Strength is not always a physical attribute. Once upon a time that seems so long ago, I nearly held the world in my hands. But while I was strong in body and filled with determination, there were others whose strength drew from a much deeper well than mine. Lying upon the mattress, surrounded by dying flowers forced into absolute darkness, I began to ponder the merits of what strength I possessed. My mind was once the weakest part of me, despite what chaos I wrought. I let the comforting tendril of a deranged, selfish being fill me with lies, make me think destruction was my purpose. So filled with arrogance and false promises was I that I overlooked a single being, thinking there was no way for her, in her silly pink dress with her tiny hands clasped together tightly in front of her, to ever match my strength.

I learned what it was like, then, to be wrong. So, so very wrong.

And yet, she was forced to teach me even more before I could truly begin to understand how wrong nearly everything with me was.

My heart was weak then too, for me to think nothing of freeing her other than how upset it would make my maker. But it grew, and it came to see with vision unpolluted how far kindness and love can go. I could, at any time, have broken her body in a thousand ways, yet it took nothing more than an honest heart and a gentle touch to win her favor.

And now I was left with nothing but memories.

Memories can be powerful things. Powerful, painful things. Things that haunt your dreams, that cause your heart such pain and sorrow. I wasn't sure how long it took me to understand that not all memories have to be painful, likely because I wasn't sure how long I lay, by myself in the dark. She'd taught me to never give up. It wasn't fair to our memories, to the love I still held for her, to simply waste away.

So, I stood, raised myself to the surface, took a single deep breath of air, and decided to be someone. I wasn't sure who I was, what I was capable of, only that I was, that I existed. I'd once held the world at my fingertips. But now, it seemed enough to simply be part of it.

I asked the woman at the front desk to see if either Mr. Tetsui or Ms. Kisaragi were available, to which she gave me a wide-eyed stare for several moments before I coaxed her out of her gaze with the addition of the word 'please.' I took a seat in the main lobby, nursing the beginning of a major headache. Friends first. Food could wait; my body had gone longer without.

Yuffie was the first off the elevator, and she ran and all but dive-bombed into my lap. She hugged me tight, babbling a mile a minute, until Reeve exited the second elevator a short while later. He looked haggard, tired, but smiled genuinely when our eyes met.

The first thing asked of me, of course, was where I'd disappeared to.

I replied with a cryptic answer. "The underground."

Yuffie pressed me for more information, but I asked her politely to drop it. When she wouldn't - I got to see firsthand how incessant she could be - I took her by the shoulders, smiled, sighed, and shook my head.

She bit her lip as though she were trying to keep the words from spilling out, but she didn't ask again.

Normal conversation might otherwise seem awkward, but I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to know what was happening within the company, and they shared with me all of what they'd been up to during my absence.

Yuffie shrugged and said she'd been doing loads of paperwork, and even though it was sooo boring, she got paid to do it so she couldn't really complain. Apparently, she worked as Reeve's assistant, though as Reeve mentioned he was lucky to get any work out of her considering how often she liked to disappear.

Reeve, however, was a busy man. He was in the works of gutting the entire system. While Soldier had disbanded, Reeve was hopeful that he could re-train most of those in the system and rework it into less of an army and into more of a... well, to be honest, I wasn't sure what he was trying to do. He mentioned helping with natural disasters, finding new energy resources other than mako, working on cleaning up Midgar, and a myriad of other ideas that I'm sure are what kept him in office as the new president; he was a man who had ideas for change, and would fight tooth and nail to see his ideas come into fruition. I understood why he looked so haggard as he talked of his plans.

"Do you plan to stick around this time?" Yuffie asked. Though he words stuck me in a place that was still a little tender, I knew she wasn't asking out of malice.

"I don't... I don't know. Things were somewhat rough when I left."

Reeve nodded, sighing. "The situation hasn't improved, I'm afraid."

"She still remembers nothing of our time together?"

Both of them shook their heads, sadly. My gut twisted, and I resisted the urge to sink into the floor again. I took a deep breath, steadying himself. "I suppose that's why I'm here. At one time, I lived only for her. It's time, I think, to live for me."

Yuffie smiled at my words. "It's about damn time. I think you're a little overdue."

Reeve gave me a thoughtful look before he continued. "Do you have any plans about what you'll do or where you'll go?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "Not really. I suppose I'll go where I'm needed."

Yuffie clapped her hands together. "Good. We need you."

I raised an eyebrow, somewhat surprised. They needed me? Me?

Reeve nodded. "With the gutting of the company, some of the more prestigious officers within the ranks of Soldier have disbanded."

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "They were pissed off when we told them we weren't going to invade people any longer, and they turned tail like little bitches."

I shrugged. "It's not surprising. You have to understand that they were likely men used to power. With the idea of it being taken from them, they likely felt they owed the new president no loyalty and simply cut their losses. As much as I hate to say it, you might need to take care of such loose ends, less they fight against the reform and we have a war waged both outside and within. I'm sure most of the officers can be persuaded, though."

Reeve was grinning. "You know, I was thinking much of the same thing myself."

It took a moment for my brain to put together what he was trying to ask of me. Instantly, I felt my muscles tighten. "I will not kill again; I won't be paid off to take the life of another."

I'd insulted him. The look on Reeve's face made me uncomfortable. "No, no, no; you have it all wrong. The last thing I want to ask of you is to spill blood. You have to see where I'm coming from, though; you were - still are - revered by these men. If anyone can persuade them to come back, it's you."

I took a deep breath. "And if these men want to let their weapons do the talking?"

Reeve shook his head. "Then we try harder to make them see that negotiations are the best course of action."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, unsure of what to say.

Yuffie pitched in, hoping to help. "You wouldn't be going alone. Vincent or Cloud or Cid or Reeve, and maybe even me if my slave-driver of a boss will allow me a paid vacation once in a while, would be there with you." She gave Reeve a pointed look. He ignored her.

My headache grew worse. "How soon do you need an answer?"

Reeve sat back against his chair. "If you never feel like giving me one, I won't be offended. No one is going to force you to do anything you don't want to."

And it was like a cold wind blew through me. I could tell people no, could do what pleased me. The clarity of such a discovery must have shone, bright as day, on my face. Yuffie giggle, and Reeve shook his head with a knowing smile.

"You mentioned re-training the troops," I offered, feeling brave in a situation I was unfamiliar with. I'd negotiated plenty of times, but never on my own behalf, for my own benefit.

Reeve nodded. "Self-defence. No guns."

I tossed the idea around my head for a moment. A stable job, an income, people who could depend on me? I liked the normalcy of how it sounded.

Me. Normal.

For some, it might sound like more of a death sentence than an opportunity. Well, maybe it might be for me; I've never been much for paperwork, of which I'm sure there would be at least some. But, well, don't knock it until you've tried it, right?

"Would you be willing to allow me the honor?"

Reeve blinked a few times before he smiled. He ran a hand through his beard, then nodded, thoughtfully. "If you're up for it, I'm sure the men would love to have you."

We shook hands with the promise of employment to come. I needed a place to stay first, and a meal sooner rather than later, so Yuffie grabbed a newspaper off the stand near the front entrance as we made our way to the employee cafeteria.

Riding up the glass elevators, I could already see the progress Reeve was striving for. Nearly half of the mako reactors I could view were shut off, or were being torn down. I smiled, thinking how pleased my flower girl must be to see such work... No, not my flower girl. Not mine any longer. Simply Aerith.

No, I wouldn't allow my mind to fall into that territory again. I was to make something with my life, not simply wallow in self pity. Even knowing this - knowing I had to survive for our love to have meant anything - it still hurt.

I was beginning to understand the idea of strength a little better.

Or so I thought.

While I ate, Yuffie browsed through the newspaper for apartment rentals for me. Reeve had offered to allow me a grand suite in the company provided housing, but I politely declined without giving him a reason why. He was the type of man to understand that sometimes, you simply do not ask questions, and so after I declined, he didn't push the subject.

"Well, then, what are you looking for?" Yuffie finally said between stolen bites of my slice of apple pie.

"I want you to stop looking for apartments where you would like to live."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm looking for somewhere affordable."

I rolled my eyes right back. "I still have an account with Shinra National Bank; I'm sure I could afford nearly anything based off the interest I've been earning, seeing as how I never officially closed the account."

Reeve chuckled. "They don't close those accounts unless they see your death certificate, too, so I'm sure it's all still there."

Yuffie rolled her eyes again and went back to circling prospective rentals.

"Have you thought about how you're going to fix things with Aerith?" Yuffie asked.

"Ifrit's flaming underpants, woman; have a little tact." Reeve stole the newspaper from Yuffie's grasp and smacked her upside her head with it.

I let out a pathetic chuckle - a sound more like a pained squeak than an actual laugh - and ran a hand through my hair. "You forget, Yuffie; I'm no good with people."

She shrugged, stealing the paper back from Reeve, obviously feeling sheepish that she'd asked. I thought back to when I'd shared my memories with her, or rather how she had, the curious little thing she was, began to rifle through them at her own leisure inside of my head. She hadn't asked her question out of callousness; she truly, deeply, wanted to know. Then, she bit her lip, almost as if, for a moment, we'd shared the same length of brainwave. "Why don't you just share you memories with her, like you did with me."

I took a deep breath, then let it out, feeling a little more than worn, even with a full stomach. "I've thought of it. Summons above, below, and all places in between, I've thought of it. But, I've come to realize that if she were to see my memories, she would only be able to see, be able to feel, what I feel for her. I won't have someone feeling obliged to love me simply because I love them."

Yuffie's bottom lip trembled. "No, that's not how it's supposed to work. You're supposed to share your memories with her, she will see how much you love her, she can come to love you again, and everyone lives happily ever after."

I reached across the table and gave her hand a squeeze. "In what way, Yuffie, has any part of my life ended like a fairy tale? Come now, you know the villain never wins in the end."

She shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears over my words. Of all the people to understand my heartache, I was happy it was someone so open with her emotions. "It's not supposed to be like that. You love her so much."

I nodded. "And I don't think I will ever come to love another like I love her."

"Like I love her. You say it in present tense; your heart won't give up on her, but the rest of you has."

"No. No, I still love her. But, Yuffie, did you see the way she looked at me when she opened her eyes, did you hear her scream and watch as she tried to gain as much distance away from me as physically possible. No, I love her, but there's nothing left inside of her to love me."

"You don't know that," Yuffie was outright crying, now. Fat tears rolled down her face and off her chin. Reeve placed an arm around her shoulders, hugging her close, and offered her a napkin to wipe her tears.

"Yuffie. Little one. Don't shed tears over me. I've come to terms with how cruel the world is. Perhaps you should step from your childhood and look at a life like the rest of us."

Her face scrunched up as she pushed Reeve off of her. "God, you're so stupid, and you're so stubborn."

"I know," I smiled sadly.

She stormed off, in a huff, and left Reeve and I at the table. Despite being in his company, however, I was alone; he sided with her. "I know it's none of my business, Sephiroth, but if you love her half as much as I have come to understand that you do, you could at least talk to her. Strike up conversation. Something, anything."

I said nothing. Let them think what they want. I had spent weeks alone with my thoughts. I couldn't do what was best for me. I had to do what was best for her, and in this case it was staying away from her. If she came looking for me, gave me so much as an inch, I would give her my world, inasmuch that she would let me. Yet, little but fear and repulsion had emanated from her when she'd laid her eyes on me in that hospital room.

"Only time will tell, Reeve. After all, I'm not much of a people person."

He sighed and rolled his eyes, understanding written clear on his face. We shook hands and parted ways not long after. He went back up to his office, and I went down to the main floor.

As I descended in the glass elevator, I looked out and realized that the plate still felt so high to me. A city upon a city, a gateway to the heavens built on the sorrow and suffering of others. I liked Reeve; he seemed, to me, like a good man. I wondered what his brain was planning, what sort of ideas a man of his intellect could conjure. I hoped he would set his sights on the city, on the slums, soon. They needed so much work.

I looked to my right, hoping to catch a glimmer of any new construction that might have been started in the father areas of the city, when the secondary elevator caught my eye. Or rather, who was in it.

For a fated second, a moment of time that lasted hardly a heartbeat, our eyes locked, hers and mine. My flower girl, encased in a glass elevator, ascended. How ironic.

I fought the urge to simply dissipate my atoms and join her in the other elevator. I fought it by biting my lip until my teeth went through it. It would heal in minutes, but the pain got me through to the ground floor.

I needed more time, time to figure out who I was, and what I wanted, before I could be so selfish as to court her, or even seek her out. Maybe she lacked the capacity to love me in her new life, maybe she'd found another. It didn't matter; I had a journey of self discovery to make. It was time I made a new story for myself. Perhaps there was room in hers for me. Perhaps. But, like I had told Reeve, only time would tell.

I found an apartment, already furnished, that was far enough away from headquarters that I likely wouldn't have many visitors, but close enough I could still, with my ability of flight, be there in under a few minutes if I was so needed. Reeve was right; it took more than a disappearance and a simple rumor of my death for my bank account to be closed. I was somewhat surprised, honestly; Shrina used to be so obsessed with profit. I half wonder if they had some kind of court ruling against them. It seemed a funny thing to look into, honestly, so I didn't. I still had enough money - and a hefty sum of interest, I might add - that even if Reeve didn't pay me, I was well set financially for some time.

I bought clothing for myself for the first time in, well, my life. I'd become so used to my uniform that I almost felt I needed to wear it, but with my new position would come time off, and I needed clothes that I could venture into the public social-sphere wearing. I had clothes in the underground, sure, but they were borrowed, and felt exactly like it. Besides, I didn't want to go back. I was half worried I wouldn't come back up... Clothes shopping is strange. My celebrity within the confines of Midgar had quintupled since my original disappearance, and more than a few times people who thought they were being sneaky stole a picture as I browsed a shirt rack. I decided I wouldn't let it bother me; let them think whatever they would like. As I checked out, I glanced at the tabloids and caught pictures of myself; apparently, one magazine thought I was a robot, here to strike fear into the hearts of Shinra's enemies now that there was a new president, and another still speculated that I'd been sent on some kind of lunar mission in secret and had only recently returned..

More than once I was approached by reporters asking for a few words from the great and powerful Sephiroth. I became tired of simply stating that I had no comment, so, in a streak of pure deviousness, I began to propagate all kinds of unusual ideas. I told one paper that I had no idea what she was talking about, I mean really miss? Don't you think I would know if I'd gone missing for several years? And another was informed that I simply used all of my saved up vacation time somewhere warm and sunny. I'm sure the press was at its last wit with the different answers I gave each and every reporter. The impromptu interviews stopped quite abruptly as I'm sure word spread fast that I was being, well, 'a bit of an asshole' Yuffie informed me when I told her the different stories I'd given. Regardless, it had been a bit of a fun, and I was in need of a reprieve.

I started work the following week. Reeve showed me my office, introducing me to the basic programs I'd need to become familiar with.

Me. An office.

It was deliciously mundane.

That night, I went shopping and bought some art to hang, just on the pure basis that I could. I liked maps, and bought several to cover my walls. I bought an office chair, too, and new pens, and I spent the evening feeling as close to human as I could ever recall.

A week later, I was given my first group of cadets. As Reeve introduced me, I could see all of my appointed team hold their breath as I approached the front. Reeve excused himself, and I was left with a room full of fresh minds.

I smiled, though I'm sure it looked wicked to them.

Though it it felt somehow odd to admit it willingly, I found that I liked to teach. Yes, I had instructed before, but not like this. I'd been gifted fresh new minds, and I, like an artist, shaped them, trained them, like a lump of raw clay, building and building until they were ready to become something useful. I taught them how to defend and disarm, I showed them how to use everything to their advantage and how to avoid letting someone take advantage of those same traits in them. I drilled into their minds that the new Shinra would serve and protect, and that if anyone was abusing their authority they would answer, before the tribunal, to me. That, as Yuffie so delicately put it, 'made their asses pucker.'

Yes, she forgave me for being so stupid and stubborn, though she, stubborn in her own right, would always let me know how everyone was going, paying special mind to mention Aerith. I appreciated her company. Let me rephrase that; I appreciated her company most of the time. She was my friend - I still liked that I could call her that, as well as Reeve and, after several weeks in my company, Vincent Valentine - but even I don't have that kind of patience.

I am a man, but I was becoming human. I found that it was difficult having to deal with emotions. No, I wasn't exactly emotionless before, but now that I was a free man, there was so much my mind had been opened to. Hope that tomorrow would be as wonderful as the day before. Happiness to be alive. Content over the fact that I could hold a desk job without wanting to pull out my hair in great handfuls.

And the feeling of guilt, of course, was one that stayed close to the surface. Aside from our momentary eye-lock in the elevators, I hadn't seen nor heard from Aerith in quite some time.

Oh, who am I kidding. I haven't looked for her, nor heard her sweet voice, in seventy two days, sixteen hours and forty two minutes. Give or take.

That's why, when she walked into my office, I was struck numb.

I hadn't forgotten about her. God, no, not even close. I never stopped thinking about her. The pain, however, had dulled into a low ache, one I could manage to cover up.

She was wearing a pencil skirt and a pink cardigan. In her arms, she carried three binders and a stack of paperwork.

I just stared; stared at her open-mouthed and unmoving, our eyes completely locked. I didn't even have the wits about me to stand. I don't think I blinked. Weeks had gone by and I, in my loneliness, had rehearsed a thousand times the things I would say to her, what words I could spin to make her love me again. And now, now that she stood before me, I could say nothing. My mouth was bone dry.

She wasn't frightened of me, but she was apprehensive; that much was written on her face. She swallowed hard, pushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead, and gave me a small nod.

"I'm sorry, Reeve said that you'd gone home for the night. I was just dropping something off for him on my way out. I - I hope I'm not intruding..."

I let out a shuddering breath. Words had failed me. My brain had failed me. Get it together.

"Yes, ah, I mean no, of-of course you're not intruding." I could still taste her, could still smell her, could still recall the feel of her lips pressed against mine. Good god, I was over the moon, wasn't I?

She nodded, for what I don't know, then lowered her gaze to what she held in her hands. "This top file is for you. It's next month's recruiting list. Reeve said he was going to bring it to your office tonight, but he accidentally left it at the table when we were having coffee. I thought I'd just do him a favor, and..." She looked back up to me, hesitating. Surely I wasn't that frightening to her. She swallowed again, then made toward the desk.

Still so strong, so brave. I frightened her - or maybe the idea of me frightened her - but still she faced her fears.

I stood to reach across the desk to take the file from her, but I'd moved too fast. I didn't push my chair out from behind me in time, and my knees knocked the desk a good several inches into the air and forward. My desk lamp and computer monitor wobbled and fell backwards and I, ever the mess of nerves, didn't think past trying to right them. I leaned across my desk and grabbed both of the falling items, but in my haste hadn't steadied myself. In two seconds flat I was toppled over the front of the desk, flat on my back, the entire piece of furniture on its side, lying there dumbly with a lamp in one hand, a monitor in the other, and paperwork scattered every which way.

And just like that, I heard her laugh. That high twinkle, like bells sounding. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she offered as she put the contents of her arms into one of my other chairs. "It's wrong to laugh, but... that was just so unexpected."

She knelt down as I tried to stand, her previous layer of fear having been melted away by blunder. She began picking up the paperwork that littered the floor, smiling awkwardly down at me.

"I'm not normally so graceless. You just surprised me." I felt a little less heavy-hearted, now. Not quite so smothered.

"I really am sorry for laughing," she offered again, handing me the stack of papers that she'd collected as I righted my desk, setting down the monitor and adjusting the cord before I fiddled with the lamp.

"Don't apologize," I offered in return, reaching my hand out to meet her.

She stilled, the papers between us clutched in both of our grasps. Her brow knitted, and she looked like she was trying to think of something that was only just out of her grasp. Her eyes were on my shirt, but I knew she wasn't actually looking at me at all; her gaze reached far beyond.

"Don't ever apologize to me," she breathed, frozen. Had I been any normal being, I wouldn't have heard the words that fell past her lips. As it happens, I am far from normal, and my superior hearing picked up on her words, though just barely. I recalled those words, speaking them to her a time ago that felt like eons, now.

Suddenly, she shook her head and let the papers go in my grip. "Sorry," she said, letting out a breath of air.

Had she... had she remembered?

She stood and edged away from me, toward the door. "I-" she began, then shook her head again, avoiding eye contact with me.

I forgot when I'd begun holding my breath, but I remembered to breathe again when I began to turn light headed. She was quite, still, across the room from me, her face scrunched up in though, her eyes looking a little more than afraid. Finally, she let out a huff of air as she turned her head to meet my eyes. "You're like a black hole."

I straightened, my back tensing. She spoke in riddles, made my mind reel further.

"I haven't spoken to you once - not once - since the time I woke up in the hospital. I haven't so much as caught a glimpse of you other than when we passed one another in the elevators."

I took a breath, aware my breathing was shallow. What was I waiting for?

"Why can't I get you out of my head? Everything I do, no matter what, I end up gravitating to you. Even in my dreams, there you are."

I didn't answer; I knew I'd only fumble over my words.

"Did Cloud tell you why I can't remember you?"

I shook my head. Cloud hadn't told me much of anything at all. I could count the words he'd spoken to me since she woke up on one hand.

She swallowed, scared. But scared of what? Of what she might tell me? What it might mean? "When -"

We both jumped when the door swung open. Yuffie, a bottle of alcohol in each hand, had kicked the door open, a grin plastered to her face. She saw, however, instantly who was in my office, and not a half second later was obvious to the amount of tension in the room between us. I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand as I turned and plopped the paperwork on the desk, trying to avoid looking at the two women in my doorway.

"I'm a terrible person, aren't I?" Yuffie squeaked. "I ruin everything."

"There was nothing to ruin, Yuffie. Come in, come in." I sighed, turning back to the doorway.

Aerith's eyes were large, but fear no longer gripped her. Yuffie was looking curiously to the both of us, the look on her face unmistakable: I'm sorry.

I shook my head, motioning her over to me. "I said come in, you silly thing." She bit her lip and huffed, then made her way to my desk. I stole away the bottles from her hand, placing them on my desk behind me, and gave the top of her head a light pet. "Don't sulk. I don't like it when you sulk."

Aerith watched, openly curious. She'd never seen Yuffie and I interact, had she? She didn't know that some of her friends were now mine, as well.

Vincent darkened the hallway, his eyes scanning the room. "Aerith," he greeted. "Will you be staying with us tonight?" He was kind enough to keep the surprise from his voice.

Her eyebrows knit. "Staying?"

He nodded, holding up a plastic bag filled with cards and poker chips.

She didn't have time to hide her surprise, instead her gaze shifting to mine.

I shrugged, not sure what else I could say other than the obvious; "game night."

Yuffie procured several glasses from the cabinet above my wet bar - well, it wasn't really mine, it had simply come with the office - and grabbed an extra, even though Aerith hadn't answered. "Yeah, Reeve's gonna be here in a bit, too. Every other Thursday is always our game night. Mostly just the four of us."

"Cid joined us once," Vincent offered, walking past Aerith and further into my office. "But, he left about an hour into the night. Just couldn't take the surrealness of it."

"I don't blame him," I offered, moving most of what was on my desk into the top drawer. "He was terrible at blackjack."

Yuffie giggled, fishing through the shelf behind my desk for my corkscrew. I even earned a slight corner of the mouth twitch from Mr. Valentine which, as I'd come to observe since we first instigated game night, was the closest thing he ever came to smiling.

Aerith looked to the paperwork in her hands, then to her friends around the room, her eyes finally resting on me.

You're in a room surrounded by people who love you, I wanted to tell her. You have no reason to be afraid. I couldn't bring myself to speak, only to plead with my eyes.

"Oh, come on, Aeri," Yuffie whined as she pulled the cork from her favorite coffee liqueur. "It's just a little fun. Just some friends and some fun."

Reeve stepped into the room. "She's trying to win you over with that, 'it's just for fun' crap, is she?" He shook his head as he laid a hand on Aerith's shoulder. "Don't trust her for a second. She's the meanest poker player I've ever met."

And at that, the sweet flower girl smiled, her anxiety washed away. She looked down at the watch on her wrist, the shrugged ever so slightly. "I don't have anywhere to be for a few hours. I guess I could play a bit."

I turned away, made it look like I was moving the binder she'd given me to my shelf, where all of the others rested. In actuality, I'd turned so she wouldn't see me positively beam.

Baby steps. It was more than I could have hoped for.

"Why does your desk look like shit?" Yuffie asked, pouring us each a glass.

"I fell over it."

"Fell over it?"

Aerith bit her lip, scooting a chair alongside Reeve and Vincent. "I surprised him. I came up here to leave him the folder you forgot, Reeve. I didn't think he'd still be in, and I caught him off guard."

"Oh, thank you, Aerith. I didn't know where I'd put it." His eyes caught mine for a fraction of a second and he winked, no one else any the wiser. He'd planned it, the sonofabitch. I balked. I would think such an idea would spring from the mind of my little ninja friend - in fact, I was thoroughly surprised it hadn't - but from Reeve?

I almost sighed. He knew me. He knew me better than I'd previously surmised. He knew how much I missed her, and how stubborn I was.

"So, what? He just, like, fell?" Yuffie asked as she sipped her drink with one hand, and began to organize the chips with the other.

I shook my head, brought back to the real world. "I stood too fast and bumped the desk. I tried to keep my things from falling, but just ended up falling myself."

Aerith held in a laugh, her eyes suddenly bright.

"Laugh," I encouraged. "It was most undignified. I can fly, for Gaia's sake, and I fell right over the top of the desk and flat on my back."

Yuffie laughed uproariously, never one to hold anything back, and soon the rest of us were laughing with her. Vincent even spared us a small chuckle, his dark eyes lit up with myrth.

Reeve wasn't kidding when he said Yuffie was a mean poker player. She was downright ruthless, and took no prisoners. She was a wispy little thing, and I wondered vaguely just where she dredged up such bottomless depravity. She looked like a mob boss with a giant stack of poker chips in front of her, one foot on the table, glass of kahlua in the other.

I could not read her - no one could. She had no tell, no giveaway; she looked the same no matter if she had been delt a shit hand or been graced with the perfect play.

Five pairs of eyes met across the table. My gaze met Aerith's, and she smiled ever so tentatively from behind her fan of cards. Did we dare? She took a deep breath, then laid down her cards. "Three of a kind," she shook her head, knowing that she'd lost.

"Flush," I offered, lying my cards flat against the table. All hearts.

"Fold," Reeve said, shaking his head.

"Full house," Vincent shifted in his chair. We all held our breath.

Yuffie's eyes glinted. "Royal flush," she smirked, putting her hand down.

We all groaned as she pulled the pile of chips toward her already ridiculous accumulation.

"There is no way you're playing honestly," I scoffed, shaking my head.

She shot me a toothy grin. "Are you accusing me, Yuffie Kisaragi, princess of Wutai, of cheating?"

I leaned back in my chair. "Yes. Yes I absolutely am."

She feigned innocence, putting the back of her wrist to her forehead in mock disdain. "Good sir, I never cheat when I play with my friends."

"You lie and steal, though," Aerith offered, and we all laughed at the scrunched face Yuffie made in response.

"You can't prove it."

"It's only a matter of time before we figure out how you're swindling us." Vincent shook his head as he began to put away the cards.

"I still won, and I get my prize."

Aerith looked around, curiously. "The winner gets a prize?" She asked.

"I get a favor from each of those at the table."

"A reasonable favor," Reeve corrected.

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Ten pounds of chocolate is reasonable, no matter what you say."

"Quit prolonging the inevitable," I groaned. "What do you want from us this time?"

She smiled, crossing her arms across her chest. "Each of you has to come to my birthday party next weekend."

"As if any of us were going to skip it anyhow," Reeve sighed as he shook his head, sorting the poker chips into colored piles.

"I mean it," Yuffie continued. "You all have to be there."

"You know we'll all go," Aerith said as she squeezed Yuffie's shoulder.

And just like that game night was over. Just like that, the four of them were walking out of my office at ten-thirty at night, the smallest one slightly tipsy and reiterating her list of birthday wishes.

Vincent shook my hand as he left. "See you next weekend, it seems," he offered as he disappeared through my doorway.

I pushed the door over, only intending to get my briefcase before heading out myself, but when I passed by my desk I noticed the little pink cardigan Aerith had been wearing earlier, all bunched up on my desk, forgotten. Reaching out a tentative hand, hesitating for only the barest of moments, I picked up the article of clothing and sighed.

So close, yet so far.

She'd been here, in my office, hardly five minutes before. So close I could touch her. So far that I didn't dare.

I looked around my office, a sudden wave of sickness washing over me, but for what I couldn't name. Was this what I wanted? Domestics? Coming to work every day, becoming familiar with the walk to work, the faces? Lunch in the cafeteria with Reeve or Yuffie, sometimes Vincent, the others not seeking me out in the slightest, then dinner alone in my office or my apartment?

Was this what it was like for Aerith, when I'd left her in Costa del Sol? Alone, without direction?

Gods above, I felt so alone. I was in a city buzzing with life, yet I was by my self.

Reeve had pushed her to me, my little flower girl, and we'd had normal conversations like she hadn't been ripped from my heart those scant weeks ago. We'd played poker as if she hadn't been alone in my office minutes before, a scared look about her face as she asked me questions and spoke to me in such a way I had no means to answer her.

I did something, feeling unabashed; I pulled the sweater to my face and inhaled.

And I shook, something inside of me feeling like it was breaking.

For weeks now I'd been wearing a mask. No one saw me slipping, how could they? I was in reform; perfect, forgiving, good. I was heading the new soldiers for Shinra reformed, helping the new president and the board research new ways of energy that didn't involve sucking the planet dry.

I didn't need normalcy.

I needed an anchor.

And like she'd heard me, like she somehow knew, I turned and saw Aerith in my doorway. Her face was a stony mask, a blank slate, as she gazed upon what she remembered as a madman, the one that stuck her through. How weak I must look to her, clutching her garment, eyes crazed like an animal.

But then she did something unexpected, which was so like her; would she ever cease to amaze me? She took a step forward and closed the door. "I never got the chance to tell you why I don't remember you."

I sighed, strained. I wanted to disappear through the floor. I wanted to, but I didn't. I tossed her sweater to the chair she stood closest to, then turned my back on her, steadying my palms on the edge of my desk and I leaned forward. "I can't deal with this right now."

"Well, you're just going to have to," she announced as I heard her sit down in the chair behind me.

I wanted to be angry with her. But I found a profound sadness within me; it wasn't her fault. None of it was her fault. And yet, so much of it was. I realized I couldn't be angry with her, no matter how much it made sense to be. I turned and took the chair across from her, but didn't bother to look up.

"Are you always like this with me?" she asked.

"Like what?" I sighed, rubbing my chin with my fingers.

"Hot and cold?"

I barked out a laugh. "I don't know. Yes. Maybe." I decided to be honest with her. There was no reason I should be otherwise. "You never cease to profoundly confuse and surprise me. Such control you have over me, and yet you've no idea." I saw her lips curl out of the corner of my eye, but a sad or awkward smile I couldn't discern.

"Do you... do you want to know? Should I even tell you?"

I paused, then shifted. "I have to admit I'm curious, but..."

I heard her sigh, hardly a whisper. "Would it be easier if you knew?"

Another pause. "I would... I would like to know." My voice was quiet, and she leaned in closer, as if she were straining to hear my words."

"It's much less fantastic that you'd like to think. Reeve found the answer in the notes after I... after I asked him to find out for me. He burned most of the underground, ruined the computers and corrupted the files, but for me he looked." She crossed her legs, twirling a piece of her bangs in her fingers absentmindedly. "I've been having dreams. Dreams of the time I spent with Cloud and the others, but also dreams of things that I can't recall ever seeing. I see them like a movie through fog, things that I feel like I should remember but can't, no matter how hard it hurts."

Her voice was thin, teetering on the edge of something I couldn't place.

"Reeve found the files for me. He told me he didn't look at them - that he wouldn't unless I wanted him to know - and it was... unsettling. According to Hojo's notes, the mind and body are almost like two different entities. The mind - the soul - is what returns to the lifestream when we die. Our bodies decompose, our bodies returning to the planet in a way of it's own. The two are linked, mind and body; Hojo grough us back because he had samples of our DNA from just after we'd... died the first time. I remembered up until you'd... the city of the Ancients because he was there after us, and he must have found my body. Same for you in the crater. He wasn't entirely specific with the 'how' he obtained it, but he somehow managed it. Then, all he needed was a body, cloned from the cells that he'd taken. With a body, our souls were taken from the lifestream, but only from when the DNA was extracted. Had he pulled older samples of your DNA, when you'd been reincarnated you'd would have remembered only from that point in life."

"That's why he wanted you back, unharmed. That's why he ordered me to kill you when we had gone to confront him; he wanted all of your current memories, from when I'd taken you and set you free." It all made sense, now. Our DNA, our cells, acted like a recording device. When used to form a body, they pulled all they could from the lifestream. Aerith didn't remember me because when she'd been reborn there in the lab in front of us, it was from the same cells that Hojo has used to bring her back the first time.

"I need... I need a favor."

I turned to look at her, my curiosity getting the better of me. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I recoiled. Was she going to ask me to leave her alone? To avoid her? She didn't look scared of me any longer, that much I was certain of, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread that filled me. I nodded, not knowing what else to do.

"I want to hear your version of our story. Everyone has told me what happened, but pieces remain blank, and the dreams are confusing me. I don't know if it's my memories trying to push their way back into my mind, but I feel... I feel like I need to hear it from you. Everything."

Taking a deep breath, I sat back. "It all started when I woke up..."

I told her the entire story, leaving nothing out. Halfway through, her phone rang and she snapped it shut without looking at it. Her eyes were wide the entire time I spoke, and she never said a word. I left out no detail for her, though I lightly grazed some of the more sordid ones. She blushed when I mentioned our love-making, shaking her head as if she couldn't believe it, but when I spoke of how the light rolled off of her and shattered light bulbs when she came, her cheeks grew even more pink in color and she stilled, not meeting my eyes. How else could I have known such a detail about her, such an intimate one, unless I spoke the truth?

"... and then..." I sighed, heart heavy. "And then, given no other choice, I snapped your neck. Your last act in your previous body..." Tears threatened to spill, and I felt oddly detached. "You set me free. You used Vincent's gun to shoot the damn collar off my neck, but it was too late. You told me you loved me before you died."

She was looking at me, but she really wasn't looking at me. She looked like she wanted to cry, to run, but, her fingers gripping the leather of the chair so tightly her nails were likely cutting into, I knew she would do neither. I leaned back in my own chair, feeling tired. How many times would I have to tell this story?

When she stood, it took me by surprise. I stood as well, more out of uncertainty as to what else to do with myself, but she was halfway to the door before I had time to register what was happening. She turned the knob, pulled it open, and hesitated for a moment. I thought she was going to turn and look at me. She didn't. She walked through the threshold of my office, and shut the door behind her.

And I sat back in my chair and heaved a dejected sigh. I was a fool to think that she'd come to love me again, that I had a chance at all. I gave her nothing but words; how could I give her anything else without overstepping some kind of boundary?

I was on the far side of an entire bottle of scotch before morning, despite the fact that it did nothing. The motions were more mechanical than anything; I honestly hadn't realized I was drinking so much until Yuffie barged into my office asking me some benign question about what flavor cupcakes I'd like.

"Holy shit. What happened?" She shut the door quietly behind her before walking to my desk and sitting herself on the corner of it.

"She asked for the story - the whole story, my story, not just piece of it - from me."

"And you didn't give it to her?"

I scrubbed the back of my neck.

"You did? Then what's the problem?" She gasped. "Did you share her memories with her, like you did with me?"

"I said I wouldn't, and I stand by it. No, I just spoke. That's all I did; talk."

"Then why are you that far into a bottle of expensive hooch with a look on your face that would make angels weep?"

"Because she didn't say anything. She just left."

Yuffie had her arms around my neck, and I could feel wet tears seeping through the shoulders of my shirt. "It's a lot to process, you know? Maybe she just needs some time."

"I don't know if I can do this?"

"Do what?" She offered a hoarse laugh. "Keep on living?"

I sighed. "I don't know. This office job, this pretence of normalcy."

"Quit being an asshole," she chided, pulling her arms away and giving the back of my head a good smack. "You nearly brought the world to its knees, and now you're bitching about heartbreak and domestics?"

I choked out a laugh, though it sounded more like a whine.

"No, I won't let you. You're going to man the fuck up, keep doing the job that you're damn good at, and next week you're going to come to my birthday party because if you don't I will give you such a beating. And speaking of birthday, you never answered my question- chocolate or red velvet?"

Yuffie was so much smarter than she let on, and it made me feel grounded knowing that, as strange as it was, I had a friend who understood me. She changed the subject so fluidly that while I didn't forget, by the end of our conversation I didn't feel quite so lost. I promised to keep at my job, at least for a while longer, and I gave my word that I would be at her birthday party. She found it amusing when I admitted that I'd never bought a birthday present before, and she insisted that it be something grand so that neither of us would forget it.

Not yet two decades old, still a child in so many ways, yet I had come to trust her with so little effort. Cloud and her other friends loved her, yes, but I had a feeling none of them saw her the way I did.

And, just like my word, I showed up at Yuffie's party with an armful of gifts, and some item that wasn't hers, despite the occasion. Aerith had done well in avoiding me - I don't think she'd actually been back in the Shinra building since she walked out of my office last - but I had promised Yuffie I would attend, and Aerith was too kind of a person to let her own discomfort come before her friends. Which is why I didn't hesitate in handing her sweater to her, after I deposited Yuffie's gifts on the reserved table. "You left this in my office the last time we spoke." There was no hidden meaning behind my words, no hope of something that wasn't there. I had given her my heart already; what she did with it was her own choice.

She took the piece of clothing from my hands, gingerly. "Thank you. I'd forgotten all about it." Her smile was small, but it seemed, at least to me, genuine.

Then, in a flash, Yuffie was upon me, a shrill shriek escaping from her as she all but tackled me.

"You came!" She beamed.

"I promised that I would, didn't I?"

The entire night was filled with drinking, jokes, and I fear I ate so many cupcakes I made myself somewhat sick. But it wasn't until the night was nearly over that I paid much heed to the world outside. I watched Yuffie hollar as we all paid close attention to the chocobo races. I'd placed a little of my own money down on what I felt was an underdog, but given that I was meant to be having a grand time, I didn't feel too sorry when the bird in question lost. While the others placed their next round of bets, I watched one of the A-Class races through the windows. I took a sip of champagne from the flute in my hand.

"Hojo's trial is next week." I knew she was standing next to me before she spoke. I'd chosen not to say anything, letting her measure her words before she let them slip past her lips.

"Indeed." I heaved a sigh.

"Will you be in attendance?"

I shook my head. "I gave everything I had to the legal team already. I was surprised when they didn't call me down to interrogate in the first place, honestly." I turned to look down at Aerith. "Will you be going?"

She bit her lip. "Everyone keeps telling me I should, but just thinking about that man gives me nightmares..."

I chuckled softly, knowingly. "I understand that feeling."

"I was thinking of leaving town," she offered, nonchalantly.

"Oh? Grand vacation plans?"

"I hear Mideel is pretty fantastic this time of year."

I completely froze when her hand touched mine. I thought, at first, it had been a mistake, a fleeting touch when she'd shifted on her feet. But when her fingers intertwined with mine, I couldn't help but hold my breath.

"Perhaps you'd like to come with me... I was thinking, maybe, that we could- we could start over. Start slow."

The shouts of the crowd as the race finished, the blinking of the lights, the bitter sting of circulated air as it hit my face from the vents overhead; all of it was muted. I slowly turned to look at her, but her eyes were fixated forward.

I smiled like an idiot. "I would like that very much."

The corners of her mouth turned up in a shy smile. Then, she turned and met my eyes. "To new beginnings?" She held up her champagne glass.

I clinked my glass with hers, feeling my heart ache in my chest. It wasn't the way things were, but it was a damn good start.

"To new beginnings."