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Criminal Minds! *major sad face*

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Warning: Probably contains typos

If SSA Aaron Hotchner was asked to rank the years of his life, with the better ones being listed first, this year would most definitely not be at the top of his list. It would not be in the top ten and not even in the top thirty, and out of thirty-five years that goes a long way to show how awful this year was to him.

First of all, his job is hard; there is no disputing that. If he were a lesser man he would not be able to handle it: the pressure. The weight that justice puts on a man's shoulders is a great one, not to mention the six lives that he is personally responsible for. His team's protection was his sole responsibility, one that he took very seriously. He was very proud of his job and protecting the innocent, but his main concern was for his team when he was working. His biggest fear when working a case was that one of his precious teammates would be on the victim list. He couldn't go through the pain of losing another precious person to an unsub.

His wife's death had hit him hard this year as well. He thought she and his son would be safe. He thought he could protect them, but he had lost his wife and his son's mother. It tore him up every day to see his son alone at the breakfast table, repeatedly casting glances to a chair that would never be filled by his mother again. Divorce had been hard enough on him, but to lose her permanently... There was nothing that could ease that pain.

Well... Almost nothing...

He still had Jack, and he still had his team. His son lived peacefully with Haley's sister when he wasn't staying with Aaron, and he would make sure nothing ever happened to him again. And his team could take care of themselves, but there was no harm in keeping his eye on them. He was determined not to lose anyone else precious to him.

However...

He wasn't sure, but something good had come out of this awful year. It was something that he had always had but was always overlooking.

His name was Spencer Reid.

He had never noticed before how much the young agent meant to him. He had never noticed how he actually anticipated hearing that nervous voice greet him every morning for work. He never noticed how often he glanced at the young man or felt the urge to smile around him. He never even noticed his particularly strong need to keep the genius safe; somehow he had missed the fact that of all of his team, if anything happened to Spencer Reid, he would never be the same again.

He concluded that he had never noticed before because he had Haley, and he loved her very much. He always wanted to make her happy, and it bothered him greatly that he couldn't. When she died and he felt like everything was falling apart, he finally noticed that every time Spencer walked into the room the sun shined a little brighter. He finally noticed that he loved his wife, she had given him a son and made him happy, but there was someone that he loved more. He was pretty sure that his wife had picked up on it and that was why she wanted a divorce. In fact, after their divorce Haley seemed a lot more relaxed and happy with Aaron and his job... He should have noticed it then. It was a little embarassing to the SSA that he had missed something with his multiple years of training that his wife had been able to pick up on without any training at all. Then again, she was his best friend and had always been able to read him like a book so he shouldn't be surprised that she knew something about him that he, himself didn't even know.

He missed her, and it was times like this that he wished he had been better able to protect her.

He was standing in front of the closed apartment door of one young doctor.

The team had been granted a week-long break, something rare and not to be wasted. It was the seventh day of said break and tomorrow the team was scheduled to be back in the office. Aaron had spent the first five days with his son and had taken him to his aunt's house on the morning of the sixth. On the drive back to his own apartment, and throughout the sixth day, he had had time to himself.

He thought... and thought... and thought...

All day he had thought, all night he had thought, and even on the seventh morning: he thought.

He had been thinking about the year and how awful it had been. He analyzed his life up until this morning. He examined every aspect of his heart and it's feelings, and about an hour ago he made a decision.

It was this decision that brought him to Spencer's apartment.

There were several things wrong with what he had decided, with what he wanted.

For one, Spencer was his subordinate. It was complicated enough to be friends outside of the office, to be more than that...?

Another thing: this could cost them their jobs. Strauss already hated Aaron enough; if she found out he was in an inappropriate relationship with a subordinate and a male one at that, she would take his credentials from him with a satisfied smirk on her face and an evil gleam in her eyes. Of course, he wouldn't let Spencer lose his job; he would take full responsibility and stress to his boss that it was all his idea and he made Agent Reid comply. The woman would believe him easily enough, anything to tarnish his image was good enough for her whether it be factual or not.

An obvious thing: they were both male. He had no problem with it, and the team knew about Spencer's orientation... But... What would his son think? What would he ask? What would Haley's family do? What would they say?

These were all things he was willing to risk.

There was really only one reason he was hesitating...

What if Spencer didn't want him back?

He knew he loved the younger agent. He knew that no matter what, he couldn't lose the man. He had to keep him safe; he had to hear his voice; he had to be able to see him. He wanted to show Spencer how beautiful he was, how much Aaron wanted him. He wanted to run his hands through that adorably mussed up brown hair, and he wanted to look into those huge chocolate eyes and make sure they were never scared or hurt again. He wanted to take care of the genius and wanted to tell the genius that he loved him. He wanted to show the genius that he loved him...

He wanted to run his hands over the pale, smooth skin and see if it was as soft as it looked. He wanted to kiss that mouth that never seemed to close; he wanted to taste it. He wanted to see if their bodies fit together perfectly when they made love like they fit together perfectly when they hugged after the Hankel case. He wanted to hold the younger agent and he wanted to feel him. He wanted- no. No. He needed Spencer; he needed him so much.

But he had no idea how the younger agent felt about him. They were friends at least; Aaron had spent a lot of time with Spencer after the death of his wife. Spencer had volunteered himself to keep an eye on the older agent since he had no social life and had free time; Rossi had told Aaron about it. But this didn't mean that he wanted Aaron as anything more then a friend.

Once again though, Aaron was willing to risk it... It was just a lot harder to do. He could lose his job; his son would love him always; he didn't care that he loved another male... but... It was scary to think about the repercussions of his actions; if he confessed to Spencer and wasn't wanted in return... could their friendship last? Could it be the same? He couldn't lose that... He couldn't.

As he continued to look at the closed door, he thought that maybe he should wait a little bit longer. Or maybe he shouldn't do it at all... Maybe he should remain content with the genius's friendship.

But... he wanted more... Sure, there was a chance of a bad outcome, but there was an equal chance of a good one...

He could just ring the bell and visit a friend. Maybe just one more meeting as just friends could help him decide.

With a trembling hand, he reached up and pressed the lightly glowing buzzer. He tried to calm himself as he heard the approaching footsteps...

Spencer Reid had just turned the water in his shower off when he heard the buzzer ring through his apartment. He wasn't expecting anyone... Who could it be?

Fearing it was something important, he hurriedly grabbed his fluffy plaid robe and pulled it on, water dripping from his skin and all. He rushed to the door, careful not to slip and pulled the door open. He was very surprised to see Hotch at the door...

"Hotch? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?" He looked at the man worriedly. Of course, he didn't mind about the visit but normally the visitor would let the homeowner know they were coming right? Unless something was wrong... "Are you okay?"

Aaron chuckled slightly, trying to calm down his racing heart. Was Spencer aware of what he could do to his superior with that dripping wet body covered in a simple robe! "I apologize for my sudden visit, Spencer, but may I come in? And don't worry, nothing is wrong." He offered a slight smile.

Spencer opened the door wider and gestured for his boss to come in but... "You called me 'Spencer'," he pointed out as the man walked by him and into his living room. He closed the door and followed him.

"I'm sorry," Hotch replied, "Should I call you Reid? I didn't even realize I'd done it."

Was he nervous?

Spencer laughed and sat down on his couch, motioning for Hotch to do the same. "Spencer is perfectly fine," he replied as his boss sat, "It's just that I've never heard you use my name before." He smiled brightly. He was still unsure why, but the older agent always made him feel really warm inside. And he decided that he really liked it when Hotch said his name.

"You can use my name too," Hotch replied, "'Hotch' is your boss. 'Aaron' is your friend."

Spencer smiled again, this time bigger. "Okay then... Aaron..." Woah, that was weird. He'd never called Hotch anything besides 'Hotch'. It was almost surreal; he liked it. 'Aaron' just rolled right off of his tongue.

Aaron gulped ever-so-slightly. Spencer had never said his name before... He really liked the way it sounded good coming from those lips, from that mouth, from that wet... smooth... body...

He looked the younger agent up and down, and his eyes got stuck on one particular spot. It was where his thighs were touching as he sat down, his robe had fallen open and Aaron got a nice eyeful of creamy, wet skin. "I didn't... interrupt your shower did I?" he questioned.

Spencer looked down at himself and blushed. He hurriedly tried to cover his bared flesh. "Oh, no," he answered sheepishly, "I was just getting out when I heard the buzzer. I thought it may be an emergency since I wasn't expecting anyone. I just pulled my robe on to answer the door." He stood up suddenly, very self-conscious. "Let me go put some clothes on," he said, trying to excuse himself. He couldn't be naked in front of Hotch! How embarassing!

"Wait... Spencer," Aaron called as he grabbed the closest retreating hand. He stood and turned the smaller, younger angent around to face him. "I need... I need to tell you something."

Spencer looked up at him through full lashes, his big brown eyes curious. Water dripped from his hair, down his neck, beneath the plaid robe... All Aaron wanted to do was follow those water droplets with his tongue and see where they led...

With a heavy sigh, he released his subordinate. "I'm sorry," he said, looking away, "I shouldn't have come. It's not that important." He couldn't have a serious conversation with the genius if he was dripping water and perverting all of the SSA's thoughts!

"What is is Aaron?" Spencer questioned, worried. "You can tell me."

'He said my name again...' He really liked that. Would the genius call out his name during sex too? 'No! Stop it, dammit!'

"Aaron...?"

In a snap decision, Aaron lost the battle within himself. He gently grabbed the genius's face in his hands and kissed him deeply on the lips. When he pulled away, he was staring into very large and confused brown eyes, but not disgusted or angry brown eyes, which gave him hope. "I don't think I can recall you ever being speechless before Spencer," he finally broke the silence with a smirk.

Spencer found it in him to reply, but he was still shocked. "Am I having some bizarre dream?" he questioned. "I mean, according to many credible physchologists the mind is capable of creating very life-like dreams. Did I fall in the shower? Oh my goodness! I'm unconsious!"

Aaron chuckled, more hope filling his heart. "You're not dreaming; you're not unconscious. I, Aaron Hotchner, am really here. I really just kissed you, and I'd like to do it again." He leaned towards those soft lips, but hands on his chest held him back.

"Are you drunk?" the smaller agent questioned. "Because I don't think you know what you're doing."

Aaron shook his head. "I'm not drunk. I only drink a scotch every now and then with Rossi. Spencer..." He held Spencer's face in his hands once more. "I'm not dillusional or whatever else you plan to accuse me of being next. I'm perfectly fine and in my right mind. I know what I'm doing, I know who it is I want to do it to, and I know that this is very sudden and strange probably but... I want you... very much. I came here tonight to tell you that, but as I stood outside your door I decided not to tell you. Then of course, you had to open the door all dripping wet in nothing but a robe, and I lost my train of thought because I've never seen a sexier sight and-"

Spencer put his hand over Aaron's mouth. "Are you babbling?" he questioned with a smile. "I didn't know you could do that."

Now Aaron was the confused one. Since he couldn't talk, he raised his signature eyebrow.

"I would probably be more freaked out or something if I hadn't always hoped you'd say something like that to me..." he admitted very sheepishly.

Aaron Hotchner could only remember one other time in his life when just a few simple words had made him this happy, and it was the day that Haley told him he was going to be a father.

End.

SasunaruTLA: So... I was totally going to go somewhere kinky with this but I've decided to enlongate this idea into a series! My inspiration is AhmoseInarus! That's a pure Hotch/Reid genius right there! LOVE their works! LOVE them!

Anyways... I'm going to be creating my own Hotch/Reid series! YAY! This is the first installation! WooHoo!

PLEASE REVIEW!