Before the team knew it a whole year had gone by and Reilly had stopped caring about her hair. It had started to grow back at a fast pace and by the end of the second after her return it was already at her shoulder blades again. Reilly never went to clubs or bars if the case ever called for it the others would see to the club scene.

Reilly was always going back to her place and there was always something missing. It was obvious that the woman was missing one thing in her life. The only true love of her life. Garcia saw this when they had gone to the bookstore Reilly looked longingly at a couple sitting on a couch together reading.

.::*::.

Jean-Claude had gone grocery shopping when he thought he had seen a red headed beauty with a slim build and looked like his beloved redhead. Jean-Claude went to the one person he knew would listen, his long time friend Will. It pained Will to see his friend still ache over the woman who was so close yet still far away.

.::*::.

Garcia waltzed into the bullpen with a smile on her face she was wearing warm autumn colors. It was early October and there was a slight chill in the fall air and it was pleasant to all who walked outside. "What's up Baby Girl?" Morgan asked looking at his long time happy-go-lucky friend.

"Who's up for some fun?" Garcia asked. Reilly put her head down thinking the fun would be the team hitting a bar or club after work for a few drinks and maybe a bit of dancing.

"What do you have in mind?" Emily asked.

"A costume ball is being held by a friend of mine. But there's a catch." Garcia said.

"I'm starting to like the sound of this." Rossi the oldest member of the team stated who had heard the team from in his office.

"Everyone is welcome to go and has to be in costume with a mask of some sort and you have to be silent and you cannot reveal your face till midnight." Garcia said. Reilly looked up again. "So let me get this straight: we go in masks and costume we can't talk nor can we reveal our faces till midnight. That sucks because then there's no real fun in it for us because we will easily spot each other." Reilly said.

"When is it?" Reid the youngest agent on the team jumped up.

"That's the spirit." Garcia smiled.

"Sign me up no telling what might happen." Morgan smirked.

"Have fun without me." Reilly told them. She didn't want to go. There would be no real fun. She couldn't do it. There would be no fun in it really. She'd go but she wouldn't be able to connect with anyone there.

"I'm kidnapping you, you are going. I know a guy who would be just perfect for you." Garcia said. "I'm not going. I will get on a plane and fly myself to Canada if I must." Reilly protested.

"If you don't go I'm posting a profile for you on every single online dating site I know. And that means quite a few." Everyone looked at the redheaded woman. Reilly looked down with defeat. "I hate you people."

"What do you mean you people?" Morgan asked.

"Morgan don't you start with me. Stop watching Tropic Thunder." Reilly told him. She regretted showing him that movie. She had only watched it because Robert Downey Jr. was one of her favorite actors. "You're an idiot." Reilly smiled.

.::*::.

They did have a case before Halloween. One that put a chill down everyone's spine. But having something fun to look forward to was a reason to smile. "If you don't come out of that room I'm walking into that room and dragging you out myself." Emily said.

Reilly slipped on her mask and walked out of her bedroom. They had gathered a the woman's house to get dressed for the evening. Eve had chosen a new dress to wear that night. Like her other one this one was lace back and it went from red to black. Her necklace stood out against her chest. Black earrings flickered in strands of red hair. This was a woman who planned to make heads turn.

Reilly opened the door with a smile. "Better for you? I had to get my gun on." Reilly explained. "Your gun?"

"Yup and badge." Reilly told JJ. A horn sounded outside. "The boys are here." Garcia called to them. Each woman lifted the hems of their dresses and went down stairs. Reilly was the last one out as she turned out the lights and locked the door. Already in the SUV JJ looked at Garcia. "Are you sure he's going to show up after we arrive?" JJ asked.

"Yeah. He and Will are going to meet us there." Garcia said. Reilly got into the SUV.

"Well I must say you ladies look lovely tonight." Rossi complimented them as they got out of the SUV having reached their destination.

"Remember no talking ladies and gentlemen. No revealing until midnight. But until then drink, dance and be merry play a trick or two if you so wish there a people monitoring the room. If they see you talk they escort you out." The woman on stage told them.

Everyone was dancing and sitting together. Reilly saw the tall thin yet muscled man walk up to her. His eyes were a beautiful blue. He presented his hand to her. Reilly took it and let him walk her into a dance. It was one of those group dances where you moved fast and switched partners.

They danced and circled around each other and others. But the dance ended and they found themselves in each other's arms. Reilly pulled away from the man. His touch was to inviting and how she craved the touch of another to feel warm and safe again. She wanted that again but she didn't want to risk getting hurt again.

Reilly found herself in the bathroom staring at her in the mirror. Where did that fire go? Where was the woman she had been? Was she so afraid that she had to question everything? Even on cases she thinks of what the fathers and husbands and brothers of the victims can do if they so wanted. It sent chilling shivers down her spine in a fearful way.

Reilly reined it in and told herself to stow that part of her. Just for a few more hours.

The gentleman she had danced with did not disappear for long. He soon appeared with a drink in hand for her. They were soon dancing around each other in swirls of body language. Slight touches, nods and smiles.

"Alright everyone ten minutes to midnight. Find that someone who managed to woo you tonight for the big unveiling." The woman on stage smiled as she looked at everyone looking around. Reilly was going to go find the others but the man she had been dancing with that night caught her hand.

She could see the look in his eyes. He wanted to see what she looked like under her mask. Reilly wouldn't lie she wanted to see the man's face as well. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one." The countdown ended and masks came off. Some laughed, some cheered, Reilly stared in shock at the man before her.

"Claude." Reilly grabbed her skirts to hike them up a bit to run away from him. She barely made it out the door in the crowed of people. The others who had been keeping an eye on them were about to follow but Garcia stopped them.

"They need this time alone. She needs this time alone with him." Garcia told them.

.::*::.

"Cher wait." Jean-Claude called after her.

"Go away this wasn't suppose to happen Claude go home you didn't see me okay. Right now I don't exist go back inside and have fun but you never saw me." Reilly called to him.

Claude grabbed Reilly's shoulder the redheaded woman jerked away from him and reached for her gun under her skirts but did not draw it. "Cher what is this about? I get a letter saying your never coming back. Yet here you are. Where were you really? I missed you like hell and my heart broke when you were gone." Claude told her.

"Claude like I said forget you saw me and forget I exist and move on." Reilly said.

"Why can't I have an explanation? I deserve that much Cher. I loved you I still love you. I want to be with you."

"How could you want to be with me? I'm nothing now Claude I don't even want to be with myself let alone have to see everyday what is left of what once was. I'm not what I once was." Reilly spoke as if she had aged twenty years. She might as well have.

Claude stood speechless as Reilly took her chance to hale a cab on the busy street and leave. Reilly got home and didn't make it far before she fell to her knees in tears. It wasn't fair.

.::*::.

Despite everyone feeling a bit run down he or she all showed up to work. Morgan bragged about the three numbers he had gotten to Reid. Emily stood by and rolled her eyes with a smile. Hotch shook his head as he sat in his office. Garcia smiled at her co-workers but she did not meet the eyes of the redhead.

The glare from the woman was clearly directed to the plump woman. Reilly got up from her desk and if there was ever a time to feel like you were in one of those old western movies where you run inside and close the shutters it was now. The look in her eyes was intimidating to even Morgan it reminded him of when his mother was mad at them when they misbehaved.

Reilly took Garcia by the arm and led her out of the bullpen. Reilly took them into the bathroom and checked the stalls before locking the door. Looking at the bottom of the door she checked to see if anyone was listening.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Reilly turned on the woman. Garcia said nothing. "Do you have any idea what you've done? I gave him that letter telling him exactly what I wanted you had no right to tell him where I was. Don't tell me it wasn't you. I know very well it was your idea Garcia. I trusted you and now I'm hurting more then ever." Reilly told her. Reilly glanced and the door and slammed her hand on it to give the people standing on the other side a warning.

"That's why I did it. You and him have a connection why not get back together with him. You love him and you know it." Garcia protested.

"I don't care how much I love him. He won't want to be with me once he knows. I'm not something to be had anymore. Those nightmares we have from working this job I now see myself as the victim. How can he want to be with me when I barely want to be myself? I almost gave up but I didn't because other people need my help. I'm here to do my job not fall in love." Reilly left out the bathroom glaring at those who had the nerve to wait by the door and try to listen.

Reilly was in a foul mood for the following days. Days turned into weeks. No one tried to speak to her but Hotch or Rossi but even then those were orders. But it made things hard on the team when you weren't sure how your co-worker would react when they were in a mood that made you fear when it wasn't even directed at you.

"Hey Kiddo let me talk to you for a few minutes before you head out." Rossi said waving Reilly into his office. Reilly sat down on the couch.

"So what's the problem? You haven't been like yourself for quite sometime." Rossi said.

"Don't do it Rossi. Al long as the job gets done it doesn't matter. People are safe the bad guy goes behind bars and I go home." Reilly said as she opened the office door to walk out.

"Just because of what happened doesn't mean that you don't deserve love." Rossi said. Reilly looked at him over her should and continued out the door for home. Hotch managed to catch her in the parking lot.

"Reilly I didn't want to do this but I'm suspending you for the next months time. I don't want to see you in here until after New Year. While your gone I want you to attend these meetings. I'll know if you don't. If you don't, well then, I'm firing you." Hotch handed her the pamphlet and left.

Reilly headed for the first liquor store she could find and bought a six-pack of beer before heading home and letting herself slip into a drunken pity feast. It was a week before she finally got up from her bed, showered, dressed and headed for her first rape victims meeting.

If she ever wanted to see the field again she would have to go.

The circle was large and the meeting had already started. "Ah a new comer. Please come in have a seat we always welcome people who need support." The woman went to bring her into the group circle Reilly took to sitting on top of a desk and crossing her legs while listening to the other women speak about what happened and how they felt.

"How about you? Would you like to share?" the woman who had greeted her asked.

"No." Reilly said. The meeting was obviously over and Reilly was the first to leave. They met again the next day and Reilly again did not speak. It went on for a week. "How about something from our FBI agent?" the woman who seemed to be the leader or director of this meeting asked.

"Look I don't want to be here I have no problem with what happened to me and I don't need to talk about it. I'm only here so I can go back to work." Reilly told them.

"But you'll find it easier if you talk about. That's what this is. You share with us what happened and slowly begin to heal over it." The woman said. Reilly learned that her name was Cara.

"You hold a lot of anger and you're here because your team in worried about you. If you let this go on to long it will slowly destroy you." Cara continued.

"Don't do that. I know what happened to me other people know what happened to me. It's my own private hell and I plan to keep it that way. No one said I had to say anything and I won't. It's bad enough I have nightmares now I suddenly need to tell other people what happened to me. I will not hold it against the rest of you who have come here but I don't need this." Reilly left.

She didn't return for a week. Simply for the fact of she was going to stop going all together. But the visit from Hotch said otherwise. "If you don't figure out how to deal with this Reilly I'm signing the paper work. Yes I have it all filled out. It's been going on for more then a year it needs to end." Hotch didn't think it would carry this far. Even Reid had gotten over his problem sooner.

The deadline stayed to January 10th. Reilly went to her meeting on December 17th.

When they finally came down to Reilly she sighed and then took a deep breath before speaking. "I'm an FBI agent I help save other people from this. Sometimes we're to late and sometimes we wind up the victims that time I was the victim. It was a group rape of four men and they nearly killed me." Reilly told them. Wide eyes went around the circle as they looked at her.

No one had come close to death. Reilly went on further explaining her injuries and how she fled from the hospital and what she had though of herself and how she couldn't go back to the man she had left. But the time January second rolled around Reilly felt slightly better but it still didn't remove the pain of what had been done.

"You don't have to shun a man's touch because of what happened. I was raped before I met my husband and for a long time I was scared of men. But he changed that he tells me everyday that I am worth something. That I am worthy of love and worthy of him. Just because something like this happens to you don't mean you have to give up on love." Cara told them.

A few other women nodded in agreement.

When the meeting was over a large woman stopped her. "There's still some suppressed anger in you isn't there? Like you need to punch something throw out a few kicks?" the woman asked.

"Your Billie right?" Reilly asked. That's what the woman went by. Her real name was Rebecca but she liked being called Billie rather then Becky. She had a husband and two beautiful baby girls when she had been attacked six months ago. Her husband and her family had been the bigger support for her but the meetings helped.

"Meet me at Mark's boxing center today at three if you can. It's on Fleet street." Billie told her. Reilly nodded. How bad could a bit of boxing be?

.::*::.

Reilly found the boxing club and Billie was waiting for her. "You made it. Come on we gotten wrap your hands before we start." Billie told her. Reilly changed her clothes and let Billie wrap her hands and give her a pair of gloves to go.

"So being from the FBI I know you gotta throw a pretty hard punch or have some training when it comes to taking down suspects." Billie said.

"I do."

"Then have at it. Let all your anger go on that punching bag." Billie instructed. Reilly looked at it and removed the gloves. Throwing the first few she threw a couple more before kicking at it. "That's it apply the training." Billie told her. Reilly finally stopped and looked at Billie.

"They don't go easy on you guys. I though training as a cop was hard." Billie smiled.

"That's what you do?" Reilly asked.

"Yup. I've been one for seven years. Training is no joke." Billie said as she had her go at the bag. Some of these guys really think they can take on a woman of six feet. My husband stands at six; six and he still can't believe I'm this tall without my heels. It's funny really." Billie said.

"Hey Billie!" a man called to her. "Hi Jack. Jack this is a friend of mine Reilly. Reilly this is Jack the owner." Billie told her.

"But it's called Mark's." Reilly pointed out.

"Mark is my father. He started this place back when he was a younger man now I run it in his name and his honor." Jack smiled. "Billie you coming to the next boxing match?" Jack asked.

"Nah I've gotta work. Maybe Reilly can make it." Billie looked to the redhead.

"No I can't." Reilly said.

They talked for a bit longer and the two women went to get changed. They would have an early dinner before heading home. "Hey Reilly." Jack jogged up to them as they were walking out the door. "You look like you would be a pretty good bare knuckles boxing. It's painful but fun we have a woman's league here come back after the New Year and I can give you some more information." Jack told her.

"Alright Jack. I'll see you then." Reilly left with Billie. Heading home she figured it was time to pack for her parents place. Whatever Christmas parties they were having she wasn't going to attend. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.