I knew that I was going to die young. Living beyond my seventeenth year became less conceivable on each birthday. It sounds vile, but it's true.

You should know this about me; I'm not a good person. I don't tell jokes for the fun of it, I tell them to be a merciless bastard. I don't keep the company I do so that whenever I get down, I can give them a call. I keep the company I keep so that I can call in favors when my ass lands in the fire. I don't kill people because that's what I'm supposed to do. I kill people because that's what I love to do.

When I was seven, I lit a match for the first time. Xaiver, my brother, was five and he found a pack of matches when we went into London with our mother. We brought them home and took them out back to the woods. And I lit them all, one by one. We burned down two acres of the forest that day. And then it dawned on me. You didn't need an entire army to be destructive. You just needed one person with a lot of determination.

I guess that's why I was so drawn to Him. He had power and I was envious, and I usually don't get jealous, just devious.

I'm not an easy person to understand and I don't expect you to leave here with the ability to conceptualize everything I've done. My only real purpose in life was to hurt people. To make people suffer for no reason other than I had nothing better to do. I watched carefully as I tormented, tortured and brutally murdered innocent people.

Want to hear the best part?

I died three days short of my eighteenth birthday. Did you know that such a vile creature could exist in this world? That before most people could appreciate life for what it was, I had taken it away?

I'm not telling you this because I'm on some plight for justification. If I had my way about things, I'd just go to my grave without another word. But I have to remedy something. There is one thing that I have to fix before I close my eyes one last time. I'm ashamed to say that it's juvenile, but this is the first time in my life I've ever acted like a child, so let me enjoy it.

The good side that I do possess comes in drips and drabs. It's hard to come by, but when you're lucky enough to catch a glimpse of it – without being modest – it's remarkable. There was only one person I ever wanted to show it to, and for all my wanting, I couldn't muster up enough of it for her to stick around.

But then again, I never changed for anyone.

And that was my downfall.