A/N: I know it's taken me forever to update this, and I'm so sorry. I just lost all my inspiration with all the shitty things that's happened on the show the last seasons. Well, here's the ending! Hope you all enjoy and please review! :D

She slowly opens her eyes, like that will make a difference.

She will still be in this bed, in this room.

In this city.

And he will still hate her and probably never speak to her again.

She knows she deserves it.

Of course she does.

But it still hurts, that will never change.

She lays her hands on her stomach and breathes in. There had been something growing inside her.

Someone.

She was supposed to be a mother now

She was supposed to be married.

To finally have a real family.

But she thinks she isn't supposed to at all. Never was. She doesn't deserve it.

This.

This is what she truly deserves.

To be all alone on her best friend's wedding day. Her best friend that is madly in love and not alone at all. That is what Blair deserves.

Serena never deserved that at all.

"Rise and shine, sleepy head!" Blair storms inside her room like a hurricane.

She has a glow about her that Serena never has seen before and it makes tears come from her eyes.

Blair looks so blissful.

And Serena is so happy for her, but at the same time so sad for herself.

"No! You can't cry now. Not today. "Blair wines and lays down beside her.

"This day is supposed to be all about happiness." She throws her hands up in the air in a dramatic way.

"And me." She adds and Serena smiles at her.

"I'm sorry." She sighs. "I couldn't be happier for you." Serena gives her the biggest smile, but Blair is silent.

She is waiting for more.

"But?" She finally asks.

"I can see there is something more" She sighs.

"I know you."

Serena shakes her head

"It's nothing"

"I know you." Blair repeats.

Serena closes her eyes and takes two deep breathes.

"Nate was here last night."

Blair rolls her eyes.

"What happened, S?" Blair takes one of Serena's hands.

"And don't say nothing."

Serena doesn't want to tell her about everything. About the baby and how angry Nate is. She doesn't want it to ruin her big day.

She wants to stop being so damn selfish.

"We just talked and he was really angry. I don't blame him."

"He'll come around. He loves you"

Serena let's another tear slip from behind her eyelid.

"I wish you would stop saying that."

"Why? It's the truth." Blair simply states, like she knows everything about everyone.

"He doesn't!" Serena says angry.

And Blair decides it's time to let this one go.

Even though she knows he does. She knows he will always love her.

He told her so.

"Hey" She whispers when she opens his bedroom door.

It's strange to be here again, to be here right now.

To be here to tell him that she's gone.

He quickly gets up and comes over to her and hugs her tightly.

She can see that he's been crying, it pains her to know that what she's her to tell him will make tears come again.

"Are you okay?" He whispers when he let's go of her.

She nods.

"He wasn't my boyfriend anymore." She says, like that explains it all.

He sighs.

"I know." He leaves it with that, can see that she's been crying too.

She wanders around his room, stops when she sees her own reflection in the mirror. Hollow eyes red from crying, her hair a messy knot. It's like the girl staring back at her is a complete stranger. She closes her eyes. They will never be the same. This has changed them forever.

"She's gone" She suddenly says.

Nate looks up at her, devastation starting to fill his eyes. He doesn't need to ask, he knows exactly which she Blair is talking about.

"No" He whispers.

"She called me from the airport" Blair's voice cracks.

"She wanted me to tell you."

Nate looks down at the ground, he isn't able to get a word out. Feels numb and emotionless.

Now he's been robbed of to goodbyes the last couple of days.

Blair wants to yell as loud as she can, to ruin everything in near sight. This isn't fair. They don't deserve this.

He doesn't deserve this.

She doesn't make a sound, just squeezes his arm. He pulls away from her touch and reaches down to take the sweater lying lonely on the floor.

It's not his sweater.

Nate slowly pulls it up to his nose. It smells of her, like she is standing right there. Like she isn't gone.

"I'm so sorry, Nate" Blair is crying now.

He throws the sweater in the garbage bin standing in the corner.

"The worst is that I've always loved her, that I will always love her"

He closes his eyes.

"She doesn't care" He says and Blair can feel that it's time to go now.

Before she leaves his room she pulls the sweater up from the bin and put is securely in her bag.

The memory makes her shiver, but she quickly shakes it off. She doesn't want Serena to get upset again.

"Let's go get dressed" She tells her best friend and tries to stop thinking about that golden sweater.

"You look so beautiful" Serena says and hugs her best friend lightly.

They are standing outside the big doors that soon will open and lead to their future.

Blair sighs as she can feel her heart start to beat faster for every second that passes.

"You know you have to walk with Nate, right?" Blair asks nervously.

Serena simply nods.

And then he's standing there, two feet away from them, the man they've both thought they would marry.

He looks perfect.

After all these years he's still able to take Serena's breath away.

He silently makes his way over to her and reaches out his arm for her to take. She doesn't at first, just looks up at him; they lock eyes for a second or two before he looks down. She takes his arm as one single tear drops down at her nose.

He sees it before it leaves her eyes; he fights the urge to wipe it away with his fingertip.

He fights the urge to touch her again, feel her warm skin under his fingers one last time.

He knows he shouldn't have showed up at her hotel room drunk and angry. He knows he shouldn't have yelled to her and left her there crying. But in a way it felt good; in a way he thinks she deserves it.

She knows she does.

She left him.

She hid the truth.

She broke him.

She wants him to hate her, because anything else is too difficult.

And now he finally does and she knows she has to live with it, it will be her curse.

What she doesn't know is that he doesn't, that he will never be able to. No matter how many times she leaves, how many times she breaks him or how many times he screams that he hates her. He will never actually mean it.

And maybe that's his lifelong curse.

They walk over to the doors, wait for them to open. Both knowing that when they do they have to give the biggest smile, even though they're hurting on the inside.

Even though they both want to run the other way.

Right before they start to walk he whispers in her ear that she looks beautiful and the smile she puts on her face seconds later is a bit more real than she first though it would be.

"You look beautiful" He whispers, his breath tingling next her ear.

She giggles and turns around to kiss him.

"I do not." She tells him, her hair a mess and no makeup on her face.

"You always do." He says sincerely and with so much devotion that Serena almost believes him.

"You're making me blush, Natie" She says and kisses him fiercely.

After that they talk no more.

The church is filled with people looking at them smiling, a mix of strangers and faces they know. But there are only a handful of people that actually knows them.

Serena gives her mother and Rufus a little wave, as they walk in the tact of the music playing.

For a moment Serena let's herself imagine that this isn't Blair's wedding.

That it's hers.

And that the man standing at the end of the aisle, isn't Dan, but in fact the man she's walking next to right now.

Sometimes she finds herself dreaming off it, those are the best days.

But also the worst.

Because Serena knows it will never happen now, she was never supposed to get her happy ending.

"I love you so much" She whispers and kisses his bare chest.

Their naked bodies tangled up together and her heart still racing.

"I love you too"

It's her favorite thing to hear, it always leaves her with a tingling feeling in the core of her body.

"I could lay her forever and be perfectly happy" She says and smiles against his salty skin.

"We should" He tells her.

They lay in silence for a while.

"I can see us get married." He suddenly says and lets out a little laugh.

Her heart skips a beat at his words.

"Have lots of babies"

She doesn't answer at first.

"A boy" She says after a while.

He turns around to look at her; to his surprise he sees tears in her eyes.

"I want a boy just like you" She whispers and he kisses his lips lightly.

She curls up against him and makes a content noise.

"Just promise me we'll get married before Blair and Dan" She says and giggles.

"Promise."

They were once so happy.

They were once so young.

She sighs as they're close to the end.

She never let him keep his promise.

"We're getting married" Dan says smiling like never before.

Nate smiles too, at the same time he can't help but to think about a promise he made long ago that he will never be able to hold.

He gives her a small glance and sighs.

She looks beautiful.

He get's that urge to touch her skin again.

I am pregnant.

It's all she can fill her head with.

She doesn't know if she wants to smile or to cry.

"I'm pregnant" She says out loud to make it a little more real.

They have finally walked the whole way.

They stop to go different ways, he to stand behind Dan and she to stand and wait for Blair.

He surprises her when he kisses her cheek.

He probably only did it to keep up appearances, all the festive people doesn't know the things that has happened between the two. They don't know what she hide from him or what he yelled to her last night.

They don't know them.

Maybe she doesn't either, because the kiss he gives her is completely sincerely.

When they have found their places in the church she looks over at him.

All she can picture is the pain, the doctor's look and the blood.

So much blood.

The last thing that leaves her mind before Blair enters is the loud yes from the doctor's mouth when she asked him if she'd been carrying a boy.

Blair feels like a princess.

This is her fairytale come true.

She can't stop smiling as she makes her way up to her future husband.

"This is fantastic." She squeals.

They are sitting on the floor at the loft eating foreign food, music from a continent far away playing in the background.

"Mm" Dan's mouth is full.

"You should try this" He says and reaches over to feed her.

He kisses the corner of her mouth as she tries to chew.

She smiles up at him.

"How was your day, Sweetie?" She asks tenderly.

"Good" He swallows the food and takes a sip of red wine.

"I had lunch with Nate" He says.

Blair sighs and takes a sip too.

"How is he?" She asks softly.

"You know Nate; he puts on a brave face for the world to see. But I think he is really hurting."

Dan knows he does. He's been drinking a lot and he doesn't say her name anymore, never mentions her. Just pretends that she doesn't exist and that he is perfectly happy.

"I can't believe she left him like that." He sighs.

She moves closer to him and takes his hands.

"I will never leave you" She says firmly and kisses his lips lightly.

"Marry me." He suddenly blurts out.

She blinks in shock.

"What?" She whispers.

"Marry me." He says again, more steadily this time.

He grabs her hand.

"I don't have a ring right…"

She interrupts him by throwing her arms around him.

"Yes" She whispers in his ear and kisses him fiercely.

He stands up and goes to the kitchen.

He soon comes back, carrying something.

"I have this candy ring." He says and smiles.

"Perfect" She says as he places it on her finger.

She never imagined it like this.

She thought she would marry a prince, or at least a man from the "right" side of the city.

She thought it would be a giant ring, not an eatable one.

She thought it would be on a rooftop on the Upper East Side or in front of the Eiffel tower, and not on a floor in Brooklyn.

But this, this is perfect.

She stops before Dan and mouths an I love you to him.

A single tear makes it down her cheek as well as his when she grabs his arm.

Before the priest starts talking she glances over at Serena, and then at Nate.

Just hopes that there's a fairytale ending waiting for them too.

"I love you both, may you live happily ever after!"" Serena says and toasts the happy couple.

As she finishes her speech and sits down, Nate stands up and prepares to give his.

He takes a deep breath before he starts.

"I don't do this often." He begins nervously.

"I've never been a man of grand words, but I can say this; what I see Blair and Dan share every day, is true love. If I'm certain of something, it's that." He pauses and looks around.

He has written a speech, he knows exactly what to say. But now he doesn't want to. He wants to say something different entirely.

"Love is a strange thing, you never see it coming and you never know when it will end, if it will ever end. You can't choose who you love, and if you love someone it doesn't automatically mean they'll love you back."

Blair sends her husband a worried look, he just shrugs his shoulders.

"I've loved someone. It's the greatest feeling in the world. Loving someone and having them love you in return. But then it suddenly stops, and everything falls apart."

The guests are starting to whisper amongst themselves and Blair wishes Nate would stop speaking soon.

"Sometimes I feel love isn't worth it." Nate looks down.

"He's just joking."Dan lets out a nervous laugh.

Some of the guests join him.

Not Serena.

She isn't laughing at all; she can feel tears coming to the surface. The man standing before her is broken and without hope. He doesn't longer want to believe in love.

And it's all her fault.

"To the happy couple, may love never fail you!" Nate says when Blair sends him a warning look.

When everything is settled down and almost everyone has forgotten about the strange toast from the best man, Serena is able to sneak out.

She can't be there anymore, can't breathe in there.

She can't stand to see him so lost and heartbroken knowing that she's the reason for it.

Serena finds an empty room. No people, only a small bar and some chairs.

She pours herself a drink and takes it in one sip; finds herself letting all the tears out.

Hopes desperately that crying will help, it doesn't.

Sometimes she just wants to stop feeling.

She wants to be empty.

Then nothing will hurt anymore.

She breathes out and wipes away some of the tears when the door behind her opens.

It's Nate.

Of course it is.

"Oh" He says, didn't expect her to be there.

"I needed to get away from there" He tells her calmly.

"I'm not in a festive mood." He adds and goes to the bar and pours himself a drink.

She doesn't know what to say to him now, not after everything that has happened.

The air feels thick all of a sudden.

All their history filling up the room, and the secret she kept silently breaking them both.

We all have them she thinks then.

Secrets.

The ones we keep and the ones that are kept from us.

Her was a big one, a life changing one. And every day she kept it to herself she got ruined piece by piece. And when he found out what she kept from him he was totally shattered.

She regrets it so badly.

Should've just told him right away.

Maybe this would be her wedding day then; maybe they both would be happy, maybe this numbness inside her would finally disappear.

It's a whole lot of maybes.

Nate walks in circles drinking his scotch. He doesn't know what to say. A part of him just wants to tell her that he still loves her and that everything will be okay. That they will be okay.

But the other part holds him back, because she has hurt him so many times, left him, hid that he was going to be a father. She has broken him too many times for him to just forget it all now.

Silence.

Pressing silence.

"I'm sorry about last night" He says suddenly.

"Shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

"I deserved it."

"No."

"I did."

More silence.

Deep inside he knows she deserved it.

"I know you hate me…You have every right to."

He looks up at her and sighs.

"I could never hate you, Serena" He says sincerely.

That brings tears to her eyes.

"You should" She whispers, her voice cracking with sadness and regret.

"I'll never be able to" He says honestly and suddenly she get's the urge to hit him.

He should hate her, she deserves it. In a way, she needs it.

"It's...It's just..." He begins, rubs his forehead as he tries to speak.

"For a while, I was a father. And you didn't tell me." He stops, fights the need to cry.

"And then I wasn't anymore and you didn't tell me that either."

He takes two steps towards her, she takes two backwards. Like a reflex, like they have been doing this forever.

And they have.

"Therefore you should hate me." She tells him firmly and crosses her arms, to protect herself from him. From all of it.

"I don't" He says, voice louder, eyes harder.

"I won't hate you just because that's easier for you."

He walks towards her again; she stands still pleading him with her eyes.

"Please…" She whispers.

"I'm not going to make it easy for you. Not this time" He says calmly.

"You don't deserve easy."

She knows she doesn't.

"But I left you" She is crying now, just lets the tears fall without bothering to wipe them away.

"It took me a long time to get over it." He tells her sincerely.

"I don't even know if I am over it" He looks down at the floor.

She starts taking deep breaths at his words. When she came back to New York she was sure he would be over her. She thought he didn't want to speak to her, not even look at her. She thought he would have settled down with a nice girl.

She didn't think he would ever again look at her like he does in this moment.

On one side it pains her that he hasn't moved on.

One the other it makes her relieved and happy.

She knows it's selfish.

But she's not over him either.

"I just don't understand why I was never enough for you." He looks up at her with blank eyes and her heart breaks a little.

She takes a deep breath, to make her voice steadier.

"Don't say that, don't think that." She starts.

"You were always too much." You still are. She tries hard to look him in the eyes. She wants him to understand that it was never his fault.

"Everything was my fault" She says and looks away. She can't look at him for too long, his blue eyes pierces their way through her. And as everything else about him, it's too much.

He walks towards her again, this time she can't go backwards, she's trapped between him and the bar.

Her heart starts to race.

He is so close he can reach out and touch her.

He doesn't.

When they are standing there she realizes she craves it. His touch, his fingers all over her skin.

And then her mind goes off to weddings. How strange they have been for her. They lost their virginity in one, she lost Dan in another.

She kind of lost Nate in one too, she was selfish then like she is now.

She can't bear to lose him forever in this one.

He hears her breathing increase when he walks towards her, sees her chest go up and down. Is so close that he can count the freckles on her nose and see the tears on her eyelashes. He desperately wants to touch her skin, but doesn't know how she will react.

"I won't make it easy on you now" He says again.

She just locks eyes with him and slowly nods.

"I know you want me to yell at you and hate you. You want me to leave you here and let you off the hook forever. You think that will be easier." His voice is calm and collected.

"But will you be happy, S?" He asks her and puts his hands on both sides of her body. Traps her there. Still not touching her though.

Her heart skips a beat as she feels his breath on her skin.

"No" She whispers.

"I haven't been happy in a long time."

She hasn't really been happy since that day in the bed.

She can't bring herself to say it out loud though.

"I think I can make you happy" He says and finally he gives in to the urge he's been having all day. He lays his hand gently upon hers. Shivers when he feels her skin again.

She closes her eyes, breathes in.

She knows he can.

He's the only one who'll be able to.

The problem is, and has always been, that she's not sure she can make him happy.

"It was a boy." She suddenly blurts out. She has to say it. Need him hear it, need him to know.

He lets go of her hand.

She starts shaking, sobs loudly, tears flowing.

She looks up at him.

A tear drops down from his eyes.

He wraps his arms gently around her, makes soothing circles with his hands on her lower back.

"It's okay" He whispers and kisses her hair.

She lets herself relax against him, slowly stops sobbing. Fells his warmth, his protective arms around her after all these years, his lips lightly at the side of her head.

She finally feels something good again.

She finally wants to feel.

"I never stopped loving you" She whispers against his chest.

He lets go of her, puts his hands at her cheeks, looks her straight in the eyes.

His are full of surprise and mildly shock. He wipes away the tear at her cheek with his fingertip and gives her a small smile.

"Really?" He asks, can't believe that this is happening.

She slowly nods.

Isn't able to say anything before his lips crashes against hers.

Kissing him sets her whole body on fire. She grabs the collar of his jacket and let's herself drown in all of him. His hands make their way to her hair and he takes all of her 's himself feel all of her.

"I love you too" He whispers when they part. She lets her head rest at his chest again, breathes out and makes a content noise against his shirt.

"Are we really doing this?"He asks and strokes her hair lightly.

Yes, they are.

Because this can't be the end.

She won't let it be.

This is a new beginning.

She can feel it.

And so can he.

-fin