Gah, I had too much time on my hands, and the idea was fermenting around in my brain - sue me.

Disclaimer: Oh, C'mon! For f*ck's sake, do you really think I own it?

The light flickered through a small window, revealing a messy room with far too many clothes strewn on the floor. In one corner stood a computer - or at least it looked like there was a computer under all the papers and food wrappers that littered the desk. On the bed, surrounded by posters of LoTR, slept, (or rather, sprawled) a girl who looked like she was somewhere in her teens. She was your average rabid LoTR fanfic writer, with a crush on almost every male character in the movie and the author of many sappy romances: slash, Mary- Sues, and self-inserts – sometimes all in the same fic, or chapter even. Suddenly a large flaming eyeball appeared in the middle of her room, bellowing "BEHOLD THE EYE OF SAURON! TREMBLE IN FEAR, FOR THE DARK LORD SEES ALL!"

The girl woke up with a yelp and dived in her bedside drawer for a can of hairspray, and then proceeded to dispense its contents in the giant eye's direction.

"Cut that out you bloody little brat!" The eye roared "I have no patience for your insolence!"

The author (whom we shall call Author from this time forward, because nobody seems to know [or admit to know] her name) pointed an accusing finger at the eye and gasped "Sweet Valar! You're... you're Sauron!"

"No, really?" The eye sounded annoyed, if one can imagine a giant flaming eye sounding annoyed. "Of course I am Sauron, who else would I be, Mary Poppins? Now shut your mouth and listen: your work as a 'fanfiction' author has been brought to my attention as worthy, so you have been chosen to receive a special gift."

Author interrupted, "Why would I work with you - you're evil."

"Do not interrupt me!" Sauron was sounding angrier. "Did no one teach you manners? As I was saying, you will be gifted with special author powers that will allow you to affect the characters and realities of Middle Earth."

Author gasped, this was every writer's dream! "So why are you being nice to me?" Author knew enough about her favorite story to know that flaming eyeball = person not to be trusted.

Sauron sighed "You are a fan of every male character in the 'movie', you have written many stories that have the characters acting in ways that would make the real people cringe, and... your house was nearby."

Author's eyes narrowed, "You mean that you're doing this because you're still holding a grudge against them for destroying your ring?"

The Eyeball made an annoyed sound, and Author could have sworn that he was rolling his... well, eye. "So? I'm the dark Lord of evil, what did you expect, fair play and a good loser? Now get moving! You have 24 hours in which you have close to unlimited powers over the fellowship and some other major characters, if your work is satisfactory, perhaps I shall extend your abilities."

Author looked slightly confused, "Meaning what exactly?"

Sauron gritted his teeth - that is to say he would have gritted them if he had any, (being an eyeball has some definite drawbacks) "Go to your computer." He said, trying to speak slowly in a way that the sleepy adolescent would understand. "You can play with the LoTR boys."

Author squealed in joy - this she understood. "Ooh, Legolas is so cute, I could [Censored because the fic is not NC-17]... and then I could [Alright, what did we just say about this NOT being porn?]... with Aragorn, and then all the hobbits and I could [Dammit, try to work with us here]... and then we could all [Okay, now you're just freaking us out] and maybe..."

"Yes, yes, that's fine." Sauron interrupted. "No need to give details, just get on with it!"

Sauron left, privately thinking that dealing with these writers was starting to wear him down. Oh well, it was worth the hassle to see those who had defied him in such discomfort. He had toyed with the idea of taking over this planet of 'Fanfic' writers before, but had discarded it when he realized that the general population wouldn't care as long as they could keep their internet access, T.V. shows and booze. There wasn't much point in taking over a world if the inhabitants merely shrugged and said "Um... that's cool. Hey, can we have a bong party in honor of your rule?"

A/N: Yeah, well I suppose I will update soon - if you hate it you can flame - I have all the sensitivity of a very small flea and love to hear a good insult. Oh yeah, and please review - provided the large hungry demon-monster that you have attracted by clicking on to this story hasn't eaten you alive by now (What, I sold my soul - and yours for a snickers - hey, stop looking at me like that, I was damn hungry, sheesh some people just keep grudges over the silliest things.)