~*~
It was a day, a day like any other day in Middle Earth, except for one thing (or 9 things) The fellowship was lost. Not surprising.
"Merry?"
"What Pippin?"
"I'm hungry."
"But you just ate, remember, we're still on our weight watcher's program"
"I want a Slim Fast."
"Pippin, be strong. Remember what Oprah says, learn to accept yourself." Chimed in Legolas as he was leafing through a 'Dr. Phil – How to stop Obsessing About What Others Think And Love Yourself' self-help book.
"He's been addicted to Oprah and Dr. Phil since some girl told him he should use Herbal Essence Shampoo instead of L'Oreal." Hissed Sam sadly to Frodo, who was humming the theme of 'The Phantom of the Opera' to himself.
"Do you know what we REALLY need?": asked Aragorn. The others looked on expectantly. "Butter." He whispered, as if this was the most well kept secret in the world.
"No, no, butter is very bad!" said Pippin suddenly. "Very high cholesterol. Slim Fast is MUCH better. Not only is it nutritious and good tasting, Slim Fast…." Pippin went on without anybody noticing. Gimli sat quietly by himself, braiding his beard.
"Nobody likes BUTTER." Said Boromir angrily. "Chocolate is great. It gets you hyper, very bouncy…"
"Did you know that if a cat ate chocolate it would die?' said Merry in a hushed voice. "Poor kitty……...I wish there was a kitty around……here kitty kitty kitty kitty………" he said, as if calling a cat.
"PUSSY CAT PUSSY CAT WHERE ARE YOU….." suddenly burst out Frodo.
"Oh look, he's singing a kitty song!" said Merry, happily clapping his hands. "Sing more Frodo!" Frodo obligingly sang the rest of 'Pussy cat Pussy cat' (Or whatever the song's name is) for Merry, who had taken out his stuffed cat from his pack, Mr. Whiskers. "Mr. Whiskers, don't you like Frodo's voice?" Merry moved Mr. Whisker's head so that he nodded. "Good kitty."
"And that is why Slim Fast is the optimal choice for weight loss." Pippin finished the speech about Slim Fast nobody had been listening to.
"Dudes," said Gandalf suddenly, "Just Chill, ok?" everybody looked to where Gandalf was sitting in the grass, listening to a C.D player a smoking a joint.
"Gandalf, what the hell….." started Aragorn. "You need some butter man." He finished. Gandalf looked interested.
"Butter? Is that a new drug?" said Gandalf, raising his eyebrows.
"Mr. Whiskers doesn't like drugs, do you Mr. Whiskers?" asked Merry to Mr. Whiskers. Merry shook Mr. Whiskers head. "I love you Mr. Whiskers." He said, giving Mr. Whiskers a hug.
"Merry, I don't mean to judge you, but it says here in Dr. Phil's 'A Guide For A Healthy Life' that forming unhealthy relationships with an inanimate object could be harmful to you and those around you." Legolas said. Merry frowned.
"But I love Mr. Whiskers. We've been through some tough times together………" story goes all wavy and fuzzy……………..
~*Flashback*~
Merry and Mr. Whiskers sit at a dining table with no food on it. Merry starts to cry.
"I'm hungry…….." He hugs Mr. Whiskers. "I love you Mr. Whiskers. Don't ever go away, ever."
~*End Flashback*~
"Mr. Whiskers said that he'd never leave me. And he never has." Finished Merry, kissing Mr. Whiskers on the forehead.
"Your stuffed cat can talk?" asked Boromir. Gimli sat quietly, braiding his beard.
~* Author's Note*~ Completely Insane, right? I'll have chapter 2 up soon, oh, and please read my other 2 lotr ff The Hairdresser and Two Ugly Sisters. REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was a day, a day like any other day in Middle Earth, except for one thing (or 9 things) The fellowship was lost. Not surprising.
"Merry?"
"What Pippin?"
"I'm hungry."
"But you just ate, remember, we're still on our weight watcher's program"
"I want a Slim Fast."
"Pippin, be strong. Remember what Oprah says, learn to accept yourself." Chimed in Legolas as he was leafing through a 'Dr. Phil – How to stop Obsessing About What Others Think And Love Yourself' self-help book.
"He's been addicted to Oprah and Dr. Phil since some girl told him he should use Herbal Essence Shampoo instead of L'Oreal." Hissed Sam sadly to Frodo, who was humming the theme of 'The Phantom of the Opera' to himself.
"Do you know what we REALLY need?": asked Aragorn. The others looked on expectantly. "Butter." He whispered, as if this was the most well kept secret in the world.
"No, no, butter is very bad!" said Pippin suddenly. "Very high cholesterol. Slim Fast is MUCH better. Not only is it nutritious and good tasting, Slim Fast…." Pippin went on without anybody noticing. Gimli sat quietly by himself, braiding his beard.
"Nobody likes BUTTER." Said Boromir angrily. "Chocolate is great. It gets you hyper, very bouncy…"
"Did you know that if a cat ate chocolate it would die?' said Merry in a hushed voice. "Poor kitty……...I wish there was a kitty around……here kitty kitty kitty kitty………" he said, as if calling a cat.
"PUSSY CAT PUSSY CAT WHERE ARE YOU….." suddenly burst out Frodo.
"Oh look, he's singing a kitty song!" said Merry, happily clapping his hands. "Sing more Frodo!" Frodo obligingly sang the rest of 'Pussy cat Pussy cat' (Or whatever the song's name is) for Merry, who had taken out his stuffed cat from his pack, Mr. Whiskers. "Mr. Whiskers, don't you like Frodo's voice?" Merry moved Mr. Whisker's head so that he nodded. "Good kitty."
"And that is why Slim Fast is the optimal choice for weight loss." Pippin finished the speech about Slim Fast nobody had been listening to.
"Dudes," said Gandalf suddenly, "Just Chill, ok?" everybody looked to where Gandalf was sitting in the grass, listening to a C.D player a smoking a joint.
"Gandalf, what the hell….." started Aragorn. "You need some butter man." He finished. Gandalf looked interested.
"Butter? Is that a new drug?" said Gandalf, raising his eyebrows.
"Mr. Whiskers doesn't like drugs, do you Mr. Whiskers?" asked Merry to Mr. Whiskers. Merry shook Mr. Whiskers head. "I love you Mr. Whiskers." He said, giving Mr. Whiskers a hug.
"Merry, I don't mean to judge you, but it says here in Dr. Phil's 'A Guide For A Healthy Life' that forming unhealthy relationships with an inanimate object could be harmful to you and those around you." Legolas said. Merry frowned.
"But I love Mr. Whiskers. We've been through some tough times together………" story goes all wavy and fuzzy……………..
~*Flashback*~
Merry and Mr. Whiskers sit at a dining table with no food on it. Merry starts to cry.
"I'm hungry…….." He hugs Mr. Whiskers. "I love you Mr. Whiskers. Don't ever go away, ever."
~*End Flashback*~
"Mr. Whiskers said that he'd never leave me. And he never has." Finished Merry, kissing Mr. Whiskers on the forehead.
"Your stuffed cat can talk?" asked Boromir. Gimli sat quietly, braiding his beard.
~* Author's Note*~ Completely Insane, right? I'll have chapter 2 up soon, oh, and please read my other 2 lotr ff The Hairdresser and Two Ugly Sisters. REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!