AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my very first fanfic posted on this site (although I have written my own fiction for many years). Please do not be too harsh on it and if I do not do the best job keeping the characters in-character, forgive me; as characterization has been something I've always struggled a bit with.

Anyways, the Raccoons is a series I have not been a fan of for a long time-maybe 3-4 months or so was when I first watched this show, on the recommendation of a friend. I have not seen every episode of the cartoon (and I haven't watched all of the specials, as I can't find a full version of The Raccoons And The Lost Star), but I have seen the majority of them and have thus familiarized myself with the characters, for the most part. I would consider this my favorite '80s cartoon, which says something as I have never really been a big fan of '80s cartoons (or '80s music, but that's another story altogether). Anyways, I decided to write this story about Ralph Raccoon (my favorite of the titular Raccoons) telling the story of his younger days, and primarily how Ralph came to know his wife, Melissa. The show itself presents some conflicting stories on how they met- in The Sky's The Limit!, Ralph tells Melissa's old boyfriend, the sky pilot Troy Malone, that he met Melissa when he accidentally spilled a cup of coffee on her, which (I would assume) would mean they met when they were at least teenagers. However, in the episode Making The Grade!, it's shown that Ralph and Melissa went to elementary school together, which would mean they in all likelihood met on their first day of school. That's pretty confusing, isn't it? So, I decided for this story, Ralph and Melissa met each other in college. That's as much of the plot of this I'm willing to spoil. Oh, and for this fanfic, Bert, Ralph, and Cedric are in the same age group, and Melissa is a year older than them. Also, this story is told from Ralph's perspective, so it will be in first-person. I hope I don't mess his character up badly for this. And the story is being told in 1992, which is within a year of the actual show ending. Oh-one more thing-in this story, the Evergreen Forest is situated in British Columbia.

But, I realize I'm rambling, so I will now shut up and go straight to the disclaimer.

Legal Disclaimer and Crap: I do not own the rights to the Raccoons. They belong to Kevin Gillis and Evergreens Raccoons Marketing. If I did own the rights, well, I'd probably be living in a mansion just like Cyril Sneer and probably have three bumbling sibling workers aggravating my life at every moment. Any and all bands, songs, albums, sports figures (there will be some), and real people mentioned in this story also do not belong to me; they are the property of their respective owners, though none will be playing a starring role. Any and all characters in this fanfiction who are not from the Raccoons TV show and who are not real people are the property of myself and can only be used with my permission. Any resemblance of characters to real people, living or dead, is coincidental but could be intentional. I also do not intend to profit from this fanfic, because If I did, I'd probably be arrested.

The Story of Ralph Raccoon

Chapter 1: Prologue

Hello there. My name is Ralph Raccoon. But, I'm sure you already knew that, as you more than likely have heard (or perhaps, read) my name before. I live in a forest community in western Canada called the Evergreen Forest. There, I run the local newspaper called the Evergreen Standard. I have only two other official members on my staff: my wife Melissa, who is the photographer, and my (seemingly) permanent house-guest, Bert Raccoon, is our ace reporter (and our delivery boy too, heh heh). Myself, I write some of the columns, and I am also the editor. You wouldn't think we'd be able to put together even a semi-decent newspaper with just 3 people on staff full-time, but, you would be quite surprised. Actually, I am too, myself. I'd actually gotten a job offer to work for the newspaper in the big city, and had planned on moving to take that job, but Cyril Sneer, the local multi-millionaire, learned of this and planned to destroy our forest once we moved away. He planned to bulldoze the forest and build condominiums for the rich and elite of the upper class to purchase. When we got word of this, we banded together and published a newspaper warning the rest of the forest's denizens about his plan to destroy the forest. As a result, Cyril's plan ended up being doomed to failure. It was supposed to be a one-time only thing. But, as it turned out, we had a great time putting the paper together, and well, it took off from there. I'd anticipated my paper being popular locally, but not much more than that. Imagine how surprised I was when I got a letter to the editor from a reader in the mountains of West Virginia! Many people, not just here in Canada, but in the USA as well, apparently read and subscribe to our paper. I really did not anticipate this, and I am pleasantly surprised.

Now, I suppose I should tell you more about my friends. Bert Raccoon, who as I mentioned is my reporter, has been my best friend nearly as long as I can remember, almost as long as I've been alive. It's pretty surprising, since we couldn't be more different than night and day. I tend to be quiet and reserved sometimes, and fairly calm. Bert, on the other hand? He's a pretty goofy guy. He loves to laugh, and often tells jokes, some of which are pretty bad, but I usually laugh at them anyways. Bert claims to be an expert in many, many careers and sports, among them, an expert hockey player, a future Hall of Fame baseball player, a potential championship-winning Indy Car star of the future, a connoisseur of all things peanut butter, a future rock and roll star-you name it, he claims he's an expert in it. Now you may think from what I've said about him, he doesn't sound like that great of a guy. But, he really is, once you get to know him. He's really a big-hearted guy, one of the nicest individuals you could ever meet. He's always willing to make new friends, and try to help people out whenever he can. If you're new to our forest, he's probably the first friendly face you'll encounter. I really can't say enough about him, he has his share of flaws (but then again, don't we all?), but overall he is quite an all-around good guy. I've heard him say he thought he might be the greatest raccoon to ever live, and, while I wouldn't go so far as to say that, he's certain the best one of my kind I've ever met.

Then there's Cedric Sneer, an aardvark. I've known him since I was just a little kit. Cedric is the son of Cyril, so you'd naturally think being raised in that rich environment, he'd be something of a snob or a jerk. He's nearly the total opposite of his father, though: whilst Cyril is greedy and can have a pretty short temper, Cedric is a nice, quiet guy who rarely ever raises his voice anger. I'm not sure I've ever seen him get really angry about anything; if I have, I certainly don't remember it. Cedric is very smart; he has a bachelor's degree in business and accounting from the University of British Columbia, something he and his father are very proud of. He recently became the business partner of his father and now they run the family business together. He has a girlfriend named Sophia Tutu, who, although nice, can be somewhat ditzy. But they're happy together, and I say, good for them. All around, he's a good guy too; his only real flaw is that he lacks confidence in himself and is prone to self-doubt quite often.

Next there's Schaeffer. Schaeffer is an Old English Sheepdog. I didn't know him until just a few years ago; it wasn't until after Bert moved into my house, the Raccoondominium, that we met him. Schaeffer might not seem like much when you first see him-you might think he's not very bright by looking at him. But don't let first impressions fool you-Schaeffer is one of the brightest individual I know-common sense-wise, at least! He's in his mid-40s, and has seen a lot more around the forest than the rest of us have. He comes off being a pretty laid-back kind of guy, but he's dedicated to helping protect our forest home. Don't make him angry-he earned a black belt in karate in his youth, though he's not practiced much in years, since he accidentally hurt a friend with his skills many years ago. He runs the local Blue Spruce Café, one of the local hotspots around here. Overall, he's a good friend too.

Now I suppose I should tell you more about my family. I'm not an only child; my older brother is named George Raccoon. He is fifteen years my senior. While I work in journalism, George works in the food business-he has long been a cook and has worked as a chef in numerous restaurants. He moved to the Evergreen Forest about a year ago when he lost his job and came to host his very own TV show: "Chef Surprise." Despite our differences, we get along pretty well. George is married to Nicole Raccoon and has two children, my niece and nephew. George and Nicole are both pretty good parents, at least by my book.

Then there's my nephew, Bentley Raccoon. Bentley is fourteen years old and in the eighth grade. He visited the forest every summer for about a week or so before his family moved here. Bentley is highly intelligent for his age and has his own computer-which is something not every kid has. He used to have a large one in a suitcase, but recently he got a desktop with something called "Windows 3.1" on it, said to be the most up-to-date computer released yet. I'm not really familiar with computers, but I'll take Bentley's word for it. He looks up to Bert and considers him his idol, to some extent, and also frequently visits his aunt and uncle. I'm proud of Bentley; although he has his flaws and can be a handful sometimes, he's a good kid and he has a bright future ahead of him-probably in the computer industry, although Cyril Sneer is strongly contemplating getting Bentley to work for him once he graduates college!

Next, there's my niece, Lisa Raccoon. Lisa recently graduated high school and is planning on heading to the local Evergreen University, of which I am a proud alumnus. Lisa is a fairly sporty young girl and led the Evergreen High women's basketball team to the 1992 British Columbia provincial basketball championship finals. Though they came up short in the finals, the fact they made it at all was most impressive. Despite her skills in athletics, she plans to go to college on an educational major to teach children at the old Evergreen Elementary school (which I am also a proud graduate of). Bert has something of a crush on her and tried desperately to get her to go on a date with him when she first came to the Forest. It didn't work, but they did begin writing each other and later when my brother moved back to Evergreen, they struck up a good friendship. She had a hard time adapting to her new home, but Bert was able to help her out. I overheard him not too long ago still hoping that one day they would be a couple-which actually stands a good shot of happening. I must say though, George is a far better parent then I would be-he's taking Bert having in an interest in his daughter very well. If I had been her father, I probably would have strangled Bert half to death-just like that character Homer from that new cartoon, The Simpsons, does to his son on a regular basis!

Last, but most certainly not least, is my dear wife Melissa. As I mentioned she is the paper's photographer-it's always been a hobby of hers. She actually managed to get a few books of her photographs published-and they sold well too, which was pretty impressive-admittedly, I'm a little jealous! Not to mention, she actually got a job offer from the World Times Magazine-a magazine I'd once dreamed of working for when I was just a kit, though she ultimately chose to stay here and continue working for the Standard. She sometimes feels that I work too hard on the Standard, especially since some nights I've up late finishing editing, but I usually get home in time for dinner. Sometimes she also gives me a piece of her mind when I've upset her-especially when I was being quite a jerk trying to improve my paper in the hopes that I could win a Civics Award for Small Town Editor of the Year (which I did win-one of my proudest moments, really). Admittedly, I really did deserve getting chewed out for that! Though she sometimes upsets me (I can get jealous, easily), I could never stay mad at her for long. I really couldn't imagine myself married to anybody else-we've been married almost eight years now. Someday, one day, we might have children-though I'm not in any real hurry to start a family yet! I certainly couldn't be happier, though-my life is at an all-time high.

But, it wasn't always that way. As a matter of fact, there once was a time I wasn't so confident in myself, a time when I doubted myself greatly and felt that I might not ever amount to anything. That was years ago, but I still remember it so clearly. As well, I remember when I met Melissa. The story of her and me is quite a story, indeed…

But first, I feel I should tell the basic facts of my childhood days…

END CHAPTER 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am fully aware that having Ralph describe his thoughts about his family and friends is fairly redundant (you probably already know most of the above information, though some of it I made up, like Lisa majoring in education, which is something I just pulled out of left field), but, it was the only way I could think of opening this story. Since this is a story being told by Ralph to someone else (Most likely he'd be typing this up on his typewriter; if you wish, this could be his memoirs), I figured it would be best for him to describe his friends and family and give his opinion on them. I promise the next chapters will be better. I also promise that I will never write as long an author's note as I did to open this chapter! One last note, the next chapter is a very long one, get ready for a big read.

Anyways, read and review!