A/N: Well, here we go and once more I'm sorry for the delay but this bugger just got longer and longer while I was writing. There is a lot of talking in this one from Erik which may be slightly out of character but I felt that those things needed to be said.

The movie left the story with so much emotional ballast, so many things Erik and Charles didn't talk about and I thought I put it into this chapter since the situation is quite fitting to talk about all those things.

Thx again for your kind reviews! It's always a pleasure to read what people think about this little story and your feedback really encourages me to continue writing.

I hope you enjoy this one ^.^

Chapter 9

'Something is wrong – definitely.' Erik thought while he opened the door and stepped into Charles' room. He was irritated and confused by the swirling and unsteady presence in his mind which was normally so calm and collected.

Charles' agitated state of mind indicated he was upset and not in full control of his ability. Erik had never felt this kind of uproar from his friend's mind before except for that day on the beach. His searching gaze swept through the room spotting the telepath where he sat beside his bed and the metal bender instantly recognized the source of Charles' distress.

The black hospital-wheelchair made the young man look smaller and even more fragile than he already did - wearing a white t-shirt which was at least two sizes too big and his upper body skidded slightly to the left, not able to remain upright properly. His legs were covered with a dark-blue woolen blanket.

The sight of Charles looking so lost and broken shook Erik to his very core not able to put his feelings into words at this moment.

When Charles realized the older mutant had entered the room he turned around, his pale and rigid expression only emphasising how gaunt his face had become having lost so much weight after being bedridden for a month.

With some effort Erik managed to regain his composure quite quickly reminding himself it wouldn't help Charles if he saw the concern and guilt which had clearly been written all over his face just a moment ago. However with Charles' mind still being an unfocused mess inside his own head Erik highly doubted his friend had sensed his discomfort.

"Hey, it's good to see you." the German said, bending down and pulling his friend into a gentle hug using the contact to adjust Charles' position in the chair thereby noticing the brace around the others torso, supporting the weakened muscles.

The telepath just looked at him, corners of his mouth twitching. "Thanks, good to see you, too."

Erik studied the other closely for a moment then he pulled up a chair settling into it, facing his friend. They didn't talk, the silence stretching between them while Charles stared down at his hands not able to look at Erik, frightened of what he might find in his gaze or mind. Always given the fact he could calm down enough to concentrate his focus on his ability which was currently not the case.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The low sound of the other's voice brought Charles back to reality, lifting his head as his icy blue eyes found Erik's green ones.

"What do you mean?"

The metal bender raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Why didn't you tell me today was the first time you'd be allowed out of bed?" Your first time in the wheelchair, he quietly added.

"Well, I -" It was obvious he'd caught Charles off guard with this question, for he clearly looked taken aback.

"It… must have slipped my mind." the telepath finally answered.

Erik scoffed. "Yeah, most likely."

He felt anger swirling up inside him at hearing Charles' lie, something he hadn't really experienced since the fateful day on the beach. He knew why his friend had done it, however, if he didn't wanted him to come over today because he needed some time for himself all it would have taken him was to ask Erik to stay at the mansion.

But the German swallowed that notion knowing it wouldn't do Charles any good discussing the matter right now considering his current state. Resting his elbows on his knees and leaning slightly forward he settled for another topic.

"How long are you allowed out of bed?"

"About an hour or so. I just –." Charles trailed off, his gaze darting away from Erik's concerned face. He'd wanted to say he just got out of bed and into the chair but remembering the mortifying procedure which his original description would have hardly done any justice he stopped, not wanting to see the pity and disgust in Erik's eyes that would be there if he told him the truth.

The older mutant gave the other a long look while Charles still avoided his gaze that now swept over the wheelchair, taking in the hard metal contraption so poorly fitting his owner – being all soft and rounded features- making him look vulnerable.

And Erik couldn't help but think he'd done his fair share to place Charles in this damned chair.

No, Erik, you did this.

He felt his emotions building up inside him, the wrought -up presence in his mind not helping him to control his temper. The hospital bed beside them made a faint noise of protest as its frame was strained by the metal bender's powers, losing control for a brief second.

Charles, of course knowing what had caused that sound, gave Erik a startled look while the man tried to calm down again, his face showing the effort it took him to accomplish the task.

"I'm sorry, Charles. I just got a little upset, I'm afraid."

A sad but understanding smile crossed the telepath's lips.

"You don't need to apologize, my friend. I haven't taken the first look too well, either."

No, he definitely hadn't, had he? In fact he was still struggling to keep the image of himself in the mirror – crippled and broken – out of his head. He had to keep it together, especially now that Erik was here.

He couldn't let him see how pathetic and helpless he felt – what a waste of space he was now – he just couldn't – never.

"Charles?"

The telepath hadn't even realized he was biting his lower lip so hard he tasted blood or that his hands were clenched together tightly, his nails digging into his palms.

Erik's worried voice made him lose the focus on his panic momentarily and when he looked into his friend's grey-green eyes, so full of understanding and concern, Charles finally gave in to his own overwhelming emotions.

"I can't do this, Erik. I just can't." he said, voice being so choked with emotions it broke on the last words. The defeat and the pain, the absence of hope in those mesmerizing blue eyes made it almost impossible for Erik to keep his emotions at bay and his chest tightened painfully with an overwhelming feeling of affection and compassion for his friend. He leaned in closer, their foreheads nearly touching now.

"God, Charles! If you can't do it, who can?" Erik asked, and despite keeping his voice steady and level it was obvious he was upset.

Charles pressed his lips together so hard they weren't even visible anymore. "What do you mean? How am I any different from others in dealing with my situation?" The way he pronounced 'situation' made the word sound like a curse.

"Because you are not one to give up on hopes and dreams be it your own ones or somebody else's. You, Charles Xavier, are the personification of hope and lust for life and the wheelchair won't change that."

"Do you really still see me that way, Erik?" Charles' voice sounded tired and defeated. "Do you honestly believe I can still accomplish everything I've ever wanted? Don't you think it is a little naïve to keep thinking like this? You said so yourself the night before the mission." The resignation and self-doubt resonating in every word and the fact that Charles couldn't meet his eyes worried Erik gravely.

He knelt down in front of his friend taking his pale and soft hands in his own calloused ones.

With a gentle voice he quietly demanded: "Charles, look at me."

The telepath raised his head slowly until his frightened yet nonetheless stunning blue orbs met Erik's steady, somehow always smouldering gaze. Sometimes Charles wondered if the other would ever truly be at peace or if he spent the rest of his life on the run regardless of how hard he tried to settle down even with Charles' help.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Erik's question brought him back into attention and he nodded. "Yes, of course." He had no clue were Erik was heading with their conversation.

"You know, when you came after me to safe me that night, jumping off the ship, and I suddenly heard your voice inside my head I was…" Erik made a vague gesture, shaking his head, though Charles didn't miss the reminiscent smile on the German's lips. He was clearly re-living the moment in the freezing water of the Atlantic Ocean.

"At first I was so furious with you because you made me lose Shaw even though I knew holding on any longer would have killed me. Who did you think you were sneaking around in my head, reading my thoughts? You invaded my privacy and made me fail in what had become my sole purpose in life –killing Shaw." He kept his gaze steady while looking at the young professor.

"But now, a couple of months later, I don't think this was the real reason why I was so bitter and angry. It was because you betrayed me about my chance to end my life said night, to die in the pursuit of Shaw." Charles' head came up on hearing his friend's confession and his blue eyes widened a fraction in disbelief. Erik noticed all those small signs with satisfaction.

"I'd come to a point in my life where I didn't really gave a damn anymore about whether I died or not. All I wanted was revenge and if it took my life in the process I would have been more than happy to pay the price."

The metal bender took a deep and calming breath before he continued.

"I'm quite sure on looking back now I wanted to end my life even though the decision to do so was no doubt made only subconsciously. I wanted to die while trying to kill Shaw because if he died I would have had nothing to live for anymore."

Charles sat there, very still and very pale, slowly shaking his head as if to chase off the words the other just said.

"No, Erik, don't say things like that." It was no more than a whisper leaving his lips.

"But it's the truth, Charles." Erik's firm statement was neither bitter nor sad - simply honest.

"There was nothing and no-one in my life worth living for. All the people I ever loved were dead and I never actually allowed another relationship become so close that I would miss the person once they were gone. There was just nothing left worth living for; no friendship, no support, no care or love from other people – just my revenge and it slowly consumed me from the inside." Erik's eyes were smouldering with the intensity of his words.

"I simply wanted to end my miserable existence on that particular night and be free again, not driven and fuelled by hatred feelings anymore. And I would've succeeded if you hadn't hindered me, being the naïve, compassionate fool you are." The loving look he gave Charles made it clear he'd meant those words as a compliment.

"I was furious with you at first. You'd taken the only choice from me I had ever been free to make, or at least that's what I thought back then. Nonetheless I stayed because even if we had only just met each other I sensed there was something special about you – and I don't mean your ability of invading other people's minds." The breathy sound escaping Charles' throat was all the telepath managed in an attempt to laugh and the older mutant smiled as he continued.

"I couldn't have put it into words but, well… So, I stayed and suddenly those incredible things happened to me, things I'd never expected to happen to someone like me. You accepted me just the way I was and so did the kids and Raven." He gently shook his head as if he still couldn't believe it.

"I wasn't alone anymore and although it was quite a change of habits and I wasn't always completely happy with somebody always being around working with the team, especially with you gave me a measurable amount of peace, a different direction for a life I'd spent on the run and searching, never staying long enough anywhere to call a place my home. "

He looked up only to find Charles' eyes fluorescent from the tears gathering there. Erik strengthened his hold on the other's hands, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on their backs.

"You knew all of that, didn't you? You knew I couldn't stay anywhere for a longer time; you saw the restless and hatred-driven monster inside of me as well as the very real possibility that I could destroy you all. And yet you made me stay. Remember the night I was about to leave after getting Shaw's file?"

The young professor could only nod. Tears were running down his cheeks, re-living their conversation just outside the CIA facility.

"You told me back then you saw what Shaw did to me, saying you felt my agony." Erik continued, vividly remembering Charles' posture while he had done so – hands in the pockets of his black cords, thighs slightly spread, face and azure eyes serious – the perfect image of calm determination.

"I was so taken aback when you offered me your help afterwards. How could you do that having witnessed all of my ugly past? You certainly saw the worst of me and yet there you stood self-confident as ever, utterly convinced of being able to help me and talking me back into the team."

"You weren't really surprised the next day discovering I stayed, although you tried to give off that impression. Because you already knew you'd persuaded me when walking back into the facility said night." Erik's gaze left Charles' face for the first time since he'd started talking and strayed out of the window.

"I sat outside for some time afterwards just thinking about the things you said. What surprised me most was discovering that you actually considered yourself my friend."

"Why?" The single word left Charles' lips with a sigh while tears continued to flow down his pale, smooth cheeks. Erik brought his gaze back to rest on his friend's face, making sure they had eye-contact.

"Because you are a person who is so incredibly pure, innocent and trusting and good, like no-one else I've ever met and that's what I realized then." The older man placed a hand on the side of Charles' face, gently wiping away the salty moisture.

"You are so full of love, compassion, kindness and understanding with this certain drive to achieve the things you want and you almost always get them simply because of the way you are."

"What really made me stay was not the fact I needed supporters for my vendetta against Shaw – it was you. Simply your extraordinary and unique personality and you weren't surprised the morning after when you saw me standing in the doorway because you know about your qualities, my friend." Erik emphasized.

"You knew you had it in you making me stay, to find the right words or, in my case, actions. How could you not understand how truly wonderful you are when every little thing you achieve shows it back to you. For example the kids you didn't know but welcomed nonetheless with open arms, teaching them, giving them a safe place to stay. And they return the favour by trusting you completely, caring deeply for you, always giving everything to make you proud. How can you see all this, see their love for you and not believe in yourself?"

Erik brushed his thumb over Charles' cheek again, wiping away the tears which hadn't stopped flowing since earlier.

"You, my friend, are truly exceptional."

Charles managed a small laugh, his breath hitching and looking into Erik's eyes a tired but genuine smile slowly spread across his lips. The metal bender returned it while re-capturing the telepath's other hand.

"Now, though – I can't find the Charles Xavier I know. Yet he should be here, sitting right in front of me. Why can't you believe in yourself anymore?"

Charles sighed heavily, looking at Erik for the longest time before he answered.

"I am no longer that man, Erik. If I'm honest I don't know if I ever really was the person you describe or if I simply fooled myself with my naivety and arrogance. You said so yourself the night before the mission when we played chess."

"Charles, you know I was only searching for an argument to justify killing Shaw. And when I couldn't find one I began to search the flaw in the plan with you." Erik briefly wondered why it was so much easier to be honest with his friend now than it had been on the particular evening.

But the younger man shook his head. "Even if what you said was true I will never be like this again. I've changed, Erik. This has changed me." he said, gesturing to his unfeeling legs and the wheelchair.

"Yes, it changed you appearances and affects your daily life but it didn't change your opinions or character. You're just as kind and forgiving and brilliant as you've been before. The fact that I'm here talking to you and you're still considering me your friend after everything that happened between us is proof enough. The only thing that's changed is you can't see it yourself anymore." The metal bender's voice was rough and low with emotions.

"You still are the old Charles Xavier – all you have to do is trust yourself again."

It was quiet for some time and neither of them spoke while they just looked at each other.

Charles couldn't express what Erik's words meant to him, how touched he was by the faith and the trust the other put in him, what he saw in him. Right now, however it was so hard to believe in all those things, because he didn't know himself anymore.

He wanted to be the man again whom Erik spoke of yet at the same time he doubted he had the strength for it.

As if the German knew what he was thinking, the taller man asked: "I know it'll need time; just promise me you'll try, okay? Promise me you'll try to believe in yourself again, because I don't want to lose you – ever. You understand?"

A hoarse chuckle from Charles and the slightest nod of his head were the only answers, but it was enough for Erik. His friend would try and for now that would do.

"I cannot recall an occasion you've ever talked so much and I so little." the telepath said, giving Erik's hand a gentle squeeze, his lips curling into an ever so soft smile.

The older man had to laugh, a real, honest laugh which was so rare coming from him and Charles enjoyed the deep, rumbling sound of it.

"Well, it sure took forever to practise." Erik answered, his grey-green eyes twinkling with mischief.

"How are your knees?" The telepath suddenly asked. "I bet they're not very comfortable down there." He nodded his head towards the linoleum- floor.

"They've certainly seen better times." Erik confessed; glad when he saw some life returning into those azure eyes with their little banter.

Charles hesitated for a short moment, looking down at his hands in his lap before he sighed and met Erik's eyes again. "I'm still allowed out of bed for half an hour. Do you mind going into the conservatory? I would really like to see something different than this room."

The German nodded and got to his feet in one smooth motion. "Of course."

He started towards the door but halfway through the room he turned around giving Charles a questioning look. The professor had managed to turn the wheelchair around and move it a couple of yards yet his face had gone visibly pale and he was biting his lower lip to stifle a pained moan, his breath coming out in short bursts.

Erik walked back over. "Shall I?" he asked quietly and Charles closed his eyes. "Yes, please."

Easily sensing the other's distress even without being a telepath, the metal bender placed one hand on the younger man's shoulder and the other one on his cheek. "It is no trouble, Charles. Not at all."

The other offered him a sad smile. "Thanks, my friend."

Erik straightened, heading for the door again and just as Charles wanted to say something the chair came into motion apparently on its own accord.

The metal bender turned around and smiled, seeing Charles' surprised expression.

"Just until we're on the corridor. Otherwise we'd attract quite some attention, I dare say."

Once out of the room Erik moved behind Charles' chair, grabbing the handles and pushing him the rest of the way to the conservatory where he stopped the wheelchair near to the windows settling down into a wicker chair beside the professor.

They sat there for some quiet moments during which Erik studied his friend closely. He seemed to be nervous; his hands fretting over the seam of the blanket covering his legs and his gaze would flicker through the large room every now and then.

"There's no need to be nervous." The older mutant placed a hand on Charles' thigh only to realize his friend couldn't feel the comforting touch, so he placed his hand on the other's arm instead.

The telepath let his gaze wander through the conservatory one last time before turning to look at Erik.

"How are the kids?"

Ignoring the sudden change of subjects Erik answered: "They're fine. Alex, Sean and Hank told me to ask you if they can drop by tomorrow. They haven't seen you for quite some time now."

That was an understatement, Charles thought, and the other knew it very well. The boys hadn't been here for two and a half weeks now because he'd tried to reduce social gatherings where he had to act as if everything was just fine to a minimum.

Yet Erik's current visit had lifted his spirits considerably and he agreed. "Sure, why not. I would like to see them again."

They talked a bit about the youngsters and how they had all been out in the gardens yesterday evening for a soccer-match and Charles was positively surprised to hear that Erik had obviously participated.

"Well, I used to be quite a good player when I was young and Raven has her own methods of persuasion." The German explained, after Charles had inquired further.

About ten minutes later, however and halfway through Erik's account on how Hank had upgraded his lab at the mansion Charles felt his strength fading, the pain in his lower back becoming more and more pronounced, slowly crawling up the length of his spine.

The young man closed his eyes trying to keep his breathing even. 'Not now.' he thought; his knuckles white from where his hands clenched around the armrests of his chair as the pain intensified.

Erik had been gazing out of the window while he talked about Hank and the advancements he'd made for the lab but he registered the change in Charles' breathing pattern almost immediately. When he saw the telepath's pain-contorted face, eyes squeezed shut and a fine sheen of sweat shimmering on his forehead he let out a worried sigh.

"I think we should get you back to bed, don't you?" The metal bender asked, gently placing the back of his hand on Charles' sweaty brow brushing back a strand of the dark hair.

"But I still have at least ten minutes left." Charles ground out through gritted teeth but the telepath's protest was rather half-heartedly and Erik rose from his chair.

"So sue me but I'm taking you back to your room now." The older man said, his green eyes flashing dangerously, his tone not allowing any protest and the professor gave in, knowing it would be best to obey. Besides, his back was killing him right now.

They made it halfway down the corridor when a sudden spark of pain erupted in Charles' lower back travelling up his spine and further up, his mind ablaze with an agonizing white fire.

A low, painful moan escaped his lips when his torso sagged forward, losing his balance due to the intensity of the pain.

A strong arm caught him around the shoulders, gently pulling him back against the backrest of the chair. "We're almost there, Charles." Erik murmured, his arm continuing to support the younger man, his powers helping to navigate the chair.

Charles was unable to answer being far too occupied with the task to convince his muscles keeping him upright for a little longer. He rested his head against Erik's arm that helped supporting him and focused on his ragged breathing trying to achieve a more even rhythm.

Once back in his room Erik stopped the wheelchair beside the bed. Bringing one arm under Charles' knees and the other around his back he carefully scooped the telepath up into his arms placing him down on his bed as gently as possible.

"What about the brace?" he asked, but Charles just shook his head still grimacing from the burning feeling travelling up his spine.

"Julie's coming over in – in a couple of minutes anyway, so –." A sound of discomfort stopped the professor's explanation and he squeezed his eyes shut as if doing so would block out the pain.

Erik pulled the blanket over his friend's shivering body and settled down beside him on the bed, concern written all over his face. When he placed a soothing hand on Charles' chest the young man peeled his eyes open again offering a faint smile.

"Don't worry, Erik. They told me it was very likely this would happen. Besides, it isn't that bad."

However, it wasn't really convincing because when he squirmed a little, trying to find a position that didn't hurt too much the movement simply made it worse and Charles couldn't bite back the soft cry of pain escaping his lips.

Erik glared at him, anger adding to his concern. "For God's sake, Charles, could you try to stop moving?" he snapped, taking his friend's right hand with his left the other still resting on the telepath's chest.

Another smile crept over the younger man's lips. "I never expected you to be so protective."

The metal bender shot him a dark look, yet he was glad to hear the teasing notion in the other's voice. "Only when you lose your sense of self-preservation." he mumbled.

They were quiet for the rest of the time until Julie arrived, Charles struggling to control the bouts of pain every now and then erupting in his lower back. Erik's steady and grounding presence was extremely comforting and when the door opened and Julie walked in he felt like he could handle the pain – at least for now.

"So somebody did come around to see you. Hello, Erik." Julie said and smiled as the German took her hand. The PT had been introduced to all members of Charles' 'family' except for Hank and it never occurred to her not addressing all of them on first-name terms.

"Yeah, well, he can be quite clingy." Charles answered trying to cover his condition by joking what earned him a warning look from Erik.

But Julie could easily tell the telepath wasn't okay on her own and the metal bender moved from where he sat to the visitor's chair on the other side of Charles' bed so the therapist could get a proper look at the young professor.

"First of all, let's get you out of the brace, hm?"

When she pulled back the blanket Erik gave Charles a questioning look and the other didn't need his telepathic ability to know his friend asked if he should leave, giving Charles his privacy. The young man considered his answer for a split second before shaking his head.

He didn't want the German to leave, taking so much comfort in his presence.

"Erik, if you don't mind helping me for a sec?" Julie asked, looking up from where she had placed her hands on Charles' hip and knees. "It'll make things easier and less painful." The explanation was meant for both of them and the metal bender rose from his chair, settling down on the other side of the bed.

The PT positioned his hands on Charles' left shoulder and his lower back while explaining the manoeuvre and a couple of heartbeats later the telepath was laying on his right side.

Julie set to work getting him out of the back brace while Erik kept a steadying hand on his friend's shoulder, gently running his thumb over the fabric of Charles' shirt knowing this certainly wasn't an easy experience for him.

Once the brace was gone they helped him turn around again so he was lying on his back and Julie did a quick check on him finally stating everything was okay – he had simply overexerted himself. Then she carefully arranged his legs, resting his knees on a special pillow to prevent muscle-shortening or defective positions. Finally she brought the blanket back over Charles' exhausted body.

"There you are. Now, I'll better go and find a nurse to get you something for the pain." She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "See you tomorrow. Bye, Erik."

A few moments later the door shut behind her and Charles closed his eyes; the exertion and pain had clearly taken their toll on him.

Erik brought a hand under his friend's neck, cradling him, his thumb trailing along the soft line of Charles' jaw while his other hand rested on his chest again monitoring the young man's slightly uneven breathing. They remained in comfortable silence and when the nurse came with an injection of painkillers and the telepath showed no sign of reaction Erik presumed he had already fallen asleep.

He just wanted to release the hold on Charles' neck and leave so the other could get some rest when he heard Charles' quiet voice, already heavy with sleep.

"Will you stay a little longer, Erik?"

The metal bender smiled as he resumed his former position, lightly touching Charles' smooth cheek.

"Of course."

And that's a wrap for now ;) Please let me know what you think about it.

I will most likely continue the story with the day Charles returns to the mansion but if there is a scene you would like to read about while he's still in the hospital, please let me know about your ideas and I'll write another chapter about suggested topics if they fit with the timeline.

As for the matter if this should be a Charles/Erik fic or if their relationship should remain one of friendship – I haven't decided yet. But I will ;)

Thank you for reading, wonderful people!