This is my first fanfiction and I hope you like the stupidity. JohnnyIsMyGoldSunset is co-writing this with me. It is a collection of stupid short stories. This is obviously the "movie" Ponyboy, not the "book" Ponyboy. Read and review!

Disclaimer: We obviously don't own The Outsiders…as we are writing on FANFICTION. Those "Thunder Thighs" are all of ours.

POV Dallas

"This is so stupid. I hate life," I muttered to myself, sitting in the backseat of Two-Bit's car.

"But I love swimming!" Ponyboy chirped.

"Shut up, Ponyboy," spat Two-Bit from the driver's seat.

Yup, I hate life. I was stuck in the car with Two-Bit, Pony, and Johnny on the way to the public pool. Darry was taking Steve and Soda. Luckies.

"We're here! Grab the soy milk, Dallas."

Darry's all worried that Ponyboy will get dehydrated and Darry claims that he's lactose intolerant because Pony drinks milk for lunch at school and Darry always has to bring a change of underwear right in the middle of 7th period. Darry walks right in and just hands them to Ponyboy like it's a usual routine. Which it is.

We filed toward the front door like a colony of fire ants marching to their deaths. Five minutes later, we were changed and ready to jump in the pool. Ponyboy's suit (only marginally better than his birthday suit) was a man-kini, kind of like a tankini…only for men. I think Pony's the only male on the planet who wears one. Two-Bit's suit, like everything else he owned, had Mickey Mouse all over it. It had Mickey Mouse pockets, and Mickey Mouse buttons and Mickey Mouse's grotesque, little face in the most awkward places.

Well Johnny's suit…there isn't much to be said about his. It was Hawaiian print. Whoo-hoo.

Now MINE was obsidian and splattered with crimson, like blood. Darry stepped out in a Speedo and as far as Speedos go…it was a little on the skimpy side. Good thing he was wearing a T-shirt. Sodapop had the most cliché bathing suit ever. It had sodapop on it! Coca-Cola everywhere. Steve's made my eyes hurt. Dark blue with big, red Spiderman, right in the middle of his butt, half on each side.

Darry, Steve, Two-Bit and Soda headed for the diving board, which left Pony, Johnny, and me for the kiddy pool. I would've headed for the deep end to watch the younger kids flounder, but I was stuck watching Pony and Johnny went wherever I went.

Johnny jumped in and started to "puppy paddle" across the kiddy pool and I watched in amusement as his little, black head bobbed up and down in the water.

"Johnny, don't drown!" Ponyboy screamed from the side of the pool and he took a flying leap into the two feet of water. SPLAT! Immediately, he grabbed onto Johnny's ankles and pulled him under.

"I'm saving you!" he gurgled through a mouthful of water. Then they disappeared under the water, leaving behind nothing but bubbles. I don't know how Pony managed it in two feet of water, but he was drowning both of them.

"Stand up, you ninny!" I howled. When nobody moved, I called to Darry, who had abandoned the diving board and was sitting on the edge, playing life-guard. He dashed over and yelled with much masculinity.

"Pony! You stop drowning Johnny! Be a good friend!"

Right at that moment, Darry and I looked at each other in anticipation grabbing two handfuls of our shirts in unison. We shredded them and cast the tattered remains onto the tarmac. We stepped nonchalantly into the pool. Grabbing him by the back of his man-kini, Darry lifted his younger brother out of the water, forcefully chucking a distressed Ponyboy onto the pavement.

Johnny popped out of the water. "What happened?" he asked, confused.

I turned furiously on Ponyboy.

"You almost drowned him! You-" but Darry beat me to it,

"You don't use your head!"

You'd think things would get better after that…but no, no, no…not when you're hanging with the Curtis'.

No sooner had Darry loaded Pony down with floaties, then Pony hopped into the "real" pool, splashing a woman in a "real" tankini. Pony made quite an entrance. This was not just a regular lady. She was fat. And when I say fat, I mean FAT. Emphasis on the FAT part. It was like if you took all of Darry's muscles and turned them into fat and multiplied that by about ten. Ponyboy started screaming, "THUNDER THIGHS! THUNDER THIGHS!" and pointing rudely at the woman's abnormally hefty thighs.

"Shut up, Pony!" hissed Darry from across the pool. Noticing the woman's preoccupation, I took advantage of her snack bag lying open on the table. Ooh, do I ever love fatty snacks. Catching sight of me chowing down on an extra-large bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, Darry screamed at me too.

"DALLAS AMADEUS WINSTON! YOU PUT THOSE DOWN!"

"It's Dallas BLOOD Winston, thank you very much, Darrel CHEYENNE Curtis Jr.!" I hollered back.

"Oh look who's talkin'! You know its SHAYNE!" he retorted furiously.

"Shut up, Wyoming-boy!" I screamed because everyone knows that Cheyenne is the capitol of Wyoming.

"THUNDER THIGHS!" Ponyboy screeched from the pool, cutting our violent reactions short.

Then some random "pool security", or as we like to call them "pool fuzz" showed up and permanently banned us from the pool for "inappropriate pool activity." And thus, the fire ants sunk to their watery grave.