Don't own the characters, don't profit from them

THE DOOMSDAY ELEVATOR

A full-grown up man in the grip of uncontrolled panic is not a pleasant sight, Newkirk thought.Especially if he's dressed like a woman. It would not do to anticipate the events that had not happened yet. First, they had to study the situation, assess the pros and cons... He looked at LeBeau and faked a smile. "How're you doing, mate?"

The Frenchman barely nodded. He seemed unusually calm under the circumstances. Newkirk exhaled with relief. Maybe, they would come out all right after all. He glanced at his watch.

"One more floor and we'll start our way down."

LeBeau shook his head. "I know, but this thing is too slow. We should have taken the stairs."

"In your dreams," Newkirk pointed at his bare foot. "I couldn't run downstairs in these ruddy shoes, could I? Those bloody guards would have got us right there." He broke off when the elevator reached the last floor.

"Not again," LeBeau said with a trembling voice. "It stops two inches too high. Then, it goes down two inches and come up again, jumping until it reaches the floor level. It shakes and shakes..."

"Did I ask you for a report on the bloody lift's demeanor? You talk as if it did this just to piss you off." Newkirk rolled his eyes. "You've got to get a grip, Louie. It's all the way down from here."

"You have to say that," LeBeau stared at the doors, as though he could open them with his mind. "Can't we take the stairs?"

"And risk being caught? Besides, I did me best job tonight. We have plenty of time to get out of here before-"

The doors opened at last and an eight year-old boy ran in. His mother was still a few feet behind him when the boy jumped on the button panel and pushed every number from top to bottom. Newkirk gasped and LeBeau just went paler.

"Ernest!" The mother had to run the last inches to get in before the doors slid closed. "Now it's going to take us forever to go down!"

Newkirk took his specs off and rubbed his eyes. He looked at the needle on the wall, pointing at number nine and crawling to number eight. Through his mind began to run all kinds of ways to put an end to their misery before they reached the sixth floor again. The floor where their ordeal had begun only ten minutes earlier.

TWO HOURS EARLIER

Hogan spread some blueprints over the conference table. He gave Newkirk and LeBeau several pictures. "Hammelburg Tower Hotel. Our target is on the sixth floor. Can you open it?"

Newkirk studied the picture of a safe box and snorted. "Does the sun rise on the east?"

"More importantly," Carter said, "how long will it take you?"

"Gentlemen, do you forget whom you're talking to?" Newkirk waved his fingers in front of them. "There is nothing these pieces of gold can't do," he said with a smile. "How long do you want me to take?"

"Carter is setting the smoke bombs in the kitchen at 21 hundred sharp. Kinch radioed the RAF to be ready 30 minutes past the hour. We need you to get those documents within that lapse." Hogan looked at his watch. "That leaves you 25 minutes to get in and out."

Kinch pointed at the elevators. "Avoid those. The system is quite old and it will take you twice the time than going down the stairs."

"That's all right with me," LeBeau smiled. "I don't like elevators, anyway."

"Well?" Hogan insisted. "Is it doable?"

Newkirk and LeBeau exchanged glances before looking at Hogan. "Un jeu d'enfant," said the Frenchman.

"One more thing." Hogan went to the box of props they kept by the radio station. He took out a wig and some lace garment.

"Oh, wait a minute," Newkirk said. "It's ladies' night at the hotel. Colonel, the place will be packed with pretty frauleins, I can't go there dressed like an old lady."

"Newkirk, it's just another job. We're not supposed to fraternize with the enemy while we're at work," Hogan said seriously.

"Besides, a couple will be less conspicuous than two men," Kinch said.

"Then, let LeBeau dress as a lady, he's shorter than me."

"LeBeau doesn't wear women's clothes," said the Frenchman. "Jamais!"

"Can we vote?" Newkirk asked.

"Sorry, we're closed," Hogan grinned. "Besides, you'll be there only for 25 minutes, during which, the hotel will be evacuated due to fire alarm. No time for socialization. Now, get dressed, we'll excuse you from roll call."

Everybody went upstairs, leaving Newkirk behind. He stared at the costume and winced. No pretty ladies would look at him tonight. "I hate this war."

They heard the music two blocks before they arrived at the hotel. Hogan almost read his men's thoughts about the parties they were missing at home. Their job was too demanding and the sacrifices they made went unnoticed. That was the hero's fate.

The building shone at every window. Cars stopped to drop dressed-up people at the door. Carter, Newkirk, LeBeau and Kinch stared through the window of their car, reluctant to get out.

"You didn't want to wear high-heel shoes, Newkirk," Carter said. "Aren't you glad Kinch convinced you to put them on?"

"Certainly, I would feel under dressed without them," Newkirk said without cracking a smile.

"Everybody to their posts," Hogan said, parking the car in front of the hotel. Carter was the first to get out, smoothing his white waiter jacket. Kinch came to the front seat, while LeBeau and Newkirk got in character before walking to the main door.

"Carter, don't forget the detonators," Kinch whispered. "Newkirk, relax, you look great in black."

"It's useless, Kinch, you won't make me jealous," LeBeau grinned.

Hogan smiled at Newkirk's annoyed glare as he fixed his dress and wig. He knew his men were all prepared and focused. Nothing could be wrong. "If it depended on us, nothing would be wrong."

"Nothing will be wrong, sir," Kinch told him in a reassuring tone.

Hogan sighed and started the car. "We have 25 minutes before the raid. It's too short a time for anything else to happen," he shrugged. He drove around the fountain in front of the hotel and parked at one corner. "Let's stay close... just in case."

"Just in case," Kinch agreed. Then, the waiting began.

Carter entered through the back door and set the explosives in the butler's pantry. Newkirk and LeBeau walked slowly, mingling and smiling at anyone who glanced their way. Before they reached the stairs, Newkirk took advantage of his attire and helped himself to one of the free drinks for the ladies. LeBeau pulled his coat and almost dragged him away from the bar.

"We have to keep focused, remember?"

"That's what I'm doing," Newkirk shrugged. "I am focusing on being a nice little lady." He took another sip and left the glass on a table. He looked at the stairs and sighed. "Six floors, then?"

"Six floors," LeBeau repeated, taking his friend's arm. "Come, maman. Do you know any funny story about stairs?"

"Let's see," Newkirk said. "A man falls down a flight of stairs and he's taken to the hospital..."

"What time is it, Kinch?"

"About five minutes more than when you asked the last time... sir," he smiled at the colonel and went back to their portable radio.

"Is the flock in position?"

"Ready and waiting. Everything is going as planned, sir. We are on schedule."

"That's what concerns me, Kinch. I'm not used to missions working so smoothly." Hogan shifted in his seat, rattling his fingers on the wheel.

"You miss the bumpy road?"

Hogan smiled and shook his head. "Well, not too much, I hope."

"... and the man replied "I don't know. I wasn't counting the bloody steps when I was coming down!"

LeBeau laughed with the little breath he had left after climbing six stories without stopping. "That was a terrible joke," he replied.

"Oh, you know better ones? I'd like to hear them," Newkirk leaned against the railing to catch his breath and rub his ankle. "Those bloody high heels are killing me."

"But they make your legs look pretty," LeBeau said, reading the numbers on the doors.

"D'you think me legs are pretty?" Newkirk grinned, brushing the hair off his forehead. He took the other side of the hallway. "Here!"

LeBeau looked around while Newkirk worked on the door with his lock picks. They entered and went straight to the small safe box in a darkened corner. Newkirk took his stethoscope out of his purse and began to turn the dial. "Where is Carter with his ruddy smoke toy?"

"It's all right, we still have 25 minutes." LeBeau went to the door. A small explosion rattled the salon downstairs and people screamed. "Just in time. How long, Newkirk?"

"Done," the Englishman smiled triumphantly. He took the papers and spread them on the floor for LeBeau to take pictures. "Did you take me time? I think I set a new record."

"I'm very proud of you, mon enfant," LeBeau said. He put the camera away and waited while Newkirk folded the documents and put them back in the safe box. The Englishman took also a roll of bills. "Newkirk!"

"Keep your knickers on, I'm just charging extra for the high heels." Newkirk opened the door to see several people running downstairs. "Great job, me mate. At this rate, the building will be empty in five minutes."

They followed the last three people to the stairs when a familiar voice startled them.

"You don't have to thank us. We were in the neighborhood anyway."

"Putain the merde! Hochstetter!"

"Shh! He's coming this way," Newkirk whispered. "Just follow me, he won't recognize us."

They came to the stairs and tumbled into a line of people already forming to go down. Hochstetter was instructing two of his men. "Make sure to check everybody before they come downstairs. Look for anything suspicious, false noses, false mustaches, wigs."

Newkirk and LeBeau stopped. No one had seen them yet but they ran as soon as they turned the corner. Newkirk twisted his ankle and almost fell. He recovered quickly as they heard steps coming after them. A small bell rang on one side of the hallway.

"The lift!" Newkirk said, pushing LeBeau inside as soon as the doors opened.

"B-but, it's going up-" LeBeau tried to say something but he could not get enough air into his lungs. When the doors closed in front of him, his mind went blank. All he could see was four tall walls coming over him in a very small space. He turned to Newkirk, who was leaning against the wall and fanning his face with his lace hat.

The Englishman looked down and smirked. "Oh, bugger, I lost me shoe."

BACK TO THE PRESENT TIME

"Eight," the boy said when the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened.

"Let's get down here, please," LeBeau whispered.

"We can't. There are Hochstetter's wankers on each floor, look," he pointed with his eyes at the men in black, passing in front of the elevator. Before the doors closed again, two beautiful blonde women came in. Newkirk smiled but they did not respond.

"Ladies," LeBeau nodded at them. He saw Newkirk's frustration. "Sorry, maman, you're not dressed for the occasion."

Newkirk dropped his head and sighed. "I hate this job."

The seventh floor came slowly. The elevator seemed reluctant to stop. The doors opened but no one came in. Newkirk and LeBeau looked at each other. With a little luck, Hochstetter could have taken the stairs. At least, they would be safe for a while longer.

The ride down to the sixth floor was painfully slow, with little Ernest running in eight figures around the passengers. Newkirk was only waiting for the child's mother to look the other way to make him trip and fall. LeBeau was struggling to keep his breathing even as he wiped sweat off his forehead. The novelty of the two blondes had passed and his claustrophobia was growing. Newkirk shifted his weight from one foot to the other and the pain in his ankle made him wince. LeBeau touched his arm.

"Are you all right?" He whispered.

Newkirk saw concern in his eyes and smiled. "It's just a twisted ankle. I'm fine."

LeBeau nodded nervously and turned to the panel on the door. Another long second passed before they got the sixth floor at last. Hochstetter was already there, waiting to get in along with the hotel manager. Newkirk and LeBeau slipped quietly to the rear.

Hogan looked at his watch once again. "Where are they?"

"Here's Carter," Kinch said getting out of the car.

Hogan got out too. "What's going on?"

Carter gasped for air. "The explosives worked great. I saw Newkirk and LeBeau going upstairs right on time. Then, Major Hochstetter-"

"Hochstetter is here?"

"He came to investigate the explosion. They say he was watching the factory with his men."

"Of course he was," Hogan said. He opened the truck of the car and took out a black duster. "Kinch, be ready, I'm going in."

"Are you anticipating bad news?" Kinch took the car keys and went to the front door.

"No, I just want to make sure that our lovely couple has a clean exit." He signed for Carter to follow him.

"This doesn't look good. I don't like it at all," Hochstetter said. Behind him, there was one of the blondes and right behind her, there was Newkirk. The Englishman saw the major hitting the palm of his hand with Newkirk's shoe. "He was in drag."

"Or, it was a woman," the hotel manager said.

"A woman? I don't think so. Women rarely lose their shoes on the streets." He pointed at the manager with the heel of the shoe. "Some man around here is dressed like a woman and wearing only one shoe."

Newkirk gasped. He checked the panel and saw that they were barely on the fifth floor. Two men came in and saluted Hochstetter. LeBeau shook his head, squeezing the hat in his hands. He kept his eyes on the doors and occasionally, looked at the panel. The fourth floor came slowly, but no one got in. They were reaching the third floor when LeBeau felt the rattle of engines collapsing. His heart almost stopped.

"I don't feel too good," he whispered to Newkirk.

The Englishman grabbed his arm. "Hold on, we're almost there," he lied. The old elevator was giving up. Their time was running out. Moreover, it would not be long for Hochstetter to turn around and see the old lady minus a shoe. Suddenly, what started as the month's easiest mission, had just begun to fall apart around them.

Hogan mingled and listened to every conversation. He nodded at Carter and both came out of the hotel.

"How bad is it?" Kinch asked.

"I've seen worse," Hogan faked a smile. "Bring all the equipment you have here. We are performing a rescue mission right now."

"Oh, boy. We have only 15 minutes." Carter helped Kinch with the rope and a little axe.

"Plenty of time," Hogan said.

The lobby was almost empty after the Gestapo men came and found Carter's smoke bomb. Now, the agents had gathered around the elevator, looking for the way to get their chief out.

"How many are in there?" Hogan identified himself as chief of some emergency committee and began to take notes.

"At least five people, we're not sure," a man in black said. "We just reached them between the third and fourth floor."

Hogan called Carter and together they shielded Kinch as they went upstairs. The older sergeant examined the elevator from the second floor and nodded. "It's an easy fix. The system got overheated but it'll restart as soon as the wires cool off."

"How long will it take?" Hogan asked.

"A couple of minutes," Kinch said after checking the temperature with his hand.

"Do you think Newkirk and LeBeau are in there with Hochstetter?"

"We'll take our chances, Carter." Hogan turned to Kinch. "Can you bring it between the third and second floors? We need some advantage with the guys downstairs."

"I can do that," Kinch took another look. "I can climb up the elevator and pull them out through the roof."

"Good. Carter help him," Hogan said. "I'll keep an eye downstairs."

LeBeau shifted from one foot to the other. He was cold and shaky, and so busy concentrating on not passing out that had not noticed Newkirk in one corner, leaning against the wall. His friend did not look any better than LeBeau.

"What's going on?" LeBeau asked him.

"Me leg," Newkirk gasped. "It hurts. I think I broke me ankle."

LeBeau looked down but between the dim light and Newkirk's skirt he could not see much. "Stay calm, mon ami. We'll get down soon."

"Look," Newkirk said, grabbing LeBeau's arm. "If we have to run for it-"

"I'll help you," LeBeau almost raised his voice. "I won't let you alone. We'll go together. Do you want to sit down?"

"I'm all right, let's not attract attention."

"It doesn't matter, come, put your arm over my shoulder. Don't put more weight on that ankle."

Newkirk tried not to smile as he allowed LeBeau to assist him.

Ernest, who had not stopped moving, came to Newkirk. He looked at him with inquisitive eyes for a moment and then, he laughed. "You don't look like an old lady."

Newkirk and LeBeau stared at the boy, each one thinking of ways to shut the brat up. Suddenly, the elevator moved slowly but steadily. Everybody exhaled with relief. Apparently, no one had payed much attention to what the boy had said.

Flirting with the impulse of slapping little Ernest, Newkirk took one bill from the roll he had stolen from the safe box. He offered it to the boy. "Shut your boat," he whispered.

The boy sat on the floor with a wide smile. The elevator stopped again and LeBeau held his breath. At that point, one of the panels on the roof opened. Everybody looked up.

"Attention," Kinch's voice came from the shadows. "We are going to get you out one by one. First the women and children." He made a pause to confer with Carter. Then, he came back. "I need someone to help me pull the others up. A small person will be fine."

Immediately, LeBeau offered himself. Hochstetter was relieved to see that there was someone shorter than him. He was not too keen on physical work.

LeBeau was to thrilled to see Carter and Kinch that he had to cover his mouth to keep himself quiet. "I'm so glad to see you, guys," he whispered.

"They are pulling the elevator from the first floor, we have only seconds to get Newkirk out," Carter told LeBeau.

Kinch nodded and went back to the roof.. "Is there any old lady who needs assistance?"

"That will be me," Newkirk spoke softly. Before he stepped forward, he remember that Hochstetter was holding his missing shoe. He knew that the major would notice his bare feet the moment Kinch and Carter pulled him up. Think fast, he said to himself. In a quick motion, Newkirk turned to the wall and spoke with his deep voice. "Women, remove your shoes, bitte!"

Women's shoes piled up on one corner, over Newkirk's only shoe. Newkirk stopped again as another thought crossed his mind.

"Why is he taking so long?" Carter said impatiently.

"He hurt his ankle," LeBeau remembered. "Maybe he can't walk."

Kinch was still thinking what to do in that case when they heard Newkirk again.

"Here I go, young men," he said raising his hand. Kinch pulled him up and greeted him warmly.

Hogan came back on time to count his men as they stepped out on the second floor. The elevator had begun to move again and Newkirk, coming last, had to jump down. He smoothed his clothes and dusted his sleeves. "Gentlemen, that was a hell of a mission, I tell you."

"Compliments later," said Hogan. "We still have to get out before our friendly Major Hochstetter spots us."

They ran downstairs and stopped as the Gestapo men congregated in front of the elevator. The expectation was for the doors to open, so no one noticed the group of five sneaking towards the main doors.

Just as Hogan pulled the glass door open, the elevator doors slid apart and Hochstetter stepped out. The first thing he saw was this woman with four men, running for the exit. Before he could yell for his men to stop them little Ernest jumped over him, screaming and crying.

"Vater! Vater!" The boy covered Hochstetter's eyes long enough for Hogan and his men to reach the car.

The major was so surprised that he forgot about the suspects running away until several hours later.

"Boy, that was close," Carter exhaled. "We made it, didn't we?"

"Yes, Carter. We just made it," Kinch said pointing at the RAF squad heading to the central tower in the factory complex next to the hotel.

"We should go some place to celebrate," Carter said.

"Hey, Newkirk took money from the safe box," LeBeau told Hogan.

"Newkirk? We have talked about that."

"Only my fee for the trouble, sir," Newkirk shrugged innocently.

"In that case, you should buy the drinks," Kinch said.

"I'd love to, but I don't have it anymore."

"You haven't been out of that elevator more than ten minutes. Did you lose the money already?" Hogan chuckled.

"Of course not, I spent it in a good cause," Newkirk turned to see Hochstetter at the end of the street, still trying to get away from little Ernest. "That laddie took all me money to do the job."

"You payed him to distract the major so he didn't see us running away? That was clever," Carter tapped him on the shoulder.

LeBeau frowned. "We ran all the way, indeed. How's your ankle, Newkirk?"

"Never better," he shrugged. He blinked at the Frenchman's wary look. "I did twist it, but it wasn't that bad."

"You looked in pain."

"Louie, you were about to lose all the marbles you still have. I needed to do something to keep your mind away from that bloody lift."

LeBeau kept quiet for a moment. The group watched through the window how the fire brigade fought fruitlessly against the fire in the factory.

"Boys, that was inspirational," Hogan said. "Is everybody okay?"

"Yes, we are," LeBeau tapped Newkirk's shoulder. "I'll invite tonight, I think I owe my friend a drink."

Hogan started the car and put some soft music in the radio. Outside, the Gestapo escorted out the last group of civilians. Hogan nodded. "That was a job well done." Seconds later, one of the bombs fell over the Hammelburg Tower Hotel.

LeBeau cheered at the explosion and relaxed in the back seat. "Take that, ascenseur de merde."