August 25, 2011

A/N: Wow, did I get lazy; haven't updated this in more than two weeks. This chapter is quite predictably Thanksgiving-themed. I am going to have to come up with some more interesting plot bunnies :) I also realize that in the timeframe of the actual show, this is when Chandler blurts out the I Love You, but I always found the "time" on TV shows to be distorted.

Thanks for your reviews – you guys make my day!

Trysts – Chapter 16

(Chandler's POV)

"Chandler! Get up; we have a busy day today!" Monica nudges me insistently against my arm. I mumble a bit in my sleep and turn over.

"Oh get up!" Monica tries again, this time opening the curtains so that the sunlight streams in – my eyes!

"Okay, I am up!" I reply irritated, "What is so special about today?"

"It's Thanksgiving, and I can't believe I promised that I would cook again this year for everyone!" Monica groaned, "We've got a lot of work to do – and you aren't bailing out on me!"

"Ah, Thanksgiving – the most wonderful time of the year!" I reply, my tones dripping with sarcasm as thick as honey.

"Oh come on, don't be such a wet blanket!" Monica exclaimed, "Just because of one house boy..."

"Let me tell you that that particular house boy caused a lot of pain and anguish in my rather despondent teenage years!" I huff – the subject is still rather touchy to this day.

"Surely you must have something to be thankful for," Monica sighs exasperatedly.

"I will think on it. You know that I don't do anything that has anything to do with that holiday, you know," I reply.

"Okay, fine, if you help me today, I will make you macaroni and cheese – and bake you a chicken. And there will be dessert, if you understand what I mean," Monica grins suggestively.

"What kind of dessert?" I ask her suspiciously.

"Oh the good kind," Monica reassures, "The one with two people and the possibly the bed."

"Okay then." (Damn Thanksgiving! Blasted, wretched holiday!)

"My, my, that's one fine turkey!" Joey enters Monica and Rachel's apartment, and sets his eyes on the pink uncooked and unstuffed turkey sitting in the middle of the dining table.

"Yeah, it sure is," Ross replies conversationally to Joey. Ross turns around and shuts the apartment door.

"Hey Chandler, where's Monica?" Joey turns to ask Chandler who's sitting with Phoebe on the couch, watching a Thanksgiving parade.

"She's in our apartment – baking pie," Chandler replies back.

"Hey guys, do you remember the year when Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?" Phoebe exclaims when the TV switches to commercials.

"Oh yeah, he sure smelled right after that," Ross grins, "Still can't believe he did that!"

"Hey, I did that to scare Chandler – but I ended scaring myself – I thought it'd never come off!" Joey remembers.

"I still can't believe you did that!" Ross looks at Joey.

"Hey, at least I was cool like that!" Joey folds his arms across his chest.

"Wait, are you saying that I am not cool!" Ross exclaims, "I will show you cool!" Everyone turns around to look at Ross after his outburst as he picks up the turkey and with much effort, forces it on his head.

"And now pigs can fly, as Ross has done the impossible," Chandler remarks sarcastically, "Never knew his head was small enough to fit in there."

"And now, I think I've seen everything," Phoebe adds.

"And I see nothing!" Ross exclaims.

(Monica's POV)

"So, how on earth did Ross get his head stuck in the turkey?" I turn around to ask my boyfriend. We are all standing in the emergency room at the local hospital after numerous attempts to get the turkey off my brother's head. All failed. (God, my brother can be an imbecile sometimes! And he thinks he's all knowing!) Ross has been really quiet ever since we realized we couldn't pry the turkey off his head. It's been several hours since we arrived here, and Ross is starting to stink.

"You see –" Chandler begins to say.

"Joey kind of goaded him into doing it!" Phoebe exclaims, "But it's still all Ross's fault!"

"Isn't this a wonderful Thanksgiving," Rachel remarks.

"Yeah, spending it in the ER," Phoebe exclaims, "Didn't see this coming!"

"Now you're speaking my language!" Chandler exclaims.

"Ross Geller?" the receptionist at the counter calls out. We all follow Ross to the examination room, where a middle-aged doctor greets us. He surveys Ross with a critical eye.

"Now, this, you don't see every day," he remarks, "So you guys can't get it off?"

Ross mumbles something intelligible – muffled by his turkey headgear.

"Yeah, we tried pulling it off, tried some grease..." Chandler replies on behalf of Ross.

"Okay, I get the picture, guys – now I am going to need all you guys back out the waiting-room while we remove the turkey from his head."

(Chandler's POV)

"So we are all here, eating the Thanksgiving chicken at, let me see, 10 PM!" I muse, while turning to look at the clock.

"Yeah, pity about the turkey – he was a nice and fat one," Joey sighs over the lost bird.

"This is the worst Thanksgiving, ever!" Ross complains, while helping himself to mashed potatoes.

"Hey! You can't go around and steal my thunder!" I exclaim. (My Thanksgiving is supposed to be the worst!)

"Well, let me see," Ross thinks, "One divorce from estranged ex-wife which I flew all the way to London for – "

"Hey, that was a good investment!" Monica exclaims, while giving my leg a nudge under the table. (I concur. London was the best thing – ever!)

"And that was divorce number two," Ross replies glumly.

"Hey, at least you've been married twice! How about us poor people who never had that experience!" Phoebe interjects.

"Dumped by Janice of all people – " Ross ignores Phoebe.

"Do not mention her name!" Joey exclaims with fear, "She-who-must-not-be-named!" (Ah, the female version of Voldemort.)

"And finally the turkey fiasco," Ross replies a little bitterly, "I swear Dr. Mark was trying very hard not to laugh during the entire procedure."

"Okay, maybe your Thanksgiving is bad – but mine was worse!" I exclaim, "Do I really need to dive into the details again?"

"No!" Rachel, Monica and Ross stop their eating to direct this at me.

"Oh come on guys! It isn't Thanksgiving without Chandler being all dark and gloomy about it!" Joey exclaims.

"Thanks, Joe," I reply sarcastically, while digging another forkful of Monica's fabulous pasta.

"Anytime, Chandler," Joey grins, oblivious.

"Okay, how about we go around the table and name one thing that we are thankful for," Phoebe suggests (Really Phoebs? Thanksgiving is such a bleh holiday!), "There's too much negativity in the aura here!"

"Oh I know what I am grateful for!" Joey exclaims.

"What?" Rachel asks curiously.

"The rain!"

"Aw... that's nice Joey," Phoebe replies.

"You know, just the other day it was raining and this hot hot girl was wearing only this thin white shirt, and it was raining like crazy – and let's just say I saw a lot!" Joey grins wistfully. (Why did I have a feeling the conversation was going to go this way?)

"Joey!" Rachel exclaims.

"What?" he feigns innocence.

"Oh me, my turn!" Phoebe butts in, "I am thankful that we are all here today, all in one piece to eat this very lovely meal."

"Oh that's a good one," Joey nods knowingly.

"What about you Rach?" Phoebe asks.

"I am thankful for my job at Ralph Lauren – it's like my dream come true! And also that Ross got that turkey off his head – I was starting to worry that we would have to see it every day!" Rachel smirks at Ross.

"Hey! Way to hit a man when he's already down!" Ross retorts.

"Just teasing!" Rachel defends herself.

"What are you thankful for, Chandler?" Monica turns the question on me. (How am I going to reply to this?)

"Um... Ross's second marriage?" I reply. Monica gives me a certain look. (I may have said the right thing!)

"Fine, why are you guys all against me today!" Ross exclaims.

"It's proportional to your irrationality!" I retort back; Ross looks sheepish.

"Yeah, I am cool – I will prove it! Stuffs turkey on head!" Rachel explains.

"And this will be known as the Thanksgiving without a turkey!" Joey frowns, "I was really looking forward to it!"

"Well, I am thankful that I am such a source of amusement to you guys!" Ross replies, sarcastically.

"What are you thankful for, Mon?" Rachel asks my girlfriend, who just put her fork down. I look curiously at her.

"Hm... I dunno," she replies with a grin, "Maybe London."

"And there we go again," Ross moans.

"That was a good dinner Mon, despite all the interruptions today," Rachel pushes herself away from the table and stretches out.

"I am so full!" Phoebe exclaims, "You've outdone yourself again!"

"Could I have some leftovers, Mon? I could use it to make some sandwiches for lunch for the next few days," Ross asks.

Joey is still eating, after everyone has stopped.

"Thanks guys. Ross, you can have whatever is left," Monica gets up to start collecting the dirty dishes. Out of habit, I get up and do the same, starting in the other direction.

"I think I am going to take a shower, bright and early day at work tomorrow," Rachel gets up from the table and starts heading to her room", "See you guys!"

"Yeah, I actually got work tomorrow too," Joey sighs, "Better go."

"Me too, see you guys!" Phoebe gets her coat and things from the couch.

Ross helps himself to the leftovers and packs them up before he leaves too. Rachel emerges from her room and heads off into the bathroom for her aforementioned shower and Monica and I are left alone – with the dishes.

"Remember when we were still sneaking around and we used dishes as an excuse to spend time with each other?" I ask, while taking my position beside her, to scrub the dishes.

"Yeah, but you still do that," Monica grins at me, "I can't believe they never noticed your sudden enthusiasm for dish-washing after London."

"Or how we are both gone when you want to go do laundry," I add.

"It's amazing how oblivious they were," Monica observes.

"Yeah, but it was for the best. We weren't ready," I reply.

"Yeah, I guess," Monica sighs, "But I am happy with where we are now."

"Me too," I smile back at her.

I dry the last dish and we head off to the balcony. The shower is still running, so we know Rachel's occupied.

"So, what are you really thankful for?" Monica asks me, when we are out in the fresh air. Well, not that New York air is that fresh, but whatever.

"You, actually, but I didn't want to sound sappy in front all of those guys," I reply.

"Your secret is safe with me," Monica grins.

"That's good, I don't want my reputation in tatters," I smirk.

"What reputation?" Monica smiles cheekily at me.

"Oh shut up," I retort back.

"I am thankful for you too, it's amazing that sometimes what you'd been for all your life is usually right under your nose," Monica draws an observation.

"Yeah, I've never been happier. To tell you the truth, this is probably one of the best Thanksgivings – pity about Ross though – it's been a crappy year for him," I reply thoughtfully.

"Sometimes you think you know your brother, but you don't," Monica grins, "You had no idea how shocking it was when I walked through that door this afternoon, and saw you guys trying to wrestle that turkey off Ross's head."

"So where's that dessert that you promised?" I decide that it was a good time to redeem my prize.

"Oh, something like this?" She kisses me on the lips, before pulling back.

"Y'know, I was hoping for something, a little more," I reply back.

"My, my, so demanding, Mr. Bing – we will just have to see what I can do!" Monica grabs my hand and pulls back towards the apartment.

(This is probably the best Thanksgiving ever!)