July 5—

22:05 Okay, I give up. I want to go back to school.

Rose came into the auror office today and told me off at work! Oooh, I'm just so mad! What on earth gave her the right to do that? I was just sitting there, like I always do and she just barged in and…ugh! She kept on yelling at me that I should stay away from Scorpius and that I must be jealous of her great relationship because mine crumbled into dust.

She's not all that! Just because she's older than I am she thinks she knows everything and she just doesn't! She doesn't know my life! And you know what? I'm not sorry that her would be fiancé comes to me for advice! It's not my fault that I'm more understanding than she is!

And she should know by now that I'm not interested in Scorp in that way! She knows nothing about her boyfriend or me if she is jealous of us! Clearly. I mean you would think that because we are family, she would be able to understand where I'm coming from! I am just so done. This is what I'm talking about when I say that sometimes a little distance form the fam is good. Because at school I miss them dearly, but I can get away from them all the same.

And I just know that all the aunts and uncles are going to get into it too. Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron will tell mum and dad and then I'll have to apologise for pissing Rose off even though I did absolutely nothing! Scorp and Rose are the ones having the relationship problems, it's not my fault that they put me in the middle of it! I just love them both and want them to work it out, but I'm not the one that should be blamed when it all goes to shit. Stupid Rose. Ruining my day.

I literally started crying when she yelled at me. At least she had the courtesy to take me into the back copy room before she railed me. She was all "Just stay away from me!" And….it really hurt. We have always been close, kind of like sisters. I always looked up to her when I was younger, Rose is a great role model. But this is just not cool. And that's why my emotions got the best of me. Because we're family, practically sisters and there she was yelling at me for something completely beyond my control!

She stormed out, and I just sat there crying. And then Josh showed up, because my life must be completely ridiculous. He had paperwork to hand into someone because guess what? He's considering becoming an auror! As if I don't worry about him enough when he's on the Quidditch pitch, now he's considering becoming an auror to "do more with his life". That's why he came in and talked to dad a few weeks ago.

So he showed up to turn in his paperwork and heard my sobs from the back room, which is super embarrassing because that means all the little auror-trainees must have as well, though they've kept pretty quiet these past few days. Ryan Michelson has yet to approach the desk for useless things.

TRANSCRIPT of the Conversation between Josh and me:

Josh: [kneeling down beside me, as I curled into a ball on the floor] Lily?

Me: [sob, sob, sob]

Josh: Lil? Are you okay?

Me: [shaking my head and curling into his side]

Him: [hesitantly wrapping his arms around me reassuringly]

Me: [after a few minutes, crying had subsided] Sorry.

Him: It's okay, Lil. Are you sure you're all right? [His chocolate-y, gooey, warm eyes looking at me concernedly]

Me: [sniffling and wiping tears from my face] Rose just came in and yelled at me. Apparently I'm supposed to stay away from Scorp for an undesignated period of time because I'm to blame for all their relationship issues.

Josh: [staring at me, dumbfounded, as I continued to rant]

Me: and apparently I'm jealous of her relationship because mine went to shit and Scorp and I talk way too much and that I must be interested in him, which is completely ridiculous because I'm interested in—I mean, of course I think of Scorpius more as an older brother than anything else and I know that's how he thinks of me—

Josh: [chuckling lightly] He thinks of you like an older brother?

Me: [suddenly seeing the hilarity of what I just said, giggling] of course not! I meant that he thinks of me like a little sister. [I sigh] I was just trying to help but I ended up screwing everything up!

Josh: [looking confused] Um…do you mind filling me in a bit?

Me: Oh, right! I forgot I didn't ell you all of it. Merlin, you must be confused. [I filled him in on the gist of what happened] So what do you think I should do.

Josh: [contemplatively quiet as I can now see his face since I moved out of his arms during the telling of the saga, but we're still continuing to sit on the floor, which was probably not very professional of me but Julie was up front too, taking care of the professional stuff for both of us] I think you guys should just give yourselves a little space from each other. Calm down a bit.

Me: [giving him a face that probably said "that's all you got for me?"]

Josh: I mean, you and Rose are really close. And you're family. You will work it out, but for now, giver her space. She's obviously freaking out about her relationship with Scorpius and you're just conveniently there to blame. But it might help to apologise to her after you've had some time to cool off.

Me: [Giving him an incredulous look]

Him: Look, you might be a bit too involved in their relationship. I'm not saying its your fault, or anyone's fault really, it just is. But, it would help to mend fences a little bit by saying that you are sorry for getting entangled in her relationship.

Me: But they brought me into it in the first place.

Him: [he just gave me this piercing look] Lils, sometimes you have to be the first one to apologise. It sucks, and you may not think it is right, but part of having a relationship of any kind is being able to swallow your pride and apologise first, even if you don't think you're in the wrong. If someone is worth it, which I think Rose is, sometimes you have to be the better person.

Me: Jeez, way to make me feel like crap. [In a totally joking way]

Him: Oh, Lil, I didn't mean—

I decided to cut him off before he got self-deprecating and began to feel awful about himself.

Me: Josh, I just needed some perspective. Seriously, thanks. I let my emotions get the best of me; I really do appreciate your opinion. I felt like such a crap confidant the other night.

Josh: [now looking uncomfortable]

Me: [finally realising that he wasn't supposed to be here in the first place] Wait a second…what are you doing here? Don't you have practice or something?

Josh: Oh, I just had some paperwork to hand into your dad [lifting up an envelope]

Me: What kind of paperwork?

Him: [hesitating]

Me: Oh, come on, I just spilled my guts to you!

Josh: I'm thinking of becoming an auror…

Me: What?! But you love playing quidditch!

Josh: Yeah…but…I don't know. I just feel like I should be doing something more meaningful with my life. I don't know. Whenever my dad asks what I do for a living he just seems so disappointed in me that I'm a professional athlete.

Me: Do you want to be an auror?

Josh: I've always considered it, but I was good friends with James and we got recruited together and…I don't know. I'm just considering it.

Me: Jeez, Josh. I worry about you enough on the quidditch pitch! I'd worry about you ten times more out in the field. But if it's what you really want to do, don't let anyone stop you!

Josh: You worry about me on the quidditch pitch?

Me: Of course! Merlin, you and James are vicious out there, it's scary! Do you know how many quidditch injuries happen during the year? I'd be crazy to think that you two are safe out there!

Josh: You don't have to worry about us, Lil.

Me: It's not something I can just turn off…you guys have been around for the majority of my life, I want you there for the rest of it too.

Josh: [blushing] Aww, Lil.

Me: don't get all mushy-gushy on me! Go turn in your paperwork, I should get to the front desk again instead of leaving Julie out there by herself.

Julie: [from a distance] it's slow out here; don't worry about it.

Me: [rolling my eyes] but seriously, go. I've held you up long enough.

And then I hugged him, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach as I watched my older brother's best mate head to my father's office to turn in his auror application.

Julie gave me a knowing look as I returned to the desk but I ignored her.

END TRANSCRIPT

Okay, my hand is seriously cramping, but I swear I will update again soon. At least now I got a real opinion out of Josh, I can now safely call myself his confident. Talk more later!

-Lily, Josh Dawson's confidant

A/N: Sorry it is a little late but life got super busy here on my end! But I promise I didn't forget about this story or any of my other stories. In fact, I should be updating again pretty soon. As always, let me know what you guys think! I had to listen to some hardcore screamo music to get mad enough to write Lily's beginning rant...

~wwccd