Christine Chapel heroically stifled a yawn as she exited the turbolift into the silent dimly lit corridor which led to Sickbay. With only four hours of sleep under her belt, every cell in her body was crying out for coffee. The silvery doors softly swooshed open at her approach and finding no witnesses in the unoccupied outer office she surrendered to her bone weariness, indulging in a long, languorous yawn and stretched out her bed stiffened muscles.

The light was on in M'Benga's office; and as she programmed a fresh pot of strong black coffee from the office replicator he came out to join her.

"You're early." he said as she handed him a steaming cup.

""With the parties last night, I thought you'd be swamped."

"On and off," the African doctor replied, "nothing serious, just some bangs and scrapes, mostly mega doses of antitox for all the booze." He set the cup down and smiled as the darkhaired woman rearranged the chartpads on the nurse's station.

"Chris," he admonished gently, "you're a doctor now, leave that for the nurses."

"Sorry," she laughed softly, "McCoy's been after me about that for the past four months. I guess old habits really do die hard."

"You didn't go to any of the parties?"

She shook her head, "I've got some projects going in the lab that needed my attention. Well, if you have things in hand here, I can use the time to catch up on my paperwork. I'll be in my office if you need me."

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she grabbed a handful of report pads and headed for her office. There really was nothing like that first cup of coffee in the morning after a long night in the lab, she mused sitting down at her computer terminal. The comm light was blinking signaling that she had messages waiting for her.

"Computer play messages, Chapel delta pi seven."

"Chapel delta pi seven authenticated. You have seven new messages."

"Seven messages?" she responded with a puzzled frown. "Sort by priority code."

"All priority level one."

"List," at her command a list of senders popped onto the screen. Though she recognized all of the names, one name, stood out among the rest.

"Play Commander Spock's message first, the play remainder sorted by rank."

As the angular features filled her screen, Christine felt an anxious fluttering in her stomach. Nearly four month's after Spock's return from the monastery at Gol to the Enterprise they appeared to be on the verge of becoming what her grandmother used to call an "item". He had invited her to share the evening meal with him tonight in the Officer's dining room. Maybe he was getting the Vulcan equivalent of cold feet?

Tentatively she touched the screen and the message began.

"What the hell…" she stared at the screen after the message ended certain now that she was still in her bed sound asleep. As the next message began, this one from the Admiral, she started to wonder if her coffee had been spiked with some little known alien hallucinogen. The remaining messages played out, each; it seemed exponentially more bizarre than the previous one. As the final message finished Christine found her utter shock was gradually morphing into fury.

"Computer," she commanded sharply, "Memo from Dr Christine Chapel acting CMO USS Enterprise to Admiral James Kirk, Commander Spock, Commander Montgomery Scott, Dr. Leonard McCoy, Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu, and Lieutenant Pavel Chekov." She took a deep, breath.

"Gentlemen and I use that term loosely. I am in receipt of each of your missives from earlier this morning. I would like to take this opportunity to make myself perfectly clear to all of you.

"I do not wish to lower my shields and be boarded. I do not wish to see the Captain's "log". I do not wish to see your "plasma injectors". I do not wish to have my warp core "breeched"", nor my warp nacelles "adjusted". I am uninterested in attending any "debriefing sessions" in any of your quarters. I do not require anyone to clean my antimatter chamber. I do not wish to make "first contact". No, you may not "pet my tribbles". I am not interested in hearing anymore metaphors that include the following: shuttlecraft and shuttle bays, Jeffries tubes, your "warp drive", thrusters, photon or for that matter any sort of torpedoes, zucchini, plomeeks or any similarly shaped fruits or vegetables.

"I believe that is goes without saying that if told me 'I had a beautiful body', I would under no circumstances in this or any possible universe hold it against any of you."

"Computer please attach link to Starfleet Sexual Harassment Interactive Tutorial" she continued, her sapphire eyes flashing. "You will each find yourselves locked out of your duty stations until you have logged in and completed the test with a 100 percent ranking.

"Computer please cc this portion of memo to Catering and Ships Stores, in the future Romulan Ale will not be served at any ship's functions under any circumstances. Existing stores of said item are to be destroyed by oh eight hundred hours this date under the authority of Dr Christine Chapel MD, PhD acting Chief Medical Officer USS Enterprise.

"Chapel out!."