P.J.'s

A Megamind One Shot

by LillyGirl22

I don't own these lovely characters. Yada, Yada, Yada. I do own a pair of Nick and Nora Garden Gnome Pajamas and they are my pride and joy. I got them at the Goodwill. I love that place.

"Hmm, I don't think the garden guh-nomes are really doing it for you, Mizzz Ritchi."

I awoke out of a drug induced fog to realize I was hanging upside down, again. "What? What time is it?"

I locked on to the sound of the voice, which was nearby. It was Megamind of course. He was standing about 5 feet away from me. He had a rather amused look on his face as he regarded my current outfit. Which just happened to be my favorite pair of Nick and Nora p.j. pants and a white tank top. Someone, I realized, probably Minion, had tucked in my shirt into my pants before hoisting me up. How thoughtful of him.

And then it hit me. There were indeed cute little printed garden gnomes doing all sorts of gardeny things on my p.j.s. Some were toting wheelbarrows, others were watering flowers. Oh, how embarrassing. Of all the inconsiderate times to kidnap someone, he had to choose the middle of the night! At least I had been fully clothed, I reflected thankfully.

"It's 2 o'clock in the morning, Mizzz Ritchi!' Megamind began. "As you well know, eee-vil never sleeps."

I rolled my eyes and uttered my best, "I couldn't give a rip" sigh. I had perfected it after 20 or so kidnappings. I quickly did the math in my head. I was pretty sure this was kidnapping number 89.

"Megamind, what kind of a person are you? I didn't think you'd stoop so low as to kidnap me right out of my apartment in the middle of the night! That's a bit creepy, even for you!" I was upset about being woken up and embarrassed that he had seen me in my nerdy pajamas, and I suppose it showed, because he took a step back and cocked his head.

"Well, I'm terribly sorry, Mizz Ritchi, if this inconveniences you..."

I cut him off angrily. "Yes, it does! I'm hanging upside down, in my p.j.s, in a freezing cold warehouse, at two in the morning waiting for you to fail miserably! I wish sometimes you and Metroman would just duke it out and leave me to have a semi normal life."

At the mention of Metroman, Megamind's mood instantly darkened. "Ooh, ho ho, you'd like that wouldn't you! But I'm afraid you gave up any chance of a normal life when you decided to become romantically entangled with that heinous hero."

I sighed again. Here was the crux of my problem. The one thing Megamind seemed fixated on. My relationship with Metroman. I wish I could just blurt out that I had never dated Metroman. I had pretty much decided that he was not my type about a day after meeting him. He was just a bit to, um, corny for my taste. Seriously, the things that came out of his mouth. He had a good heart though. I just needed someone who was a bit more real and alot less perfect.

Of course Megamind and the rest of Metro City thought Metroman and I were a hot item. And my boss, who saw everything in dollar signs and ratings, had literally begged me to play along with the tabloid's claims that I was indeed dating Metro City's beefy defender. I had reluctantly agreed. Hey, I had been young and naive; hopeful of making my big break in the industry.

I had never dreamt that it would land me here, strung up in a dank warehouse.

So now, I had to play the game, until Metroman showed up and glory stomped Megamind. Again, for the hundredth time. I felt sorry for the guy. He certainly had alot of persistence but very little luck.

Just as I had discovered that Metroman was not my kind of guy, I had quickly realized that his opponent wasn't actually going to hurt me. I had been genuinely frightened the first few times, and then I had begun to pick up on behavior that seemed out of place for someone so supposedly evil. Both Megamind and Minion had a decided chivalry about them. They would loosen my bonds a bit if the ropes were chafing. Minion was always so polite, with a "Please, Miss Ritchi" here and a "If you would, Miss Ritchi" there. And there were times when I almost thought both of them were genuinely glad to see me. After about a period of 6 months where Megamind had failed to escape from prison, (which was a long time for him) he and Minion had immediately hatched up a hair brained plan involving a giant robotic lobster that smacked of, well, being more slapped together than usual. But the first thing out of his mouth when I'd come to was, "Nice to see you again, Mizzz Ritchi." And I had really believed that he meant it.

Sometimes, I just couldn't figure him out. But tonight, he seemed to be in a grumpier mood that usual. Not as much playful banter. Of course, I was angry too, which might have put him off a bit. Being drug from my bed in the middle of the night had that effect on me.

I was roused from my revile when Megamind snapped, "Minion, get Mizz Ritchi a blanket or something." Minion, who must have been standing behind me, perked up and scuttled away. "Right away, Sir" I heard him say as he headed down a dark hallway.

There it was again, that misplaced chivalry. "You know, you could let me down from here and I'd be a lot more comfortable."

"Oh, ha ha, then why even bother kidnapping you at all. Maybe we could have tea and cookies.

"Yes, let's do! Minion would love that!" I said sarcastically.

Megamind's eyes narrowed as he took several menacing steps forward. "Really, Mizzz Ritchi, sometimes I think you forget how truly awful I am."

"Oh, no. I haven't forgotten that. You are pretty awful, at winning."

Megamind actually heartily laughed at that one. "Cheeky, Mizz Ritchi, but I think this time, things will be different."

"Well, what's the plan?"

"Huh?"

"Why am I here, all tied up in the middle of the night. How will things be different this time?" I blinked and felt a little light headed. If Metroman didn't show up soon, I would probably pass out!

"Oh, yes, the plan. Well, since you're such a captive audience, I will divulge some of it to you. It involves radioactive robotic piranhas. You'll just have to wait to see all of the intricate details unfold but I assure you it will be mindblowingly..."

I interrupted him again. "Wait, wait, did you say radioactive robotic piranhas?" My eyes widened at the ridiculousness of it all.

"Yes, why?" But at this point I was laughing my head off. It had just hit me funny. I was really tired and feeling more and more lightheaded by the second. Minion arrived back in the room just in time to rescue me.

"Sir, he shrieked. "Miss Ritchi is not supposed to be that color purple. We have to get her down!"

"What do you mean, purple?" Megamind was looking grumpy. He hadn't like my irreverent reaction to his dastardly plan. He hit the release lever grudgingly, and lowered me slowly to the ground. Minion gingerly picked me up and placed me on a chair he had grabbed from behind the control console.

"No, Sir, humans are definitely not supposed to be purple. If you would have left her there for much longer, she would have passed out." Minion clucked to himself, re-arranged my bonds, and wrapped the blanket he'd brought back around my shoulders. "There, that's better."

"Thanks" I said weakly. Being turned right side up had made me feel a bit woozy. I was seeing those tiny little stars at the edge of my field of vision.

In the meantime, Megamind had plopped down in his leather spike studded chair and was impatiently looking at his watch. "He's 30 minutes late already! You'd think the guy didn't really care that much about you!"

Well, that was true, but I wouldn't give Megamind the satisfaction. "Maybe he's asleep, like all the other millions of normal people in this city tonight."

"Oh, normal, is so boring!" Megamind crowed. "And don't you worry, I made sure he knew that our little game was afoot. Of course, the theatrical element has been seriously downplayed now that you're sitting upright. I guess I'll just have to release the alligators when he arrives.

"Oh, please do!" I intoned breathlessly. And on a more serious note, I added, "How's Fluffy, didn't he have some sort of infection last time?"

Megamind waved his hand nonchalantly. "Oh he's fine, the vet gave us some antibiotic ointment and it cleared up in a couple of days." Fluffy was Megamind's biggest, ugliest alligator, and consequently his favorite.

Here I was, sitting not five feet from my captor, chit chatting about his pet alligator. You could have pulled us out of the scene and dropped us at the office water cooler or the grocery store and it would have seemed completely normal. Well, except for the alligator.

I started to giggle again. "Seriously, Roxanne." Megamind growled. What is wrong with you tonight? Did Minion use laughing gas instead of knockout spray?" He looked over to his piscine partner, who shrugged his shoulders as if to say, "beats me".

"It's all soo, I don't know..." I looked up at Megamind abruptly. "Why do we do this? Or more accurately, why do you do this? I'm just along for the ride, aren't I? The damsel in distress. Just a pawn in this silly schoolyard game that's evolved into total mayhem. I mean, come on, Fluffy. You're alligator's name is Fluffy."

Megamind rolled up to me in his chair and glowered. "I've never thought of you that way, as a helpless damsel." There was an edge of disdain in his voice that put me on guard. Why had the statement about my damsel status upset him so much? He was the one always putting me in situations that required rescuing, wasn't he?

"I hope, Mizzz Ritchi, that I would never be accused of underestimating you. You might be the bait, but you're not a pawn. You're waaay too intelligent. It doesn't take a genius to see that." He still had that serious expression on his face that made me feel we were moving into dangerous waters. Behind him, Minion looked a bit nervous too. Megamind always had this air of bravado about him, and right now it was slipping to reveal something much more unfamiliar and intriguing. A side of Megamind I had suspected was always there but hadn't seen in action much. The side that could figure out any problem, build any contraption, solve any riddle. The cold, calculating, observant side of him that categorized him as a genius. All of that stuff usually happened before I was delivered to the lair with a sack over my head.

I wasn't sure how to respond, so I asked a question. A good reporter trick. "So what do you think I am, other than bait."

He didn't fall for it. His eyes narrowed more as he pushed his chair back from mine. "Wouldn't you like to know? I will tell you this, I'm not the one who has underestimated you."

Was that a dig at Metroman? Megamind could often top Metroman when it came to cheesy banter. But this little conversation was shedding some light on the inner workings of his psyche. He didn't think I was a helpless damsel in distress and he didn't think Metroman appreciated me. He hadn't complimented my looks or my charm, but my intelligence, after all. It was refreshing to hear a man say I was smart. Even if that man happened to be my evil kidnapper.

After regarding me with an almost wary expression, as if he was choosing his next words very carefully, he lowered his voice and once again rolled in close. "And for the record, you're not being kidnapped because you're such an easy target. You're being kidnapped because he's such an easy target." He gave me a small devious smirk. "Predictable to a tee." He looked at his watch again. "Except for when he oversleeps. Really, this is soooo unprofessional."

"Um, Sir" Minion piped up. "Metroman just appeared on the scans. He's incoming in 30 seconds."

"Perfect!" Megamind leapt up, his seriousness melting away into megalomaniacal laughter and theatrical ridiculousness. "Ready the piranhas, Minion!"

"Will do, Sir!"

I sat dumbfounded, a fleecy blanket wrapped around my body as Megamind and Minion prepared for their 89th attempt to destroy Metroman. This was perhaps the strangest kidnapping yet. I didn't have much time to ponder Megamind's last words to me, though. Alarms in the Lair began to go off and Minion tapped a button on the control console that opened up a trap door beneath me. And, as expected, the tank below was filled with hundreds of ravenous snapping fish that were glowing ever so slightly.

Should have asked for a lead blanket, I thought to myself. Although I doubted that the radiation given off by the fish would actually harm me.

Just then, Metroman blew a hole in the lair's roof. Bits of wood and metal fell upon all three of us as he landed with a thud several yards away from me. Metroman quickly took in the situation. I briefly made eye contact with him and noted that he didn't seem all that concerned. Was this getting boring for Metroman too?

Metroman necessarily began the witty banter (or not so witty, in my opinion) by saying,

"Megamind, how dare you kidnap a helpless woman in the middle of the night and threaten her!"

Megamind, strangely unconcerned by the close proximity of a man who could beat him to a bloody pulp, shot a triumphant look my direction. We made eye contact briefly and the wicked grin that spread across his face said it all. It seemed to say, "I told you so!"

It was the briefest of looks but the conspiratory nature of it made me snort in amusement. Megamind and I were in on this little joke, and Metroman was not. Megamind caught my reaction and winked at me. An honest to goodness wink that was so far away from his typical melodramatic persona. It was sly, funny, and absolutely charming. What the heck? Oh yes, I had seen much more of the real Megamind tonight that ever before.

Metroman, who had missed all the subtlety continued on. "Surrender now, Megamind, you know you can't win."

The challenge seemed to snap Megamind back to the task at hand. "Oh, I won't need to surrender tonight! You will surrender or Mizzz Ritchie here will be swimming with the fishies!" He laughed his best grandiose supervillain laugh and began to lower the platform I was sitting on towards the seething mass of piranhas.

Metroman, always over-dramatic, yelled "Roxy! I'll save you," and swooped down to rescue me, but something stopped him about 10 feet away from my chair. A shimmering blue wall of energy flashed and caused him to bounce away from me. He shook his head and looked down to Megamind who was watching, no, observing silently. He had a devilish grin plastered to his face. I stared in surprise at Metroman. Had Megamind actually invented a force field? Like the ones in Star Trek? Man that guy was smart! If only he would stop being ridiculous and use his powers for good!

"Oh, nice try, Metromaan, but you're pathetic attempts to rescue poor, helpless Roxanne will not be successful tonight!" He shot me another self satisfied sidelong glance. "My evil genius has bested your super strength!"

But Metroman seemed unconcerned. He was watching the field carefully, his head cocked to the side. I had seen that look before. He was using some super ability to figure the field out. Unfortunately for Megamind it didn't take him long to find the field's weakness. He shot through the field at an impossibly fast speed, becoming a blur of gold and white that literally released a sonic boom that shook the whole building, blew out all of the windows and quite possibly my ear drums as well.

I caught the look on Megamind's face at that moment, and it wasn't really one of defeat. He was calculating too. He was trying to figure out how Metroman had managed to break through. Suddenly, he slapped his large blue head with his leather gloved hand. "Of course," he said dejectedly. "The feedback loop! If you move fast enough, you break through during the nanosecond or so when the field is switched off. Minion, file that for later!"

"Will do, Sir!"

But at that point, Metroman was scooping me up, and Megamind and Minion had disappeared. They usually had some backup plan to get themselves out quickly if something went horribly wrong, which it usually did. Metroman only caught them about a third of the time. Megamind had always banked on his opponent making sure that I was safe before he went after the bad guys.

The game tonight was a draw.

Metroman slowly floated down to the floor. He placed me carefully on the concrete and snapped my binds. "We'd better..."

"I know, I know, get out of here before the whole place explodes." Megamind always rigged his lairs to blow if he had to abandon them. But there always seemed to be a two minute delay; enough time for Metroman and I to get a safe distance away.

He swept me up again and soon we alighted about half a mile away in an abandoned grocery store parking lot. As if on cue, the whole warehouse exploded in a brilliant fireball of searing white light.

"Don't worry, Roxy. I'll find them." Metroman said as he stared at the burning building. I thought I detected a hint of frustration in his voice. Maybe the game was getting old for him too.

"Oh, don't bother," I said. "They'll be back for another round. And it seems Megamind's getting sneakier." Or maybe, I thought, he's methodically whittling away at your super powers, looking for a chink in the armor. I remembered the cool scientific observation Megamind had exhibited when presented with the failure of his force field. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. That thought scared me a bit. Metroman always won. Tonight there had seemed a moment when Megamind had almost had the advantage. What scared me even more was that I had kind of enjoyed seeing Megamind come out on top, even if it was for only a split second. Was I developing a twisted case of Stockholm Syndrome?

Metroman and I regarded each other silently for a moment before he said, "Well, I'll fly you home, Roxy. You might want to change the locks on your door."

"I don't think that will slow Megamind down much, but I will." I said with a sigh.

Five minutes later we landed on my 9th floor balcony. "Thanks, Metroman" I said, as he set me down. "Again"

He gave me a wry grin and said, "As many times as it takes Roxy. By the way, nice pajamas." He shot off of the balcony and rocketed away towards his secret hideout.

Luckily, he didn't see the embarrassed blush that spread over my face. I looked down at the sickeningly sweet little gnomes and made a sour face. "What are you all looking at?"