AN: Merlin/Arthur, mention of canon pairings; season 3 based.
Disclaimer: I don't own BBC's Merlin, I don't own the characters, I make no money with this, the usual.
Shadow Beneath Your Feet
He has dreams of being Arthur's shadow.
His contours are edged with gold as he walks in front of him, evening the ground for him, besides him, ready to strike, behind him, holding off all enemies with secret magic.
You have killed my first love, but you shall never know.
Your father is the hypocrite and liar you thought him to be, but you shall never know.
Your reign over Albion shall be bought by pain and blood, but your war will assure peace.
Arthur is the bright, bright future; Merlin wishes to hold him forever in a cocoon of love and false successes bought by his magic. He will not reign until he is ready; he will be held back by no overbearing remorse; the magicians who die under Uther's reign, brought to justice by Arthur's arm, they will not haunt their days.
In a half-asleep state, before his eyes fly open, Merlin spins on the dream: the shadow rises and glimmers and changes into a man; and Arthur holds out his hands to him, smiling, understanding at last what he is. They kiss, now, as master and servant, as unbound creature of magic and simple mortal, as equals. He can see the gold in his eyes reflected in Arthur's gaze, wondering, and mindful of his advice. Together, they will change the face of the earth, they will –
He has no jealousy of Gwen. Gwen is his friend, and worthy of love, and Arthur has chosen well in her. Her voice, sometimes, rises as high as his once was, before he knew, for certain, that Uther's reign and Arthur's innocence had to be protected at all cost, his future so precious, so fragile; but she will learn, and she will be a kind queen. And she would agree with him; she, first of all, has spoken for Uther's life. (He does not think, then, of Gwen in Ealdor, fighting and killing with no remorse; those were his mother, his friends they were protecting. He does not think of all that has hardened in Gwen after her father's death, of the demands contained in her very love; he was like that, once; he helped save Mordred, once; she will learn.)
And he has no hate for Morgana in him, he cannot bring himself to; though she will be a constant danger, though she will be an everlasting threat to Arthur's long awaited reign. She was alone. She did not have Gaius to calm her fears, the dragon to give her advice. (He does not think of Gaius and his potions and the purge; he does not think of the dragon breathing fire over Camelot. Forgiveness is a virtue. He can forgive Morgana too. He loved her once.)
"Merlin," Arthur's voice hisses at him, reaching him through the last fog of sleep, and Merlin opens his eyes; Arthur is propped up on one elbow next to him on the bed, naked, looking down at his face.
Merlin grins up at him. Perhaps he should have held this off until there are no more secrets between them, until he can lay himself bare before Arthur!... But they face death so often; every day lost is a sin, almost. So here he is. When the time comes, Arthur will understand.
"What?" he mumbles. Arthur has this horrible habit of starting to give orders as soon as he's awake; he would have argued, before, but these days he rarely does; he'll get his own back, in secret, when Arthur's training, if need be.
"You weren't asleep, you were smiling. What are you thinking about?" He sounds suspicious and soft at once, and Merlin's grin becomes wider, he can't help it.
"Nothing," he says, staring up at the prince.
"That shouldn't surprise me," Arthur mutters, turning away.
For once he doesn't demand that Merlin rise first; he stands up, his form uncertain and so familiar in the half-shadows of the closed curtains; he even goes and searches for his clothes himself, while Merlin lies there, watching him, his heart pounding with the thought of all that lies ahead of them, every day brighter than the last. He's changed, Arthur, and for the better and Merlin knows that, if need be, he will be there, whispering to his ear.
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