Title: It's My Party and I'll cry if I want to

Summary: It was a night that was supposed be the best night of his life, it ended up being the worst.

Rating: M

Warnings: Swearing, violence, and triggers (non-con)

Disclaimer: Seriously, if you think I own this show and these boys, message me. Cause I wanna be friends with you.

Authors notes: Heyo! Honestly I don't have much to say about this right now other then thank you to my beta's Joby and Saphy! I LOVE you both! Thanks for the help! Also PLEASE look at the warnings at the beginning of each chapter they'll change but the over-all story will be rated M for language and references to non-con.

"Okay…I know this is hard on Logan, but I wish he could just get over it." Kendall knew he sounded insensitive, and as soon as the words left his mouth he wished they could just jump right back in. His eyes grew wide at the expression of his friend sitting next to him. James Diamond stared back with a look of shock, betrayal, hurt, and just genuine sadness. They all seemed to pass over James' face at once.

"What?" Was his friends reply to the stupid -stupid- comment. But James didn't just say the word, he spat it.

James was instantly on him. He pulled Kendall up from where he was sitting—on a lawn chair by the pool— and threw him against the beige stucco wall of the Palm Woods resort; everyone else's attention suddenly zeroing in on the two friends.

"James—" Kendall tried to explain himself. It's not like he wasn't tired too; every last one of them was. Their friend was suffering, and when one of them was burdened, they all were.

But seeing the fire in James' eyes, it scared Kendall. His form visibly shrunk against the stiff wall behind him.

"You! How could you say that? He looks up to you! Why? I don't even know!" James had one hand fisted in Kendall's shirt and the other covering his wet eyes. He couldn't even bear to look at Kendall.

"You weren't even there! He needed you! He called you! You were late, you bastard!" Tears of frustration raced down James' face. "W-why couldn't you have just…Come!"

James' eyes were wild. He wasn't thinking straight. He'd been up since five that morning, with his sobbing friend, after another nightmare, and it was all because of that night. He laughed. Oh the irony.

It was supposed to be one of the best nights of his friend's life.

"Who was there with him at the hospital? Certainly not you! What about after? You share the same goddamn room with him! So, why was I always the one to comfort him when he woke up screaming? I was there for him during the painful physical therapy, where he would cry so hard he could barely breathe? Me! Not you!"

James was right. Kendall hadn't been there, but only because, like everyone else, he blamed himself for what happened to Logan that night. He should have been there with his friends, not Jo. He'd known Jo for such a small amount of time in comparison to his friends, that using her as an excuse just…it didn't seem right. James was right, Kendall was to blame.

James stopped to catch his breath. He looked into Kendall's eyes and saw the tears there. But, Kendall didn't have the right to cry. He's not the one this happened to, and it was his fault.

Why did he get to cry?

"Stop!" James barked, making Kendall jump and move impossibly closer to the wall.

"You…" he pulled Kendall off the wall, only to slam him back with so much force Kendall emitted a cry; his back connecting with the wall for the second time, "…don't get to cry." He said with all the emotion from earlier.

"James…" Kendall waited to be interrupted again, but he wasn't. His eyes found his friend as he spoke. "I-I'm sorry." His voice shook with the tears that reflected all the pain and guilt he was feeling.

James looked at Kendall for a moment. Seeming to consider something, he let go of the smaller blonde's shirt. Everyone at the Palm Woods pool watched in silent misery as the teen, their friend, broke down in front of them.

James looked around at everyone, hands on his hips. Guilt written all over his face, he didn't mean to hurt Kendall. He was embarrassed by how he'd let his emotions conquer the best of him, and ultimately hurt his best friend.

The boy, lean, tall, and unusually tan went down on his knees and looked at his broken friend, before enveloping him in a strong hug.

"Don't cry Kendall." James whispered in a soft tone. "I'm sorry for what I said. No one blames you, least of all Logan. So p-please, stop crying." His voice broke at the tortured sobs coming from his friend.

"No. It's my fault." Kendall shoved James away and stood. "It's my fault Logan was attacked."