Just a brief one-shot. I thought it would be funny. I am sorry that the writing in the first chapter is so horrible, but I have no inclination of rewriting it. Simply put, not enough hours in the day/week/month/year. i would even say hour. Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy this silly little piece.

Draco Malfoy was irritated. Scratch that- he was more than irritated, he was down right steamed up and he did not like it. Today was the changing of all the common room's passwords, the Head Common's as well, and Granger had not informed him of the new one.

He had searched the castle for the little witch, but could not find her. Reluctantly, he had to venture and quest out one of the nearest professors for the password. Students were only allowed three lockouts a year before some kind of measures would be taken. Being Head Boy, it was even more embarrassing.

Slipping into the common room a, though he would never admit it allowed, tasteful palette of blues, creams, and gold he paused at a thump noise.

"Granger is in here! I knocked early. I'll show her." He muttered angrily to himself before brandishing his wand and stalking towards the door to her room. Though the war was over, and he had proven himself to be no death eater, killer, it didn't mean that he had to suddenly fall in love with Princess Potter and his band of merry morons.

Another sound stopped him, a moan. This was not a 'I stubbed my toe and it hurts' moan, this was one of pleasure and sex. "Granger's getting some?" He asked himself in an astonished whisper before sneaking forward and pressing his ear firmly against the door of her personal chambers.

Yes, there was no doubt about it. Granger was getting laid; he couldn't possibly mistake those sounds for anything else. The question was, who would lay the bossy know-it-all. As far as he knew she couldn't catch the eye of the broad side of a barn. Even Weasley had better taste, though not by much.

He heard a decidingly wet slapping noise and a man moan Granger's name. Feeling ill and looking a bit more green than normal, Malfoy backed off the door as he hear knocking start on the portrait.

Who could possibly be in there with Granger? Malfoy wondered while wandering over to the door. It was most likely Scarhead or Weasel. They were the only ones who could possibly want such a bushy bit of muff. Malfoy opened the door with an exasperated, "What?"

He paused in slight shock at both Potter and Weasley at the door, their hands still raised poised to knock. "What are you lot doing out here?" Malfoy asked, his tone friendly in his distraction.

"We're looking for Hermione?" Potter said, trying to maintain the civility that Malfoy had unknowingly started.

Malfoy turned his head back and forth between the two boys in the doorway and Granger's door. His left pointer finger constantly moved with his head left and right as though guided by some unknown force. Outside of his control, Malfoy started making questioning noises.

"Malfoy, are you okay?" Potter asked finally, placing a hand on Malfoy's shoulder after weighing the risk.

Malfoy did not even have the presence of mind to shake him off. "If you two are out here looking for her, than," he paused and turned to look at her closed door, "who's that in there with her?"

Potter and Weasley looked incredibly confused with a touch of disbelief and disgust.

"What are you on about, Malfoy?" Weasley asked as they were allowed into the common room and the door shut behind them.

"I'm saying that, your pet muggleborn is in there doing the dirty with some bloke." Malfoy smirked, trying to save face, "I honestly thought it was one of you two- I guess she has better taste than that."

Weasley moved to lunge at him and Potter placed his arm across his friend to prevent that action. "Come again?"

"I bet she is coming again." Malfoy muttered and winced at a series of sharp thuds from the aforementioned room.

"What?" Potter's voice took on a dangerous quality that snapped Malfoy out of his haze.

"Just listen, Potter." Malfoy didn't continue with his statement and just beckoned the other two boys forward until they pressed their ears against Hermione's door.

The sounds that the three boys heard made them all retract sharply from the door with equal looks of disgust.

"I'm going in there!" Ron declared and whipped out his wand, "Someone is obviously taking advantage of Hermione and it needs to stop!"

Before the other two could stop him Ron sent a blast of energy at the door and it swung all the way open, and almost off its hinges.

"Taking advantage, huh Weasley?" Malfoy drawled over Granger's started gasp.

She was seated tall and naked, riding someone who they could not see due to the angle of the bed. She gasped at the intrusion, but to her credit, did not shriek, And dove off her partner to under the covers and pulled them up to cover herself to her shoulders.

"What are you all doing in my bed chambers?" She asked incredulously still playing with the fabric of her duvet in an effort to hide more.

"It's not my fault that you do the nasty louder than a blast ended skrewt." Malfoy shot back, twirling his wand lazily in his hands to demonstrate outer boredom at this confrontation.

A man sat up in the full sized four-post bed. His medium length brown hair was mussed, but there was a goofy grin on his face. "Yes, I believe that, that is my job. If you wouldn't mind."

"Ew, gross, mate." Potter responded, and Malfoy couldn't agree more.

The man shrugged as if to say it was true.

"Who are you anyway?" Weasley demanded whilst brandishing his wand menacingly.

The lovers shared a brief glance. "I'm Matt Smith." The man said at last. "I would say that it's a pleasure, but it's not and you're interrupting my day."

A blush settled across the brim of Granger's face quite prettily and Malfoy smirked.

"How come we've never seen you around?" Potter asked suspiciously, none of them paying heed to the fact that their two victims were naked.

Matt Smith shrugged, "I'm a great deal older than you lot, so I'm not surprised. I haven't been in Hogwarts in," He paused and made a whistling sound, "oh, ages I suppose. But anyway. If you would just go ahead and leave, I would appreciate that. Close the door behind you, if you would. There's good lads."

The three boys, unable to fight with Smith slowly backed out of the room and repaired the door. With it closed the three made a silent vow never to speak of this instance again. Weasley and Potter left via the portrait entrance, and Malfoy went to his room to finish what hearing all those sounds had started.

I hope you liked it! Read and Review and do all those other crazy good things that fill up my inbox.

Cheers!

!Bless!