his mouth to say "Nii-chan" but he couldn't hear anything. Then, the strength that was there a minute ago left his body.

It's my fault.

Some hours later, Misaki could only feel numbness. He felt slight pain on the right side of his chest, and another pain that felt like a needle shooting through his skin on his upper right abdomen. He wanted to cast away the pain, but he knew shutting his eyes tightly wouldn't ease it. Instead he tried to face it by forcing his eyes open, little by little, only to find a glimpse of light showering his vision.

It was as if he were standing on a grassy field surrounded by green forest, the chirping sound of birds and calm breeze surrounded him. The green tunnel circled the beautiful grassy field, and the light from above shown on the inner circle, giving peace to Misaki whom stood in the middle. Between the sound of breeze, voices rang through the woods and leafs, calling his name gently. He didn't know whose voice it is, a man's, or a woman's, but Misaki felt the voice was familiar. He felt love.

"Kaasan? Toosan? Is that you?"

"Misaki… "

The voice became weaker, harder to gasp.

"Misaki. We'll wait for you"

"Wait, don't go! I, I'm sorry, please be home soon! I won't bring you trouble from now on—"

"Find your happiness, Misaki…"

Then everything went blury. The light from the sky then blinded him, and the pain he felt awhile ago became real again. Despite this, he had new strength to overcome and bear it. From that moment, he'd keep that sacred line, a simple advice he believed came down from heaven, from his parents.And by that, he said to himself,my happiness is when I can bring happiness to people around me and make them smile.

_Spring, 1998_

"Please, Misaki, don't cause me anymore trouble!"

Misaki's fists were clenched on his apron. He tried so hard to repress the tears and yet he couldn't shut his eyes. The burnt smell, coming from almost half of the furniture in the new apartment they had just moved into less than a year ago, attacked his nostrils. The heavy gray smoke from the burnt spots was fogging his eyes. A few firefighters ran around the two, screaming and shouting to each other when they spotted any flame that is left. But it didn't matter to Misaki's ears. His brain could capture only one word.

Trouble.

It was because his pure intention to make his brother happy by cooking omelette rice by himself…

It was because of his naiveté thoughts in which he believe he can clean up the mess later by himself…

It was because he was idiotically confident enough to use the stove by himself…

All of that when he was alone and his brother worked to the bone to feed them day to day.

It was he himself that caused more trouble to his brother.

Misaki's lips shivered when he said "Sorry Nii-chan…" but all he got from his brother was "You want omelette rice? Tell me then I'll make it for you! Or you want me to buy it for you, huh? Misaki…" Takahiro couldn't help but growl and furrow his eyebrows when he saw Misaki cry. Takahiro exhaled deeply before he kneeling in front of Misaki, so his face could see straight into the green eyes of his brother. They were pure, just like their mother's eyes. Takahiro knew Misaki was not at fault, but then…

"Our family has nothing big to begin with. Just a small house worthy for a family of four, and an old cheap used sedan that father had always ranted about. Kaasan and toosan had left us a bit of their savings, but just as much as to cover our education up to college level. Rather than using my savings, I used them for… for… "

Long silence.

"Misaki, I know you did nothing wrong… it's just. I'm so stressed right now. I know you did all of these just to make me smile. But I was so tired from working and… "

It seems like Takahiro was in loss of words and couldn't help but to put his arms tightly around the crying boy.I can't even imagine if Misaki inhaled that dangerous smoke. He made it without any scratch or burn… but God knows what will happen again to his lungs. Please God, no more painful disease and treatments, please…

"Misaki… Don't you know how hard I worked these past months? I barely made it cover our primary needs, and… and the general checkup, yeah, medicine and whatnot to keep you…healthy… and now, we have to spend a lot to fix the mess here…" Takahiro was trembling when he said the last word near Misaki's left ear. A few seconds passed before he could continue calmly, "Now be a good boy 'kay? We'll clean these up as much as we can, change our clothes, and we'll check our health in the usual hospital. Agree?"

Misaki nodded nonchalantly and tried to smile a little between his sniffles. Takahiro gave a warm smile to Misaki before he got up and ruffled the boy's hair. However, what Takahiro didn't know was, the word "trouble" was still ringing in Misaki's ear.

"You know what harm smoke can do to his lungs, Takahashi-kun. Although the suction succeeded to suck out the amniotic fluid that resided at the bottom of his lungs, I actually believe it was the wrong method for children." Doctor Sawamura waved his hand to the CT scan displayed on the white, big screen in front of Takahiro.

"Suction through throat and mouth may be the best method for infants, especially those under 5 years. But considering your brother's body is very weak and fragile to begin with, it was the best suction method I'd recommended if I were there at that time. If any inflammation or infections are detected now, I swear you should accuse that doctor of malpractice."

"Ah, no need, Sawamura-sensei. The doctor has been long missing since the clinic shut down months ago. No wonder though, it was just a small clinic without a pro or senior doctor… Especially those who did that kind of operation. Besides I'm rather concerned about Misaki right now." (2)

"I just can't believe they did pleural effusion on an 8 year old kid without proper diagnosis and CT scans. Here, we have to at least use the USG to locate the fluid before the suction… "

"One year ago, this hospital couldn't help him because they were understaffed… Ah!" Takahiro sealed his lips with his hand. I slipped it out. Doctor Sawamura lowered his head apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I didn't expect the workload here peaked when I was on vacation."

"Whatever happened, happened in the past, let it be. All I want to hear now is that Misaki is okay and nothing happened to his lungs again." Takahiro gave a weak smile to the man in his white lab coat in front of him.

He checked the blood test result paper thoroughly and sighed deeply before he explained, "Considering the blood taken 4 hours after the incident, I assume nothing abnormal occurred. Blood pressure's fine. Erythrocyte sedimentation rate is in the normal range. No harmful substances in the sputum. He's fine, Takahashi-san. Now, a final check, then… "

There were knocks from the door behind Takahiro and it opened, revealing a female nurse who held a hand of an emerald-eyed boy. Both the doctor and Takahiro stood up and smiled to the boy, who smiled back before he held up a book that was a manga.

"Nii-chan, Keiko-san let me read The Kan while I was waiting for you. I'm so happy! Thank you Keiko-san!"

"Thank you, Keiko-kun. Now, Misaki," Doctor Sawamura took a stethoscope from his table and put it around his neck. "Let me play the doctor role some more, will you?" He gave a grin while Misaki nodded happily. Misaki then sat on the small, but not too fluffy, blue bed while Nurse Keiko pulled the curtain. Takahiro had the courage to be near Misaki when it came to this one checkup. While Doctor Sawamura put the other end of the stethoscope near the sides of Misaki's abdomen, he asked Misaki to breath as deep as he could. The procedure repeated few times, and Takahiro couldn't help but to imagine how Misaki was when he'd done treatments and tests before. Compared to the needle shot to take his blood, CT scan, and sputum sample test, this is nothing, Takahiro said to himself.

Misaki, on the other hand, while inhaling air as deep as he could, stole a glance at Takahiro then to Sawamura, hiding his thoughts with swift chuckles as Doctor Sawamura told some children jokes to him. He was sure that he wasn't unaware of all of this. He knew he was sick. He couldn't understand the medical vocabs or anything, and all he knew was that there had been water in his lungs which made his breath shorter and painful.

The vivid memories of almost one year ago, of having anesthetic shot before the effusion shot, the moment when he was forced to cough while the needle roamed inside him, or the moment blood leaked out of his nose after the first operation, all of him was in as much pain as he could handle. But, that was as a kid. But what was more painful was to know that his big brother was troubled by spending a large sum of money to cover the 6 months medications, including 12 kinds of antibiotics, 2 vitamins, and 1 painkiller, which could cost almost 15,000 yen. It didn't include the monthly checkup to two doctors, blood tests, and the CT scan for his diaphragm.

Misaki was aware that there were so many times Takahiro was offered financial help or the family doctor from Usami, which were directly refused by him so that Takahiro didn't feel guilty or in debt anymore than he could ever hope to help pay back or to repay his best friend, considering that Usami too was living alone without his family's support.

Misaki didn't know any more information about this person who his brother usually associated with "rabbit", other than that he really cared about Takahiro and would do anything for him, as a friend in context. Although Takahiro had his own pride, he couldn't refuse any presents that Usami gave each year on his birthday, knowing that wearing them or using them in front of Usami would make the man happy.

Happy…

Happiness.

How am I supposed to find happiness if all I can do is to trouble people around me?

That's it for this chapter. Of course up to this point, the story hasn't shown any main plot yet.

A sappy prologue, I think. How 'bout you? Care to give any comments? Click the review button then :)

(1) "Moshi-moshi, Takahashi-de- oh kaasan! Where are you now? Did you find the doctor yet?"

The "moshi-moshi" is a phrase Japanese use to say hello when answering telephone. "Takahashi-de—" is an unfinished "Takahashi-desu". In a usual, polite manner of Japanese, they usually tell others, especially people they don't know, their surname first. They call other's given name when they are close or intimate enough. "Kaasan" is a short of "okaasan" which means "mother" and "toosan" is from "otoosan" which means "father".

(2) The "-sensei" here means the honorific for doctor. But literally, it can be used to honor writers, teachers, or someone who is expert in something, kinda like that.

Also, I'd like to apologize if there were any unneeded dramatization in medical terms.

Domo~