Full Title: One Afternoon At The Docks

Author: KAIN (TheEmoCookie/XSilverLiningsX)

Rating: T (some language and descriptions of people in swimsuits)

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Summary: Spin-off of one of my 25 word-prompt series. It's a hot summer day in Colhen and our favorite mercenaries go for a dip at the Docks; too bad Lann can't swim.

A/N: I thank Crowlette for inspiring this idea in one of his/her reviews! I was actually going to draw a similar scene of this but then I realized that I couldn't draw for sh*t so I decided to write it out instead! Oh, and I'll just say this now: I'm pretty sure Ferghus and Gallagher are creepers, derp herp.

The excerpt from 25 Slip Dashes that started all of this silliness:

17. Heat

Lann grumbled in irritation as the summer heat made him feel like he was cooking in his own armor; looking at Evie's light clothing, he was incredibly tempted to just jump off the Docks until he remembered that he couldn't swim to save his life.

Just as Ceara had predicted the day before with her weather-deducing superpowers, the merciless sun blazed over Colhen with its intense summertime heat. The normally chirpy baby chicks that ran around the town refused to make a peep from their crowded groups under shaded nooks and crannies, the dogs lazed around the Inn's entrance with their tongues lolling about limply from the heat, and even the trees somehow managed to droop and wilt from the sun's burning energy boring down on their leaves.

Apparently the weather was so intense that the Fomors even refused to come out of their hiding places and passed the chance to attack the long-suffering human settlement in fear of spontaneously bursting into flames the moment they stepped out of their shaded homes. The Fomorian platoons stationed in the Hoarfrost caves had it even worse: hourly floods of melted ice and huge chunks of fallen boulders sent the kobolds, polar bears, and yeti's scurrying deep into the depths of their ice caves to escape the watery mess that was their home.

Many, if not most, of the Crimson mercenaries who were assigned to Colhen were grateful for a break from the mundane routine of boat-hopping and massacring the Fomors who seemed intent on getting in the way of supposedly everything the human race had ever tried to accomplish, but since the sun seemed to be intent on roasting any living or non-living thing within a three-mile radius around Colhen the mercenaries were left with staying inside every and any possible building with a roof to shield against the sun's rays. The Royal Army cadets had since long retreated back to Rocheste at the first hint of the heat wave, but Gwynn had stayed, insisting on finishing some paperwork she would need to send out later.

Inside the blissfully cool Inn, Evie moaned and dropped her head to the wooden table's surface with a thump; although she had dressed in her lightest battle-ready clothes, sweat still stuck to her skin. To her left, Fiona sat complacently and stony-faced in her full-armor set chewing on a block of ice that Tieve had distributed to all of the suffering mercenaries that had claimed refuge in the Inn. To Evie's right, Lann, also in his lightest set of clothes, had long since slumped comatose underneath the wooden bench they were sitting on in an ungainly sprawl and attempted to snore away the heat. The rest of the mercenaries in the Inn were in their rooms, so Evie, Fiona, and Lann were the only ones occupying the darkened breakfast room downstairs.

Turning her head so that her cheek rested on the tabletop, Evie pouted and asked, "Fiona, how is it possible that you're in your armor in this heat? Aren't you hot or something?" Fiona paused chewing on her ice and quirked an eyebrow at her friend. Evie frowned, and then whined.

"Where can I get some of the heat-repelling magic you have, kind lady?" Fiona snorted and resumed chewing the last of her ice while Evie sighed and looked out of the Inn's window that overlooked the Docks and its shining blue waters.

Evie stilled in a moment of realization before jumping out of her seat and slamming her hands on the tabletop, making Fiona stop chewing again as she looked up at her excited companion; at the sudden bang, Lann snorted and scratched his neck before turning over and curling into a foetal position, still asleep.

"I've got it! Let's go swimming! Fiona, I have some swimsuits that you can borrow!" Fiona, who silently agreed that her comrade finally had a very good idea and not a half-baked plan that usually ended up with something broken beyond repair, smiled in amusement as Evie dragged her to her feet and quickly pushed her up the stairs into the magic-user's room.

Locking the door behind her, Evie skipped to the trunk at the foot of her bed and began throwing out several pieces of clothing onto her bed before emerging triumphantly with a few pairs of colorful bikinis and some tankinis. Smiling confidently, Evie looked at Fiona for a moment before saying brightly, "I'm pretty sure we're around the same size. Which color do you prefer?"

Lann felt comfortable and relaxed in his sleepy state, the blissful unconsciousness keeping away the worst of summer heat as he scooted closer to the cooler patch of space directly underneath the tabletop. Although vaguely aware of two familiar voices talking next to the table, Lann was content to completely ignore them and sink even deeper into his euphoria-laced sleep.

Well, that was until an extremely hard kick to his side jolted him out of his dozing. Yawning, Lann sat up slowly, mindful of the table, and tiredly rubbed an eye before looking at the legs of whoever had kicked him awake.

The legs were very smooth and naked legs... which ran up to a light blue bikini bottom...

"Ev-hnnnggghhh!"

Fiona sighed as the dual-wielder, whose nose had exploded forth a river of blood as his eyes zeroed on Evie's tight swimsuit top, was levitated none too roughly out from under the table by Evie. The said mage smacked the poor man once across the face, grabbed his shoulders, and shook him roughly before letting the dazed man stand on his own feet.

"Lann, do you like our swimsuits?" The dual-wielder barely had enough time to formulate a coherent response as his eyes flickered between Fiona's deep purple tankini and Evie's very revealing cyan-blue bikini complete with matching towels each slung across an arm.

"I– er– huh– wyha– erhm–"

"Yeah, yeah, I know you like them, so go get some pants to wear! We're going swimming at the Docks!" Evie more or less booted him up the stairs in excitement; then she added, after seeing the bloody stain on his shirt, "And do something about your nose!"

When Lann finally stumbled down the stairs 10 minutes later in a pair of black swimming trunks (that had mysteriously manifested on top of his bed) with a towel and clean of any visible trace of his earlier nosebleed, Evie hooked her arms in-between Fiona's and Lann's and dragged them towards the Docks at a sedate pace. Curious faces of other people peeked out from windows and watched as the ragtag group approached one of the empty wooden docks and laid their towels on the wooden planks.

"So..." Evie chirped as she stared into the deep waters, "Who wants to go first?"

Fiona took one look at Evie, who seemed torn between pushing Lann into the water or jumping in herself, and Lann, who just rubbed an burning shoulder and looked worriedly at her. Fiona took in a deep breath before sitting down on the dock and slipping into the unsurprisingly cool water in one smooth motion.

Evie turned around quickly when she heard splashing and grinned when she saw Fiona in the floating a little ways from the dock. Quickly backpedaling a few steps, Evie then launched herself into the water like a cannonball with a splash of water that hit Lann's legs. Evie resurfaced and laughed in joy as the water gave her a cool respite from the still-blistering heat.

"Lann, jump in already you big chicken! The water's great!" Lann, who inched away slowly from the edge of the dock, ducked his head a little before saying something under his breath. Evie frowned for a moment.

"Wait, what did you say?" The tips of Lann's ears turned pink.

"I... can't swim..."

Evie paused for a moment in the water before bursting into laughter; even Fiona smiled from the sheer ridiculousness of his inability to swim. Lann's face colored even more, but–

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, MY COMRADES?" –then paled when a booming voice from behind almost gave him a heart attack. Evie laughed even harder at Lann's caught-in-the-headlights expression, almost going underwater were it not for the edge of the dock that she grabbed before replying breathlessly,

"Nothing much, Karok! We're just swimming, so you can hop in whenever you like. Lann's being a scaredy-cat, though, so it won't be as much fun!" Karok laughed, a sound even louder than his already booming voice, before saying,

"WELL, I CAN PROBABLY HELP A LITTLE." The said dual-wielder didn't have enough time to do more than squeak fearfully as Karok's giant hands grabbed him tightly around the waist and lifted him over the giant's head as if he were a measly sack of potatoes–

"Karok, I'm pretty sure that's not a wise thing to do..."

–and catapulted the wildly flailing man right at Fiona, where Lann landed in a graceless tumble onto her, sending both of them underwater. Evie and Karok laughed wildly as a not-amused Fiona resurfaced a moment later with Lann wrapped tightly around the upper half of her body, the poor man shaking and spluttering like a half-drowned cat.

At some point later, some of the other mercenaries and townsfolk had abandoned their shaded sanctuaries and joined in on the fun; Gallagher was flirting voraciously with a few unfortunate female rookies, Shayla and Kirstie had laid out some towels to sunbathe on, Ceara and Tieve sat under a tree each with a book in hand, Ferghus and Marrec were grilling something called 'barbeque' on the smith's portable stove, and Aodhan had even found a few old fishing rods and contented himself to fishing quietly next to Gwynn, who surprisingly managed to finish her paperwork and just wanted to enjoy the brief respite from the hectic world as well.

Meanwhile, Lann sat rigidly on top of the large barrel that served as his flotation device while a small group of Evie's fanclub consisting of three magic-users giggled whenever someone pushed the barrel one way that sent poor Lann flailing for balance, as well as outright ignoring the mage's 'mandatory swimming lessons' that involved him stupidly flailing his arms and legs in an attempt to stay afloat.

Karok accepted a challenge from a few other mercenaries earlier in an attempt to swim from Colhen to Rocheste and back the fastest so he was now just one tiny speck among a few others in the distance next to an equally tiny speck of the buildings that made up Rocheste.

Fiona, on the other hand, had turned over to float on her back, enjoying the not-as-hot warmth of the late afternoon sun before swimming back to the Dock so she could sunbathe in peace with Shayla and Kirstie.

"C'mon, Lann! All you have to do is move your arms like this– " Evie flapped her arms in an imitation of a drowning monkey flailing about, "–and kick your legs!"

Lann frowned at Evie; "Evie, your lessons suck."

Evie frowned back at him, and then swam over and tipped the barrel dangerously to the side with her magic, to which Lann responded by kicking water in her face and childishly sticking out his tongue at her. Evie let go of her magic grasp on the barrel and splashed back with two times the force, resulting in a completely drenched Lann. The soaked man smirked, his fear of water and his inability to swim long gone, and then it somehow became an free-for-all splash showdown.

When Fiona had comfortably settled herself in-between Kirstie and Shayla, she had been pulled into, albeit a bit unwillingly, to the two's unusual conservation.

"So, Fiona," Shayla drawled slyly as she played with the ends of her bikini straps, "Do you have someone special waiting for you somewhere?"

"No." Despite being blunt as ever, Fiona decided to try and continue the conversation although she already knew where it would lead to, "Do you?"

Shayla grinned. "Guess who."

"Brynn." Fiona didn't even bat an eyelash as she remembered what Lann had shockingly discovered about Shayla and later told her on Valentine's day.

The treasure hunter's eyebrows furrowed slightly, but she still remained smiling. "How on earth did you find out? I thought we kept it very well-hidden."

Fiona turned to look at a chuckling Kirstie. "A little bird told me." The owner of the Traveler's Shop looked at her with humor dancing in her eyes.

"A little bird, really?" Fiona nodded once, her mask not giving anything away, "Did the little birdie have two swords?" Fiona raised an eyebrow at the blatant accusation, but Shayla merely laughed and changed the topic .

"So, what do you think of the boys here? Are they up to your... tastes?" Kirstie snorted at this, but didn't say anything else. Fiona turned to look at the ocean where Lann was busy splashing around with Evie while Karok sliced through the waves like a shark from his journey back as he left the other challenging mercenaries a good mile and a half away. Turning back to Shayla after her moment of contemplation, Fiona only smiled enigmatically, to which the treasure hunter and Kirstie gave short laughs of understanding and began rolling up their towels.

Lann finally managed to paddle up to the edge of the Dock on his barrel-boat and dragged himself tiredly over the wooden planks before getting up and walking over to where his towel was. Earlier, Evie had abandoned their splash war in favor of seeing what the others were doing, leaving him stranded in the water and his inability to swim. Thankfully though, Karok had swam up and helped him over to the Docks before swimming away with the rest of his 'groupies.'

Bending over to pick up his towel, Lann was completely unprepared for sudden smack of a towel against his rear.

"WHAT THE HE– "

"GOT'CHA THERE, BOY! AHAHAHA!" Turning to see whoever had just towel-whipped him in the ass, Lann was surprised to see Ferghus roaring with laughter, a towel held loosely in his hand. Scowling as his face reddened in embarrassment, Lann barked out,

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Ferghus slapped his hands against his knees and wiped a greasy arm across his eyes.

"Heh, I was just wondering what your reaction would've been– and damn, ain't it funny!" Ferghus laughed some more and slapped a heavy hand onto his shoulder; Lann's eyes twitched in annoyance.

"Oh, yeah, I also was going to ask you if you wanted some meat and a mug of ale! Marrec, bless that ol' boy, he can roast a pretty mean piece of rib!" Without waiting for his answer, Ferghus steered Lann towards the recently set-up tables that held the delicious-smelling meat that was just hot off the grill. Ferghus left Lann to his own devices when he saw the grill's fuel running low, so Lann went off to find Evie and Fiona; the sky was getting dark and dinner was almost ready, after all.

Lann would've started charging straight at Gallagher when he saw the womanizer purposely blocking Fiona, Evie, and a few other swimsuit-clad women from the path to the food tables, but at Fiona's warning glance he slunk off behind a large tree and instead observed the group.

Fiona was blank faced as Gallagher cooed something to one of the other women, who promptly giggled, while Evie adopted a coy and interested demeanor with a mischievous wink in his direction. His cheeks flushing a little from behind the tree, Lann waited until the man was purposely led backwards to the tree he was hiding behind. When Gallagher, somehow looking classy and fresh despite wearing his usual light armor in the heat, leaned against the tree in an attempt at being 'cool,' another wink from Evie signaled that he should do something, but what could he possibly–

With an idea in his head, Lann grinned impishly before nimbling hooking his fingers into the edges of the man's trousers and pulling down hard.

Gallagher was in the middle of a sentence when the odd feeling of being de-pantsed and the laughs of the ladies he was 'entertaining' alerted him to the fact that his pants were down. Red as a tomato, Gallagher quickly reached down to pull his trousers back up and over his heart-print boxer shorts before turning around to find whoever that had played that damned trick on him. Seeing Lann a few feet away and well-ensconced in a group of mercenaries, Gallagher almost would've dismissed him were it not for the fact that the boy had his belt in his hand.

"ROOKIE!" Gallagher bellowed, "GIVE ME MY BELT!" Lann turned to look at the womanizer, waving the man's belt at Evie and Fiona before taking off to the food tables at breakneck speed with the belt and his towel in his hands, the veteran chasing after him like a hellhound with a fresh scent trail.

Fiona smiled as her friend pulled the extremely irritating man off their cases and looked at Evie, who was laughing heartily as she saw Lann slip through the area under the table like a professional before rushing away to where Karok was sitting with his other friends, Gallagher hot on his heels despite holding his falling trousers up with one hand.

"Want to get some food? I haven't eaten anything since hours ago!" Evie more or less exclaimed to Fiona and the other ladies while wrapping her towel closer around herself. Fiona nodded while the other women chimed in their approvals at her idea.

As the denizens of Colhen and the Crimson Blade mercenaries partied away the rest of the day, although some a little more drunkenly than others, many of the soldiers both old and young couldn't help but think that this was probably the best day they'd most likely ever had while stationed in Colhen.

The next day Lann was put off-duty due to the severe sunburn he had acquired during 'swimming' that literally peeled off all the skin from his back and arms, Fiona had woken up to having her back a color slightly darker than she normally was, and Evie... well, let's just say that she had a field day 'nursing' Lann back to health.