An angsty chapter (I seem to be writing a lot of those lately) about Peeta's thoughts as he lies in bed two days before the Quarter Quell. Songfic to Chasing Pavements by Adele. I heard this song the other day, and for some reason I felt like I had to write a fic for it.

I. Do. Not. Own. These. Books. Or maybe I do in a world where I also meet and fall in love with a hot but intelligent guy, own the Mortal Instruments Series, and never have to go to school again. …In case you hadn't guessed, this world doesn't exist. :(

Peeta Mellark was a lot of things. He was charming, witty, and strong (despite his artificial leg). He was also completely in love with Katniss Everdeen. Katniss, his "fiancé", would add that he was selfless, great with words, and unpredictable in everything except his feelings for her. In his good moments, he was generally all of those things and more. Now, however, he wasn't feeling witty, charming, or even a little selfless. All he was feeling was depressed.

He was going to lose her, and there was nothing he could do about it. It was opposite of selfless, really, the way he felt. He wanted her. He wanted to wake up every day and find her beside him, knowing that she was there because she wanted to be. In the back of his mind, he had always known that she was only there because it was required of her. Because she wanted the Gamemakers to let them live. It was stupid, but he had actually allowed himself to hope that one day, his dream would come true.

He felt like a fool for ever allowing himself to hope, because the truth of the matter was that Katniss was never going to be his. He wouldn't live long enough to "marry" her, much less make a life with her. One of them had to die in the arena in two days, and he was going to try his hardest to make sure that it was him.

I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong, I am right
Don't need to look no further

Peeta wasn't stupid. He knew that there was a good chance Katniss could lose the Games. There was a good chance they would both die in that arena, but between his undying loyalty, Haymitch's guidance, and Katniss's own wits; she also stood a good chance of winning.

Tomorrow was the last day before the 75th Hunger Games. It was the day of interviews, and he had an ace up his sleeve that was sure to merit quite a few sponsors.

Tomorrow, he was going to tell the world that Katniss was pregnant.

He could picture the shock on everyone's face as he made his announcement. They would be outraged on his and Katniss's behalf, hurt that the Capitol could send a pregnant girl off to her gruesome death. It was going to be one big chaotic event, and it was going to work in their favor.

The only thing he had to worry about was Katniss's reaction. Last time he had made an announcement like this, she had shoved him into a vase. And then, his only announcement was that he loved her. Who knew what telling the world that she was pregnant would merit?

Katniss was defensive like that. But as long as she left him well enough to ensure her safety the following day, she could do whatever she wanted.

This ain't lust,
I know this is love

He had known that he was in love with her for a long time. It was an unrequited love that spanned years. She had never even known that he existed until the reaping that had torn both of their lives to shreds.

"We were five. You had on a red plaid dress and your hair… it was in two braids instead of one. My father pointed you out when we were waiting to line up." That memory brought a smile to his face every time. Little Katniss with her braids. She was quite adorable then. If he hadn't been looking so closely, he would have been completely thrown by her transformation for a cute little girl to a hard-faced young woman.

"So that day, in music assembly, the teacher asked who knew the valley song. Your hand shot right up in the air. She stood you up on a stool and had you sing it for us. And I swear, every bird outside the windows fell silent," he had explained. "And right when your song ended, I knew—just like your mother—I was a goner."

But, if I tell the world
I'll never say enough
'cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you

He had told all of Panem, Katniss included, of his feelings for her almost exactly a year ago. During his interview, Caesar had asked him if he had a girlfriend back home. In Peeta's eyes, there was only ever one girl worth thinking about, and she wasn't likely to fall at his feet anytime soon.

"There must be some special girl," Caesar had said in an attempt to coax the answer from him. "Come on, what's her name?"

Peeta had only sighed in response. "Well, there is this one girl. I've had a crush on her ever since I can remember. But I'm pretty sure she didn't know I was alive until the reaping."

This was greeted with sounds of sympathy from the crowd. "She have another fellow?" Caesar asked.

"I don't know, but a lot of boys like her." That may have been stretching the truth a bit. In his pursuit of Katniss, Peeta had noticed more than a few boys eyeing her. Mostly, they decided that she wasn't worth trouble. His only real competition was Gale.

"So, here's what you do. You win, you go home. She can't turn you down then, eh?" Caesar said encouragingly.

If only it were that simple. "I don't think it's going to work out. Winning… won't help in my case," he had admitted.

Little did he know, winning would get him Katniss. But only in public and at night. That wasn't the way he wanted her. He wanted to be able to plant a kiss on her without feeling her recoil. Besides, she had chosen Gale over him when she refused to run away.

"Why ever not?" Caesar had been mystified.

Peeta blushed and stammered out. "Because…because…she came here with me."

The cameras had cut to show Katniss's face. Her mouth half open, a hint of a blush covering her cheeks. She had looked as if she might reciprocate his hopeless feelings. All through the Games, she had pretended to. Through some unspoken connection to Haymitch, she had figured out that the charade would help them to survive. Only after the Games did Peeta learn that it wasn't even real on her part.

Every night that she lay beside him, he lay awake wondering. How much of their relationship was real? Was everything she had said and done fake? Did she only take him into her room because of the nightmares? Did she even want him there?

Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even if I knew my place,
Should I leave it there?

He could guess where he stood with Katniss, but guessing would get him nowhere. He wasn't exactly sure he wanted to know the answer anyway. For all he knew, his only use to Katniss so far had been helping her survive the wrath of the President and the Gamemakers.

Sometimes, he felt that this whole charade was pointless. There had been uprisings in at least two of the districts, and life for most citizens was only getting worse. Even Katniss's beloved Gale had had to suffer on their behalf. Sometimes, it was all too much.

Throw Katniss into the mix, and it became deadly. Whether she knew it or not, she held Peeta's heart in her hands. He had tried to get over her rejection and become her friend, but even that felt wrong. It hurt every time he looked at Katniss and realized that she wasn't his.

Sometimes it felt like the entire world was falling apart at the seams. Who knew? Maybe it was.

Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I build myself up
And fly around in circles,
Waiting as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it?

There were good times with Katniss, times where he felt so happy, he almost forgot about the trials of everyday life. Just the other day, they had laughed over Finnick Odair offering her sugar cubes.

Katniss had put her lips close to his and dropped her eyelids in an imitation of the District 4 contestant. "He offered me a sugar cube and wanted to know all my secrets," She tried to sound seductive but really only managed to sound silly.

"Ugh. Not really."

"Really." She confirmed. "I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling."

"Do you think we'd have ended up like this if only one of us had won?" He had asked in a moment of insecurity. "Just another part of the freak show?"

"Sure." She agreed. "Especially you."

"Oh. And why especially me?" He countered with a smile.

"Because you have a weakness for beautiful things and I don't." Katniss said superiorly. "They would lure you into their Capitol ways and you'd be lost entirely."

"Having an eye for beauty isn't the same thing as a weakness." He pointed out. "Except possibly when it comes to you." Because all of Panem knew that when he had fallen for Katniss, he had hit the ground hard.

The look in her eyes just then was one he wanted to remember forever. It was almost enough to make him forget his troubles.

But the Hunger Games was something you could never completely forget.

Or should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even if I knew my place,
Should I leave it there?

Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Katniss was lying beside him in bed, her body curled against his. Her face was soft and relaxed, the way it only ever was when she was sleeping. The gentle, almost vulnerable expression she wore looked foreign on her sharp features, but it was adorable all the same. And adorable wasn't normally a word you could use to describe Katniss. Loyal, maybe. Fierce, definitely. But never adorable.

This life had made her that way. He knew that her father had died when she was young, and her mother had completely lost it. Even the stale bread his family lived on was better than the food they were left with. Katniss had become hard and dangerous, a force to be reckoned with, when she had to provide for her family.

The people at the Capitol had done this to them. They made the Games seem like a form of entertainment. They ripped children from their homes and forced them to murder each other for sport. The starving, impoverished Districts were forced to watch as their children were killed before their eyes. The "Victor's" tour was a joke. And not the funny kind. The only Victors in the Games were the ones who orchestrated the whole thing. The horrors they caused were enough to ruin the lives of all of Panem.

Yet, somehow, the people struggled on. They muddled through the pain and the turmoil. Most barely made it.

But then there were ones like Katniss. She had been thrust into a human death match, and not only made it out alive, but saved him in the process. She had emerged strong and sure from the rubble of her old life. If it weren't for how well he knew her, even Peeta wouldn't be able to see the scars and cracks in her armor.

At the moment, her usual shields were gone and she lay vulnerable before him. Her dark hair fell across his arm and the pillow. He had to resist the urge to reach down and stroke her hair. She was beautiful. Striking. And she didn't even know it.

Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Or would it be a waste?
Even if I knew my place,

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up?
Or should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Ohh oh

Katniss deserved to win the Hunger Games. She had so many things left to do. She had her family, she had Gale, and she had millions of adoring fans in the Capitol. But she was also more than that. Katniss was a symbol.

Peeta knew that she had some foolish notion that because Haymitch planned to save her in the first Games, their mentor was supposed to save him this time. Peeta knew that drunk as he was, Haymitch would still see the reason behind helping her to survive. She didn't realize how important she was.

Katniss was the only thing Peeta had. His family had expected him to die in the Games. They had given up on him, and only his father ever came to see him in the Victor's village. His brothers both wanted money for their families, but they didn't care about him. He had lost his leg and almost lost his life in the Games. Even his own fiancé didn't want him.

What was he supposed to do for the rest of his life? Bake cookies? Paint his nightmares for the world to see? Play cards with a drunk Haymitch?

Peeta had nothing left to live for. Katniss, however, had a whole life ahead of her, and he was going to make sure that she lived to win the Games once again, even if it cost him his own life. Unfortunately, he was positive that it was a sacrifice he was going to have to make.

Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste?
Even if I knew my place,

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

No, he decided. He wouldn't give up. He would make sure that Katniss lived. And he would probably die trying.

Reaching down to run his fingers through her hair, he gave her one last gentle kiss on the forehead before lying down. Slowly, he felt his worries fade away as he slipped into oblivion. Soon, it would all be over.

Even if it leads nowhere

I know it's not really Hunger Games style, but I thought the song was fitting. Your opinion?