WARNING: Chapter 9 will contain some major mush! If you're a sap for romance like me you'll probably appreciate it *girly giggle*

Chapter 9- True Confessions

Beep! Beep! Beep! Wendy's stopwatch alarm went off. It was 7:30am. Outside it was raw and gray. A cold drizzle was steadily falling from the sky. Lily lay in bed staring at the ceiling, listening to the rain hit the windows. Her eyes were swollen and puffy from crying. She hadn't gotten a wink of sleep all night.

"Lily are you coming? Lily?" Becky pulled open the curtains of her four poster. "Aren't you coming to break…whoa what happened to you? You look horrible?" Lily moaned and covered her eyes. "Are you sick? Should I go get Madame Pompfrey?"

"She'll be fine, Becky," remarked Wendy impatiently. "If you would stop bugging her and let her rest. Come on let's go get something to eat."

"Okay I'm coming, hold on." Becky turned her attention back to Lily. "I'll bring you up some bread in case you get hungry later." Lily nodded. "Feel better, Lily." Then Becky closed the curtains and left the room.

Lily continued to lay in bed. So maybe she was a little bit hungry but going down to breakfast would mean facing James…and she just couldn't do that. Not after she has just spoiled the only chance she had to rebuild her friendship with him. No matter how hard she tried Lily could not forget that look that James gave her before he ran away. Like a mixture of shock and disgust. Of course he didn't fancy her that way. Why should he? Lily had never felt more ashamed in her life.

The bell rang singling that it was time for class to start. 'I don't think I'll go to class today,' Lily told herself. And I may not go tomorrow…or the day after that. So what if I fail out and get expelled? It doesn't matter anymore. What good is intellect when you're…all alone?' This was the last thing Lily told herself before exhaustion finally took it's toll and she fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

Sirius yawned and pushed open the door to his sleeping quarters. As he expected James was there. Sirius watched curiously as his best friend repeatedly banged his head against the wall calling himself some very nasty names.

"You know without antlers you just might hurt yourself if you continue to do that much longer, Potter."

"I am well aware that I am human again, Sirius."

"Then what exactly are you trying to accomplish aside from giving yourself a concussion?"

"I don't know…it's just…oh God! Sirius, I am such an idiot!"

"You just figured that out?" Sirius chuckled.

"This is not a laughing matter! Can't you just be serious for once!"

"And who else would I be?" Sirius laughed. James sighed in frustration and buried his face in his hands.

"Alright I get the picture. There's something bothering you, so why don't you sit down and tell ol' paddy all about it."

James took a deep breath. "Well you know how Lily followed us to the shrieking shack last night…"

"I am well aware. How is she by the way?"

"She's fine. I got her to a safe spot, but I was unaware that she was still conscious when I transformed…and…"

"She saw you transform! Way to go, Prongs!," replied Sirius sarcastically. "How did you explain yourself?"

"I told her the truth about us being animagi."

"Oh that's just great!," Sirius seemed upset. "We're really screwed over now!"

"Don't worry, Sirius. We can trust Lily. She won't tell anyone."

"Maybe not on purpose but has it ever occurred to you, Potter that we're ILLEGAL? If she ever were to let the tiniest detail slip we'd be in deeper shit then we can imagine.

"Well what was I supposed to do? How am I supposed to explain that the stag who just saved her life was…well…me?"

"Easy…you lie. You could have said that it was a hallucination for example."

"No Sirius! I have had to lie way too many time to Lily. We can't hide the truth from her anymore."

Sirius sighed loudly. "Did you tell her about Lupin?"

"I did."

"And did you know that if his secret got out his school days here at Hogwarts would be over? People don't want to go to school with a werewolf, James. Are you aware that now we may lose one of our best friends forever?"

James was starting to get angry now. "DO YOU THINK I DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO CONSIDER THESE OUTCOMES, SIRIUS! Of course I was thinking about you and Remus. I'd sooner die then sacrifice you two, but I can assure you that Lily isn't going to go around blabbing all our secrets all over the school! She knows how crucial this is."

"Alright James, I am going to take your word for it. I just hope you know what you are doing."

James was silent for a few minutes. "I thought I did…I thought that if I just came clean Lily would stop being so suspicious of me all the time and out friendship would be saved. She must have somewhere along the line misinterpreted my intensions. Why did things have to get so…complicated."

"Misinterpreted your intentions? What do you mean?"

"Well…" James face turned a violent shade of red. "When I hugged her and told her that I was glad she was unharmed she um…kissed me."

"No Kidding!" Sirius chuckled. "It's about time!"

"And that's not all…"

"That's not all? James, you dog!"

"I ran away."

"You pussy!" Sirius' smile faded. "How could you run away?"

James shrugged. "I don't know I was kind of in shock. I didn't know what else to do."

"How about…kiss her back?"

"Yeah well…I…uh…well how was I supposed to know she felt like that?"

"And don't you feel that way about her?" James nodded. "Well what's the problem then? You like her, she likes you, it's perfect!"

"The situation is far from prefect, Sirius. I mean I ran away. She must have though I was revolted by the kiss."

"Well then you need to set things right. This is, after all just a big misunderstanding."

"But how?"

"I don't know," Sirius waved his hand impatiently. "Why don't you write one of your little poems for her."

"You know about the poetry! I mean how did you…"

"I have my ways," replied Sirius with a smirk. "But that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make here is that chicks dig romantic stuff. Poetry, flowers, chocolate…you know all that lovey-dovey shit."

James took a minute to think about what Sirius has just said. "Romantic…hmmm…I got to hand it to you Sirius, that's not a bad idea. It's mad…but it just might work."

Sirius arrogantly tossed back his hair. "What can I say? I am a genius."

James pulled out a pale yellow piece of parchment for the pocket of his robe. "This may do the trick."

"Hey isn't that the scroll you were desperately trying to hide from me last time we had a chat like this?"

James nodded. "This is something I wrote for Lily when…I realized that I liked her…you know as more than a friend."

"Ohhh is that a love poem?" James blushed. "Do you realize how hard I need to try to restrain form mocking you right now?"

"Yes I do, and I appreciate that, Sirius."

"So you're going to give that to her then, right?"

"Well not right away…I mean I can't just rush into things. If I am going to go about this in a romantic matter I need to set the mood. Everything must be perfect. Otherwise I fear I'll never win her back."

"Well whatever you're planning to do don't take too long. That girl has got the self esteem of about minus a thousand. God knows what she's capable of if she were to get depressed or something."

"I know," replied James gloomily. "That is what I am afraid of."

Sirius hit James hard on the back. "Don't fret it Prongs, I am sure things will work out in the end. You and Lils were made for each other. Well don't just sit here and stare at me. Go and get your woman!"

James smiled. "Right on!" The without another word he dashed out of the room.

Sirius sighed heavily. "Ah the many mysteries of young love." Then smiling to himself, he too left the sleeping quarters shutting the door behind him.

Lily inhaled letting the cool autumn air fill her lungs. The rain had stopped now, but the sky was still gray and dull. It was not what you would call a pleasant day, but that didn't bother Lily. Maybe it was because she felt so similar in the inside…gray and dull. Lily slowly made her way across the front lawn thinking of nothing but how sorry she felt for herself. Why did she have to kiss James? Why did she have to humiliate herself in front of him like that? Once again she had single-handedly ruined everything, and for that she only had herself to blame.

Lily continued to walk until she reached the shore of the lake, the same lake she had crossed on her first day of school over five years ago. The same lake that she had once looked at as an oasis of peace and tranquility, no longer held any meaning to her. Today it just look dark and empty like a big black hole.

Lily took a few steps closer to the edge. She peered into the water only to see the reflection of a hopeless, sad, worn down little girl. This is what she had resorted to...this is what was left of Lily Evans. Then all of the sudden she had an idea! It was a horrid thought but it gave her a rush that spread through her veins like poison. She could do it right now. End this…this heartache…this shame. All she needed to do was jump in and then lay back and allow nature to take its toll. Anyway it's not like anyone would actually miss her…well her parents might…but they'll get over it in time. They do have another child after all. And Lily highly doubted Petunia would mind her absence.

Lily took yet another step closer to the black hole water. What is ones value without friends…without love? "I love you James Potter," she whispered but I can't be with you and that is why…that is why I have to go." Lily closed her eyes and prepared to jump, but for some reason her feet wouldn't budge. "Okay lets try this again." Lily prepared to once again make the jump, and once again she failed to complete the task. 'This isn't that hard,' she told herself. 'So why am I having such a difficult time?'

"Lily? Lily?," shouted a voice in the distance.

"Oh no!" Lily began to panic. 'Somebody's looking for me. Becky must have squealed to Professor Mcgonagall. If I'm going to do this then I need to get it over with right this second!' Lily got into position. "On the count of three…one…two…"

"LILY…WAIT!" Remus Lupin came charging through the darkness like an angry bull giving Lily quite a fright. She took a few steps backwards tripping on a large rock which sent her flying through the air. "SPLASH!" She landed face-first into the lake. "LILY!"

Lily coughed and chocked as she struggled to keep herself from sinking. (the school robes added a lot of extra weight).

"Hold on, Lily. I'm coming!" Remus threw off his cloak and dived in. He spotted Lily fighting with all her strength to keep her head above the water. Until finally she went under. Remus grabbed her and pulled her to the surface again. She gasped for air coughing furiously.

I got you, Lils. It's going to be okay." Remus carefully swam to the shore and pushed Lily onto a rocky beach. He waited patiently until she caught her breath and was able to speak. R…Remus (cough) How…where…ACHOO!

"Here." Remus took his dry cloak and placed it over Lily's shoulders. It's cold out here. If you are not careful you'll catch your death."

"Thank you."

Remus smiled weakly. In Lily's opinion he looked rather sickly himself. He was still probably recovering from the previous night's transformation. "So you probably have some questions for me, as I do for you. You go first."

"How did you find me? Did Professor Mcgonagall send you?"

"No actually. I have been searching for you out of my own free will. I um…wanted to apologize for my behavior last night. I didn't mean to impose any harm upon you."

"I don't hold it against you, Remus. It's not like you can control it."

"Yes, but I still hate to put a friend in such a dangerous situation. I'm just wondering why you followed James and Sirius in the first place."

"I don't know…I guess I was just curious…when I saw them sneaking out of the dorm. I knew it was a bad idea to follow them but sometimes I don't even bother to listen to my own conscience."

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I um…."

"Stop apologizing! It's alright, James already explained everything to me."

"He…he did?"

"Yes. He told me how you received your bit as a small child, and how hard your transformations used to be on you. He said that it helps to have company which is why they taught themselves to become animagi."

"So he told you everything then?"

"He didn't really have a choice. I saw him transform."

Remus smiled. "Well that explains a lot." he took a deep breath. "Lily, life was not easy for me when I was growing up, even though my parents treated me like any other child. I was home-schooled so in my free time they pushed me to join clubs and participate in activities. They wanted me to live as normally as possible. But still thanks to my lycanthropy I was always rather withdrawn. If you would have told me I would be allowed to attend Hogwarts I would have laughed. The thought of me going to school like a normal juvenile wizard seemed impossible at the time. But for some strange reason my name was still on the list. Headmaster Dumbledore is a kind soul, he doesn't discriminate against anyone. When I received my acceptance letter he contacted my parents and told them that as long as I take certain percussions during the full moon there was no reason that I couldn't come to school.

"So that's why you have to go to the shrieking shack. To get away from human contact?"

"Correct. I am safe when I am there. But still…if people were to find out about what I really am…I don't think I would be able to continue my education here. See, Lily people don't want to go to school with a werewolf, I can assure you of that. I was even scared to let James and Sirius find out at first. I didn't want to lose the first and only friends I had. But they still figured out the reason behind my disappearances every month, and instead of rejecting me they decided to help me." Remus wiped a small tear from his eye.

Lily gave a small smile. "I think it's sweet that Sirius and James wanted to help you…even though it is illegal. Does anyone else besides them and Dumbledore know about your lycanthropy?"

Remus shook his head. "Don't worry," Lily assured him. "You secret is safe with me."

"Thank you." Remus smiled again and combed his finger through his Sandy colored hair. "But enough about me, let's talk about you. Now I am guessing that you weren't out for an evening swim in this weather, so why did you jump in the lake?"

"I didn't jump I tripped and fell."

"I can see that, however when I spotted you a few minutes ago you looked as though you were prepared to jump. So would you mind telling me why?"

Lily didn't say anything for the next few minutes. Then she sighed heavily. "You shouldn't have come after me, Remus."

"What? Why do you say that?"

"I just don't see a point in going on any longer. It doesn't matter anyway, all I'm good for is taking up space."

"Rubbish!" Remus looked furious. "How can you talk about yourself like that?"

Lily shrugged and turned her eyes away from Remus' gaze.

"There obviously something bothering you. Do you care to talk about it?"

Lily shrugged again.

"Or we could play the guessing game. By any chance does this have something to do with James?"

"Um…"

"I knew it! What did he do this time?"

"He didn't do anything…well anything wrong at least."

"Oh no don't tell me, it has something to do with another one of Sirius' crazy plans. The million of times I told him to mind his own beeswax…"

"Sirius has nothing to do with it either, Remus. This is my own doing." Lily took a deep breath. "I have grown fond of James this year…very fond."

"That's no shock to me."

"Yeah…well," Lily continued, blushing furiously. "Last night…I…kissed him."

Remus' jaw dropped. "Wow! Now that's rather unexpected. How did he take it?"

"He was absolutely horrified…maybe even sickened by it…after a few seconds he pushed me away and then he was gone."

"Now wait a minute. I am sure there's a logical explanation for this."

"Yeah…he hates me."

"But that's where you're wrong, Lily. James does not hate you. Why I bet…" Remus was cut short by a loud sob. "Aww, Lily."

"He may not have hated me before why last night (sob) I was pretty convinced that he even cared for me. (sob) But that wasn't good enough…I had to push his limits. Now I ruined everything (sob)."

"There There." Remus put his arm around Lily shoulder in a comforting manner.

"(sob) Now he'll never speak to me again and I don't blame him."

"Hold on a second there, Lily. I'm not jumping to conclusions or anything but I get the feeling that you may have misunderstood James' reaction. I mean…I don't think he intentionally tried to hurt you."

Lily shook her head. "I see what you're trying to do, Remus and I appreciate it but there's no point in trying to cheer me up. I have sunken to a new low and now I will pay the price."

Remus sighed. "You're right…not about the sinking thing…but about the fact that I am the wrong person to tell you about this."

Lily shivered. A cold rain had begun to fall, and thunder could be heard in the distance.

"If we stay out here any longer we'll both catch our deaths," Remus remarked shivering madly.

"Good."

"Come on, Lily. A little sleep might do you good. I can tell by the bags under you eyes that you haven't gotten much lately. Let's go inside." Remus helped Lily up.

"Don't you ever give up, Lupin?" Lily whispered and then to Remus' surprise she smiled.

"No I don't…at least not on a friend."

Not another word was spoken after that as Lily and Remus both cold and sopping wet together made their way towards the castle.

As soon as Lily reached her sleeping quarters she stripped out of her wet clothing. She had to admit that at times like these it was nice to put an a pair of warm, dry underwear. She yawned loudly. Maybe Remus was right, all she needed was some sleep. She pulled off the sheets of her four poster and prepared to climb in, but stopped short when she discovered a pink note and a single white Lilly flower lying on her bed. She picked up the note and read…

A Lilly for my Lily.

Please do not run from me, love.

Without you in my life this world is so dark and gloomy.

I must see your beautiful face again.

Meet me on the front lawn tomorrow at 5'o clock.

I will be waiting for you, and counting the seconds until I can hold you again.

Love Always,

Prongs

"Prongs?" Lily picked up the flower and examined it, running her fingers over its soft petals. 'Could this be for real?' She read the note a few more times before she placed it, along with the flower, in her desk drawer (if Becky or Wendy found out she had a secret admirer she'd never hear the end of it). She was far too sleepy to make any decisions tonight, but even still as she lay in bed that evening one thought seemed to linger in her mind: Who the heck is Prongs?

Lily woke a bit earlier than usual the next morning. Outside the sky was clear and blue. Had it not been for the wet grass you would have never guessed it had been raining all night. Lily hopped out of bed and pulled open her desk drawer. The pink note was still there along with a slightly more wilted white Lilly flower. "So it wasn't a dream." She sat down on her bed rereading the note over and over again. 'Prongs? Is that some soft of pen name? Who in the right mind would call themselves Prongs?' Lily sighed. 'It's probably a trick. Someone's sick idea of a joke. I bet Bridget is behind this, or maybe even Severus Snape- perhaps that's his idea of revenge? But on the other hand what if this isn't a joke?' Lily felt her heart beating fast. 'What if it's from Jam…no it can't be! I NEED TO STOP TELLING MYSELF THAT! James does not love me that way…I am just going to have to learn to live with that.'

Lily placed the note back in the drawer. "Alright," she told herself. "Here's what I am going to do. I am going to go to the front lawn at 5 o'clock but hide behind a shrub to get a peak of my admirer. If it looks fishy I'll turn around and sneak away. No harm done." Lily smiled at her plan. It was perfect…nothing could go wrong…right?

The day started off in it's usual fashion. Lily went back to attending class though she found it hard to think about anything besides the fate which awaited her at 5 o'clock.

Throughout the morning and afternoon Lily was careful to avoid having any contact with James, which wasn't too hard to do. Anytime her eyes met his James would blush and turn away…though during Transfiguration while Lily was busy jotting down notes she could have sworn James was staring at her. 'I wonder,' she thought 'If he has any idea who Prongs might be?'

Time seemed to be slipping by very quickly and Lily found herself growing more anxious by the second. At ten to 5 she made her way out to the front lawn and ducked behind a large mulberry bush. Her heart pounding fast as she waited for her admirer to reveal themselves. 5 o'clock came and went but there was still no sign of well…anyone. "It's a trick!" Lily told herself angrily. "I knew it! I was so stupid to actually believe…What's this?" Lily picked up a tiny rose petal which lay by her foot. She then discovered another…and another…and another. In fact there was a whole trail of rose petals which appeared to be leading across the lawn. But where exactly did it end? 'Well,' Lily told herself. 'I guess there only one way to find out.' She climbed out from behind the bush and began to follow the trail. Sometime inside told her that this was not a wise decision, but once again it seemed as though her curiosity had overruled her conscience.

The rose petals led Lily past the lawn and towards the Forbidden Forrest. It didn't go into the forest (to Lily's relief) but made a sharp turn and then a few more turns following that. The petals were leading Lily into a very familiar spot…James' garden…their garden. The trail of petals suddenly stopped by the entrance in the marble walls. Lily peered in and immediately spotted their source. On a bench lay a bouquet of a dozen long stemmed red roses. "Wow," she whispered. She walked over to the bench to get a closer look at the roses, admiring their elegant beauty.

"So you got my note?" said a voice from behind. The sudden disturbance startled Lily, she jumped backwards bumping into something solid…yet invisible.

"Ouch!" James pulled off his cloak. "Maybe that's not the best way to approach someone." He smiled.

"James! When did…how did…did you give me…"

"Yes, I did. The note and the Lilly flower were from me, as well as this bouquet." James picked up the bouquet of roses and handed them to Lily. "Lily, before you say anything I want to apologize about last night. I was so surprised when you…I didn't mean to run. I am sorry if I hurt you or caused any problems."

"No, James you're not the one who needs to apologize. It was my fault. I shouldn't have come on so strongly. I really don't know what got into me."

"Well I'm glad you did…because I like you, too."

Lily smiled, tears of joy filled her eyes. "You don't know how long I have wanted to hear you say that to me. I didn't know signed your notes as Prongs…"

James laughed. "In case you were wondering that's a nickname that I use when I am around Remus and Sirius. You know because of the whole animagus thing…I uh…didn't know how else to sign the note. I didn't want to put your secret admirer." James snorted. "That's just plain corny…oh and speaking of corny…I wrote this for you about a week ago. I guess this is as good as time as ever to give it to you." James handed Lily a pale yellow scroll. She unrolled it and began to read.

** My Dearest Lillian

It would bring me more joy then I can say if you would not forget - not even for a

single day-how wonderful you are…in my eyes.

I am often lost to find the words to tell you just how much you mean to me.

In my imagination I compare you to things like sunshine in the morning, and the most beautiful flowers in the fields.

You, Lily, are like an answer to a special prayer.

And I think God knew my world needed someone exactly like you.

"I know it bad," remarked James blushing furiously. "You can throw it away if you like."

"It's beautiful!" Lily let out a happy sob. "James…I don't know what to say."

James placed his arm lovingly around Lily's shoulder. "You don't need to say anything," he whispered.

"I can't believe this is happening. You're so wonderful…perfect even. You're a dream come true…" Lily frowned. "You deserve a lot better then me."

James rolled his eyes. "Lily, listen to me. I like you because you are you. No body is forcing me to feel this way. I love you for who you are and if you think I'm just going to sit here and let you put yourself down like that…"

"But…"

"Shhh." James placed his finger on Lily's lip. "Not another word." Then he kissed her. First lightly, and then growing more passionately, tongues tangling in a knot.

Lily's heart beat fast. Never in her life has she felt a sensation like this. It was pure ecstasy. She didn't know how long they snogged for but by time James pulled away to catch his breath it was already getting dark outside. Lily smiled. "I think we missed dinner."

James grinned. "That's alright, I'm full." He took Lily's hand into his. "But we should probably get back to the common room before it gets too late."

"We should…though I could easily just spend the rest of the night out here with you."

"I could too, but I hate to see what Sirius would have to say if I am out all night." James mocked Sirius' voice. "Look who finally got some arse!"

Lily laughed so did James (it was an impressive imitation). Then hand in hand they exited the garden.

That night Lily lay in bed smiling to herself. She was in love with James Potter and he loved her back. She would have never dreamt it possible. Lily giggled girlishly and buried her face into he pillow. She closed her eyes, she could still feel James' delicious lips against hers, still feel the sensation…like adrenalin pumping through her veins and her heart alight with joy. Tonight was a night that she would never forget. And just to think only a little over 24 hours ago she was considering drowning herself…whatever gave her such a ridiculous idea in the first place?

Lily looked at her watch. 1:30 in the morning. It was late but she was hardly tired. She took out a quill and a piece of parchment. She had to tell Carla about James, this was just too good to keep to herself. By the time she was finished writing it was already 3 o'clock in the morning. Lily yawned, the adrenalin had warn off and she was finally beginning to feel sleepy. She rolled up the letter, which was two scrolls length and put it aside. She would send it out with Cinders first thing in the morning. Then without another word Lily climbed into to bed and drifted off to sleep dreaming of her new found love.

** The poem from above was written by D. Pagels. It was taken from The Person Whom I Consider To Be My Soulmate.

Author's Note: Hello friends! I have made a comeback! I promised you all that I will not give up on Love Can Be Such A Tricky Thing, and I intend on keeping my word. I know it's been ages since my last update. I am really sorry for making everyone wait so long but college life is distracting. My first semester certainly has been an adventure. But despite all that I am going to continue to write until I am finished. I don't know how long that will take but I will finish someday. You have my word!

I hope you all enjoyed chapter 9. I know it's really mushy, but I am sucker for romance. If lovey-dovey isn't your style then have no fear things will be picking up real soon. Here's what you can expect for the rest of my fic.

Chapter 10- Lily gets love advise from a very unexpected source (also contains romance and mush)

Chapter 11- Somebody gets jealous and an evil plot of revenge unfolds. Contains the making of Cupid's Blood, a love potion which will include some very comical (and perverted) ingredients. I am using suggestion that have been made by reviews in previous chapters.

Chapter 12- It's time for the Hogwarts Winter Ball. With an appearance from the ever so famous wizard band, The Hinkypunks! James will drink the love potion, and disaster occurs. Who is behind the foul scheme that threatens to tear up his bond with Lily?

Chapter 13- Lily has to fight the evil that is threatening her relationship. Can true love conquer all? Major fight scene involved.

That's all I can tell you for now. If I give any more detail I just may end up ruining some of the surprises. ^_^

I would like to thank all of you for the wonderful reviews you left my after chapter 8. I got a record breaking amount of them last time. *sobs happily* You love me…you really love. Okay Marissa get a hold of yourself. *sighs* Unfortunately I can't mention names (unless you want my authors note to be 5 pages long) though if I could I would like to individually visit each and every one of you and give you a gigantic hug. Your reviews mean so much to me, words can't even begin to describe it. Heck if it wasn't for all the encouragement I have been getting from readers I probably would have abandoned this fic by now. You see I am not the type of person who id known to finish what I start. However I am more motivated then ever to complete this fanfic and I have me readers to thank. I love you all!

~Marissa~