Chapter 21

"You cut your hair." Is the first thing I say when Rachel answers her apartment door.

"I wanted to try something new." Rachel leaves the door open for me and walks over to the couch. She sits with her back to the armrest, her ankles crossed.

"It looks good." I flop down in the chair near her head. "You look good."Rachel rolls her eyes but also smiles a little at my compliments.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asks once I'm up out my seat and moving her legs so I can sit down on the couch as well. I sit down and place her legs on my lap.

"I'm tired, babe." I ignore the confused look Rachel is sending me and rest my head back against the couch. "I just really wanna sleep right now."

"Quinn."

"I know," I open my eyes but keep them looking up at the ceiling. "We need to talk."

"Are you going to break up with me?" Rachel's voice sounds so small and broken. "I don't want to break up. I know we've been arguing a lot and…"

"No." I sit up so I can look at her. Rachel is whipping tears from her face. "I mean…I thought you broke up with me the last time I was here."

"What?" She croaks out. "You know I was just angry and…and…gosh Quinn I didn't break up with you." Rachel removes her legs from my lap and puts her feet on the ground. We are now sitting side by side.

"Okay. Calm down." I put my hand on her knee to keep it from bouncing. "I've been a jerk for like the past month. I'm sorry. I…"

"Can you stop telling me you're sorry?" Rachel hand covers mines. Our hands move up to rest in her lap. "Stop apologizing and talk to me. I need to know why you've been acting the way you have."

"I was scared." I swallow. "I am scared." Rachel's hand squeezes mines but she remains quiet. "The thing with Finn freaked me out. I…you really loved him. And maybe if you hadn't moved here, you guys would probably still be together."

"Quinn." Rachel sighs.

"I know…I just," I turn to fully face Rachel. "I love you, okay. Like…fuck…" I shake my head frustrated. Sometimes I just suck at saying what I feel. "I…"

"Hey," Rachel grabs my chin, lifting it. "It's okay…I'm listening." Her thumb runs over my lip. "I'm listening. Take your time."

"I had crappy parents. I mean…they really were for shit." I began after a few minutes. "They always told me how unwanted I was. How I was a mistake." I start to wipe the tears away from my eyes. "Santana's was the only person I've ever let in. She's always been my person. I have her back and she has mine." I give her a weak smile. "And then one day this random girl asks me for help. Her little fingers don't have the strength to free her purse from a cart buckle." I laugh when Rachel punches my shoulder.

"Don't make fun of me." She pouts.

"Never." I grab the hand that punched me. "I pushed everyone away before you. I'd never let a girl get to close. First sign of her wanting more…I was done," I shake my head. "But I couldn't do that with you."

"No?" She smiles.

"No." I just stare into her eyes. "You made me break my rule." Rachel just continues to smile. "And Finn scares me because I love you."

"I'm not going anywhere, Quinn." Rachel moves even closer. "Don't you know that I love you? I haven't even thought of Finn since the day I met you." I huff. "Seriously Quinn. From that day I saw no one but you. That scared me." Rachel eyes searches mines. "I didn't even know you but I had already had such a strong like for you….That time we went to the bar and you kissed that girl…" Rachel shakes her head. "We weren't even together but I felt like…I don't know. I just knew that I wanted you."

"I remember that night." I smile remembering how I had asked Rachel to be my girlfriend. "I felt guilty after I kissed her." I admit. "I kissed her because I was afraid of my feelings for you. But that didn't do anything but make me feel like a jackass and want to be with you more." Rachel just smiles at me and pulls me into a slow and gentle kiss.

"I miss you." Rachel mumbles against my lips. "I don't want to fight anymore." Rachel pulls always from me. "I'm not your parents Quinn. I want you." She has tears in her eyes. "So much and…just don't pull away again. I know you're afraid but I can't…" She pauses. "Just don't."

"Okay." I slowly nod my head. "Okay."

"I love you." Rachel says and I move in for a kiss. Rachel giggles when I squeeze her butt.

"Can we go to bed now?"

Rachel roll her eyes but still stands with my hand in hers, leading me to her bedroom.