Disclaimer: I own nothing, least of all Rizzoli & Isles.

A/N: This came to me while listening to the Coldplay song of the same title. It's just my take on how Jane would reach out to Maura if she saw that she needed comfort. Some mention of violence in the very beginning, but I didn't go into much detail. Jane's POV, thoughts. This is the start of a multi chapter fic, so I will try to have another chapter posted soon. Please read and review! I will try to respond to each review, because each and every single one of them means a lot to me. Thanks, and enjoy!

Against the Grain

Chapter One: Fix You

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, holding it in as long as possible, until I feel my lungs begin to burn. I exhale slowly, my thoughts returning to what has rapidly become my mind's topic of the day.

Maura.

This case has started to take a toll on her. I can see it in her eyes. Usually a bright, luminous hazel, they have taken on a slightly darker hue, and instead of being full of life, her eyes are dull and tell a silent tale of exhaustion.

If I had to guess, I'd say she probably isn't sleeping.. or eating properly. That big brain of hers is probably going over every shred of evidence, every strand of DNA, every fiber found and collected at each crime scene.

Four bodies in as many days, all children, with signs of torture, their small bodies marred and mutilated beyond any and all human comprehension.

She has been hiding behind a cold exterior, attempting to find comfort in medical terminology and choosing to see things from a scientific perspective.

As much as she would like to believe that science is enough, it isn't..

I open my eyes and look around my apartment, smiling as I spot two books on my coffee table. One is a book about a rare tribe in Kenya, outlining their burial customs and other rituals relating to death. The other is a collection of Garfield comics. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out which book is mine and which one is hers.

Could we be more different?The smile that formed on my lips widens as I remember how excited she was when she walked through my door holding that book, rambling on about how beautiful death can be, and how certain cultures are more respectful of the dead than they are of the living.

I love the way she gets so caught up in facts about things that no one else but her cares about or even understands. I wanted to tell her that then, but I didn't.

Opening up isn't my forte. Using words and all that girly shit? It just doesn't work for me. It's not my thing.

I let out a groan of frustration, taking a sip of my now lukewarm beer, before deciding that ignoring the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach isn't an option.

Something's not right.

I don't really know how I know, but I just know that something's not right. Whatever it is, intuition most likely, I'm going to go with it instead of taking time to question it.

Jo Friday, who has been napping at the other end of the couch, looks up at me sympathetically and I reach out to pet her.

"You be good, okay? I gotta go check on Maura.."

Both of her ears perk up at the sound of Maura's name, and I just roll my eyes.

Traitor! I knew you loved her more than you love me..

I put my boots on, not even bothering to tie them, then pull a hoodie over my head as I grab my keys and head out the door.

The drive to Maura's is filled with traffic sounds and old hits from the 90's. I hum along to a Phil Collins song, then sing along to Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing In The Dark".

I kill the engine in her driveway and run my fingers through my hair, knowing that I look like an unmade bed and perfectly aware of the fact that Maura has come to expect nothing less of me.

Okay.. Just get the hell out of the car, knock on her door.. and when she lets you in, take her in your arms and tell her that you love her. Either that.. Or offer her a pat on the back, a playful punch to the arm, and say something like 'Thought you could use some company'..I pinch the bridge of my nose and let out a sigh.

I should just go back home. I should go back home, pretend like I didn't drive all the way over to my best friend's house in the middle of the night for no other reason than I "had a feeling" something's not right, and crawl into bed and toss and turn until my alarm clock tells me it's time to get up and face yet another day..

"Damn it."

I slip my keys out of the ignition and into my pocket, knowing that until I lay eyes on her, until I know that she is okay, there's no way I will get any peace or rest anytime soon. I unbuckle my seatbelt, open my door, and step out into the cool night air.

She's going to ask me why I'm here.. She's going to ask, and I'm not going to have an answer other than "I was worried about you, let me in so that I'll know you are really okay and not just 'pretend' okay." What the fuck kind of sense does that make? None, that's right.. Nothing about how you're feeling right now or how you've been feeling about her for awhile now makes any sense at all…

Standing outside her door, I take a deep breath, knock, then exhale slowly.

Please answer..I step back and see that all of the windows are dark, and when I lean forward and press my ear to the door, I hear no footsteps falling, no sounds indicating movement of any kind.

I should have at least called first.

Of its own accord, my hand reaches into the pocket of my jeans and before I have time to debate whether or not I should use the spare key I was given to her house months ago, the key is in the lock.

I'll just check on her. If she's sleeping, she doesn't even have to know I came over. I'll just ease in and out.. Ha! Ease in and out.. That's what she said!

I chuckle to myself and shake my head, stepping into the house and quietly closing the door behind me. My eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the darkness, and out of habit, I step out of my boots, making sure that they are tucked away neatly by the back door. The kitchen is dimly lit by the light over the oven, but no other lights are on. I can make out the outlines of furniture in the living room, and Bass has settled in for the night over at the bottom of the stairs.

Freaking massive motherfucker.. I wonder if he bites..?

I slowly and carefully make my way over to Bass and bend down to touch his shell. I've seen Maura pet him a few times, and I couldn't help but laugh at her. I would never tell her this, never admit it, but I actually think Bass is kind of neat.

"Uhh, hey there, big guy.. You asleep or just being an antisocial little shit like always?… Yeah, that's what I thought.."

I pet him a few more times before slowly ascending the stairs.

I'll just check on her. She's probably sleeping, and I'm probably overreacting.. But it doesn't hurt just to make sure she's okay.

I tiptoe into her bedroom, immediately noticing that she's not in her bed and that the door to her bathroom is closed. A sliver of light is visible under the door, and so I make my way over and gently knock.

"Maur…?"

My hand is shaking as I reach out and turn the door knob, opening the door slowly so that I can peep in.

Oh, God!

Curled up on the floor in a ball, she has buried her face in her hands and is crying uncontrollably, her whole body shaking, wracked by the force of her sobs.

"Maura! Oh, God.. Maur.. what's wrong? C'mere, okay? I've got you… "

I hit my knees and they give protest, but I ignore the pain and reach out to pull her into my arms. She is shaking, and all she does is cry when I wrap my arms around her and rock her gently.

"Whatever it is, I've got you.. and you've got me, okay? We'll get through this together, alright? It's going to be okay, you're going to be okay…"

Please, God, let her be okay..

I feel the sting of tears as they start to form, and all I know to do is to let them fall.

"They were so little, Jane.. so young.. and after everything they went through, all of their suffering.. I had to cut into them. Their little bodies had already withstood so much…" She chokes out, then succumbs to yet another round of sobs.

Oh, Maura.. I don't know how to help you.. how can I help you?

"You were doing your job, you are helping them by helping us figure out who did that to them so that we can make sure those bastards are brought to justice. You're going to help us find their killers, you're going to help put their souls to rest. I can't.. I can't imagine how you feel.."

She pulls away from me, wiping her eyes, then struggles to stand.

"You're absolutely right! You don't have the slightest clue what I have been feeling for the past few days.. because you haven't been here! I have had no one to talk to, no one to turn to when I needed.. I don't know what I need!" She is distraught, her voice elevated, and in her eyes I see more pain than any one human should ever have to feel.

She has needed me, and I have been too blind, too wrapped up in this fucking case to see it until now.

"I'm a fucking asshole."The revelation is nothing new, at least not to me.

"Jane! Language!" She starts, but I don't give her time to finish.

I take a step towards her.

"No, Maur! It's the truth.. crudely stated, but it's the truth. I just.. I.. I'm sorry. You gotta believe me, okay? I'm sorry.. I got caught up in this case. I couldn't see that you needed me… that I need you.."

I look down at my sock covered feet and let out a long sigh.

"This case.. whatever it is that has happened inside me.. I don't think it can be fixed… I can't be fixed." Her words, her solemn confession, break my heart into a million pieces.

Once again, she is crying, and I feel myself slowly start to come undone.

"I'm not trying to fix you.. you don't need fixing, Maura.. You just.. you just need this…"

I pull her back into my arms, and immediately, she is sobbing, shoving me away and pulling me to her simultaneously. I feel her continue to struggle against me, to go against the grain as she has trained herself to do over the course of a lifetime of self sufficiency and having to stand alone.

"You're not alone, okay? I get it now, I really do.. I didn't.. I didn't understand at first.. not until tonight. I just got this feeling.. like something wasn't right. I couldn't explain it, and it wouldn't go away. I had to see you, I had to know that you were alright. I drove here at almost one in the morning because my heart would not let me rest… until I knew you were okay. I wanted.. no, I needed to know that you were okay. You need me.. And it's okay for you to need me… because I need you too."

Halfway through me pouring my heart out, she stopped trying to pull away and just wrapped her arms around me.

We both remain silent for awhile, content to just stay in each other's arms for a few minutes while what has been said settles into our hearts.

"I only need you because I love you so much." She says, leaning back so that she can look up into my eyes.

I can't help but smile.

"Is that so, huh?"

A small smile dances across her lips and she nods.

Gazing down into her still tear filled eyes, it occurs to me that there is a significant height difference between us.

"You're short, you know that?"She pokes me in the stomach, and we both laugh as she takes my hand and leads me out of the bathroom and over towards her bed.

"Stay?" She asks tentatively, then bites her bottom lip.

Like I could say no to that?

I nod, unbuttoning my jeans and shimmying out of them, before I peel my hoodie off and let both articles of clothing hit the floor. In a tank top and boy shorts, I climb into bed on my side and sidle up to Maura, who snuggles into out a contented sigh, Maura nuzzles into me, trying to get comfortable, and I shiver when her hand makes its way under my tank top to rest on my stomach. As her index finger draws patterns across my abdomen, my muscles twitch, and she chuckles.

"Jane.. are you ticklish?" She asks, continuing to trail her fingers along my stomach playfully.

Oh.. fuck.. if she keeps this up…

"No."

A moment of silence passes between us before she speaks again.

"Turned on?" She says, and the tone of her voice, unless I am mistaken, is questioning as well as fingers dance higher across feverish skin and I bite my bottom lip to suppress a moan."What do you think?"

She lets out a laugh, then removes her hand from under my tank top.

"First date." She tells me, readjusting herself once more so that she is on her side and is pressed into mine.

Huh?

My eyebrows raise in question, and she flashes me one of her signature, dimpled smiles.

"Take me on a date, then we'll see what I can do to alleviate that… problem… you seem to be having." She tells me, and I feel myself start to blush.

Be calm. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth…

"What problem?"

Did my voice just crack?

"The one that's causing your pupils to dilate and that mild case of tachycardia you seem to be suffering from." She informs me, then presses her lips to my bare shoulder briefly.

Oh, yeah.. that 'problem'…

"I don't really see that as a problem."

We both laugh as I pull the covers up over and around us.

"Goodnight, Jane." She whispers, and I close my eyes, still smiling and feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

I have a date to plan…

"Goodnight, Maur."

Laying on my back, staring up at the ceiling, it hits me that it's a really good thing that I followed my intuition.

"Oh, and Maur?"

She hums in response.

"I love you too."

I close my eyes and drift into a peaceful sleep.