Chapter One
Merely the Beginning

A/N: Hey, haven't got much to say really, just that this is my first Doctor Who fanfic so I'd appreciate any feedback but other than that, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its genius.

The wind blew cold whispers against her skin, the cold neither comforting nor particularly unwanted as it glided across her flesh like a ghost.

She was numb.

She watched through slightly glazed eyes at the peoples laughing faces, their smiles, their joy, their happiness...

She had just saved a whole race from destruction.

A whole race saved because of her.

Thousands of people; smiling, safe and happy because of her and her decisions.

A soft smile slowly unfolded from her lips which we're turning slightly blue due to the cold, and a small feeling of warmth built up in her chest. She had done it, she had achieved what she had set out to do those few years ago; she had finally saved a whole civilisation.

Slowly, she moved her eyes from the people laughing and crying in relief below her, from where she was stood on the hill edge, to look up at the sky. The stars twinkled happily, almost proudly back at her from their various places in the deep darkness. She sighed softly, unable to prevent the noise from passing her lips as her sad eyes trailed the black majestic sky above her, letting her eyes stare at the places where she knew many galaxies and planets existed, just a little too far away to be seen from where she was. She couldn't help but look, couldn't help but wonder what he was doing, if he even remembered her, if he had ever been proud of her...

Thoughts of him always brought up these questions, questions she just didn't have the answers too. She knew she shouldn't torture herself by asking them but she couldn't help it, it wasn't unnatural for a child to wonder if their own father would be proud of them after all. Well she hoped it wasn't, she hadn't learnt much about parent-child relationships on her travels; much of her life so far had consisted of lots of running. And lots of screaming... A malicious thought reminded her.

Shaking herself softly, she crossed her arms around herself as she shivered. The planet was much colder than even she was accustomed to, though the population of the planet seemed generally unaffected by the climate. Humans... forced to flee from earth and find a new home among the stars. Willing to adapt to any new conditions flung their way. She admired them, both for their intelligence and their strength.

The planet she was currently on was known as the planet Mathunos, or the 'New Empire' as she'd heard many speak of it. It was a nice little planet, although much bigger than Earth used to be. It was, as far as she could tell, only populated by humans; twelve billion, nine hundred and twenty two in fact. The planet was new; barely two million years old, but still, despite its young age, the place was beautiful. The air literally rang with the word alive, the skies glittered, the hills stood proud and the children sang and danced and laughed upon its rich, silver grass.

Glancing around, she felt a strange tugging at her hearts as she watched a particular young girl get picked up by her crying father, he spun her round joyfully whilst holding her to him lovingly as the girl squealed and laughed in his arms.

She wondered if her dad would ever have done that to her, if she were smaller.

The ache in her chest got stronger and she grimaced. Yearning, that's what it felt like; yearning.

She couldn't really decide whether she liked that feeling or not just yet.

She hadn't noticed until she felt the tear fall from her chin that she had been crying silently. Strange that, considering she had heightened senses due to her genetics. She'd thought she would have noticed her eyes getting misty.

Taking a small, deep breath and wiping her eyes on her forearm, she sent one last wistful gaze at the scene before silently walking away from the edge and towards the area in which she had parked her stolen spaceship.

"Yeah, we know"

The voice was harsh; almost blaming and his eyes we're flinty.

The Doctor didn't need to think about whom Rory - this strong, brave father in front of him - blamed for his daughter being taken away, because he blamed the very same person.

It always came down to it really, when you put all the facts down and observed them. It always drew up the same conclusion, always pointed accusing fingers to the same individual. Of course he'd always known this, throughout his whole lifetime he'd been running from it; never willing to acknowledge the truth. He couldn't stop running, what else could he do? To stop running would mean he would have to look back, back at all his mistakes-those stupid, fatal mistakes that had caused people their lives and deal with them. The Doctor neither had the courage nor the energy to do so.

He was a coward, a weak, spineless coward and it scared him, it scared him so much. He was supposed to be the brave one, the handsome alien with the charming smile and wit and intelligence that challenged any other species in the universe. He was supposed to be the one who, with a loud shout of 'Geronimo!' ran into dangerous situations, saving the day, being the hero, lessening the suffering of any world he happened to come across.

But he wasn't and that scared him.

He hadn't been lying in that dream world, when he had told the Dream Lord he knew who his real identity was and how he did. He hated himself, loathed himself; he caused so much pain and then ran from it, ran from it like the Entity would a vase, unwilling to admit just once that it was his doing. He was a doctor in the end; it was his job to fix things, to not get attached or blame himself when things went wrong.

But did he really fix things?

Was he really a Doctor?

Moving his eyes slowly, he tracked Rory as he bent down next to the injured Sontaran, Strax, and encouraged him softly not to give up, heard him telling Strax that he'd be back on his feet in no time; that he was a warrior.

"Rory, I'm a nurse."

That, Strax was. He helped try to fix a situation that wasn't his fault to begin with, tried to do everything he could, even sacrificing his own life in the end. It could be put down to Sontaran nature he supposed, their brave, never giving up nature but that was in their own battles, this hadn't been the Sontaran's battle to fight and yet he had fought it with all he had anyway; his life.

Brave to the end.

But yet another person's blood spilt in his name.

With doleful eyes the Doctor watched as Strax coughed his last few breaths, eyes sliding close and hands resting relaxed at his sides. The Doctor almost begged, got on his knees and grovelled to whatever God that may exist, that Strax would just get up perfectly healthy and ready for the next challenge. It wasn't too selfish to wish that the total number of deaths he would be responsible for was cut down by one; just one.

But he didn't even attempt begging, praying or bloody well chanting like those headless monks. He had learned from painful experience that the coward never got his wish and so instead glanced mournfully around the place they were in, his eyes coming to rest on the woman sat silently a few paces away, her redhead bowed, hair hiding what he was certain would be that of a grieving mothers.

This was all his fault.

Breathing softly, the Doctor took a few slow steps towards his companion he cared so much about. It's always the ones he loves who suffer the most. Fidgeting with his hands as he walked, he cautiously approached the woman he owed so much too. Explanations, apologies, his life...

Standing still a couple of metres away, he moved his eyes slowly from the cold floor to her as she looked up at him.

The grief and helplessness he saw within his companion nearly made him wince but he had to hold it together. He deserved that much to Amy.

"So they took her anyway," She stated, looking at the floor again but not seeing it. "All of this was for nothing." Her voice quivered slightly, betraying how hopeless she felt.

The Doctor shook his head with a slight movement, at a complete loss of what to say. He heard Rory's footsteps appearing behind him in the background but his whole attention was directed towards the emotionally exhausted figure before him.

"I am so-"His mouth went silent for a moment, trying to keep his composure as he forced out the word he wanted to say through his dry lips. "-sorry,"

Amy, standing now, took shuddering breaths, her shoulders trembling slightly, cheeks glistening and dark eyes wet as they darted quickly around his face. His two hearts shattered at the complete devastation she was giving him a small preview of.

Oh, Amy... Mad, magnificent Amelia Pond.

He took a small step forward, intending to pull her into a gentle hug to console her, but before he could she backed away a step, pulling out of his reach with a sharp intake of breath. She backed away from him...

He stopped in his movements, pulling himself away.

It was no wonder she doesn't want you to touch her, a voice sounded in his head, its you're fault all this happened in the first place.

He felt Rory's unsure eyes on his back, darting from him to Amy, uncertain on whether this was a moment he should get involved in but refusing to leave Amy alone anyway.

Rory, good, brave Rory Pond.

A good man, that's what Rory was, a good man. Something he, the Doctor, would never be. He had said it himself, in what felt both years and seconds ago. "Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many,"

Breaking himself away from his thoughts, he heard the other woman, Jenny, tell Amy that it wasn't his fault.

He wanted to laugh hysterically and break down into tears at the same time, wasn't his fault! But instead he kept his face as composed as he could; even when the name Jenny rang through his head, bringing up so much pain along with it; pain he couldn't really handle right now if he was to stay upright.

Amy stared at him for a few more moments-or it might have been hours- her eyes causing more pain to him than she realised before shaking her head slowly and looking at Jenny quickly.

"I know, I know," She said, almost sobbing.

Her eyes say differently, the Doctor noted as Amy turned quickly, unable to stop the suffering she felt show on the outside as she began to cry. Rory was quick to follow her, reaching for her shoulders and pulling her to him.

The Doctor was unable to keep his composure this time as he watched the mourning couple, his face crumpled slightly and his green eyes showing just how much hurt this situation was causing him.

He had only felt so helpless on a few occasions and had been quick to despise the feeling.

"Doctor?" Madame Vastra hesitantly asked for his attention. "There's someone who wants to speak to you, her name is Lorna. She came to warn us."

The Doctor, glancing at the floor before looking up again, walked over to a girl with brown hair and a pretty face. Her skin was pale and his sensitive ears could pick up her struggled breathing as he made his way to her. He knew, even before he pulled out his sonic screwdriver and analysed her heart and breathing rate as well as scanning her body for any injuries, that she was going to die.

Yet another, he thought sadly. The number will never stop growing.

"You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around."

Well it seemed Rory's statement was becoming even more obvious by the day.

Scolding himself internally to focus on the girl who had asked for him, he wiped a hand across his face as he kneeled beside her, giving the girl a soft false smile when her tired, brown eyes rested on him.

"Hey," He whispered tenderly. "Hello,"

The girl- Lorna- looked at him, a small smile gracing her lips.

"Doctor," She breathed, her smile growing slightly.

He looked at her smiling, before saying. "You helped my friends," and then leaned his upper body forwards. "Thank you,"

"I met you once," The girl told him softly before swallowing. "In the Gamma forests,"

The Doctor opened his mouth in a soft 'oh' of realisation as he looked at Lorna.

"-You don't remember me," She continued sadly, the smile slipping from her face.

There were times for telling the truth, the Doctor had decided long ago, and there were times for telling lies. He knew exactly which one this time called for unfortunately.

"Hey, of course I remember," The Doctor falsely smiled, leaning forwards more and cradling her face in his hands. "I remember everyone," He then dropped one hand to his side, whist keeping the other on her warm cheek in an attempt to comfort her.

The small smile slipped onto her face again for a moment and a tear made its way down her cheek.

"Hey," He said softly, brushing the tear away. "We ran, you and me." He right into her eyes. "Didn't we run Lorna?"

One last tear trailed down her face before her eyes gently closed, long eyelashes casting small shadows on her cheeks. Her face fell slowly to the side and with one last breath, her heart stopped; her expression peaceful.

The Doctor gave the girl a sad look before looking up at Madame Vastra.

"Who was she?" He inquired gently, as if the girl was merely asleep and he was afraid to wake her.

"I don't know but she was very brave." Was the only response he received to his quiet enquiry.

"They're always brave," He murmured, his Adam apple bopping. "They're always brave."

Unlike him.

Standing slowly on shakily legs, he looked towards Madame Vastra.

"So, what now?" She asked, not understanding the look that passed over his face. "They'd almost certainly have taken her to Earth, raise her in the correct environment?"

"Yes, they did and it's already too late," He replied, frustrated and angry at himself, and completely unsure on what to do about it.

He began to stride away from Lorna, and from Madame Vastra, not exactly knowing where he was heading to but walking away anyway.

"You're giving up!" Her voice called behind him cynically. "You never do that!"

That's half the problem sometimes.

"Yeah, and don't you sometimes wish I did?" He spun round, an angry expression gracing his usually playful features and his voice harsher than he originally intended.

She glared at him for a moment before huffing and walking away towards Jenny, sending him one last dirty look for good measure.

He growled softly before reaching his hands to his head, twisting his fingers within his brown stands and pulling them violently. He squeezed his eyes shut and debated the pro's and con's of just screaming aloud.

After hearing nothing for a few moments apart from his own ragged breathing, he realised just how hard he must be pulling at his hair, going by the dull ache and sharp pain complaints his scalp was making. Sighing, gently letting his strands go and opening his eyes, he let his dark eyes wander the room and land on the couple still both clinging onto each other as if each other was all they had left.

Rory, seemingly feeling eyes on him, pulled away from Amy slightly to look back at him, his face morphing into a look of reluctant concern. Amy, feeling the change in her husband, followed his lead and looked at him also; however her face was painfully blank.

Taking a deep breath, the Doctor began to walk slowly towards them, shoes making 'clopping' noises against the hard floor; he needed to face this, needed to make them see that he understood, no matter how painful it was.

When he finally reached them, a small part of his mind screaming at him to run away in order to protect himself, he stopped a few metres away from the couple so they had their space. He slipped his hands into his trouser pockets and ducked his head, fringe falling in front of his eyes, just waiting.

After what felt like years the silence was broken.

"So you're just giving up then?"

Rory's voice was cold, hidden fury laced in his tone though the Doctor picked up on it

He gave no answer, instead kept his head bowed, staring at his shoes.

How did you tell the parent of a lost child there was nothing you could do?

He had never felt so cowardly.

"Well?" Rory demanded again.

He sighed deeply, running a hand through his fringe and wincing slightly as the motion irritated his sore scalp. Looking at Rory with helpless eyes he answered him with three words, three horrific, disgusting words.

"It's too late."

"I'm sorry?" Rory asked harshly, pulling away from Amy a little more to lean forward, eyebrows drawing together in response to those three blasted words. "It's too late? Too late for what? For you to get your arse in that TARDIS and go find my daughter?"

"It's too late." The Doctor murmured again.

He heard Rory's angry exhale of breath and the bones in Rory's hands forming into fists.

"How can it possibly be too late? You have a time machine right there!"

The Doctor just shook his head sadly and glanced at the floor.

"Then I'll go find her."

"It's too late."

"You've got a spaceship for God's sake!" Rory yelled furiously, Amy jumping slightly at the noise. "A time machine! You can go back and stop all this from happening, save her before it's even happened-"

But the Doctor was already shaking his head in disagreement. Rory's anger spiked.

"I can't go back on someone's personal timeline; it would cause a paradox, which could lead to the destruction of the universe-"

"I don't give a damn," Rory hissed darkly. "about the destruction of the universe. Just Save. My. Daughter."

The Doctor stared at Rory, the pure fury swirling within those hard eyes.

"I can't."

Rory took a deep calming breath, eyelids sliding, and allowing the harsh lines to become softer on his face. When he opened his eyes however, they we're still filled with anger.

"Save her."

It wasn't a question.

"I can't." The Doctor repeated.

"Save her."

"I ca-"

"You can't or you won't?" Rory interrupted harshly, eyes brimming with tears of desperation and anger. The harshness of Rory's voice was the same as it was when he had spoken to the Cybermen twenty thousand light years away. The Doctor saw the determination in Rory's tone was mirrored on the young man's face.

The Doctor's eyebrows drew together as he felt a harsh pull at his heart strings. This was his fault, his fault Rory was in so much pain, that Rory was actually crying.

"As I said before," He spoke gently, voice full of grief. "It would cause too much destruction," He paused and took a shuddering breath as Rory's face crumpled in pain and rested his head upon his wife's hair, whispering pleas and Salt water falling from his eyes and onto her red locks. "The destruction of the universe just isn't an option. I'm sorry."

"Yeah well sometimes Doctor," Rory looked up, eyes wet. "Sometimes sorry isn't good enough,"

After a moments silence between the Trio, the Doctor answered, merely in a whisper.

"I know,"

"No! No you don't know!"

The Doctor was fairly shocked when Amy pulled herself violently away from her husband to glare at him, her eyes fiery and her expression disgusted.

"How could you possibly know?" She laughed bitterly, eyes blazing. "If you understood even a tiny bit about the amount of pain Rory and I are feeling right now you wouldn't be stood there, claiming you can't do anything, claiming that the universe is more important. You wouldn't be stood there doing nothing, being completely and utterly useless."

"Amy-" Both he and Rory said at the same time.

"No, no I don't want to hear it!" She shook her head furiously, choosing to ignore Rory. "I would do anything-Anything- for my child. I would die. I would gladly destroy the whole bloody universe if it meant I could guarantee her safety-"

"If the universe blew up then neither you, nor your daughter nor anyone would be safe because we all wouldn't exist-"

The Doctor knew he shouldn't judge Amy, especially at a time like this, Shouldn't take her words to heart or lose his patience; but blame it on him having an extremely bad day or his scalp hurting or even the whole bloody time-space continuum; his patience was slowly running out.

"You still don't understand!" Amy exclaimed loudly. "It's not about the universe exploding to tiny bits or giant holes in the time and space whatever! If you understood, I mean if you truly understood then you wouldn't be stood here doing nothing. You would be running around doing something. Anything-"

"Like what?" He barked; attention on Amy. "What would I do?"

"Find my daughter"

"Right so we presume she's where exactly?"

"Earth,"

"Okay, so I use the TARDIS to travel to Earth, land on planet Earth, presuming the both of you come with me, then what do we do? What year do we choose to arrive there? Because I'm telling you if you arrive too late you can't go back and change it, you could end up finding your eighty year old daughter and you wouldn't be able to go back and find her when she's younger- time complications and what not- you'd end up missing the whole of your daughter's life, but anyway, continuing onto yet another problem of where exactly on Earth would we look?"

"The TARDIS can lock onto people-"Amy's eyes widened, her face growing more fearful at the thought of missing the whole of her daughter's life. "It's brought us where we've needed to go before, we could-"

"It's not that simple, the TARDIS isn't a miracle worker after all. So where would we look?"

"E-ev- everywhere," Amy answered; eyes filling again but the Doctor was too caught up in proving Amy wrong to notice.

"The Earth may be small compared to the rest of the universe but I hardly think it's that small,"

"Don't you-"

"Right then!" He cut over Rory's threat. "Excluding those problems and say by some miracle we actually land at the right place, at the right time, then what do you propose we do? Just walk in to wherever she's being kept and say 'Oh hello big guards with huge guns- because I can almost promise you there will be- don't mind us, we're just going to take the girl you're bound to protect on the threat of your lives and drag her inside this very blue, very harmless police box and disappear with her throughout time and space," He then gave Amy a sarcastic look whilst catching his breath. "I think not."

Amy opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it again soon after. Her lip trembled and her shoulders shook. Rory reached out to touch her, directing a very nasty glare towards the Doctor, but she flinched away from him, looking back towards the Time Lord.

"I-I'm sorry," She whispered, "I just- I just don't know what to do-what to do-"

Amy then seemed to crack, falling to the floor with a strangled sob escaping her throat and burying her face in Rory's chest when he knelt beside her and gently pulled her into his arms.

"I don't know what to do and he-" Another violent sob wracked he small frame. "I- and he-he doesn't understand Rory, he just doesn't-"

The angry words which had rolling on the tip of his tongue, ready to strike like venom died away as he witnessed Amy fall into a defeated huddle on the floor, clinging desperately to her husband.

It seemed like causing pain seemed to be his full-time job lately.

"I-and he-he doesn't understand Rory, he just doesn't-"

No matter what she said, he understood. By Rassilon, he understood.

Her child was to be made into a weapon; taught how to fight, murder, kill. She was going to be thrust into wars, thrust into dangerous situations in order to create the perfect weapon; the perfect soldier. Amy and Rory's child had been ripped unwillingly away from them cruelly for the purpose of destruction, due to war and anger.

The similarities were too familiar to the Doctor, far too familiar

With a tired sigh the Doctor wiped a hand over his eyes before cautiously kneeling beside the couple (ignoring Rory's extremely severe warning glare) and stared at Amy's face side profile with worn out eyes.

Sometimes a Time Lord really does live too long.

When Amy's heart wrenching sobs ceased, small sniffles in their place, the Doctor cautiously reached out a hand and rested it on her shoulder. She tensed under his touch.

"Amy," He murmured softly, "Amy please look at me,"

Amy stayed completely still, her head still buried in her husband's chest.

A soft sniffle interrupted the silence and the Doctor decided to try again.

"I do understand you know," He muttered, tilting his head slightly. "Truly I do."

When he received no response, he slowly began to rub comforting circles on her shoulder in both an effort to comfort her and himself. Amelia Pond was here, the girl who had called his fish fingers and custard food tastes 'funny'. He hadn't lost her yet; she was still the magnificent, strong Pond she'd always been. As he rubbed her shoulder, feeling her relax by tiny degrees which would be unnoticeable to humans, he pondered on how exactly he was going to explain this part of his past, whilst frowning at the way the texture of her clothes felt strange under his thumb pads. It rather reminded him of the crinkly paper that existed on hospital beds on Earth.

"Amy?" He asked for her attention, feeling the slight muscle movements in her shoulder in response. "I'm going to tell you something, something important." He paused for a second, eyebrows pulling further together. "I don't really know where to start, but I've got to start somewhere I suppose, otherwise I'd never get anywhere-" When he paused again, his frown deepening, he let out a loud huff of annoyance. "I've never been good at this sort of thing, always avoided it really; never had any practice, though I suppose my last regeneration was the best out of eleven at all the explaining stuff-" Then realising what he'd previously said, he rushed to say. "Not that I'd want any practice of course, don't want you getting the idea that I'm sadistically insane and like these type of situations Pond- it's just I wish I was naturally better at this sort of explaining- and I'm rambling about nothing again. Always talking but never actually saying anything as Donna told me on quite a few occasions," He smiled fondly, remembering a similar red head to Amy with an even bigger mouth and an even cheekier vocabulary to go with it.

"That Donna was extremely intelligent," A muffled voice said.

His fond smile got a little wider despite the circumstances and he patted Amy on the shoulder gently.

"Oi, none of that Pond," And then he sighed, smile fading to look of sadness. "It's just-"He sighed again and looked down at the floor, time passed before he spoke again. "I had a daughter once," He said quietly, taking a deep breath he continued. "She was lost-"

Suddenly, a thunderous noise filled the room, causing all the occupants within it to jump at the unexpected noise, all except one certain beautiful, curly blonde haired woman whom had most defiantly not been in the room prior to the noise.

The words he had been going to say soon disappeared from the Doctor's lips. His eyes blazed as anger shot through his veins like magma. He felt rage build up inside of him, getting hotter and hotter and more ferocious the longer he glared. His hands shook with barely contained fury, nostrils flaring, eyebrows pulling together and head dizzy. He felt dangerous, he felt like the oncoming storm.

Quite a fitting title in this situation.

Knowing that he should be working to control his anger right now, but not having enough energy left to care much about doing so was a rather free sort of feeling a part of his brain which wasn't brimming with red hot rage observed, but he didn't have the time nor the self control to focus on anything much else at the moment. He was quite busy trying to focus the self control he had left into not allowing himself to stalk over to the woman and scream out his lungs until the mountains of the Bofigian narcross fell with a mighty rumble.

"River?" He heard Amy's soft, muffled voice enquire, pulling her face from where it had been squashed into Rory's chest to peek at their newest arrival.

"Well then solider, how goes the day?"

The Doctor saw red.

Jumping up with a grace he hadn't known he possessed (especially in this generation, his actions could be rather clumsy he'd noticed), he strode towards the figure angrily, fury radiating from him in waves.

"Where the hell have you been? Every time you've asked I have been there, where the hell were you today?" His voice was cold, harsh, and completely unwelcoming. His face fixed in an expression of confusion, deep betrayal and anger. River saw the darkness glinting in his eyes that he usually kept locked away, just below that mask... He was obviously angrier than even he realised.

"I couldn't have prevented this," She stated simply, keeping eye contact with the furious green ones that seemed to be wishing for nothing more than her immediate demise right now. It hurt to be looked at in such a way by him, but she supposed if she looked at it from his point of view it was quite an understandable response.

"You could have tried!" The Doctor thrust his face into hers, eyes spitting rage towards her.

He then turned quickly, hands balled into fists at his side to prevent himself from doing something he would regret later. He stalked two steps away from her, knowing that if he had kept contact with her completely calm, infuriating eyes the desire to wipe that annoying look off her face would only increase.

"And so, my love, could you,"

Turning sharply and looking at her in disbelief, he opened his mouth and closed it a few times but no sound came out. What did she mean he could have tried? He had tried; he had tried with every single ounce of strength he had to save that child, to save Melody. And yet here this woman stood, the woman who couldn't even be bothered to turn up and actually help them or provide a reasonable explanation as to why she couldn't otherwise, telling him that he hadn't tried.

His fury was well on its way to really reaching unimaginable levels.

He had always known River had courage and a whole lot of guts, she'd entered the forest of the dead after all, but he hadn't realised just how much until she actually dared to let her eyes travel to the couple who had shakily removed themselves from the floor and stood together, watching them. River then locked eyes with Amy.

"I know you're not alright," River said, her eyes calmly staring into Amy's pained ones. "But hold tight Amy because you're going to be."

Did she just dare try to reassure Amy, did she dare just try and reassure the woman who has just lost her child, the child she hadn't even made an effort to save?

"You think I wanted this?" The Doctor asked, his tone betraying his complete disbelief at the notion. River turned her attention to him-that damn calm expression on her face that made him want to scream and shout in her face until she flinched and then pick her up and throw her a million miles away like the poor toast's fate the night he crashed into Amy's garden. "I didn't do this- this wasn't me!"

Why should he have to explain himself to her anyway? She should be the one doing all the bloody explaining.

"This was exactly you," Rivers calm mask slid, replaced by an odd expression. "All this, all of it." She was talking again before he could think of an appropriate response, her eyes accusing. "You make them so afraid-"

He remembered. Images and words flew before his eyes. Memories, memories he didn't want to watch, didn't want to see.

The cries, the shouts, the shrieks of Gallifrey as her and her people burnt together. The screams, those Goddamn, bloodcurdling screams of the children as they tried to run, tried to hide; their tiny hands and feet burnt and blistered as the fire surged. His planet screaming, the children weeping as their flesh was slowly burnt to black... everyone afraid, everyone terrified; all afraid because of him...

"What did it feel like though, two almighty civilisations burning? Oh, tell me, how did that feel?"

"Stop it!"

"You must have been like God,"

"-When you began all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you would become this?"

Resting his hands on either side of the bathroom sink in the TARDIS, leaning over with his head bowed and water dripping from his chin, he sighed deeply before looking up, observing the face staring back at him in the mirror. His eyes we're dark as he let the mask slip, pain and misery, ice and rage all trapped behind a laughing smile. What had happened to him?

"No second chances. I'm that sort of man."

"How many more, just think, how many have died in your name?"

"That was the worst thing-the fury of a Time Lord."

"-and you killed?"

"Yes"

"Like fire and ice and rage."

"I can rid the whole universe of you, once and for all,"

"-The man who can turn an army round at the mention of his name!"

He watched from the window as the soldier's left Demons Run, a small sense of accomplishment in the pit of his stomach. He had done it, he had done it...

"You keep insisting you're not a solider but look at you, drawing up strategies like a proper general."

"I'm not a phantom, I'm not a trickster..."

"Doctor! Take a look, they're leaving. Demons run is ours without a drop of blood spilled. My friend, you have never risen higher."

"Don't play games with me! You just killed someone I like, that is not a safe place to stand! I'm the Doctor, and you're in the biggest library in the Universe. Look me up."

"Run,"

"Doctor, the word for healer and wise man throughout the Universe-"

"Trust me, I'm the Doctor."

"He saves worlds, rescues civilizations, defeats terrible creatures and runs a lot..."

"He has saved your lives so many times and you never even knew he was there. He never stops, he never stays, he never asks to be thanked..."

"His name; is the Doctor."

"We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean?"

Watching as Rory walked away from him and toward Strax. Was he really a Doctor? Weren't Doctors supposed to fix problems and not create them? Weren't they supposed to be the ones people relied on? The ones that helped and saved people's lives?

"Coward,"

"Doctor, the runner,"

"It's not his fault, maybe that's what happens if you touch the doctor; even for a second. It's so much darker, and so much madder."

"I can see what is, what was, what could be, what must not-"

I've committed genocide and murder.

"Why would a Time Lord be a weapon?"

"Well, they've seen you."

"Me?"

"To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word Doctor means Mighty Warrior-"

"Mighty Warrior..."

"I met you once, in the Gamma forests,"

"We ran, you and me. Didn't we run Lorna?"

"How far you've come, and now they've taken a child, the child of your best friends and they're going to turn her into a weapon just to bring you down."

Little Melody, Little Melody with ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes, gone. Taken away, ripped away and there was nothing he could do... nothing he could do.

"What is she?"

"Hope. Hope in this endless, bitter war."

"What war, against who?"

"Against you. Doctor."

"The child is not a weapon!"

"Oh give us time, she can be, she will be."

"-And all this, my love, in fear of you."

Fear of him, scared of him.

Trembling and clenching his fists tightly to try and stop the shaking, he swallowed and looked at River briefly with open eyes. He was so much more wounded than he realised, couldn't run forever...

But then as quickly as his soul opened, it closed.

River kept her position as he walked slowly towards her, with a dark and guarded expression and a storm in his green eyes.

"Who are you?"

She smiled slightly, it was time.

It was getting colder; she could see her breath in the air as she walked, her feet stumbling a few times over twisted tree roots on the forest floor. Finally, after minutes or hours of walking, she wasn't entirely sure which; her spaceship came into view where it lay idle in the clearing ahead of her.

Pushing a few blonde strands of hair out of her face, she stepped into the clearing whilst manoeuvring herself around a blue leafy branch. She paused to scan the area for any immediate threats before deeming it safe and walking a few more paces further towards her vehicle.

It was a rather tired looking ship. The metal was no longer shiny and new like it would have once been, it groaned a little when it landed and sometimes the controls could be a bit stiff; especially the D246 leaver which was hardly comforting if travelling through space. But it was a spaceship all the same, a real, a working spaceship which she was entirely grateful for.

Pondering on her spaceship, she didn't even know what model it was. Who created the ship and what it was capable of was also a mystery to her. All she knew so far from her own observations was that it didn't require liquid fuel which meant it was powered by an unknown source that she currently hadn't worked out yet, it wasn't a battle ship as there were no weapons present onboard (much to her own displeasure) and the ship seemed to fly fairly easily through space without many issues. The ship also didn't have a manual, though this didn't cause her any loss of sleep; manuals were rubbish anyway.

The vehicle had been quite a risky choice admittedly, considering how little she actually knew about it, but she had hardly been in the situation to be picky about her get-away transport at the time. It had either been this or a rusty old thing that looked like it would barely reach a metre above ground.

Smiling at the sight of the ship none-the-less, eyes brightening at the thought of whatever unknown trouble she would be running headfirst into next, she was about to continue her journey when her sensitive ears picked up a rustle behind her; a bush being disturbed.

Stopping suddenly in her tracks, demeanour changing, face going blank, she turned quickly, one hand reaching behind her to rest on the handle of her laser gun.

Her narrowed eyes met a woman, stood in the clearing entrance she had just walked through. The woman was wearing a long, blue gown which fell as gracefully as water to the forest floor. She had chestnut coloured, wavy hair which was styled expertly on her head, with only few strands framing her face. Her eyes were a warm brown and her smile was hesitant as she took a small step forward, her dress rippling around her legs.

"Hello," The woman spoke softly. Then noticing the girls hand had disappeared behind her slender frame she shook her head slightly. "I mean you no harm."

The girl deliberated for a moment, blonde hair blowing gently around her face as she analysed the unknown stranger, before letting her hand fall from the handle of the gun; it would take seconds to reach if it was needed anyway.

The woman smiled in approval before looking at the young girl in front of her. She had shining blonde hair, tied up in a messy ponytail with a couple of strands falling loose. Her features were perfectly proportioned and her pale skin emphasising the patches of dry blood which could be seen around the edge of the girl's hairline, some of it matted into her hair. Her lips were pale pink, although now tinged with blue due to the cold. The girl was stunning, even as she shivered, white teeth chattering slightly.

Despite all the all the other features the girl had, what really caught the woman's attention though, was the girls eyes; framed with thick, black lashes and a shade of an impossibly brilliant blue. But what contributed the most beauty to her eyes was the hope, curiosity and the darkness which gleamed within them. The universe shone through her.

The beauty of the universe through very young eyes apparently.

The woman frowned slightly, forgetting what she had been planning to say in favour of this new thought.

"How old are you?" The woman asked, a measure of disbelief entering her tone.

If the girl thought this blunt statement rude she didn't show any signs of it. Biting her bottom lip slightly, the girl searched her face carefully before asking:

"Why?"

"It's just-" The woman began, "well- well I expected-someone-someone older," The woman just shook her head smiling, "Never mind it's not my business to ask-"

"I'm two," The girl informed her as she looked at the woman with guarded curiosity, failing to notice the woman's growing disbelief. "If I may ask, who are you?"

The woman, who had previously had her mouth hanging open uselessly with her brown eyes wide, quickly closed it and composed herself before answering the young-very young- girl.

She'd already learnt that humans were much less knowledgeable than most of the universe and that she probably shouldn't question unusual happenings that early humans from earth would have dismissed as lies and nonsense; the universe was a large, strange place full of unbelievable things beyond her own imagining.

"I'm, well- you don't know who I am?"

The girl frowned in confusion, her eyebrows pulling together.

"Should I?"

"No, no maybe not-" The woman said, eyeing the spaceship not too far away. "But it's just- never mind- I came to thank you, to express my gratitude I mean." The woman smiled warmly at her momentarily confused companion. "You saved my son," She said softly, watching as a look of dawning apprehension appeared on the girls face. "You could have died by trying to save him and yet you still did. Even my soldiers didn't try, they gave up believing the task impossible, but you didn't. I have you to thank for his life."

The girl blushed; cheeks turning a delicate pink. She looked fairly uncomfortable under the woman's praise which left her to wonder if the girl had ever received much, if any, praise before.

"It's nothing," The girl mumbled gently. "No innocent child should have to die that way." A smile graced her face as she looked the woman in the eyes. "You need better soldiers."

The woman laughed, a kind sound, before tilting her head at the girl again.

"Which makes me wonder, what you we're doing in the thick of it all, running around saving children apparently older than yourself," The woman's face blossomed an expression of confusion. "How can you be so young but look so much older?"

The girl looked at the woman, a slight pull in her eyebrows as she tried to think up an appropriate answer.

"I'm a - It's because of - Its-a long story," She finally breathed. "I'm not from here."

The woman, noticing the sorrowful look on the girls face, changed the direction of the conversation. Everybody had suffered enough today; the girl in front of her more than most.

"Well that much is obvious I'm afraid, your rather large spaceship gave it away."

The girl laughed, sorrow replaced by sparkling humour.

"Large?" The girl asked incredulously, pointing over her shoulder at the ship. "That's hardly large."

"Well I dread to think what large is by your accounts."

The girls smile got wider before she shook her head. The woman gave the girl a small grin in response before inclining her head in respect.

"Well, since you're on your way to your 'small' spaceship I don't suppose I'll be able to convince you to stay and receive lots of hero attention? Or even just until dawn? The sunrise hour is exceptionally beautiful from the Mount Masaily. "At the girl's apologetic smile, the woman's lips upturned. "No worries, I would imagine you need to get back to your planet, your people. You've probably had enough of saving us weak and feeble humans for one day."

The woman gave the girl one last grateful look before turning and heading back into the deeper forest.

"Oh!" The woman paused and turned round, "I almost forgot, In return for your help I would like you to be aware that you will always have aid here. My people and I will always respect you for your courage and selflessness you have shown today."

The woman then turned and took a step when something occurred to the young girl.

"Your people?" She inquired quietly. Had the people been slaves?

"Yes, my people," The woman chuckled, stopping for a moment in her journey. "I'm the Queen you see."

The girl's eyes widened and her mouth opened and closed, before her lips settled on a tender upturn of the lips.

"It's an honour to save your people ma'am. Your son is very lucky to have you, you did a very good job raising him; he's very brave."

The woman – Queen - beamed with pride for her son.

"Thank you. Your parents have done a pretty good job themselves; raising such a courageous, good, kind, beautiful young girl like you. Whatever alien species you are, we need more individuals like you in the universe."

The girl winced and the woman frowned.

"Is everything alright-"

"Yeah, yeah" The girl hurried to reassure her. "It's just, well, I wasn't raised exactly-"

"You've never had parents?"

"I had a dad once, he was brilliant." She smiled, her eyes glistening with pride. "I lost him, on that day, the day I first lived-" Noticing the older woman's confused look she smiled apologetically. "It's long - and complicated."

"Aren't the best ones always the longest ones to tell and the shortest to live?"

The girl gave the Queen a strange look – halfway between a smile and a grimace to which the older women gave an understanding nod in response. The beautiful girl raised her eyes to stare at the vast blackness above them; the stars glistened in her eyes like diamonds.

The Queen, after a few moments of silence, also looked up with curiosity; wondering what else the girl saw apart from the stars and the moon that could cause such a longing expression to stain her features.

"He's up there somewhere, among the stars," The mysterious girl whispered. "Saving planets and seeing far-away worlds." The girl sighed before tearing her eyes away from the sky and looking at the silver grass below her. It shocked the Queen that she could feel how much this girl hurt, it seemed to radiate from the girls very soul. "Probably forgot all about me now," The girl continued, "After causing all those miracles and bouncing from legend to legend."

The Older woman did not need to question about whom the younger girl was speaking of.

"You don't give yourself much credit," She informed her. "You're not a guest that's so easily forgettable."

Her young companion's lips twitched.

"The Doctor..." The girl whispered, taking a quick glance at the moon. "The oncoming storm...He's saved you before you know," The girls moved her eyes to the Queen. "Many times in fact if what I've been told is true. He's the reason human beings still exist today." The girl stopped for a moment in brief thought before frowning slightly. "He's probably still protecting you right now."

"Well my people will sleep peacefully tonight," The Queen began softly, "if this Doctor is even a tenth the person you are."

After a moments silence, the Queen was about to speak when she was interrupted by the large spaceship making rather strange noises and the lights beginning to flicker from within.

The girl spun round, her face lighting up; eyes of sadness brightening to sparks of untamed excitement.

"Its short circuiting," The girl muttered to herself, eyes scanning the outside of the ship. "Time to go!"

The girl quickly ran up to the Queen, gave her a light hug as she had seen many others do to say thank you, before running towards the spaceship she had recently acquired.

The Queen, suddenly startled from her rather shocked trace as the ship made a particularly loud explosive noise which emitted a series of sparks from various areas of the ship, shook her head to clear it before hurriedly shouting after the overly-enthusiastic girl.

"I never got your name! Every saviour needs a name!"

The sound of the spaceship coming to life nearly drowned out the shouts of the Queen but the girl, with extremely good alien hearing, turned one last time with one hand clutching the entrance of the ship and blonde hair coming loose of her ponytail and blowing frantically around her face. After a moment's hesitation the girl answered.

"Jenny!" She shouted loudly, "My names Jenny!"

Smiling before taking a deep breath of fresh air- she didn't have any idea how long she'd be travelling for until she found her next destination after all- before disappearing inside the ship and moving quickly to the controls, adjusting the setting and readying the ship for flight. The control board quickly lit up, many leavers and flashing buttons that Jenny could never resist fiddling with asking for immediate attention.

The Queen could only watch with sad eyes as their saviour, the young girl who at only two years old had saved their whole planet whilst no army or monarch could, the girl with eyes full of hope and yet glistened with such sadness, flew away into the distant skies, towards the sparkling stars and all the galaxies in between.

"Good-bye Jenny," The queen whispered softly. "We thank you for our lives, and for our planet."

He stared at the control panel, a weird smile plastered on his face.

River was...

A sort of disbelieving chuckle escaped his lips and his grin got wider. He'd known River Song was Melody Pond for a total of six minutes, forty one seconds now and he was still amazed.

Amy and Rory's baby; River Song.

He laughed again, it would certainly explain River's apparent knack for getting into trouble - just blame the parents.

He stopped in his laughing for a moment to smile over at his two companions, sat beside the railings of the TARDIS. They both had rather blank looks of disbelief on their faces, which he supposed was to be expected if you found out the mysterious, pretty woman which annoyed the life out of anyone with the word 'spoilers' and who could take out twenty aliens and probably more without even trying was actually your daughter from the future. The daughter who to them, had been merely days old only a few moments before.

He laughed again, and skipped over to another part of the console.

Oh how he loved wibbily-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

His original plan had been for Amy and Rory to go home, he knew more than most that emotions could be dangerous in an important situation, and presently, Amy and Rory we're possibly the most emotional people in the universe. But after he had stayed to witness River revealing her identity to Mr and Mrs Pond, he hadn't really had the heart to force them to leave; which was bad considering he had two.

"The Doctor will find your daughter, and he will care for her whatever it takes, and I know that-" He had watched from his position casually leaning against the TARDIS as Amy stared down at the prayer leaf, her mouth opening a little and eyebrows pulling together. She had then gently turned the prayer leaf over before looking up at River with unreadable eyes. "It's me, I'm Melody. I'm your daughter."

Rory and Amy had then stared at River in silence for a few moments which- give River credit for- she stayed still, not complaining once; even when her father reached out to touch her arm softly.

"You're- you're Melody? Our Melody?"

She had given her father no other response apart from moving her eyes to stare into his and nodding slightly.

"Melody," He had breathed, eyes widening and completely unsure on how to react next.

Luckily of course, Amy had done that for him- you couldn't exactly expect a redhead to stay silent for so long; it could damage their reputation after all.

"But- But you can't be," She shook her head, "Melody-Melody's so small and little and helpless and your-"

"Our daughter," Rory had whispered, before looking at Amy and smiling softly, reaching to squeeze her hand with tears in his bright eyes. "She's our beautiful, brave and healthy daughter."

Amy had then searched Rory's eyes for a minute before looking away towards River; her mouth opening but no sound coming out. Her eyes had seemed to be scanning River's features, looking for any resemblances between her and her tiny baby girl.

This had then been followed by another momentary silence which lasted until something beeped on Rivers person. She had reached into her pocket and brought out a small, metal card, glanced at it and then looked up at her parents.

"I have to go," She had informed them softly, a small smirk playing on her lips. "Breaking out twice in one day is pushing it, even for me,"

When neither of her parents reacted much, apart from Rory looking at the metal card in her hand with curiosity and a frown, she had given them a soft smile before turning and walking towards the other side of the room; her shoes clipping loudly against the floor.

"Wait!" Amy had suddenly blurted, her eyes wide and pleading, causing River to turn. "Please-please just, just stay for a while-"

River had smiled sadly at Amy, brushing a few blonde curls out of her face.

"I'm not your daughter yet, not properly," She responded gently. "You'll be okay, you'll see me soon."

"But we've only just found you," Rory whispered, looking at River in something like desperation.

"No, you haven't. Not yet," River replied, her eyes smiling. "But you will, I'm only River Song to you right now, you need to find Melody."

She then gave them one last smile before continuing her journey to the door. When she reached the doorframe she had stopped suddenly, turning back with a mischievous glint in her eyes and a cheeky smile.

Of course, he had known this meant trouble for him before she'd even opened her mouth.

"Sweetie? Be careful the next time you happen to feel the need to kiss my lips off," She had directed towards him. "Not that I would be complaining it's just Rory-my dad- has a big shiny sword, and I would rather my kissing partner wasn't bleeding to his death whilst I work my magic, takes some of the fun out of it when the person your kissing gets blood all over your new shirt,"

And then River Song had disappeared around the doorframe leaving him with a small involuntary smirk on his face whilst Rory just looked plain shocked.

He had ushered them into the TARDIS, intending to bring them home before setting off to find their daughter, but Amy had stopped him, putting a warm hand over his on the control panel and looking defiantly at him.

"We're not leaving."

Looking from her to Rory's fixed faces he had concluded it pointless to argue and nodded in acceptance of their decision. Since then Amy had moved away from him and towards Rory. They had been sat together beside the railings, staring at nothing.

"Doctor?" A quiet voice brought him out of his musings, blinking once, his vision coming back to him so he could see the control panel he must have been staring at for quite some time. He looked up and met Amy's hesitant eyes. She had moved now, stood a couple of metres behind him, one hand resting on the control panel.

"Amy?" He questioned, then noticing the ghastly-a strange word- clothing she had on, he continued. "If you need some different clothing, help yourself. There should be all your usual clothes in the wardrobe-"

"This isn't about clothing," She said gently, eyes soft.

For one terrible moment both his hearts stopped, was she going to tell him she wanted to leave after this? He supposed it was perfectly sensible to; a decision he wouldn't judge her for. The TARDIS was hardly equipped to be an environment for small children after all, and with all the dangerous places he needed to be and the adventures he twisted himself into day-after-day it was probably best if she did leave with Rory and little Melody. Though he had more than a feeling that the problem of him being a bad influence on young Melody was something too late to fix, not that he'd want to fix it anyway, River might not be River otherwise.

"Are you okay?"

Shaking himself again, he plastered a grin on his face for Amy's benefit.

"Me? Okay? I'm always okay,"

Her eyes hardened at this and she gave him a glare.

"Liar,"

He sighed and stroked the console, hoping that if he stayed silent she may just leave that particular subject alone.

"Are we going to find her?"

Shocked, he looked up, disbelief etched on his features.

"Of course we are Pond! You saw River! Melody will be fine-"

"I wasn't talking about Melody," She murmured. "I know Melody will be okay,"

He frowned, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he searched his companions face.

"Then what-"

Amy exhaled a loud breath between her lips before looking at him sadly, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"I was talking about your daughter," Amy muttered, looking at her feet. "The one you said you lost." Not knowing what to make of the silence that followed she continued. "We could find-"

"No."

Amy recoiled back a bit at the hardness in his tone and the tenseness of his posture.

"What do you mean no-"

"No."

He then strode quickly around the other side of the console-apparently trying to hide from her. Amy growled in frustration before walking around the console the other way, not at all happy with his response.

"You can't just shut everything up you know," She snarled; all of the day's events suddenly too much for her to handle, causing her to take it out on a certain, stubborn Time Lord. "You can't just keep running-"

"I can, and I will," The Time Lord in question growled – he was not in the mood to deal with more of his failures right now, he'd already unwillingly walked through his past today- before viciously pulling a leaver on the console too hard, causing it to break off in his grasp.

"And now your breaking the TARDIS," Amy stated simply, a determined look on her face.

The Doctor looked angrily at her for a moment before looking down at the broken leaver in his hand. Not two seconds later the leaver had been thrown hard against the TARDIS wall as he snarled:

"Don't need that bit anyway, stupid, useless piece of-"

The TARDIS suddenly shook violently, causing Amy to quickly grab onto the console to stop herself from falling over. The Doctor didn't seem so lucky however, falling and whacking his head on the console hard on the way down.

Amy thought that had been the TARDIS's main intention.

The TARDIS made a small rumbling noise of disapproval before the shaking stopped, allowing the Doctor to sit up, clutching his head.

Amy let her hands fall from the console and stood above the Doctor with her arms folded and a severe expression on her face. The individual on the receiving end of her glare huffed loudly and glared at the console.

"Bloody opinionated, overly-sensitive-"

Amy's hands quickly darted to the console; if the TARDIS decided to cause another ship-quake she doubted she'd be lucky twice. Fortunately, however, the TARDIS did nothing but make another rumbling noise – louder this time - to which the Doctor sighed and patted the floor of the control room.

"Sorry Sexy," He whispered apologetically, gaining a light hum of approval from the TARDIS.

Pushing himself of the floor slowly, rubbing his head and finding a growing bump, he wiped a hand over his eyes before leaning his upper body over the console, hands clenched tightly on its surface and letting his fringe fall over his eyes.

"Your right," He said eventually, staring down at the various buttons with his jaw clenched, not looking at Amy. "I can't keep running,"

"Scottish people are always right," Another voice answered him from the direction opposite where he sensed Amy was still stood. "It's the first lesson you learn once you're married to one,"

Relaxing his jaw and smiling softly, knowing they were only acting normally for his benefit, he licked his lips and trailed his teeth with his tongue before running a hand through his hair.

"Its- It's a different situation from your daughter." This statement was met by silence which encouraged him to continue. "I can't find her, not unless I could enter the land of the dead I guess-"

Taking a quick glance to his left, he saw Amy's face dawn horrified comprehension and he face crumpled.

"I-I'm sorry-"

"Nothing to be sorry for," Was his reply, looking back at the console. "You haven't done anything,"

After a moment he heard soft footfalls moving towards him and then a patch of warmth on his shoulder as Amy rested her head there gently; letting him know she was there. He took a deep breath through his nose and stared down at the buttons below him.

"What was her name?" The voice beside his ear asked.

"Jenny," He answered softly, not rejecting the pain he felt as the syllables formed on his tongue. "Jenny,"

There was a minute of silence before Amy spoke again.

"Was she like you?"

He gave a small, harsh smile.

"Too much like me,"

"What happened?" Amy breathed gently in his ear, her breath tickling his neck.

He sighed before moving away from Amy and leaning against the console, crossing his legs out in front of him and staring at the floor.

"She died taking a bullet for me on the planet Messaline," He could still see the bullet hitting her chest, it happened in the same slow motion as it did on that day, every detail of the event etched into his memory. "She died in my arms," He murmured, feeling one tear fall from his eye but not making an effort to wipe it away.

Amy took a moment to process this, her eyes growing sadder as she watched her best friend opening himself up a little bit, actually allowing her to see him cry. She knew how hard all this was for him.

"What was she like?"

The Doctor blinked before looking at her with bright eyes and a gentle smile on his face.

"She was amazing. Beautiful and brilliant and everything in between..."

So... What did you think?
Should I continue it?
Thank you for reading!