Title: Layers of the Onion.

Rating: T (implied violence). English - Hurt/Comfort, Friendship - Kate B. & Rick C

Summary: Beckett stumbles across something confusing about Castle and his mysterious past. Detective senses tingling, she goes on the hunt to peel a layer off the Castle onion.

Disclaimer: all the usual. I don't own Castle, etc etc.

Author's Note: Yet another idea that just seemed to randomly pop into my noggin. I don't know why, but I got more and more puzzled about Castle's back-story, and this idea just kept poking at me until I had it written. As always, Feedback welcomed!

NevynR.

8:00am Monday, 12th Precinct.

Beckett left the elevator and made her way over to her desk. Dumping her bag in the bottom drawer, she turned her computer on and leaned back, waiting for the machine to boot up. Stretching, she drew in a deep breath, trying to wake herself up. Halfway through breathing in, she froze, sniffing the air. Stronger than normal, she caught the distinctive scent of Castle's cologne. Almost as familiar to her as her own cherry-scented shampoo, she would know that smell just about anywhere.

Confused, she glanced over to 'his' chair, seeing it empty. A quick glance around the bull-pen didn't enlighten her any further - it was deserted. Laughing at herself, she typed her password into the computer and set about clearing some paperwork backlog, the mystery of the cologne still playing in the back of her mind as she worked.

9:00am Monday, 12th Precinct.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened to reveal the 12th's resident author, coffee and bear-claw in hand as per usual. He made his way over to Beckett's desk, and handed over the morning pick-me-up, saying

"Good morning Detective! No bodies yet, I see?" Gratefully accepting the coffee, Beckett took a long sip, and leaned back in her chair, allowing the hot beverage to work it's magic for a few seconds before she responded.

"Thanks, Castle. You are in early this morning, considering we don't have a case yet..."

"Yeah," He replied, an small smile on his face. "For some reason, I woke up before midday, and couldn't get back to sleep. All this hanging around with you guys must be starting to rub off on me. Who knows, maybe I'll even find a normal work ethic buried around here!"

"Hah! Castle, I don't know what happened to your work ethic, but the only place you'll find it would be down at the lost property office."

"Oh, Beckett, you wound me!"

"I wish, Castle... Now, unless you want me to find some duct tape, you wanna let me get some more work done?"

Castle pouted for a second or two, before he pulled out his phone and started checking his Twitter feed, making a point of being quiet. Keeping an eye on him for a few minutes in her peripheral vision, Beckett smirked and went back to filling out her paperwork, almost wishing a case would pop up and give her a decent excuse to delay the paperwork even longer. Niggling at the back of her mind was the thought that today didn't seem any different than normal, other than the mysterious case of Castle's unexplained presence so early in the morning, and the way he showed no outward sign of his early arrival.

11:30pm Monday, Beckett's Apartment

Sighing happily, Beckett slipped into her bubble bath and reached for her glass of wine, letting the luxurious heat from the water pull the fatigue from her muscles. Taking a mouthful of the wine, she picked up her book, but stopped short of opening it. Turning it over, she glanced at the picture of Castle on the back cover of A Hail of Bullets, idly running her fingers down the spine of the book, feeling the raised lettering. Although she spent more time reading the Nikki Heat novels these days, Beckett occasionally returned to it and would read it almost in auto-pilot, her eyes skimming over the words as her mind filled in the blanks the way it would with a old favorite movie that you know so well you barely need it on to 'watch' it.

Thinking about her partner, she turned her mind once more to the puzzling scent of him in the precinct this morning at such an early hour. In the last three years or so, she hadn't noticed him coming in before 9am ever, it was usually closer to half past, or even nearly ten if he had had a late night, or just felt like a sleep-in. Why would he be there so early?, she thought. We finished our last case Friday afternoon, there would have been no reason for him to be there at that hour... The place was deserted when I got in at eight. Mulling the thought over for a few minutes, she decided that the only real way she could get an answer was to try getting to the precinct even earlier tomorrow, in the hopes of finding out what he was up to, assuming she hadn't imagined it, and that he would be there two mornings in a row. I could always ask him what he was doing there at such an early hour, alone, but that would lead to him asking me how the hell I knew he had been in... Beckett grimaced slightly as a blush crept up her cheeks, thinking about the conversation that she definitely didn't want to have with her partner. I really don't want to explain to him that I recognized his cologne, that would be more than just a little bit awkward! Taking another drink of her wine, she decided to set her alarm for an hour earlier than usual, and see what she could find out. That decided, she opened the book, and let the words of her favorite author wash over her as the night slipped slowly by.

7:05am Tuesday, 12th Precinct

Beckett walked quietly across the bull-pit, the air sill and quiet. Reaching her desk, she immediately noticed a bottle of water on the edge, right where Castle usually placed his coffee of a morning. Frowning, she did a quick inventory, and found nothing else out of place. Sniffing the air, she didn't smell his cologne either. Puzzled, she did a quick search of the immediate area, and failed to find any trace of him.

The break room was empty, although the coffee machine was turned on and hot, the smell of a freshly made coffee hanging in the air. Looking around, she didn't see any dirty cups or teaspoons in the sink. Her detective senses tingling, she quickly ran her fingertips over the cups in the cupboard, and grinned to herself as she found one to be warm, as if it had been used, washed and dried and put away only moments ago.

Thoroughly intrigued, she made her way down the hall, past the toilets, listening at the door to the men's room. Nothing but silence met her ears.

Wracking her brains, she went still as she thought she heard a grunt of effort from further down the hall. Almost holding her breath, she made her way to the gym / weight room, where she thought the noise had come from.

Slowly, carefully, she eased the door open a crack and peered in. With the door open a little, she could now hear the sounds of somebody exercising: quick, short breaths, and the occasional grunt of exertion. Opening the door further, she saw a broad set of shoulders, rhythmically hunching forward in a rapid set of crunches. About to close the door again, she paused as something nudged at her brain. She knew those shoulders, she had just never seen them without a shirt on, and there was no way she could mistake that hair! She drew breath to call out to her partner, but cut herself short as he flipped from doing crunches to doing push-ups. Beckett noticed that all he was wearing was a set of black bike shorts, and a set of gloves that covered his fists. His arms worked steadily, supporting himself on his knuckles, the rest of him covered in nothing more than a light sheen of sweat. Her absent-minded perusal of his body faltered as she realised that he had been going for close to a minute, doing at least two push-ups a second, and hadn't so much as slowed down yet.

Oh my! She thought, I had no idea what he was hiding under those designer suits... He's certainly got nothing to be ashamed of, so why hasn't he at least shown those arms off out of hours? Reaching the end of his set, Castle stood up and quickly ran through some stretches before heading over to the punching bags. It was all Beckett could do not to gape as she watched him move. Gone was the casual saunter of the bored millionaire playboy, gone was the amiable stroll of the man who had shadowed her for the last three years. He moved across the room with a focus and determination that she had never seen before. He was all grace and power, his muscles moving under his skin like a panther stalking prey.

Pausing for an instant at the bag, he set himself before proceeding to unleash a flurry of kicks, punches and strikes at the bag. Beckett's brain whirled, wondering how on earth Castle knew moves like those, and was even further stunned when he picked the pace of his attacks up, the intensity of the blows making an almost-continuous noise as he put everything into his attacks. Minutes passed, as his breathing started to come faster, he pulled back from the bag slightly, his guard up, and started a vicious series of kicks that seemed to go on for another couple of minutes. Beckett stepped back, allowing the door to close silently as she made her way to the ladies toilets and slipped inside a cubicle, before pulling a lid down and sitting on it, hoping that the noise of her escape would not be heard over the sound of Castle's workout.

Stunned, she sat on the lid for close to twenty minutes, her mind working back over everything she could remember her partner saying or doing since she had met him all those years ago. Frowning, she sought some clue as to how she had missed something so huge. Her memory threw up a flag: Diana Edward's apartment, when the Nigerian passport incident happened, and the fire fight that followed - Castle had been as cool under fire as herself, and had not only been able to find a way to pin down Baylor, but kept his cool and drew the bad guy's fire long enough for her to take the shot. She remembered the time she had been down to the pistol range and found him there. Her laughter at his mediocre skills still echoing around the range, he placed three rapid shots in the ten-ring almost without thought. That memory triggered another one: the night he had shot Kitty Canary, when he returned from the Hampton's for the summer. She recalled the look of total concentration on his face as he squeezed off that single shot to hit Kitty in the shoulder, the bullet missing Beckett by inches, even as she fired over his own shoulder. She flashed back to the night they captured Hal Lockwood, seeing in her mind's eye how an unarmed Castle had not hesitated to tackle the trained assassin, and beat him into unconsciousness. She also remembered talking to Alexis, how they had both laughed at Castle's fascination with fencing and his constant laser tag games, chalking them up to his child-like innocence. Now, she wondered if those youthful, exuberant pastimes masked a much less playful background. Finally, she let her mind drift back to one of their earlier conversations, about personal perspectives, about driving forces, and their mutual fascination with death. She realised that he had managed to deduce at a significant portion of her motivation for joining the police force in short order, but he had skilfully deflected her own questions about his own past. She still had no idea why he wrote about murder and death and violence so much, so easily, and so well.

Her train of thought was disturbed when she heard the sounds of the showers next door start. Beckett allowed her mind to drift for a few minutes as she idly daydreamed about the impressive physique her partner had hidden from her the past three years. A wicked smile crept across her lips as she imagined him next door, in the steam, rivulets of water cascading down his body as he sluiced the sweat and soap off, before her fantasy was diverted by the sudden cessation of noise from the showers.

Cautiously, she waited until she heard the door to the change rooms close, and his footsteps fade away as he made his way down the hall towards the elevator. Waiting another couple of minutes, just to be sure, Beckett left the toilets and walked down the hall, a quick sniff of the air confirming his path through the precinct. Reaching her desk again, she noted that the water bottle has disappeared. Out of habit, she checked the small garbage bin next to the desk, to see if he had been careless enough to leave the empty bottle behind. Seeing the bin empty, she wondered how a man so... haphazard with tidiness at his home had the forethought to take his trash with him as he left the precinct. Deciding to start 'Operation Find Out Stuff' when he returned later on, Beckett sat down and turned her computer on, determined to clear at least half her backlog before the rest of her team showed up.

9:15am Tuesday, 12th Precinct

Beckett smiled as her partner made his way over to her desk, the usual supplies in hand.

"Hey, Castle." She quipped. "You wet the bed again?" Handing over her breakfast, he replied.

"Still thinking about me and beds, Beckett? For your information, I couldn't sleep, again. So I got up and took care of a few things before I came in on the off chance somebody had dropped dead already." Hiding her startled expression behind her bear-claw, Beckett wondered at just how easily he had deflected her enquiry, and began to ponder just how easily and naturally their banter had flowed, beginning to suspect that his covert exercise routine might be a more regular occurrence than she had assumed.

"You wish, Castle." She retorted, keeping her tone light. Before they had a chance to exchange any further witty repartee, they were cut off by Esposito, waving his notebook at them.

"We got a body, Esposito?" She called out, glancing over at her partner, who sat up straighter in his chair at the mention of murder and mayhem.

"Yeah, boss."

"Let's go then." They all stood up, and the working week began in earnest.

1:15pm Tuesday, Murder Scene.

Other than finding a dead young woman in a dumpster in an alley, with no obvious cause of death, and no wallet, the morning had been fairly routine. Beckett had paid much closer attention to her partner, although she wasn't sure how much of her covert scrutiny had gone unobserved by Castle. She could detect absolutely nothing out of the ordinary in his behavior. Not a hint about his early morning exertions showed, he seemed to be back to his normal, slightly goofy, wise-cracking self.

"Ok, you two." She said, looking over to Esposito and Ryan, who were putting their notebooks away. "We'll catch you back at the precinct. Until we get a COD or an ID on our Jane Doe, there's not a lot we can do here." She turned and started walking back to the car, waiting until she hear Castle's footsteps behind her before she turned to him and asked,

"So, Castle, feel like grabbing some burgers on the way back?" Castle glanced at her, then at his watch, and frowned.

"Ok, who are you, and what have you done with the real Detective Beckett?" She looked at him, puzzled, so he continued. "The real Beckett needs to be forcibly reminded about stopping for food, you know?" She laughed, and acknowledged his point.

"I'm not Natalie Rhodes trying to 'get into character again', Castle, if that's what you are getting at. I dunno, Castle, maybe since some of our work ethic is rubbing off on you, maybe some of your appetite is catching. Feel like Remy's?"

"Sounds like a plan, Detective." He replied, a smirk on his lips.

1:30pm, Remy's

They made their way into their regular booth and sat down. Within seconds, a waitress was there, notepad out.

"So, what'll it be, guys?' She asked, smiling politely at them. The duo looked at each other for a split second, before replying at the same time.

"The usual." Grinning at the thought that they ate there enough to be known on sight, and have a 'usual', they sat back in an easy silence as they waited for their shakes to be brought out.

Once the drinks arrived, Beckett took a sip, and spoke, trying to keep her voice casual.

"You know, Castle, I have been thinking..."

"About what?"

"About a lot of stuff, actually, but there's a few things I was hoping you could clear up for me..." Intrigued, he sat forward and placed his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his hands.

"Shoot."

"Well, this is going to sound a bit odd, but just hear me out, ok?"

"Sure thing, Beckett... Are you ok?"

"Yeah, Castle, I just..." She took another drink of her shake to steady herself, before taking the plunge. "I never really realised how much of an onion you were." He raised his eyebrows, a confused look on his face. "You remember a while back, I teased you about 'peeling back the layers of the Beckett onion'...?"

"Um, yes?"

"Well, I just thought you'd actually come a fair way since then, you have gotten a fair few layers deeper than just about anybody I know in the last couple of years, with my mothers' case, and Royce, and my dad, and all that... I only really thought about it today... you are just as much an onion as me." Startled, Castle sat back, wondering where on earth she was heading with her line of enquiry.

"Beckett, I..." She cut him off quickly.

"No, Castle, please, I need you to just listen for a moment, I need to get this out while it is clear in my head. I realised not long after we started working together that the playboy millionaire thing was nothing more than a facade for the public, and all your adoring fans. I realised that there was a real person somewhere under all that... glitz and charm. I saw it when I saw how you behave with Alexis, and your mother. It took me by surprise at first, I had never considered Richard Castle the family man, the doting father. Later, when I got to see you actually writing, rather than just reading the finished product, I could see the focus and determination when you were absorbed in your writing, and it was another glimpse into a side of you I hadn't imagined. After all the time we spent working together, I thought I could see the real Richard Castle, the relaxed guy you become when you are with friends, just mellowing out and enjoying yourself... I thought I had seen pretty much all the different sides of you that there were. Today, I realised there is a whole other side to you I never knew existed, Castle." She paused, and took another few swallows of her shake. "I know how pissed off I was when you went behind my back to dig into my mothers' murder, I know how violated I felt, how you had abused my trust, but after a while, I could see how it helped me, and it felt... right... that you were the one to be able to help me with it. So I know what it is like to have somebody barge in an start rummaging around in your personal history. I realised that as of today, I don't actually know much about you, other than what I have lived through as your partner for three years, and whatever happens to be on the internet or the tabloids about your history. I thought about everything, and I don't know how I could have not asked more about you. How could I, as a detective dammit, not known more? As a friend, as a partner, how could I simply not know so much about you? I know about Ryan, where he grew up, where he went to school, what he studied in college, why he took up law enforcement. I know about Esposito, his family, his past, I know the same kind of things about Lanie, so why don't I know any of that about you, Castle, why are you such a goddamn mystery?" Her cheeks flushed, and a look of sadness and shame on her face her eyes shimmered with pent-up tears as her words tumbled forth. "What is wrong with me, Castle, so wrong that I don't even know something, anything more about my partner? About the man who has saved my life repeatedly? The man I have spent at least five days a week working with, under some of the most trying circumstances I can imagine, and there's just so much I don't know, and never even thought to ask..."

Unbidden, Castle's hand reached across the table and cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing away the single tear that rolled down her face.

"Oh, Kate, I am so sorry..." He whispered softly, his voice almost breaking as he realised just how much speaking out like this must have cost her. "I never knew that you wanted to know about any of that stuff, all you had to do was ask. There are parts of myself I am not proud of, parts of my past that I'd prefer to forget, so I guess I have shut them away somewhere, and I seem to have done such a good job of burying them that sometimes I forget they are there. I can't blame you for not knowing, for not asking, because I have gone out of my way to hide them from the world." He sipped his shake as he took her hands in his own, looking directly into her emerald eyes. "I am sorry if that has hurt you, I certainly never meant to..." He paused for a few seconds to gather his thoughts. "So, what do you want to know, detective? What skeletons on my closet do you want to unearth?"

Shocked by his brutal honesty, Beckett sat quietly for a moment, before searching his face carefully for any sign of him holding back. Seeing the walls that he had built so carefully she hadn't even known they were there come tumbling down, she glanced briefly at their joined hands, before looking him in the eyes again. "Well, let's start with something small, with what started this whole thing, this morning." She swallowed, before taking the plunge. "Why don't you ask me hold your punching back for you when you work out, instead of slipping into the precinct at some ungodly hour and going solo?" His jaw dropped as the meaning of her words sank in.

"You came in earlier than usual this morning?"

"Yes, Castle, I did. Actually, I came in a bit early yesterday, and was thrown for a loop when I was sure I smelt your cologne near my desk when I got in at 8am."

"My cologne?"

"That road goes both ways, Castle... You have commented on my cherry shampoo, remember? If you must keep getting close enough to smell my hair, you had to have realised I could smell you too... You are not the only one that can use more than a couple of senses, you know?"

"I never..."

"After three years, Castle, I can pick that scent out of a crowd, I can even tell if you have been in a room in the last ten or fifteen minutes... And don't think that you can distract me again. Answer the question, please." He bemused look on his face, he thought momentarily before taking an deep breath.

"Something small, she says... Beckett, I know you are some kind of super-detective, but that's probably the furthest from 'small' thing you could have asked me."

"Castle, I..." He cut her off with his raised finger.

"It's ok, Beckett, I'll answer, you just need to let me get it all out before you start with any more questions, yeah?" She nodded, her eyes narrowing as she focused on him intently, wondering how much her partner was about to reveal.

"The reason I didn't ask you, or any of the others, to help is simply because I didn't want any questions being asked. It's something I have done for a very long time, I find it is a great way to relax and de-stress, and it helps me deal with some things that I'd rather not bring up. Before I go on, tell me exactly how much of my background you actually know, or can guess, or have read, so I have some kind of idea which gaps you want me to fill in..."

"Well, I know that your mother travelled around a lot with you when you were very young, I know that you met Kyra when you were in college, and wrote your first best seller before she graduated. You told me that she left you, and then there were more books. Sometime around then must have been about when Alexis was born, and I'm assuming that it wasn't more than a few years after that that you and Meredith divorced. You kept writing books after Alexis was born, and along came Gina, and the Derek Storm books, and once you killed him off, I arrested you..."

He smiled at her softly, running through his head where he needed to start the filling-in process. "So, I think most of what you want to know happened between Kyra leaving me, and when I met Meredith..."

"How long was that?"

"Only a couple of years, funnily enough... They just seemed so much more, I think, because of what happened. After Kyra left, I was heartbroken. I spent a month or so wallowing in self-pity, before I decided I needed a change of air, something to get my mind off the whole unhappy mess. I don't really know why, but I found myself at a recruiting booth in the city, and before I knew it, I had signed up to join the marines. I went through basic training, and when that was done, I was almost immediately posted to Bosnia with the NATO forces." He looked down at their hands, watching as his thumb drew absent-minded circles on the back of her hand. Meeting her eyes once more, he went on. "I did two tours before I got wounded bad enough shipped back home. While I was in rehab, I spent a lot of time talking to the shrinks, and as part of my therapy, they suggested I get back into writing, primarily as a way of treating PTSD. They thought it might help me to deal with it in my own mind, if I could get it down on paper. They were right, strangely enough. It helped me to forget some of the things I went through. Before I was ready to return to active duty, I had done more than enough thinking about life, the world, and my place in it. I took an honorable discharge, effective as soon as I had run out of leave, and went back to writing full-time. I met Meredith not long after that, and I pretty much shut the door on that part of my life, and then Alexis came along. Mother doesn't speak about it, because she'd rather forget that her son was sent off to war, and nearly didn't come home. Alexis doesn't know about it, because I don't have any pictures of my unit up, and I don't bring it up. I still have some photos at home, I keep them in the gun safe, just to make sure they don't get left lying around accidentally. The only other things I have that remind me about it all are the guns I keep in the safe as well, and the scar tissue that hurts when it gets too damn cold..." He drank the remainder of his shake as he pulled his mind back to the present. "So, Beckett, that's why I slip into the gym before hours and work out... It reminds me I am alive, and clears my head. After going through basic training, I always found I thought more clearly during the day if I started with a workout. Once I started following you around, it didn't make much sense for me to be paying for a gym membership that I hardly ever used, when I could get by with the facilities at the precinct, and it meant that I'd be able to slip back out and grab us coffee while you came in and got settled... Although now that you know, I might be persuaded to take you up on your offer of holding the bag." Shaking the thoughts of his past out of his mind for the moment, he lightened his tone, saying "Who knows, I could even try my hand at sparring with New York's finest, if you wanted to show an old man a few moves..." He grinned cheekily at her, watching the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

She paused, absorbing the information that she had coaxed out of him. She lost herself in his eyes as the extra facets of his life melded seamlessly into her knowledge of the man she knew. "Thank you, Rick, for letting me in, for sharing..." She deliberately used his given name, feeling the shared intimacy of the moment needed something more informal than calling him by his surname. "Old man you might be, but if the way you were going at that bag is any indication, I think it'd be me doing the learning..."

"You were right, Kate." He replied, smiling at her, feeling the moment keenly as well. "I am your partner, for better or worse... After coming so close to death so many times with you, it doesn't make any sense for me to keep things like that bottled away from you... It's probably about time I opened up about it, after all this time anyway..."

"Now that that is cleared up, you can tell me how hard you have been trying to hide the fact that you aren't a klutz, Mr Castle... I have seen you when we are bringing in a suspect, and I have to say, you do your mother's acting skills proud. I had no idea you weren't completely uncoordinated, and thought you had two left feet..." A surprised laugh escaped from Castle as Beckett shot him a mock-serious glare.

"It wasn't easy at all. Pretty much most of the time, I was thinking 'think like a civilian, you are petrified, this isn't your job, be afraid, be very afraid'. The only times I slipped up were when I saw you in trouble. I couldn't keep the act up then, I couldn't let my desire to keep my past buried outweigh your safety. I gave it my all, and tried to make it look like sheer dumb luck, hoping you wouldn't notice..."

Giving her a rueful smile, he glanced down at the burgers which had just been delivered to their table. "So, now you know probably the biggest skeleton in my closet, Beckett. Where does that leave us? Where do we go from here?"

Stripped of all his pretence, he bared himself to her scrutiny, hoping that she could see that he had held back nothing. She looked him in the eyes, searching his face for answers. There, she saw nothing but honesty, and hope.

"We're okay, Castle. It might take a bit of getting used to, but it does mean I don't need to worry as much about you tripping over your own feet or something while we are on a case. Could be quite refreshing, actually..." She picked up her burger, and quickly started eating. Seeing her acceptance of his explanation, Castle breathed a massive sigh of relief, and followed her lead, hungrily devouring his food. Moments later, they were done. The stood up, Castle left a twenty on the table to cover their tab, and they left Remy's, smiling.

As they closed the car doors and buckled in, Castle turned to his partner, asking, "So, are you still game for a workout tomorrow morning?" Starting the car and pulling out into traffic, Beckett grinned back at him.

"Oh, I think that can be arranged, Captain America."

"Corporal, actually, and I went in under my birth surname. In addition to being shadowed by a famous author, detective, you are partnered with one ex-Corporal Rogers, USMC."

Fin

Author's Note: updated 1-8-11 with corrections re US Marines data etc. Thanks to those kind people who pointed out my Australian foibles with it! Your patience and attention to detail are much appreciated.