Esme's POV

As I awoke I knew it had to be early by the sounds or lack of them. Renesmee wasn't here. A muffled movement from a bedroom below told me Rosalie and Emmett were enjoying some alone time. The early morning birds were singing, but I could hear an owl who had not yet made his way to bed. As quite often was the case, the rain was bouncing off the roof and windows.

I was surprised to catch my favorite scent so strong and so close. He had been working the overnight shift and it didn't seem like it was late enough for him to be here yet. Without even looking I rolled over and wrapped an arm over his waist, huddling up against him.

"Why are you here so early?" I muttered.

He let out a good humored chuckle. "It's 7:58 AM. It's not raining hard at the moment, but there's a storm coming in and it has the sky rather dark this morning."

"Oh," I murmured. "Does that mean I should get up?" I was awake, but not feeling any urges to get out of bed.

He laughed again. "Only if you want to. I don't see any reason you have to jump out of bed if you don't feel like it." His hand brushed over my hair. "Whatever you wish you may do, darling."

I peeked open an eye and looked up toward his face. He was mostly sitting up, but relaxed against the headboard with his iPad still in his hand. He must have changed when he arrived home because his oxford shirt and tie had been replaced with a polo shirt. I scooted up so my head was closer to shoulder than his waist. He wrapped his free arm around me pulling me close and placing a kiss on my forehead.

"What are you reading?" I asked with a nod toward the iPad.

"WebMD's Pregnancy Center for Weeks 9 through 12. I'm reading up on what I know you'll be reading," he said with a half-teasing tone.

"Does it say anything about when I'll start being less tired?"

"No, but usually second trimester pregnant women start to get their energy back."

"I feel like I am sleeping all the time. I get up and I immediately want to take a nap and I often do!"

"Well you do have about 90 years of sleep to catch up on," he joked.

"True, but I feel like I'm neglecting our family, our home, and you."

"Esme that is the last thing you should be worried about. We are fine. The house is fine. You need to just take care of yourself and our baby and if that means sleeping 24 hours a day we'll survive."

"Thank you," I said as I curled my fingers around the fabric of his shirt and relaxed to let sleep return, but was interrupted.

"Esme, sweetheart, can I ask you a question?" he asked with caution and curiosity in his tone.

I opened my eyes and looked up again. "You sound ominous. What is it?"

"I was wondering…" he trailed off.

I was intrigued and I sat up. "Carlisle, you can ask me anything."

He looked at me lovingly and brushed my hair from my cheek, tucking it behind my ear. "What do you dream about?"

I couldn't help, but laugh. "I was wondering when you were going to ask me that."

"Really?"

"Yes, after all, when I could dream 'Dr. Cullen' often starred in my dreams."

"And do I still?"

"No, I dream about the fantasy – Chris Hemsworth," I said dead seriously with a shrug. His face fell and I couldn't let him stay hurt for long. And I leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I'm teasing. Of course I dream about you. You are my fantasy and my reality and the only man I ever want."

He looked relieved and pleased. I kissed him again to reassure him, but this time on the lips. "And what happens in these dreams? Do you remember them clearly?" he asked.

"Not always, but there are flashes…moments that stay with me. Sometimes I remember everything. I've seen you beaming with a swaddled baby in your arms. I've seen you tossing a baseball with a little blond boy. I've seen you pushing a little girl on a swing as she laughed and yelled to push her higher."

"So she's like her mother?"

"Why do you say that?"

"The girl who climbed high into trees?"

"Ah, I see."

"What else?"

I paused. I wanted to share one with him that made me emotional and I feared it would overwhelm him. "I saw you walking down a trail with a fishing pole and a little boy carrying the same."

"Fishing?"

"He looked like Edward – when he was young. Just like the pictures, but in color with a tussle of still unruly bronze hair and those green eyes you speak of. He looked to be around 8 or 9."

His eyes looked wistfully far away as he tried to imagine what I saw in my dreams. "That sounds like a wonderful dream, but truly is just that. I doubt our child will have his crazy hair color or those eyes with our genes. He or she, God willing, will resemble you."

"And you."

"Well you are the better looking of the two of us. So favoring you would be a blessing for our little one."

"Stop it. You, my dear husband, are beautiful."

"What else?"

I smirked. "Sometimes I have dreams of us doing naughty things."

"Naughty things?" His amusement was endearing.

"Well as I said you are the fantasy that became my reality." I danced my fingers over his bare forearm. "I've dreamt of us here…in the woods…my back pressed against the sand."

He chuckled. "It wasn't all that long ago that was reality."

"I know. It is crazy now to think that we were making a baby."

"Even if we knew I don't think we would have done anything differently," he said as he hooked his arm under me and hoisted me onto his lap.

"We haven't been naughty in sometime," I said as I played with a button on his shirt.

"Not since we found out about the little miracle," he said with a slide of his hand over my stomach.

"I'm sorry. I've just been so tired all the time."

"I'm not upset. There's no reason to apologize. We haven't even talked about it."

"But we should…talk about it. It's been six weeks since we last had sex. We should have talked about it already. How do you feel about pregnancy sex?"

He gave me a self-deprecating, slightly embarrassed smile. "Are you asking me for my medical opinion?"

"Yes, but I also want your husband opinion too."

"According to Khalida we are to treat your pregnancy as we would any human's. Barring any complications that would impede, humans can continue to have sex when the woman is pregnant. As your husband, I defer to your comfort, wants, desires and needs. I know you have been very tired and wasn't going to broach the subject without you making the first move."

"That's very thoughtful of you. So have you been reading up on tips and tricks while waiting for me to make a move?"

"My dearest, I work in a small town hospital. I've had to wear the OB/GYN hat on multiple occasions. I am well read and ready to counsel at a moment's notice on intimacy during pregnancy."

"So as usual I'm in good hands."

"As always, you are in great hands."

"Thank you for clarifying," I said with a chuckle.

My nightgown had ridden up and his hand slid over my bare thigh. "Are you in the mood to let me take the greatest care of you?"

I thought about it. His hand touched my thigh. My hand tucked in between the fabric of his shirt and his chest. I felt the tightness of a sob in my chest and my face pucker with the realization that I felt nothing.

He couldn't miss the expression and immediately hugged me to him. "It's alright, Esme. Many women don't feel up for sex during the first trimester. Your body is experiencing a lot of change, even more so for you. Some women don't want sex at all during pregnancy."

I felt a flood of guilt and sadness. "But I feel bad that I'm not being intimate with you," I choked out as I tried to suppress a cry.

"My love, I'm fine. I'm more than fine. You're carrying our child. When I am joined with you I know the meaning of heaven, but I'm finding that heaven is surrounding me right now. Yes, I love being intimate with you, but I am more than willing to give that up for your happiness…for your health and wellbeing. The last thing I would ever do is force you into an act of intimacy if you are not up for it. Don't be sad, my goddess. I'm perfectly content."

"So you don't want me?" As soon as the words came out of my mouth I felt like it was a stupid question.

"I always want you. I always desire you. I also want your satisfaction. I want your enjoyment. I want you to be pleasured and feel cherished and loved. If you don't want to have sex then I don't want to have sex. If you don't feel like having sex again until long after the baby is born, I'll be alright. Don't ever feel like you have to have sex out of some obligation to me."

"I love you," I whispered as I wished my body would wake up and respond to his words.

"I love you, too – always and forever," he said as he lifted my chin to place a gentle kiss on my lips.

I leaned my head against his shoulder as he held me and listened to the rain fall.

Carlisle POV

I held Esme's hand as Rosalie picked up the transducer.

"Are you ready?" she asked and looked at Esme who shook her head rapidly in consent.

She looked at the monitor once more before she placed it down on Esme's gel slathered abdomen. Her face was composed as she watched the screen and moved to make an adjustment. After a minute of silence her eye caught mine, and I knew. She tried making another adjustment, but she couldn't see anything as I feared would be the case.

"What do you see, Rosalie?" Esme finally asked. "Is something wrong?"

"I can't see anything," she said and turned to me. "Do you want to take a look?"

I nodded and patted Esme's hand before moving over so I could see the monitor. Rosalie moved the transducer and nothing visualized. "Try a little lower," I suggested. She moved it down and side to side. Nothing.

"You can't see?" Esme asked, looking for a confirmation. Our bodies were not good conductors for many of human diagnostic imagining tools. I thought that maybe with all the changes Esme's body was going through that the ultrasound could work. Nothing had changed though. It couldn't pierce her vampire skin.

"It's not penetrating your skin," Rosalie said gently even as she tried one more time. She looked at the blank screen again. "I'm sorry," she said with frustration.

Esme reached for her wrist. "It's alright, Rosalie," she said quietly, but with no sadness in her voice. I looked over at her face. "This thing," she said waving her hand at the equipment, "didn't exist the first time I had a child. I hoped it might work, but knew there was more than a good chance that it wouldn't."

"You're taking this rather well," I said admiringly. Her hormones had definitely been giving her a run for her money over the last few weeks. She would start crying at what would seem to be the most insignificant things. Her humor seemed to be lacking completely at times and at other time she would be in hysterics. She could be clingy and moments later push me away and then would be back in my arms just as quickly. I just went with it and encouraged the rest of the family to be understanding. Jasper offered his gift, but Esme refused.

"It's just hormones. It's nothing I can't handle," she told him.

This was after Alice had calmed her down the week before when she went to get dressed one morning and found that one of her favorite skirts was tight. She promptly took her shopping again with Rosalie and Jasper in tow – Rosalie for style and moral support and Jasper for bag handling and emergency calming. He told me later that there was only one time that he had to use his gift, embarrassingly during maternity bra shopping.

The first trimester was almost over – just few more weeks.

The ultrasound was slightly pre-mature. She was in her tenth week and I would have waited another week or two, but with the equipment's arrival that morning we were anxious to see what it would show. As soon as Rosalie and I had it set up Esme was on the table.

"You might as well pack it up and send it off before it gets dusty," Esme said as she reached for a nearby towel to wipe off the gel. Rosalie picked up a second one to assist her.

"Even without it, I'll still take good care of you," Rosalie said.

Esme met her eyes. "I know, Rose. I have complete faith in you." She slid off the table. "I'm just going to take a bath to get the rest of it off."

"Let me run it for you," I offered.

"No, I'm fine, Carlisle. Really. You're donating this equipment to a clinic in need. It might as well get put to use as quickly as possible since we won't need it. I can run my own bath."

She disappeared out of the room.

I turned to Rosalie. "She's not fine," she said flatly as she shut the machine down. "She will be. She is. But she's not."

"Rosalie…what does that mean?"

"She meant what she said. She is okay with not seeing the baby on an ultrasound. We talked about it a couple days ago. She is so fragile and volatile right now. I know she can handle a lot, but her emotional state is weak. It's the damn hormones."

"I know," I sighed. "But she seems okay. She hasn't been particularly good at hiding or holding back her emotions. She's rather…newborn like."

A smile broke across Rosalie's lips. "That is a good comparison, but you should go check on her. I can take care of the equipment."

"Thanks, Rosalie," I said as I headed out the door.

The water was still running as I entered our bedroom. I heard her suck back a cry from the bathroom, reacting to my entrance.

"Esme…" I called out as I headed toward the bathroom door. She was sitting next to the tub in her underwear with her head in her hands.

"I don't know why I'm crying," she said before I could say something as prosaic as 'what's wrong?' "I'm really okay without the ultrasound. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I know I'm pregnant. My body is changing. I feel ridiculous for crying. Am I even crying about the silly ultrasound? I really don't like pregnancy hormones!"

What could I say in response to that? I was hoping Alice would come in to stop me if the wrong thing was about to come out of my mouth.

"I don't know what I can say to make you feel better as you just self-diagnosed yourself. All I can do is love you and turn off the water before the tub overflows," I said as I leaned over to turn off the faucet.

Her face froze for a second and I waited for more cries, but instead she started laughing. "You must think I'm crazy."

"I think you are Esme and you are perfection and I love you through cries and laughs. Now let me give you a bath."

"I don't deserve you," she said as she stood to strip off her remaining clothing.

For the first time I got a good look at her with the little weight she had gained. I could see it and I was embarrassed to say the man in me saw it too. Esme was always stunning. She was curvy, womanly, sexy, and I adored every inch of her body. In the 90 years since she first disrobed in front of me and the thousands of times she had done so since then, she never changed, but she never failed to excite me. For the first time ever, something was different and I swallowed my guilt at finding it so appealing at such an inappropriate time. She needed emotional support. She needed comfort. What I didn't need was an erection. I took her hand and helped into the tub and picked up her body wash and sponge. Even at this angle, I could see the change. Get a grip, Carlisle, my mind screamed as she relaxed back against the porcelain. As I ran the sponge over her arm, I prayed that the second trimester would bring peace to her emotions and quite selfishly, an increase in her sex drive. If it didn't, I had a feeling I would be taking many lonely cold showers.

Author's Note: Thank you to sweetishbubble for beta-ing on her own. XOXO