(Snips, snails, and puppy-dogs' tails) That's what Little Boys are made of

Sohei NICHA

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Genre: Humor / Friendship / Hurt&Comfort
Rate: T (May go up)

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Summary: "In which Naruto falls for a jutsu-enchanted six-year-old, and wets his pants."
Notes: Slightly crack. Over-all fun and cuteness— be warned. Sometimes sad, but what else are kids? Sasuke is the cutest!

Anyways, I am back from my cruise (if anyone cares), and I got inspired there… so… here's another fic.

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Naruto stared in horror at the person before him.

"What have I done...?"

He reeled back and fell to his knees, clutching at his hair.

He hadn't meant to do this. All he wanted to do was make Sasuke nicer— not turn him into an innocent and defenseless child!

Yes, the beautiful and dangerous bachelor known as Sasuke Uchiha was now a cute, little six-year-old boy with the memories of a six-year-old Sasuke Uchiha.

The little boy tilted his head, "Why are you so weird?" he asked the currently writhing man. He knelt down and placed a tiny hand on the blond's bicep.

Naruto slowly turned to look at the boy who had once been a man twenty years older.

Yes, every woman in Konoha would be angry at him for messing up her future-husband.

Yes, Sasuke would kill him once he changed back to normal.

So, Naruto did the only thing that would be considered right in this kind of situation:

He took the kid and ran to his house as fast as he could—

Nobody needed to know!

"Hey!" little Sasuke exclaimed, "Put me down!" A little fist hit his back in a small pound that must have taken all of the boy's strength, "You're weird! I don't like you!" there was a pause, "Okay, I lied. But... You're still weird!"

Naruto's eyebrows drew together and his lips curved downward as he thought about what he was going to do. "Okay, so, I can't bring him to Sakura..." He frowned even further, "And I can't bring him to his apartment either... That's just freaking irresponsible!"

"Hey," Naruto felt a (light) pat on his back, "Hey, Mister Whiskers!"

Blue eyes widened and Naruto whipped the young boy off his shoulder. "What did you call me?" he asked incredulously, voice a little harsher than he meant it to be. He held the Uchiha out at arms' length by the armpits; the child's skinny, pale legs dangled in the air and they were trembling like leaves in a breeze.

Sasuke's eyes were big and a bit frightened as he answered Naruto's question: "M-Mr. W-Whiskers..." the boy whispered, voice higher than the natural little boy falsetto.

His lips were trembling.

Naruto's mouth parted and his expression softened. "Hey, it's alright..." he murmured, lowering the child to the ground and kneeling before him. "I don't mind the name— ah, hey… What... What's wrong?"

Sasuke sniffled, "I want Itachi."

Naruto stiffened.

"Whe-where's Itachi?" The little boy was holding back tears, "And mommy. And Dad?" He squinted the big water-droplets back and looked down, tiny shoulders shaking with surpressed sobs.

The blond awkwardly watched the scene before he placed a hand on the child's small shoulder.

What was he supposed to do?

What should he say?

"They..." Naruto paused and bit his lip. His eyes wandered over the boy's dark hair before he lifted the pale chin and looked directly into his team-mate's eyes. "They're on a long mission, Sasuke."

Immediately, the child's expression faulted at this newfound information.

Naruto sighed and let go of the shoulder his big hand rested upon; he thought for a moment before he awkwardly held his arms open and opened his mouth to communicate that Sasuke was welcome for a hug.

But before he could speak, he felt the little Uchiha throw himself into his chest and wrap his short, skinny arms as far around Naruto's chest as he could.

And, looking back upon the moment, Naruto had never seen a wetter shirt.

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"What kind of mission are they on?"

Sasuke's little hand was clenched around a bunch of Naruto's newly-changed, black t-shirt as he chattered and trailed behind the man.

"Why do you wear orange pants?"

"My mommy says that orange is an ugly color and she won't let me wear orange. ... She says it makes me look sick-o-ley."

"And Dad also says that ninjas should be incons-pick-you-us... He says that if I wanna be a ninja, I have to be like Itachi and wear clothes that don't grab attention."

"But Itachi says that I should wear what I want—"

Naruto gave the child a pointed look. "I'll give you a treat if you walk all the way over to that wall on your hands."

Sasuke perked, "A tomato!"

The blond nodded resolutely, "Yes, a tomato."

And immediately, the person Naruto had known for most of his life to be a total cool-as-ice, protégée Bastard, bent over and dropped onto his little head with a loud "THUNK".

Later on, Naruto realized that he had never freaked out more; this included when Sasuke had abandoned Konoha, or when the Raikage said that Sasuke would be executed, or when Haku had "killed" Sasuke, or when...

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Well, Naruto's justification was that it was, after all, a six-year-old he was caring for.

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Little Sasuke held a messy wad of gauze over his nose, occasionally laying an icepack over the sore area. He grinned at the blond the third time Naruto told him to lift the icepack off of his face. "You should have seen yourself, Mr. Whiskers."

Naruto wearily sighed and ruffled the boy's hair. "Yeah, yeah, ya little Prick..." he muttered under his breath.

The Uchiha looked up at him, smile thinning out. "So I don't get the tomato?" he asked morosely.

The blonde grinned. "Well, you definitely get an 'A' for effort..." he cupped the boy's chin and gently pulled the small wrist that held the gauze, from the hurting nose. "So, let's see that ugly mug of yours, Uchiha."

"Gah?" Sasuke's eyebrows shot up into his hairline and he started to squirm in his seat, "Where is the ugly mug?"

The blonde shook his head and inspected Sasuke's nose. "It's fine. Thank God," he muttered. "No broken nose for you, Mr. Studmuffin."

"A-a-a-a—" The little boy looked completely panicked, "Th-that is not my name!" He said, voice beginning to shake from fear of a confused identity, "I am Sasuke Uchiha! Uchiha!" His eyes were wide. "S-S-S-Sasuke U-U-U-Uchiha...!" the claim ended with an unmistakable whimper.

Naruto blinked, paused, turned away, then snorted. "You're really cute," he said, not knowing whether he should really laugh at the other in his distressed state or not.

Sasuke looked up at him with a look that showed that he was holding back tears again.

He looked absolutely adorable.

"I-I don't know who Mr. Stud-mu-fin is..." he said. "But if you're trying to bully me, Mr. Whiskers, then I'm going to grow up big and strong and bully you!" the Uchiha said with a still teary pout. Sasuke then immediately looked apologetic and gave him a small, acknowledging pat on the hand. "Do you want to play with me and Mr. Godzilla?"

"Mr. Who-Now?"

Sasuke's eyes widened and he gave a small gasp. "You do not know Mr. Godzilla— I did not introduce you to him!" the boy whipped his head around to look at the area around himself; before Naruto could react, he had stood up and began wandering around in search for "Mr. Godzilla".

"Hey, Sasuke—"

"He is little, and green—"

"Sasuke?"

"And he is my best friend besides Itachi!" Sasuke stood up with a still slightly bloody grin and spread his arms wide to show how immensely close the boy was to his friend. His eyebrows furrowed, "But I just don't know where he is!"

The blond swooped down and swept the child up in his arms bridle-style and grinned. "Well, I think he also went on the mission, so how about I get you my Kakashi doll after I clean up your face?"

Sasuke giggled and nodded, "A scarecrow doll?" he began to pat adoringly at a tanned cheek, "Why would you have a scarecrow doll?"

They made it to the bathroom and Naruto set his bundle on the toilet-seat. "Kakashi was our— uh, my sensei when I was still a genin."

"You were taught by a scarecrow?"

Naruto sweat-dropped. "No— I— uh... Hey! Look over there!" he shouted dramatically, pointing behind Sasuke.

The Uchiha spun around to inspect the area that the man pointed at— which resulted in a small child staring carefully at a tiled, bathroom wall while Naruto wet a face towel.

"Whoa! Look over here!" the man shouted, just as dramatically.

Sasuke instantly turned to face him and quickly found a soggy cloth rubbing gently at his face.

"M-Mr. Whiskers..." Sasuke managed as Naruto rubbed over the pale face. He pouted and felt the cloth rub over his lips after the action. With his little hands, he pushed the tanned hand away from his face. "Mr. Whiskers... What is your real name?"

"Mr. Whiskers, duh." Naruto deadpanned.

The Uchiha huffed and shook his head. "No, it's not. I made that up!" The boy was pouting again. After a moment, he waved a fragile finger in front of Naruto's nose, "So you tell the truth, now..." he warned as threateningly as he could.

He didn't know if a grin could actually get any bigger, but Naruto felt his face split. "My name is Naruto Uzumaki, and I better not hear you call me an Idiot or a Dead-Last any time soon, okay?"

Sasuke nodded fervently and began stroking at Naruto's jaw, enthralled and completely sincere in his agreement.

It was only a little afterward when Naruto figured out that it was his (very much forgotten) stubble that Sasuke's soft, battle-virgin hands were very much intrigued with.

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He would later find that Uchiha men did not have facial hair, so, to Sasuke, the experience of touching stubble was very much new.

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It was a little after lunch-time and Sasuke's stomach was growling almost as loudly as Naruto's.

"Why can't I go with you, Naruto?"

"Don't worry, I'll be back with food."

"Why don't you have any vegetables?"

"I get all my veggies from ramen."

"Why do you have cups on the floor?"

"That's... Uh..."

"It's messy..."

"... Young man, don't you dare call me a Dead-Last. You promised."

Sasuke nodded his head and disappointedly stroked at Naruto's now-smooth face.

"Why did you do it?" he whispered mournfully.

A chuckle left the man's mouth, "Because even if it feels good for you, if I go out and see Sakura, she might seriously hurt me."

Sasuke's eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. "But she shouldn't!"

That remark received a very amused bark of laughter, "She punches harder than a man."

"B-but—"

"And she wouldn't stand being called 'unwomanly' either..." Blue eyes twinkled, "She likes to use her fists to express her anger, so... Yeah..." He ruffled the dark hair. "Sometimes she's really scary."

"Then why do you— then why are you friends?" Sasuke wrung his hands nervously. "She sounds so scary... I don't think I could ever like her..."

Naruto blanched. "Don't say that! She really likes you!" he gave a forced laugh and knelt down to the boy's level, "I mean, right now you may not know her, but... I mean..."

The fearful look Sasuke was giving him was actually quite humorous, but still, the man couldn't laugh. All he managed was a choked sound.

"I like you, Naruto!" the boy claimed. He wrapped his arms around a tanned neck and pressed his forehead against the other's. "You'll stay with me forever, right?" Sasuke looked straight into his eyes, "You won't let me go, right?"

Naruto's lips parted. He frowned, and before he could speak, a loud grumble could be heard.

So Naruto laughed.

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"I'm gonna go get us some food."

"But—"

"I'll be back."

"Naruto..."

"Don't open the doors for strangers, alright?"

"... Okay..."

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Naruto quickly ran to the Ichiraku Ramen stall and may as well had just shouted in everybody's eardrums.

"I NEED SOME RAMEN FAST, SIR, AND I NEED IT NOW!" the man stated, throwing the stall's coverings aside.

Ayame and her father turned to the young man and blinked before smiling.

"How are you doing, Naruto? Do you want to sit dow—"

"IT'S AN EMERGENCY! I NEED TAKE-OUT! FAST! PLEASE!" he clapped his hands together and pleaded.

Mr. Ichiraku nodded languidly, "It's alright... It's alright, Naruto... Keep calm and we'll get right to it... Now, what would you like?"

"Miso!" the man said quickly, "And one with lots and lots of tomatoes!"

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Sasuke perked up quickly when he heard the door open.

"Hey! You still here?"

"Naruto!"

The young boy jumped up from his spot on the floor and climbed over the bed. He stopped right in front of the blond when he noticed the heavy bags that were in his hands.

Naruto grinned. "I hope you like ramen." He stepped to the table and put the bags down. "I'll set up, so close the door, a'ight?"

Sasuke, who was patiently pattering after Naruto, turned around and went to the door, closing it shut.

"Now what?" he asked; expression asking: "Food now, right?"

And so, the blond said: "Food now," with the biggest grin. He took out the take-out and pulled the single wooden chair at his table, and let the boy jump up on it before noticing how short Sasuke still was as compared to the table. Naruto laughed and then looked around, finding a throw and folding it up. "Here, sit on this," he offered.

Sasuke blinked at the folded cloth and then looked up at Naruto. "I'm not cold," he stated.

A tanned head went to scratch at the back of Naruto's head. He chuckled awkwardly, "Uh, it's for you... To sit on..."

Sasuke tilted his head slightly. "Whyyyy?" He lifted himself up off the seat a bit anyways and let Naruto slide the blanket beneath him. After sitting back down, the brunet found himself pleasantly aligned with his take-out. He took the chopsticks beside the bowl and pulled them apart, clapped his hands together, and looked at hid companion.

Naruto looked around and found a fold-out chair. He grinned and placed it across from the other placing at the small table. He slapped his hands together and bowed his head.

"Thanks for the grub!"

"Thank you for the food!"

The two opened their containers and began to eat— one shoveling food down his mouth, while the other struggled slightly with wet noodles and chopsticks.

Much slurping and splashing ensued.

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"Naruto?" Sasuke smiled and sighed contentedly, pushing his ramen away from him. "I'm full."

"Can I have it?"

"Yep!"

Naruto looked at the bowl and saw mostly ramen— he had no complaints— but what he found absolutely endearing was that all of the tomatoes were gone from the container. He reached over the table and ruffled Sasuke's hair, "Thanks, Studmuffin."

A sound akin to a giggle emulated from the boy, and a curious coloring stained his pale cheeks.

Naruto looked at Sasuke for a moment, taking in the innocent expression. He felt something inside him twinge, but he figured that it was because there was once a bunch of vegetables in the noodles.

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There was a knock on the door.

Naruto's eyes widened.

He opened his mouth to call out to Sasuke; he spun around to the couch: the last place he saw the boy. "Sasuke—"

He blinked.

Curled up in the middle of the couch was the six-year-old. His back expanded and contracted with each breath he took. His dark hair fell over his forehead messily and his eyes were closed so that his long eyelashes curled over his cheeks. The boy's lips were parted slightly and little whistles of air could be heard.

...Apparently, it was nap-time.

Another loud rap on the door broke Naruto from his observations.

He bit his lip and scooped Sasuke up and quickly put him onto his bed before flinging a blanket over the boy to hide the small body.

Not a well-thought-out plan, but it would have to do.

Naruto then ran to the door and opened it just a crack.

Green eyes and a smile greeted him.

He almost slammed the door back shut and shouted out: "Don't kill me!" but that would be far too suspicious; so, he did what any other unsuspicious person did:

He began to stutter.

"H-h-h-hell-oooooo..." Naruto said, breaking out into a sweat. "H-h-h-h-how a-a-a-are y-ou-ou-ou d-doing, S-S-Saku-ra-ah-ah-ah...?"

This was utterly ridiculous. He was stuttering more than Hinata, and that was saying a lot.

"Hey, Naruto," the woman cooed, tilting her head coyly, "I was just wondering if you'd seen Sasuke today?"

A bead of sweat ran down the side of a tanned face, dripping along an angled jaw.

"N-n-n-n-n—" It was rather difficult to figure out whether Naruto's head-shaking was due to actually shaking his head, or if it was because of his trembling body.

Nonetheless, Sakura pushed past him effortlessly— years of training making any endeavor as simple as pie. There were almost no longer any beings stronger in brute strength than her, and Naruto had learned to fear the lady as much as what was still considered to be masculine.

"So," she began, "you haven't seen him today, huh?" The woman sighed, "And I thought you and he were supposed to spar— again—" Sakura added, turning around to him sharply, not even three feet away from the bed, "this morning." She straightened out her gloves, "He doesn't happen to have a mission today, does he?" her voice was so sweet... so sweet.

Naruto began to fidget, palms sweaty. "I-I-I-I..." His eyes darted to the bed and then back to Sakura's.

She looked over to the table and frowned. "Why do you have three chopsticks on the table?" The woman stepped over to the eating utensils and picked one up. Then, she picked up the other two.

Two of the sticks had teeth-marks in them and the third was simply damp.

Sakura quirked an eyebrow, "I didn't know you bite your chopsticks," she commented, a little grossed-out.

Naruto laughed nervously. "Y-yeah, I do." His voice cracked, raising it octaves higher on his agreement. "I-it's a really b-bad habit..."

"Naruto—"

"Mr. Whiskers…?"

The two twenty-six-year olds turned to the rustling sheets, where the previously sleeping boy sat up drowsily and rubbed at his sleep-blurred eyes.

Sakura's eyes widened. "S… Sasuke…?" she whispered, hands trembling. She made her way quickly to the boy and touched his forehead maternally, instincts taking over her senses.

Sasuke blinked and looked at her innocently. "Who… who are you, Miss. Pink-Lady?" he tilted his head slightly toward her hand and caught sight of Naruto's terrified face. "Why is Mr. Whiskers so sweaty?"

"Hah…" a choked sound escaped the pink-haired woman's lips and she slowly turned to Naruto.

She was smiling.

Naruto gulped.

"Yeah, Naruto…" Sakura purred, "Why are you so sweaty?" She got up from her momentary kneeling position and made her way toward the man slowly. Her green eyes caught sight of the man's blues darting to the window, "You aren't thinking of leaving him here— all alone and helpless, are you?" she drawled.

"You would make a better guardian than me!" Naruto wailed before a chakra-charged fist pummeled him embarrassingly right into his bladder…

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Sasuke was sure he had never seen anyone wet their pants as much as Naruto did—

It was almost as impressive as stubble.

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A/N:

Shota-ish? Shota. Shota? ... SHOTA? Yes! Until Sasuke turns back, it will be Shota-ish! (...I can't believe myself... Again.)

Rest assured, when I began writing this, I had EVERY INTENTION of making this an INNOCENT relationship. However, as time went by, I found that I had much too much time to think; therefore, let your perverted mind and me just (personally warn—) tell you blatantly that this relationship will in NO WAY turn out to be as innocent as it probably should!

So... Yeah.

And since I've had lo— crap— LOTS of time to think, well, I've gotten to SHOTA and Hybridphilia… Shit-fucker in the cock-hole.

I need to go to Hell for this.

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Sohei NICHA